Broken Circles

By Larilyn

Larilyn1@hotmail.com

www.geocities.com/larilyn1975

Rating: R

Disclaimer. Joss owns B:tVS and all the characters. "Broken Circles" written and performed by Aruna. No copyright infringement intended.

Summary: What if Angel had never been cursed with a soul? How would that change Spike?

This takes place during the fifth season of B:tVS around Fool For Love. Things in Sunnydale are very different without Angel & Spike’s interference. Answer to a challenge on Buffy/Spike diaries.

"Don't you get tired of fights you know you're gonna win?"

Spike to Angelus, Fool for Love

Chapter Four

For two nights, Riley had been the perfect boyfriend, sitting at Buffy’s side in the hospital, doting on her and her sister. Holding her hand while the results of the biopsy came in. But now… Buffy glanced at her watch in irritation.

"When’s Mom coming home?" Asked Dawn.

"They want to keep her for a few days before the operation." Buffy said.

"Its been two days," Dawn complained. Quietly, she asked, "He’s not coming, is he?"

Buffy took another look at her watch. She sighed and reached for the phone, dialing the number by heart. "Willow? Hey, I need a huge favor. Riley was supposed to come over and watch Dawn…"

"I don’t need a baby-sitter."

"…but he’s an hour late and I really have to patrol…"

***

Buffy clenched the paper in her fist. The address that Angel had given her had laid forgotten in her coat pocket until tonight. She quietly entered the run down building.

There were men and women, human and vampire strewn about. Half asleep. Intoxicated. A familiar voice rumbled from behind a closed door, "Take more."

She eased open the door and stood there in shock. Riley. A vampire. "I don’t believe this." She hissed.

At the sound of her voice, Riley leapt to his feet, shaking the vampire from his arm. "Buffy… It’s not what it looks like."

Enraged, she spat, "Do they teach you guys these phrases in school? Honey its not what it looks like. She means nothing to me. I was thinking of you the whole time."

"Buffy…"

"Stay away from me. Stay away from my friends. Stay away from my family." As punctuation, she hurled a stake into his paramour’s heart.

***

Buffy walked in a daze back home. She was lucky that she didn’t encounter a vamp or demon thus far. Tonight would be the kind of night where she might be defeated. Tears still streamed down her cheeks, although she had stopped sobbing.

She felt the tingle of a nearby vampire well before she heard the screaming.

"Help my mommy!"

Buffy rushed toward the sound. Across the street she saw the little girl, blonde with pigtails, and clutching a teddy bear. She stood on the front porch of her home in her pajamas.

Before Buffy had taken more than a step, a figure in black had leapt over the porch railing. Buffy clenched her stake and began to walk across the street. That damned vampire was not going to hurt that little girl, not as long as she was the Slayer.

A scream from inside the house stopped Buffy in the middle of the street.

The vampire turned to the child. "I’m going to help your Mommy. But you have to invite me in, all right?"

***

Buffy watched the action from the window.

Spike leapt over the couch and pulled the man off of his wife, he slammed the man against the wall and bellowed at the woman on the floor, "Take your girl and lock yourself in a room!"

The woman numbly nodded and took her daughter’s hand, fleeing both her abusive husband and her rescuer.

"Like beating up women do you?" Spike snarled and slammed the man into the wall for emphasis. "I know a bloke who likes to pick on women and you know what? I really, really, really hate him."

With each ‘really’ Spike punched the man in the jaw. Buffy could have stopped it. She should have. But she was glued to her spot in the bushes.

Spike stood in defense mode and egged the man on. "You want to pick on somebody? Pick on me. Let me have it."

The man swung at Spike and missed completely.

"Bloody hell, you aren’t even trying!"

Spike grabbed the man’s arm and twisted it behind his back, "Next time you think about beating up on your wife or kid, I want you to remember my face."

Spike vamped out and sunk his teeth into the man’s jugular. Buffy stood up to stop him from killing the man, but Spike dropped him after he’d taken just enough for the man to lose consciousness.

Their eyes met, vampire and Slayer, through the pane of glass that separated them. Spike wiped the blood from his mouth and left the room. Buffy could hear him talking to the man’s wife. "Stay with your mum, a friend, whoever. He’s not going to stop. I scared him good, but he won’t stop."

As the woman and child were herded toward the door, Buffy heard her ask, "Is he going to be ok?"

Spike shook his head in frustration, but answered, "He’ll have a headache when he gets up."

She barely afforded Buffy a glance as she got into her car with her little girl and disappeared into the night.

Spike fished a cigarette from his pocket and lit up. He inhaled deeply before he acknowledged Buffy, still standing beneath the window, "Caught me. Gonna stake me now, Slayer?"

"Why’d you do that?" she breathed.

"Do what? The woman needed help." He shrugged his leather clad shoulders, "I helped."

"Why didn’t you kill him?"

"I only kill killers, Slayer. Just like you." He reached out his hand to help her out of the bushes. She took it and they walked several paces in silence. After several sideways glances at her he commented, "You don’t mind me saying so, you look like shit."

Buffy exhaled, "Bad night."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"With you?" she slung, "I’m thinking, no."

"Right then." They walked a few more steps before he couldn’t resist pressing, "Its just that you’ve clearly been crying…"

"Its none of your business." She yelled, facing him.

His short temper ignited as well, "For crying out loud, Slayer. I’m just trying to help."

She was up in his face when she yelled back, "Who said I needed your help?"

Inexplicably, Spike backed off. As he walked away, Buffy heard him murmur, "Short guy. Ugly hat."

Spike glanced at her over his shoulder when he didn’t hear her following him. She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk like a deer caught in the headlights. He turned his body towards hers and asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You’re the one."

The girl was frustrating him, "One what?"

She seemed to break out of her trance and approached him, eyeing him funny the whole time.

She had to know, "You killed two Slayers. Tell me about them."

"Slayer…" he warned.

She pushed, "China. The Boxer Rebellion."

"I was young and stupid." He slowly walked away from her. This time, she followed.

"New York. 1977."

He spun and faced her, hostility bubbling at the surface, "Why are you doing this?"

"I need to know. Why’d you kill her, Spike?"

"Its a long story that I don’t want to get into."

"Tell me." She insisted.

"Just… I had my reasons, Slayer. That’s all you need to know."

Discussion over. He left her standing there as he stormed away.

***

Buffy snapped on the radio as she did her dishes. The warm suds therapeutically massaged her hands. She was alone. Dawn was at a friends. And her mom was still… She felt so alone. Alone with a million thoughts beating around in her head. Riley. Mom. Dawn. Glory. Angel. Spike.

The radio betrayed her. The dance beat gave way to a slow, sad song.

Holding out a broken hand
And waiting for the world to understand
Face your demons if you can,
And try not to fall apart

Spike. The look in his eyes. Like she’d somehow violated his fragile trust.

Spike kicked the concrete wall of his crypt. "Damn girl!"

He paced a circle around the room, grabbed his duster, and left.

Buffy dropped the dishrag into the sink and covered her eyes as sobs wracked her body.

Spike cursed to himself as he walked the streets of Sunnydale.

"Vampires aren’t supposed to feel guilty, you pillock."

Buffy retreated to the back porch. She let the tears fall unbidden down her face.

The bitterness that clouds my face
The innocence that's gone without a trace
God, I just can't take this place,
Cuz nobody knows my heart

Spike paused on the front porch of the Summers home. He could hear her. She was crying.

He peered at her from the shadows. The pull he felt was irresistible.

Everyday we walk in circles
Waiting to be born once again
Begging golden gods to save your soul and hell to make you whole

Buffy felt his presence and raised her head from her hands. He regarded her with undisguised concern.

"What’s wrong?"

She choked back a sob in response.

Spike sat down next to her, uninvited. He pulled her into his embrace. It was strangely warm. Buffy cried openly, and for the first time, she didn’t feel alone.

"Luv, we can’t stay out here. Its too dangerous." He gently wiped her tears away with his thumb Buffy took his hand from her face and clenched it tightly. She stood and led him toward the door.

"Come inside, Spike."

End Chapter Four