"I'm so happy I roomed with you; the only reason being that I have so much amusement."
-Me
"They've been trying very hard lately...they have loose bottoms."
-Nathan
"We have much to tell you, including how you can't use your ID as a tampon."
-Nathan
"I paid for someone else to be happy and that will stop."
-Nathan
"I can find out when your birthday is. I can just go behind the front counter and get your folder. I can even find out what gender you are."
-Nathan
"I'd like to join the army, but if I did I couldn't be on the front line."
-Tuesday
"Is it because you are Canadian?"
-Nathan
"Yes."
-Tuesday
"You could turn around and shoot them all, that's why. Muhahaha."
-Nathan
"I'm addicted to chicks and salsa."
-Kaicy
"...speaking of pussy, I had breakfast with a guy who reminds me of you."
-Don
"I want to pee on him or something close."
-Me
"We should tan ourselves with the microwave."
-Becky
"Would that even work? I don't think it would."
-Me
"Probably not, but think if it could."
-Becky
"Yes, I could tan my butt in the microwave."
-Me
"You know you are weird when you can hit your head on the wall from sitting in a chair."
-Me
"He needs to take some Viagra and go get laid."
-Cathy
"He is like my little brother..."
-Becky
"...that you want to have sex with."
-Me
"So I wonder how many people's underwear I can touch this year."
-Me
"I'm gonna go out, get drunk, and play with my gay friends."
-Erin
"People refer to my phone as 'the phone.' It is not 'the phone.' It is my phone. It is Sara's phone, not 'the phone.' It even says 'princess sara' on it. Does it say 'the phone?' No, because it is not 'the phone.' It is my phone."
-Sara M.
"What if i told my mother 'Mom, I'm leaving Ball State and my art major and going to Hawaii to be an astronomer?'"
-Me
"He's such a cute I-want-to-put-in-my-pocket little gnome."
-Me
"When you get pneumonia in your butthole don't come running to me."
-Amber
"You need to go home and sleep the night before the test, so no alcohol, staying up late, or having love."
-Dr. Zhuk
"Lesbians are not important. I mean, they are important, but not to me. I'm not lesbian. Nevermind, lesbians will not be on the test."
-Dr. Zhuk
"Do you smoke? That's great!"
-Mr. Flory
"Put your legs underneath you and push."
-Jason
"I dare you to lick the carpet."
-Kaicy
"No! That's gross. Who knows what's on it."
-Me
"Ewww! You licked carpet!"
-Kaicy
"Yes, and I wouldn't advise it. It doesn't taste good."
-Me
"Amber, you are my bitch house."
-Me
"You can have the flavor orgy, but you have to do it properly."
-Me
"Death. Little cubes of death."
-Tuesday
"It's just ice, Sarah. It's just ice."
-Kaicy
"I have no heye and coordination."
-Sara
"Did you that him now? Good! What did he say?"
-Katie
"So, what do you do for sex?"
-Kat
"Asshole, I hope someone fucks you in the ass when you're older."
-Becky
"I just keep seeing electricity shooting out your butt."
-Me
"I only like one thing thats sticky."
-Becky
"There are many interesting things that come out of my ass."
-Becky
"Her fish is pregnant, but she doesn't believe me."
-Jess
"Just let me have the monkey for ten minutes, just ten minutes. I want to take pictures of us in sexual positions and then you can have it back."
-Erin
"You can NOT violate my monkey!"
-Me
"If you are comfortable talking about urinary and menstrual functions with someone, then it means love."
-Me
"Lord knows when you're cold and you're hungry you go to a cow."
-Becky
"They are white trash. Like...you KNOW they are white trash."
-Bridgette
"If you love sports then the history of sports will interest you and you will want to be more active with it. If you love sex...Uh. How about food?"
-Dr. Zhuk
"Ahhh! My crotch is all lit up!"
-Becky
"There's a guy out there with his grandparents. I should yell 'You're a fucking loser!' out the window."
-Becky
"How about what you buy, I eat, and what I buy, I eat."
-Becky
"So basically, I starve."
-Me
"It's a good way to lose weight."
-Becky
"Don't pour the trees."
-Nathan
"Madder. More madder. Yes, she's accumulating mass as we speak."
-Me
"The word was bear...was there?"
-Nathan
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
-Nathan
"They don't know."
-Tuesday
"It's a shit!"
-Me
"She has a caustic box."
-Sean B.
"Would you pick my nose for me if I wanted you to?"
-Jason
"If it came down to it and you had no fingers or something, then maybe."
-Becky
"Even those ones that are all hard and hurt when you touch your nose? You'd dig up there and get it for me?"
-Jason
Oh, that's gross.
-Becky
I have tomato on my pants.
-Jason
"Laura, if you had a boyfriend would you let him lick your eyeball?"
-Jason
What? Why in hell would I want him to lick my eye?"
-Me
"If he was all like can I lick your eyeball? Would you let him?"
-Jason
"Ohhh...well then, no."
-Me
"Pigmy chimps are all about sex. Their testes are like 10 times bigger and all they do is have sex when they aren't eating or sleeping."
-Becky
"Cool! I want to be one of those!"
-Jason
"40% of sperm are weirdos. Like, some have two heads."
-Becky
"Dragon sperm!"
-Jason
"I will not be a hooker bitch."
-Amber
"Someone's got to suck somewhere, whether its in life or in bed."
-Becky
"Just as long as we have the douche bag, we're good."
-Amber
"I can't sit next to the douche bag. Its making me shit."
-Amber
"Do I know you? Do I know you? No, you're ugly."
-Becky
"I don't like fishes."
-Amber
"Do you like brains?"
-Becky
"You need chimneys or your sex life is a failure."
-Dr. Zhuk
"Five is excellent, four is good, three is ok, two is bad, and one is too bad."
-Dr. Zhuk
"You can rush, but do it slowly."
-Dr. Zhuk
"Becky is nursing pink cheese and I am blue chicken art. Oh, and Ashley has religious red pineapples."
-Me
"Becky is raping the pregnant drapes with a smile on her face."
-Me
"I had to spit the damn thing out. I wasn't getting sufficient air."
-Becky
"You're an Arabian lunatic."
-Amber
"Semen is a gift, not something that can be taken."
-Amber
"Oh, I can imagine a penis with a ribbon."
-Amber
"Amber, you gave the monkey an erection."
-Me
"I couldn't sleep with it being all horny this morning."
-Me
"Laura, I'm so glad you know the parts of your body. That will come in useful some day."
-Amber
"I lifted my shirt to see if my bra was still there, and it wasnt."
-Sara
"I ate so many mashed potatos last night."
-Becky
"Were you shitting them?"
-Me
"I don't know. I don't normally check my shit for potato consistancy."
-Becky
"Well, why not?"
-Me
"Baby Jesus hates you for being a slow driver."
-Kaicy
"That is my hand you have in your mouth."
-Aaron
"I've pulled things out of her butt before."
-Aaron
"Make me a pie, slut woman."
-Chad
"It looks like you have poop running down the side of your trashcan."
-Becky
"Hey, I missed. Leave me alone."
-Me
"That's gross! Ewww! There's hair in it! Hairy shit!"
-Becky
"That's a disturbing thought."
-Me
"I know what kind of underwear Becky's dad wears!"
-Me
"I don't wanna study. I wanna itch my butt."
-Becky
"I see clouds of blue and skies of white."
-Me
"I love all librarians, especially the pretty ones."
-Dr. Zhuk
"I dont sit on the fucking toilet! I squat, mother fucker!"
-Morgan
"Not fucking dangerous? Little girls get shot standing on their front porch on Easter Sunday here!"
-Becky Z
"Oh, cousin 4th removed. That's ok then. Your kids will just have something small wrong, like a speech inpediment."
-Tara
"Wash that scrime off of you."
-Becky
"She's biting her teeth."
-Me
"Yes, Bill, put it in my butt."
-Becky Z
"I will give birth to Jesus...part 2."
-Me
"I am busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest."
-Chad
"It's fun to stick pencils in the nose of a dead thing."
-Don
"Man, all this bending over is giving me a back ache."
-Becky
I will chop your throat off and use it for alkaseltzer."
-Becky
"It squirted everywhere. Damn it. I hate it when that happens.
-Jason
"The nonsense of us together makes sense of the nonsense that is not sensible."
-Me
"I wouldn't give anyone a dollar unless I could play with them."
-Becky
"My ass snaps at me like a hungry lion...when I need sleep."
-Becky
"Why does my mouth think its fun to eat my hair?"
-Me
"Oh, you know Becky is tired when she talks about el shoe."
-Me
"I will wear this shirt tomorrow...because it is long...and coral colored."
-Becky
"Do you see this hairstyle? It's in my eyeball."
-Becky
"I don't want to openly open myself."
-Becky
"I think I'm going to shit in the microwave today...George."
-Becky
"I was going to make something."
-Becky
"Shit?"
-Me
"No, not yet."
-Becky
"I want to get high one of these days to see if I turn into a monkey. Maybe if I was a monkey I'd liked bananas."
-Becky
"We were running around on the llama farm. Chasing the llamas with jars. Trying to get the llamas urine. So we could pour it on people. And turn them into llamas."
-Becky
"Yes, yes we were."
-Me
"You have dea. Dea? You have dea. Yes...you have no idea; no idea how happy it makes me that we have these quotes on my website."
-Me
"Why?"
-Becky
"...because you have no idea."
-Me
"Last night it was no vibration in the bed."
-Amber
"Why am I so fascinated with sticking things up my nose?"
-Kaicy
"I have four arms because I can write."
-Me
"I was thinking about asses today, and I thought of yours. Its time to take the next step in our relationship; let's talk about my ass."
-Becky
"Why do I need to know the squishiness or firmness of your boyfriend and exboyfriend's asses."
-Me
"Do you think I should start shaking up my pudding cups? Because I hate juicy ones."
-Jess
"My friend always told me I have an oral fixation. Is it just 'cause I love candy canes?"
-Jess
"She's that tiny dumb rock at the bottom of the box of rocks that is dumb. That's her. She's the biggest of the tiny dumb rocks."
-Me
"I call Muncie home sometimes."
-Me
"Yeah. So do I."
-Sara
"I was bored."
-Sara
"So you killed your battery?"
-Me
"Nude drawings are essential for writing papers."
-Sara
"Laura's hall smells like smex."
-Sara
"I want to be Hairy Berry."
-Sara
"OH! MPD! Mercinal..."
-Sara
"Mulitple Personality Disorder?"
-Me
"Wait, what was I just talking about? Oh yes, not remembering things."
-Me
"...and Jenny."
-Me
"Who?"
-Sara
"Jenny."
-Me
"Who?"
-Sara
"Jenny...Somebody."
-Me
"Oh! Jenny Campbell."
-Sara
"I just put you, backwards L."
-Sara
"Becky's determined to have a black Asian child. Oh, no wait. I mean a black haired child."
-Me
"My pants are digging into my stomach."
-Amber
"Mine are too. I'm turning into Yoda."
-Sara
"Would you like a doggy bag for your Pepsi? Your water?"
-Drewanna
"What is that thing for?"
-Meliss
"What thing?"
-Me
"On Jurassic Park, that thing right there."
-Meliss
"They use that to shoot Jesus."
-Braydon
"What?!?!"
-Meliss & I
"They do. They shoot Jesus with it."
-Braydon
"Its interesting what a 4-yr-old gets out of this movie."
-Me
"Eat your shorts that you shat in...5 times."
-Becky
"Laura! Save that for the bedroom! Wait, this is our bedroom. Nevermind then."
-Becky
"There was a condom under my bed one morning like I had sleep in my sex."
-Cathy
"I really don't think dinosaurs played in the snow. For some reason, I really don't. No frolicing through snowflakes for them."
-Becky
"Foot shaped socks suck ass and boo for crunchy socks."
-Me
"I am burnt like a fried chicken."
-Becky
"If you were pasty with purple hair that would be great."
-Amber
"I just saw a Hawaiian punch pot jump and do a nice little walk."
-Becky Z
"But would you want a used butt?"
-Tuesday
"They are all used."
-Me
"You can see green plenty on that tree."
-Me
"I don't like my foot because it hates me, and I don't like my uterus because its being growlful."
-Me
"All of a sudden, this mullet man in green sweatpants asked something...didn't pay attention to him because, well, because he's a mullet man in green sweatpants."
-Sara
"His carpet is a shorter kind of color."
-Becky
"You look like a squirrel shoving nuts in his mouth."
-Me
"Nooo..."
-Becky
"But you like to shove balls up your ass."
-Me
"Nut...uh."
-Becky
"He will make some boy very happy with those hands one day."
-Me
"Toss my salad. I feel like im a lion in a cage. Rawr. No, I'm a turtle with a little shell."
-Becky
"If you were a lion in the Sahara...yer...I dont think they are in the Sahara for some reason. Tts a fucking desert. There are no lions in the desert. They're like in rainforests and stuff. No, lets try jungles."
-Becky
"Or not. Those would be tigers."
-Me
"Well then where are the lions at?"
-Becky
"The lions are in my closet!"
-Me
"My feet are seaty."
-Becky
"Pee your bed. Pee it good. Pee it like a river."
-Amber
"I dont think its possible for me to get anything else between my legs.There's too much as it is."
-Me
"If Amber were here our whole room would smell like urine."
-Becky
"My leisure activities include fucking racks."
-Becky
"I'm going to shove my cellphone up your ass and turn it on vibrate if you don't stop hitting me with that bottle. You will enjoy it, too."
-Me
"I won't be on the Christmas ship anymore by then."
-Chris
"Christmas ship? Do you have a boat? Are there...presents on it?"
-Don
"Yes, and the mast has Santa on it, and he says fuck you."
-Chris
"When your foot or something falls asleep...does it ever make you feel like you are going to lose control of your bladder?"
-Me
"I see the tooth fairy and I want to burn her."
-Me
"I love subscript. I'm sorry, that was dumb."
-Amber
"Sometimes I wake up and my hand is in my pants."
-Becky
"I want to marry a cheese dick."
-Amber
"I'm getting rubber in my mouth and that is no."
-Me
"Its obvious we're heading towards a lot of fun, but could you catch me up on what that is."
-Tuesday
"No, because then he would hit...on me."
-Me
"Its legal if we don't get caught."
-Tuesday
"If you told her you would go and you don't then its like Hell killed you."
-Me
"There's lights! We can take those!"
-Tuesday
"No."
-Sara
"Why not?"
-Tuesday
"That's my pastor's house."
-Sara
"Even better!"
-Tuesday
"You don't know the art of blow."
-Amber
"Just take the uterus out with a spoon yourself."
-Tuesday
"You know this is me and I have to back my hat on."
-Tuesday
"I can't have sex with tall men of course."
-Me
"I need a male to take me happy."
-Me
"Do you mean I have to wash them? With soap?"
-Aeron
"You should only have sex with high school graduates."
-Kaicy
"I like fat white males...with boobs."
-Amber
"And here we sit at two birds after six."
-Amber
"Is it normal after having wisdom teeth surgery to find something that looks like a bloody slug in your ear?"
-Sara
"You have squishy boobs on my feet."
-Sara
"My stomach is just one giant boob."
-Amber
"Oh, and this is a nude cafe."
-Don
"Yes, of course. A nude cafe for drawing class."
-Me
"It was a thick one too...like I could chew on it."
-Jason
"I need coke...and cane."
-Becky
"Katie's 15 now."
-Becky
"Is her birthday today?"
-Me
"No...it was December 9th."
-Becky
"Well thank you for telling me a month late."
-Me
"He was like 6 foot some million tall."
-Becky
"I'm going to talk Jason into doing his goat like that."
-Becky
"We could make a sculpture of me out of potables."
-Steve
"I put hydrochloric acid in my eye one time. no. I'm lying."
-Duncan
"Yeah, his nipples are off because they're looking at me."
-Becky
"I'll be your handful."
-Becky
"I'm about ready to cry on the wrong end."
-Becky
"The milk has a hole in it. What do I do?"
-Becky
"We should pour it in tupperware and serve it out with a ladle."
-Me
"I wonder if its going to go stale because theres a hole in it."
-Becky
"Milk goes stale does it?"
-Me
"I love how we can have the most insane laughter fit over milk. We're actually crying over spilt milk."
-Me
"Hair up your nose isn't a fun thing. I don't know about you, but I and hair in my nose? No."
-Becky
"Do you ever wonder what genital warts looks like?"
-Becky
"Not really."
-Me
"Its one of those things where I would only understand if I was a clown in India."
-Me
"I may smell."
-Me
"Well, I read a poem called Dickhead."
-Becky
"Call him a bitch."
-Becky
"No. That's bad."
-Me
"Then all Hell would break loose."
-Becky
"And demons would come out of his mouth."
-Me
"Because that happens sometimes."
-Becky
"You are captain long winded pants."
-Amber
"What are you doing in my pants, Laura!"
-Becky
"I'm wallering my head in them."
-Me
"Why am I sweating?"
-Becky
"My disease is spreading."
-Me
"You should stop sleeping around."
-Becky
"What? Did I sleep with you? When did that happen?"
-Me
"Well...in a way. You sleep...in my room...with me."
-Becky
"It makes me giggle like a little school girl on a spring day with daisies out in the field."
-Becky
"Anything that ends in gina smells odd."
-Amber
"Laura can take it forever."
-Becky
"You're thinking I'm stupid right now. I can see it in your eyes. You're thinking it now, but he will be the man of your dreams. Write this down because you will find him. He's waiting for you. You have to find him...in an aeropostle store. With me. Next time we go shopping. And I will pick a guy and tell you its him. Just because it would be fun. And you will run over to him. And he will have a girlfriend. And you will be like 'I'm suppose to talk to you.' And he will say no and then be like damn I want to hit that. And there will be this fight. Because of this other girl. And you will win. Its a mystery man. I'm telling you. Its going to happen, Laura. I can feel it. When you least expect it even. You'll be walking down the street or the sidewalk, preferably because you'd get run over. This guy is going to run into you. On a bike. Or in a wheel chair. And you will go everywhere, your books everywhere and your skirt...above your head. Its going to be one of those things where you lean down and hit heads or something. It will happen tomorrow, and if you get hit by a guy in a wheelchair it will be the greatest thing ever."
-Becky
"I really want someone to eat this salt-in-a-bag."
-Me
"Give it to me!"
-Becky
"Will you eat it?"
-Me
"No."
-Becky
"Then you can't fucking have it."
-Me
"If you get a loft and put it over there you can use the whole board over there and put snapple caps all around it."
-Becky
"Guess what Sarah Bennet is giving me."
-Me
"An assload of snapple caps?"
-Becky
"Indeed."
-Me
"Where will you put them?"
-Becky
"Well, I'll finish up the pattern around the board..."
-Me
"...and then what? Use them to scoop out your asshole?"
-Becky
"Why do I have the damn mother fish?"
-Brenda
"So I was taking a nap tonight for half an hour, and I thought my alarm radio had gone off, so I sat up and was like, 'Is that really my radio? It's really quiet...' Jath looked at me strange and told me it was the girl's next door and to go back to sleep. So I did. Ten minutes later my alarm really did go off, and I sat up, pointed at my radio, and said, 'Now THAT'S my roommate!" Jath looked at me weird again and I looked at her and said, 'No, no it's not. You are my radio.' And then I got out of bed."
-Sara
"Thank you for letting me waste this past minute of your life."
-Me
"I'm going to be a bitchy right now."
-Becky
"If someone's squeezing your balls, its gotta be had to breathe."
-Me
"If you get killed by a badger then you deserve to die."
-Jess Green
"I'm not drunk I'm just highly intoxicated."
-Becky
"I eat cake with tupperware bowls and large spoons."
-Me
"The room smells like old tomato soup...which is what a dead rotting fish smells like I have decided. It took me two hours to realize the smell was the fish. Because why would you relate a bad smell to something dead in the room?"
-Me
"He said I'm going to get you some laundry and a big piece of ass for valentine's day."
-Becky
"I think I've done very well. I mean, a lot of people thought I was going to come to Ball State and be a fucking drunk and flop out of college."
-Becky
"Do not try this at home? Can I try this at my neighbor's house?"
-Me
"I can't even tell you how much sense she doesn't make."
-Becky
"Shut up. I don't want to talk to you. I told you happy birthday."
-Becky
"Fondu. Its like to melt chocolate...or cheese."
-Becky
"Yes, but can't you just melt anything in there for fondu."
-Me
"Could you have water then because that's melted ice."
-Becky
"What do I say to that? Seriously."
-Me
"I told Jessica this, and she asked me what I would dip in the hot water. I need a smartass comment."
-Becky
"Small animals...or dishes."
-Me
"You could gouge your eye out with grease because it is a solid but its mushy so it would be a little messy. Of course gouging your eye out would be a little messy, too. Is butter a solid? What about curdled milk. Or cake? Is cake a solid? What about skin of cheese?"
-Becky
"It doesn't say that in the defintion. It doesn't say its not hard. I don't say these things this clever."
-Becky
"Yes, that was the devil that popped out of my mouth. He's hungry and irritable."
-Becky
"BOOM! I just kicked your big ass white...board of...shit?"
-Becky
"Matboard?"
-Me
"Why is this one black and this one white?"
-Becky
"Um...because?"
-Me
"Why am I walking like a soldier?"
-Becky
"I'm going to open this big jug of whats-its-nuts."
-Becky
"I love how the bathroom smells of cold vaginal excretement."
-Me
"Happy is that fat kid on the teeter-totter."
-Kaicy
"I iced it down so it wouldn't smell."
-Me
"You did not just go drink air."
-Becky
"Help me. Laura is going crazy over here."
-Becky
"Help you how?"
-Jason
"I don't know."
-Becky
"Poor water on her."
-Jason
"Because that is anti-crazy medicine."
-Me
"I take my bra off when I take my clothes off. It sounds like i have a problem."
-Becky
"Harry Potter can't use his own penis. His wand is broken."
-Me
"I like how these underwear are entirely too big for me. They aren't big, they're just large."
-Becky
"You can throw these eggs out. They are going to start smelling really bad soon or start hatching. Its too cold. What am I talking about."
-Becky
"Yes, Becky. One day we will open the fridge and have baby chickens running around in there."
-Me
"Just in time for Easter."
-Becky
"She doesn't look anything like her because there is too much ugly."
-Sara
"You can go to bed. I'll just be up until 5am doing laundry because I need to use the dryer and there's somebody in the dryer right now."
-Becky
"I will gladly be batboy."
-Becky
"I do not live with hypocondriac and smell kitty. I live with slightly insane."
-Sara
"I will ulimately die from picking scabs. I'll have heart surgery and then pick the stiches out. My heart will fall out, and I'll be like ahhh!"
-Becky
"You may have issues. Nevermind. You do."
-Me
"I'd hump someone vigoursly. Murderously. So hard I'd kill them."
-Becky
"I'm not going home forever, not until March."
-Me
"Oh, but you won't go home in March."
-Becky
"But I think I will. There's spring break."
-Me
"No. I know you. You won't go home. You'll find something else to do. You'll go shoot...ducks."
-Becky
"Why is nothing popping out of my closet?"
-Becky
"Maybe because clothes don't pop. Just a thought."
-Me
"What happens when you wash handwashables in the dryer?"
-Becky
"I saw death creeping towards me in the form of a little guy that smells like ass."
-Becky
"I was going somewhere with this conversation, and then my brain took over."
-Becky
"If you can't be washed in the washing machine then you aren't cool."
-Becky
"Which shoes do you want left out? I know you want the sandals out."
-Becky
"Sandals? I don't think those are sandals."
-Me
"Well fine, flippers then."
-Becky
"Because everyone knows I have and wear flippers to class. Everyday."
-Me
"Cracking eggs is sweaty business. We are egg crackers, and not egg crackers that we eat crackers."
-Becky
"I'm looking for something worthy of banging."
-Becky
"Count of Monte Crisco, aka...the count of the butter substitute."
-Me
"When you're on your period, and you're fully bloated how much bigger are your boobs?"
-Becky
"My legs feel like jello."
-Becky
"What flavor?"
-Me
"Cherry because I had a cherry jolly rancher today."
-Becky
"Why, farts, won't you come out?"
-Angie
"I didn't know you were a broccoli vampire, steve!"
-Duncan
"Coocoocachoo I'm too cool for you."
-Sarah K.
"I hope you get hit by an elevator."
-Me
"You drealize that one homosexual does not make a couple."
-Me
"Bethany, Bethany, tip, tip, Bethany."
-Sara Tippey
"I'm sick of being wet."
-Me
"You won't get wet."
-Sara Tippey
"That sounds really sexual."
-Me
"Good thing you're not white or you would be red."
-Me
"Your finger looks like a penis when you do that."
-Me
"I need conditioner and...baby"
-Sara Tippey
"She has more of a tan than I do, and she has never been outside the box."
-Sara Tippey
"Come."
-Sara Tippey
"Right here? Right now?"
-Amber
"No, we have to find your spot first."
-Me
"Is this a solid?"
-Becky
"No."
-Me
"Then why was it liquidy in my mouth?"
-Becky
"Oh, Becky...I really, really don't know."
-Me
"It wasn't like I'm going to die because my nipples are going to shoot everyone chilly."
-Becky
"You find out who your true friends are when you yell penis."
-Becky
"My roommate cleans my hole for me sometimes."
-Me
"That was my song. Did you like it?"
-Becky
"Are you going to hang yourself? I'd like that."
-Me
"No. I'm going to electricute myself."
-Becky
"Long. Like your mother's dick."
-Becky
"Where does she keep it?"
-Me
"In her panty hose of course."
-Becky
"I grunt all the time. Actually...I kinda monkeyed just then."
-Becky
"Adam has a hot ass. Wait no...he just excretes heat from it."
-Me
"Inhale. Excrete."
-Adam
"My hair is getting really long. I need to get it cut."
-Steve
"Oh my God. It's sooo long."
-Sarah
"Toothbrushes belong in your ass."
-Becky
"Are you God? I'm an apple tree."
-Me
"Pilos are full of water."
-Kathlyn
"You draw your penis? Do you embellish?"
-Adam
"He's on my dousche bag list."
-Nick
"I was going down the slamp."
-Me
"The capital of France is Italy."
-Becky
"This bird puts its head in the ground to sleep."
-Brandy
"Flamingo!"
-Jess & Becky
"I pointed to the man and asked her what was in his hand. She said a dog bone. I'm sorry, but men don't keep bones in their pants."
-Me
"My barbies were in playboy."
-Megan
"Sometimes I just want to spit on people because i have food in my mouth."
-Becky
"Do you NEED adult supervision? Do you NEED me to fuck your asshole. Gently of course."
-Becky
"I need to chop my toenails."
-Becky
"Steve, one day someone is going to come up to you and tell you what is wrong with you. When that day comes, you be sure to tell me what they said."
-Me
"We are going to have to all go to Ceder Point."
-Dory
"But I don't like rollerblades."
-Jess
"There's cream on the window."
-Me
"And on my crotch."
-Becky
"Now my hand is sticky."
-Me
"It was horrible. I wanted to cry 5 times. Then maybe one more just for fun. No more than that. Then its just excessive."
-Becky
"i bought a tent and a hammock."
-Kaicy
"A yak?"
-Tuesday
"No. I'm not allowed to have that in the house anymore."
-Kaicy
"I don't think we are either."
-Me
"Yeah after it kept getting stuck on the ceiling it was banned."
-Kaicy
"The ceiling?"
-Me
"I would throw it."
-Kaicy
"Are you talking about gak?"
-Tuesday
"Yeah..."
-Kaicy
"I said yak..."
-Tuesday
"Imagine throwing a yak into the ceiling and having it get stuck. I'm sure thats a good reason to have a yak banned."
-Me
"If she bites me I'll bang her against the wall...like a fish."
-Meliss
"I need a tissue!"
-Meliss
"Why?"
-Me
"I'm about to bleed."
-Meliss
"Mom and I found all these headless barbie dolls."
-Meliss
"Yeah...you used to pull their heads off."
-Me
"You know what we should have done with them?"
-Meliss
"No..."
-Me
"Put them in the ground up the driveway."
-Meliss
"Sure."
-Me
"It would be better if you dressed them. They could be going to a wedding."
-Meliss
"Because when you get married you plant your headless body in the yard."
-Me
"Where is the state of L.A. at?"
-Meliss
"It's a city. In California."
-Me
"No, it's a state somewhere out west."
-Me
"Out west doesn't make it a city."
-Me
"Let's stand on the other side of the middle."
-Becky
"I haven't read that movie before."
-Becky