Title: Between Good-byes

Rating: PG

Author: Larilyn

Feedback: S’il vous plait

Archive: Take it. Just tell me where so I can visit.

Disclaimer: Don’t own Buffy, Don’t own Spike. Joss does. Michelle Branch’s song, "Goodbye to You" does not belong to me either. So don’t sue.

Spoilers: Tabula Rasa

Category: B/S, songfic

Summary: What happened between those two scenes at the Bronze at the end of Tabula Rasa? This is my take.

Author's Notes: This is my first Buffy fic & my first songfic. Be gentle.

Between Good-byes

Michelle Branch’s anguished melody reverberated through the Bronze as Spike looked down at Buffy. His eyes promised understanding and held a silent plea for Buffy to confide in him. She’d seen that look on his face before many times and it used to comfort her, but tonight it felt like a slap in the face. She turned from him, intending to hurt him so that he could be as miserable as she was.

Some peculiar change of heart made Buffy chase after him, incensed that he would walk away when she needed him, despite the fact that she had sent him off. She yelled to the back of his leather jacket over the din of the crowd at the club. "So that’s it? You’re just gonna walk away?"

Spike stopped walking but did not turn to face her. His shoulders sagged in frustration with the complicated woman. "You pushed me away."

"So I push and you just walk off?" she yelled, grabbing him by the arm and spinning him around to face her. "You’re a coward."

"Me?" he roared, mystified, "I’m not the one who’s running away here, pet." He spat out the last word and Buffy flinched as if he had slapped her. Spike softened his tone and begged, "What are you so afraid of?"

In an instant, any trace of vulnerability was gone from Buffy’s face as she steeled herself. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"The hell you don’t. You’re keeping everyone at arm's length. You're afraid to get close."

Buffy crossed her arms in front of herself in defiance. "That’s ridiculous."

"Is it?" Spike grabbed her shoulders with his cold hands; "You’re terrified by the thought that someone might love you."

"You don’t love me Spike." She insisted.

Spike leaned into Buffy until he could feel the steam of her breath warming his face. "I do, Slayer, with all my heart."

Buffy leaned back and looked up at him incredulously. He did not let her faze him. "I do have a heart you know. It may not beat but it does feel. And it can be broken."

Buffy leaned into him again. Their lips were millimeters apart and she murmured, "This can’t work."

Quietly, he countered, "Bollocks."

Fear seized Buffy and she wrestled herself from his grasp. Her wall of sarcasm went back up, "You, vampire. Me, Vampire Slayer."

Angry that she had resorted to her usual avoidance technique he lashed, "As if that’s stopped you before."

"I don’t have to listen to this." Buffy threw her hands up and began to walk away when Spike challenged, "Now who’s the bloody coward?"

She turned to face him as he cocked his head to the side and calmly asked, "I’ll ask you again. What the bloody hell are you so afraid of?"

"I…" she didn’t have a quip to counter with so she stared at her shoes and bit her lip.

Spike approached her and once again took her into his grasp. "I don’t have a soul, pet, so I’m not in any danger of losing it."

Her voice would have been inaudible to anyone else when she explained, "That’s not it."

"Than what is it?"

"I don’t…" Buffy shook her head in an attempt to fight off the tears that threatened to fall.

Spike fought against her defenses by giving her a small shake. "Damn it Slayer, talk to me."

"Everyone I love… leaves." The tears that had welled up trickled down her lovely face, "They leave me, Spike."

He attempted to console her with her name. "Buffy."

She continued without pause. "My father, Angel, Riley, Giles, Tara, my mom…"

"Your mother wouldn’t have left you if she could have helped it, luv. That I know. And I’m not going anywhere, either. I’m bound to you, Slayer. And I’m not talking about that bloody chip."

"Spike…"

Spike crushed his lips to hers before she could object. Her resistance was scant as she pressed herself against his wiry frame. Her heat warmed him. Spike pulled back to take an unnecessary breath and to study her swollen lips. She dived in for another kiss as the music swelled behind them.

As suddenly as they had started, they stopped. Buffy felt panic overwhelm her and she pushed Spike away from her so forcefully that he had to fight to retain his balance.

Wounded and perplexed he asked, "Buffy?"

Buffy did not respond as she walked away from him.

Spike did not follow.