Title: ATF: Say Good Night 1/1

Author: Lara Bee

Feedback: Serious comments only. Send to [email protected]

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and there is no profit.

Magnificent Seven belong to Mirsch, CBS, MGM and Trilogy.

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: One of the guys is gay, but it’s not slash.

DEATHFIC!

Archive: On my webpage http://www.geocities.com/lara_beee/

Spoilers: none

Notes: I'm not a native English speaker. Follows "The Color of Roses" and "Seven Shades of Blue". Lyrics for song "Say Good Night" were written by Beth Nielsen Chapmann and Joe Henry

Genre: not really Gen, but neither slash.

Main character: Ezra, Vin, Chris

Monday morning was gray and rainy. Chris Larabee cursed heavily as he got caught up in yet another traffic jam and hoped he would make it to the office in time. The long cue of cars crept slowly from one traffic light to the next. He sighed - Lady Luck didn't seem to be on his side.

Vin Tanner absentmindedly stood at the window of the Team Seven office and gazed down to the milling flock of people and cars that fought their way through this late summer morning without really noticing them. His thoughts were miles away, over and over going through the conversation that he would soon have with Chris. Vin felt the envelope he had stowed in the inside pocket of his jacket. The envelope that contained his resignation. It was the only way, Tanner knew. During the past few months he had painfully realized that his feelings for Ezra were a danger to everyone in the team, including himself. Chris had warned him about the consequences that any romantic involvement inside of the team would mean, had explained to the Texan in not too uncertain terms that he didn't care if Tanner was straight or gay, as long as he kept it out of his line of duty. And Vin had kept that warning in mind, all through those years, until he had fallen for Ezra. Then, everything had changed. Vin had fought against his feelings, denied them, explained them way, but in the end he had to admit to himself that he was hopelessly, completely and utterly in love. After that day, he had got drunk on more than one occasion, mainly because he was rudely reminded that Ezra was not only his best friend but also as straight as a guy could possibly be. There could and would never be any relationship other than a close friendship between the two men. Vin knew this perfectly clear, but his heart told another story. It was wrenched and torn and shattered, yearning for things that he knew he'd never get from the Southerner. And that was why he had to leave. Chris had been right, his feelings interfered with the way he did his job, even worse now that Standish had learned about these - from Ezra's point of view - indecent emotions Vin harbored. Ezra had been shocked to the core, to say the least. The sudden and surprising revelation had left his team mate stunned, then the close to a panic reaction as imagination kicked in when Ezra began to comprehend what the fact that Vin was not only gay but also in love with him meant. Now, Ezra was extremely uncomfortable around him, evaded his former best friend as often as the situation allowed and generally tried not to be alone with Vin in the same room if he could avoid it.

Vin suppressed a sigh. He should have known, should never have said a thing, but it was too late for regrets now. Choices had been made, and his was to leave Team Seven for good.

"Chris not in yet?"

Buck's voice startled Vin out of his morose thoughts. "Naw... he's stuck in the traffic, I reckon'."

"You reckoned right."

Both Vin and Buck spun around. None of them had noticed Larabee entering the office.

"Good mornin' Chris," Wilmington grinned.

"Nothin' good about this morning," the dark clad tam leader grumbled, looking not pleased at all. "I swear if I ever find out who set up that freakin' detour, I'll kill the man!"

Buck's grin widened. "Aww, you can't possibly kill that sweet redhead from the public transport office."

"Buck, dear..." Chris put all the sweetness he could manage right now into his voice.

"Yes... hun?" Wilmington made a few steps back to safe himself from what he knew would happen now. He could face Chris' wrath, but if the man started to sweet talk, then the best was to hide in a fallout bunker several miles under the planet's surface.

"Shut the fuck up and get your lazy ass to work!"

Vin couldn't help but chuckle, despite the sadness that crept up his throat and threatened to strangle him. He'd miss the banter between his team mates, miss the carefree jokes and the friendship he shared with them. Today, he would lose it all, just like he had lost Ezra two weeks ago at the hospital, when he hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut.

Tanner sucked in a breath, steeling himself against the inevitable.

"Chris? Do you have a minute?"

Larabee, who was about to enter his office, turned around. He studied Tanner's face for a brief moment, then frowned. "Sure. In five minutes, in my office."

Vin nodded briefly, trying to build up the determination he knew he would need to go through with his decision. With every minute that passed, the side of him which screamed 'stay' became more powerful, nagged and tore on the verdict he had ruled over himself. The internal fight skiddered to an abrupt halt when Ezra entered the office. The icy glance that the Southerner shot to his former best friend let Vin freeze from the inside out. Involuntarily he shuddered, wrapped his arms around his waist and escaped the situation by staring out of the window into the buzzling street below him again. No, he realized, leaving the ATF was the only way out of the mess he had maneuvered himself into.

The five minutes seemed to be an eternity, but finally the door to Chris's office opened and he indicated Vin to enter. When Tanner closed the door behind him, the constant noise of the office was dampened. Vin sat down on one of the chairs in front of the desk that dominated Larabee's sanctum, stretching his long legs in the doomed attempt to relax.

"Where's it itching?" Chris didn't waste much time with niceties.

"Remember what you told me when I signed up?" Vin tested.

Larabee frowned. He didn't like the sound of this, but he also had been aware of what was going on between Tanner and Standish, the sudden distance, the siding remarks and the general uneasiness that seemed to befall Ezra every time Vin was around. "I told you to keep your... private life private."

"Exactly." Vin smiled sadly and pulled out the envelope. "I quit."

For a moment, Chris was speechless, too stunned to react, but then he accepted the resignation. "You and Ezra...?"

"No. Only me, I'm afraid."

The team leader shook his head sadly. "Damn."

"You can say that twice," Tanner grimaced. "I'm sorry."

"Why not just transfer within the ATF?" Chris queried. "You're an excellent sniper, I'm sure one of the other teams..."

"Would gladly accept me without starting to ask question?" Vin snickered. "Earth to Chris... I'm not interested to run the gauntlet."

"Yeah, the grapevine can be hell," Chris agreed. "What will you do now?"

"Dunno... Maybe moving to the bay area. I have a few old friends there who might have a job for me," he shrugged. Actually, he hadn't thought much about what to do after his resignation, other than burying himself in his apartment and stay drunk for the next week or so.

Larabee sighed. "Keep in touch, okay? If you need someone to talk to, or a reference for your resume, you know where I am."

"Will do," Vin didn't know how he managed to smile, just knew that his heart was aching with every beat. Now, only one thing was left to do. Tanner produced his badge and gun, placed both next to the envelope on the desk. "Watch your back, pard."

Chris swallowed hard. "You, too, my friend... You, too."

With a brief nod, Vin turned and left the office. He went to his desk to pack the few belongings that he hadn't packed yet into the moving box that he had brought along. Ezra ignored what was going on until Josiah spoke up.

"What are you doing, brother Vin?"

"Packing," Vin didn't look up from his work, he was not able to face his friends right now.

"Why?" Buck wanted to know.

"Because I quit," was the matter of fact answer.

With that, Ezra's head snapped up and he stared at Tanner. "Quit?"

"Quit." Vin looked up from his packing, and for a brief moment their eyes met, but without any sign of emotion, Standish broke the contact and concentrated back on the workload on his desk.

The rest of his team mates weren't as easily satisfied and kept on bugging Vin with questions about the ifs and whys, but to no good. Other than 'personal reasons' they got nothing out of the quiet Texan.

Twenty-four hours later, Vin had stowed the last of his belongings that he wanted to take along in his jeep and headed west.

* * *

The heat was stifling in the Bay City. Not even the soft breeze from the sea brought the much-needed relief. Vin Tanner pulled the worn-out jacket tighter and suppressed a shiver. His hand reached into the pocket and he pulled out a small silver flask, unscrewed it and took a long swallow of the firy liquid. His stomach responded with an angry pain and Tanner winced.

"Vin, this is Reno. You're ready to go in?"

The voice of his new bounty hunting partner boomed in his ears and Vin cursed the fact that the wire he was wearing hadn't been fine tuned by JD. He'd be damned, but he missed the guys. "As ready as I can be."

"Okay. Be careful... that Molcho-guy is a tough cookie."

"This ain't my first undercover job," Vin snapped. "I had an excellent teacher."

'The best.' He added quietly, recalling all the times Ezra had taught him the trade and improved his skills. The thought stirred up the sadness again that never really had left him. His stomach churned again as the emotional uproar threatened to take the better of him and it took Vin all his self control to get the upper hand over his feelings. With a quick gulp, he downed some more whisky, then screwed the flask and put it back into his jacket. "It's party time."

Inside the old warehouse, the gun runners had already taken their position. Vin's job was simple: once the deal was done, he'd move the crates to the buyer's vehicle. The recorded evidence would then show up through various contacts on Ezra's or Chris's desk, providing them with enough data to start a case on the gunrunners. Of course, his current partners, Reno Raines and Bobby Sixkiller, weren't too pleased about these sidesteps from bounty hunting, especially since the risk involved was extremely high. But Vin had insisted on doing what he felt was the only way he could make up for almost destroying Ezra's reputation. He couldn't take up contact with anyone from Team Seven directly, even though he maintained a more or less regular phone contact with Chris. And what Chris had told him about the state of his team mates, particularly Ezra, didn't do anything to improve Tanner's mood. Standish had gone even more quiet than he had been before Vin had left, and Larabee had admitted that he was somewhat worried about the stubborn Southerner. Vin had suggested that maybe a talk between team leader and undercover agent would help, but then, with Ezra's known slippery when it came to private things, there was no say whether or not this would do any good. That had been two weeks ago.

Afterwards, contact had broken down, all that Vin knew was that the team was in the middle of a new case. His own place amongst the seven had been filled by a replacement, a young ATF agent who was more than capable to do the job up in the rafters, for all that Chris had told.

It made Vin both sad and grateful; sad that it wasn't him any longer who watched over his friends, grateful that the team wasn't unprotected. With an effort, he returned his thoughts to here and now. He had a job to do.

Ezra Standish wiped the sweat from his forehead and tried to concentrate on his job. They had been after Freddy Molcho for the better part of four months now and today it seemed like the hard work would finally pay off. Ezra had already double-checked with Chris and the others; everyone was on their position, ready to interfere if he should need help. He gave a brief signal to the surveillance van where JD and Josiah were observing the entire exchange with high tech equipment, straightened his jacket and entered the warehouse. Buck accompanied him, posing as a bodyguard. Everything was set for success...

The deal went smoothly, as could be expected. The gorillas Molcho had brought with him were trying to intimidate Buck with hostile stares, but Wilmington just smiled with an underlying threat of 'try me'. Ezra suppressed a sigh. Buck's manners would be the death of all of them one day, he thought wryly. He shot his colleague a warning glance, noticing another figure leaning against a pile of crates behind them. Vin? For a split second, Ezra's heart began to race. He blinked rapidly but managed to get himself under control. No, he decided then. It couldn't be Vin. It shouldn't be Vin. Not here, not on the wrong side of the fence. The stranger seemed to have noticed his query look and retreated out of sight. Ezra's expression went blank. He couldn't afford any mistakes now.

*

Buck felt the hair on his neck rise when he noticed the Southerner's lapse. Still, he forced himself to remain calm. Whatever had caused Ezra's reaction, he didn't consider it a threat.

*

Vin cursed inwardly. How the hell did Ezra get here? And Buck? Irrational fear grasped his heart as he leaned against the back of the crates, hidden from his former team mate's views. With trembling fingers, he reached for the flask again, quickly took a huge swallow to calm his treacherous nerves.

"Tanner," he heard Molcho's voice. "Hand our dear Mr. Dumas his goods, will you?"

With a sigh, Vin straightened. All he could do now was to go on with the show, trying to protect the one he loved.

*

Both Ezra and Buck tensed when they heard Vin's name. Both men had problems covering the shock and the sheer disbelief at the sight of Tanner.

It took Buck a few precious moments before he had the avalanche of feelings under control. His thoughts pursued feverishly every option. Was this the reason why the Texan had left the team several months ago? An undercover case? It all didn't make sense.

*

Ezra frantically tried to sort his thoughts. Tanner had botched up badly, going undercover using his own name. 'Damn it, Vin... I taught you better than this...' And what if Vin had changed sides? Would he betray him and Buck to Moloch? He tried to search Vin's ragged features for answers, but the Texan showed no sign of recognition. 'Okay... play it your way, then. I hope you know what you are doing, Vin.'

The brief exchange of glances hadn't gone unnoticed. Molcho's goons snapped to attention on his nod.

"Something wrong, Mr. Dumas?"

"Everything's perfectly satisfactory, Mr. Molcho," Ezra had to use all his experience as an undercover agent to fall back into his role and ban Vin from his mind. "I was just admiring the efficiency of your organization."

Standish knew the very moment that his bluff didn't work. Molcho wasn't an idiot and he hadn't survived in his business as long as he had if he wasn't extremely suspicious. He muttered a swearing under his breath and drew his weapon. "ATF! Freeze! You're all under arrest."

Molcho just snorted. "Kill them!"

Both Buck and Ezra dashed for cover behind a crate, barely making it in time before the bullets started to fly.

"What about Vin?" Buck growled between two shots that he fired into the direction of the perps.

"He's on his own," Ezra snarled, fighting ingrained instincts to protect a team mate. "We can't blow his cover..."

Buck opened his mouth to say something, but his reply was cut short by the rest of Team Seven appearing on the scene.

"ATF! Drop your weapons!"

Molcho knew that he had lost, but that didn't mean he would go to jail. "Eat dirt, fed."

The shooting continued, with Chris and the others slowly cornering the gun runners in one corner.

"You've seen Vin?" Buck hissed, reloading his gun.

"No," Ezra snarled. He had lost sight of Tanner shortly after the fight had begun. Maybe the fool for once did a smart thing and hid his sorry ass...

But Vin hadn't been so lucky. He lay on the floor, out of sight of the ATF agents as well as criminals, clutching his hands to his upper abdomen, desperately trying to stop the stream of blood that pulsed out of the wound. He didn't quite understand how it had been possible that he had been hit, why he hadn't been fast enough to duck the shot that he had seen coming. 'Because you were drunk,' some part of his brain analyzed. Tanner grimaced. Details, he thought, details.

* * *

"Where’s Tanner?" Bobby Sixkiller stormed into the warehouse and looked around, frantically searching for his colleague.

"Vin?"

Chris and the others reached for their guns, but the long-haired man raised his hands defensively. "Whoa. I’m one of the good guys."

"What do you want from Vin?" Larabee asked, his suspicion aroused. He knew that Vin was here in Bay City working as a bounty hunter, but certainly he wouldn’t be in the middle of a gun raid?

"I’m just looking for my man."

"And you are...?" Chris inquired.

"Bobby Sixkiller from Sixkiller Enterprises. Vin’s working for me as a bounty hunter. He was wired, haven’t heard from him since this mess started."

Larabee frowned. So this was Vin’s new boss. "What the hell was he doing in this bust?"

"Working undercover to get some evidence," Bobby explained impatiently. "Listen, can’t this wait until we found him?"

"Last I saw of him he took cover behind those crates." Wilmington pointed in the direction where their previous team mate had disappeared, before Molcho’s bodyguards required his full attention again.

Ezra, who had already started to search for his missing friend as soon as they had the perps handcuffed, stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Vin laying in a heap on the cold concrete ground.

A dark puddle had formed underneath Tanner, pressing his blood caked hands on a bullet wound in his abdomen. Pain let him curl up in a fetal position and breathed in shallow, quick gasps, paling visibly with every second that passed.

"Oh my God... Vin!" Instinct and an urge born out of a deep care that years of friendship had built let Ezra hurry to Tanner´s side, desperately trying to stop the cruel bleeding. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Chris coming up, heard him shout for Nathan, noticed on the rim of his perception that Sixkiller called an ambulance. But it was all in a blur, the only reality that counted for Ezra right now was that his best friend was bleeding to death in his arms.

"Ezra?" Blue eyes fluttered open, focusing with an effort on the person kneeling next to him.

"Don’t worry. I’m here, my friend ." The Southerner tried to sound firm, but all he managed was a strangled, hoarse whisper.

"Good," Vin smiled faintly before the darkness claimed him and he lost consciousness, held firmly in Ezra’s arms.

* * *

Chris Larabee checked his watch for the nth time this evening. Vin was in surgery for several hours now, fighting for his life. Team Seven had taken their usual positions, as they always had when one of their family was injured. With a sigh, the dark clad leader watched his men: Nathan and Josiah were quietly talking while JD and Buck tried to distract themselves by playing cards with Michael, their new sniper. Ezra had withdrawn himself, standing at the window and staring out into the darkness. Chris understood the need for being alone. He had had a brief talk with the doctor who operated on Vin, and the news he had received scared him. Still, he hadn’t told the others what he knew, hoping against all odds that a miracle would happen.

Ezra watched the seemingly endless row of cars that rolled over the highway, their headlights piercing a hole in the coat of darkness that embraced the city. But his thoughts were far away, lost in time and memories. Laughter and pranks, long hours spent on stake outs... Christmases and birthdays, parties after successful busts... He took in a quivering breath. It hadn’t just been the fun parts, there had been so much more, things he didn’t want to miss, didn’t want to forget. Lengthy talks, hot discussions, fights, moments of silent understanding, when no words had to be said in this close friendship that he and Vin had knit over the years.

And then, just a few months ago, it had all been gone in the blink of an eye. Ezra wished he could wipe out the memory of that day, undo his words and actions to prevent the hurt he had caused to his friend. ‘He’s gay, so what? We were friends, our friendship should have meant more to me...’

But it hadn’t been the fact that Tanner was gay that had startled Ezra. It was the simple statement of ‘I love you’ that had turned his world upside down and levered his emotions out of their safely ordered way. Back then, in that hospital room, Standish had fought a growing feeling of betrayal until it had all become too much, something in his mind had snapped and he had run away.

But he could no longer run away. Vin’s warm, wet blood that had colored Ezra’s hands when he tried to stop it from pouring out of the savage wound... it had only happened a few hours ago, but it seemed to be a lifetime away. If he could just bring the endless flow of images to an end. Maybe it had been a mistake to treat this man he used to call ‘best friend’ in such a cruel way. Maybe he had made the wrong choice back then. If only he could cast away the memory of that look of despair and hopelessness in those blue eyes....

* * *

Vin came around slowly, feeling nauseate and disorientated. The smell of disinfectants assaulted his nose and the soft rumbling of voices in the distance homed in on his senses like a tornado. Everything was too loud, too bright, too much.

He wasn’t dead. Or if he was, maybe he had ended up in hell. His slurry mind informed him that he was in a place called ‘hospital’. Memories of being shot and laying on the cold concrete floor of a warehouse resurfaced.

"Damn," he croaked through parched lips.

"Hey pard. Good to see you awake again," a familiar voice softly said.

"Chr..."

"Yeah, it's me, Chris. Don't try to talk now, you're just waking up from surgery."

"Ez?"

"He's with the others in the waiting room. The docs only allowed one of us with you in here."

"How long?" Vin barely managed to keep his eyes open, but fought the overwhelming fatigue and tiredness with all he was worth.

"They operated on you for several hours. Rest now. I’ll stay with you."

Vin just nodded briefly and surrendered to sleep, with the comforting knowledge that his friend was by his side again, watching over him.

* * *

"Agent Larabee?"

Chris scrambled to wakefulness with a start.

"What... Vin?!?"

"Mr. Tanner is stable," the trauma specialist tried to calm him. "He’s still sleeping off the narcotics."

"Oh. Sorry, Dr. Hamblin. Must’ve fallen asleep," Larabee ran a tired hand through his hair. "What time is it?"

"Almost 5 am," Lewis Hamblin studied the ATF agent closely, wondering how the man would handle the news he was about to deliver. "Could I have a word with you in private, please?"

The look of resignation and pity in the doctor’s eyes instantly rang all alarm bells in Chris. Not good, he decided, not good at all. "I promised Vin I’d stay by his side. Whatever it is, can’t we solve it here, doctor?"

Hamblin just nodded, he had expected nothing else from the dark clad team leader. "Agent Larabee, I understand you have the power of attorney for Mr. Tanner?"

Chris blinked. Vin, had given power of attorney to him many years ago, in case he should be seriously injured or too ill too decide for himself. As a friend as well as a team mate, Chris had promised to acknowledge the instructions and wishes that Texan had left with him for such a case. "That’s right, Doctor Hamblin."

"As you know, we removed the bullet that hit Mr. Tanner in the abdomen. It caused critical damage to the pancreas, the liver and the right kidney and he lost a lot of blood by severe hemorrhages." The doctor tried to lessen the impact of what he had to say now. "Well, we managed to stop the bleeding and with a bit of luck, he’ll keep his kidney. For now, he’s getting dialysis to help him heal."

"That’s good then, isn’t it?" Larabee could tell that the worst was still to come.

"Yes and no. Both liver and kidney were badly damaged, but that in itself we could handle, in time and with a lot of luck. And the pancreas wound alone is treatable. But..." Hamblin smiled apologetically. "You see, Mr. Tanner was already in a bad condition before he was injured. We found alcohol in his blood and his other lab results were alarming as well. Combine that with the blood loss and several injured organs..."

Chris’s face had become hard, masking the angst that coursed through his system. "How are his chances?"

"Not too good. The biggest danger now is a sepsis which could lead to multiple organ failure, and in his current state..." The doctor shrugged. "We’ll know more in 48 hours."

"Thanks for your honesty, Dr. Hamblin," Larabee muttered, his worried look locked on the pale features of his sleeping friend, praying silently for a miracle.

* * *

Chris kept vigil at his bed most of the time until Vin finally woke for more than just a few moments in a row. Larabee, bound by the promise he had given to his friend, hadn’t allowed that the others relieved him. Instead, he had send the rest of the team back to the hotel to get some sleep. All but Ezra had complied. The Southerner had stayed with Chris on the lonely watch in the ICU until the nurses had kicked him out again.

"It’s okay, Ezra," Chris had said, trying to understand how Standish must feel. The two men had been close friends until Vin’s misplaced love had driven a wedge between them. "You don't have to stay here."

Ezra had shot him a stricken look, eyes darting between his team leader and his friend. Finally, his shoulders slumped and he sighed. "Mr. Larabee... Why is it that one doesn’t really appreciate someone until one loses them?"

Before Chris could answer, the undercover agent had continued: "I guess I was given a second chance making things right with Vin."

Larabee just had nodded, sensing that Ezra had finally seemed to have to come to terms with the situation.

* * *

Ezra spent the better part of the taxi ride from the hospital to the hotel, where he and his team mates stayed, deep in thoughts, mulling over the incidents of the past few months again and again.

He couldn’t get the images of Vin out of his mind... his friend who was now laying in the ICU like a broken porcelain doll, pale and fragile. When he had seen Tanner in the warehouse first, he had been shocked by the sight of the man. It was obvious that Vin had neglected himself, how bad Ezra’s reaction back then had hit him.

‘I care for him,’ he realized, confusion stinging in him. ‘Heck, maybe I even love him... but my love isn’t the same as the one he feels for me.’

The shops and pedestrians the cab passed slowly were just colored shapes in the periphery of his eyes.

‘If I had a brother, I guess I’d love him the same way I love Vin... It’s scary, but it also feels damn good,’ Ezra pondered. ‘But there’s nothing beyond that brotherly love. No desire, no butterflies in the stomach, no sweaty hands, nothing that would tell me that he’s a romantic love interest.’

He compared his feelings for Vin and Deirdre, comprehending that he never would and could be more than a friend, more than a brother to Vin. Sure, he could try to pretend something that just wasn’t there. After all, he was an excellent undercover agent, but the thought alone made him sick. It wouldn’t be fair to Vin, and it was definitely not what Ezra wanted.

‘What do I want?’ The taxi stopped at a red traffic light and Standish was pressed into the seat when it accelerated again after a while. ‘I want to have him back as a friend. I want things back to what they were before he confessed his feelings for me.... but that’s illusory, isn’t it? So, what can I get? Maybe he’ll forgive me what I did... Maybe we can start fresh. Maybe his interest in me is back to a normal level, one we both can live with. Eight months are a long time, after all.’

The option brought a smile to Ezra’s lips. Maybe an honest talk would set things right and heal the wounds that deeds and words had caused. ‘And what if Vin’s feelings for me haven’t changed? He ran himself down the last time I pushed him away, and now he’s doing worse than ever. What will happen then? What does he expect me to do? I can’t change who I am... Can he understand that?’

* * *

Hope for recovery lasted exactly 28 hours, then Vin’s pancreas gave out and the doctors spoke of an alarming increase of white cells in his blood stream. The ensuing talk Vin had with the doctor left the Texan in a somber mood.

Over the course of the day, he was connected to live supportive machines. Chris had arranged for him to be transferred to a normal room, just as Vin had asked for. His friends took turns in sitting by Vin, trying to cheer him up, told him that he would be fine in no time.

But with every hour that passed, Vin’s condition worsened. The sepsis that had set in began to take its toll. When his liver gave out, Vin decided that it was time to talk, to apologize.

And so he talked, felt the warmth of the family that they were engulfing him, keeping him safe. Josiah was first, then Buck and JD, Nathan, Chris... until there was only one left: Ezra. Vin was afraid of the outcome of this particular talk because of the things that were laying on his heart so heavily.

* * *

Ezra quietly entered Vin’s hospital room, unsure of what to expect. Vin had asked for this meeting, and even though the shifts that Ezra had taken in watching over Tanner had been uneventful, with carefully chosen, friendly words and questions about how they each had spent the past few months, the Southerner had an uneasy feeling.

He knew that he could no longer hide behind a mask of indifference, had to say what was on his heart and mind, even if that would mean that Vin would hate him. Ezra just couldn’t go on like this, caught like a deer in the headlight of a situation that was so unlike everything else he had experienced in his life. He smiled at his friend a bit awkwardly, then sat down on the chair next to Vin’s bed. The paleness of Tanner’s face, the fine sheen of sweat and the rapid blinking of the heart monitor didn’t herald good. Ezra hoped that it was just the anxiousness that rattled Vin, after all, the doctors had transferred him to a normal room, but something inside him screamed in desperate fear of losing the Texan forever.

"Vin, I ..." Standish paused, looking straight into the pain filled, blue eyes. Tanner said nothing, just patiently waited for him to finish.

"Vin," Ezra began again, a bit firmer now. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that, you know... It’s... It’s not like I don’t care for you. On the contrary..."

The Southerner swallowed and studied his hands intensely, unsure how to say what he needed to say. No matter how often he had went through the conversation in his mind during the past days, now that he had to speak the words, fear clutched his heart and let it beat faster. "Your friendship is the one thing I never wanted to lose, but... You see... I am not interested in men the way you are interested in me... I never was and never will be."

He looked up again, searching for a reaction in Vin’s expression. When he saw the forgiveness, the care and unconditioned love that Tanner radiated like a beacon, he blushed a bit, but the truth searched its way through a torrent of words. "I couldn’t live up to your expectations back then, I just can’t love you in the way you want me to... So please don’t demand something from me that I can’t give you. I only want to ask your forgiveness and that we maybe start again from a clean slate..."

Ez," Vin softly interrupted the rambling.

"Uh – yes?" Standish blinked. Now that he poured out the contents of his heart, he felt relieved. He should have talked to Vin a long time ago, he realized with a sad twinge.

"Thanks," Vin smiled.

"Thanks?" Ezra was confused. What was Vin thanking him for?

"Thanks for being the best friend I could ask for," the smile on the Texan’s face broadened.

"I’m not much of a friend, the way I treated you," Ezra snorted.

"You are who you are, Ez. I never expected you to return my feelings." Vin chuckled briefly. "Hell, Chris warned me about keeping them out of the job, but I didn’t listen."

"So you’re not angry with me any more?" For a moment, Ezra looked young, like a school boy who had just received a praise from his teacher.

"Hell, I never was angry at you." Vin shook his head with a deep sadness. "I was angry at myself for acting like an idiot. I should never have told you to begin with."

"Your feelings for me haven’t changed, right?" Standish frowned after he had studied his friend briefly. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. Vin looked so exhausted, run down like all that kept him going was willpower. In short, Vin looked downright sick.

The Texan hesitated a moment, but he knew that lying would do no good, not when so much was at stake. "I still love you, yes. I guess I always will."

Ezra blushed deeply and shifted uneasy on his seat.

"Ez," Vin sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, longing for sleep. This talk had taken more out of him than he dared to admit to himself. "All I ask from you is being my friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I understand that this is awkward for you, that you will need some more time to work things out."

"Just friends," Ezra nodded, reached out his hand and smiled. "I think we have a deal, Mr. Tanner."

Vin returned the smile and accepted the handshake.

* * *

The next two days brought no improvement of Vin’s condition. On the contrary. His breathing became shallower and more labored with every hour that passed. More and more organs fell victim to the inflammation that raged through Vin’s battered body, more and more he depended on the aid of life supportive systems. Finally, he couldn’t take it any more, the pain, the fear... He could feel the end was nearing with every minute that crept by. All he wished for was that he’d be allowed to pass to the next plain in a dignified manner.

"Chris," he croaked with difficulty. "There are some things I need you to do for me..."

"What is it, Vin?" The dark rings under Larabee’s eyes told how much Team Seven’s leader was suffering with his friend, told about the sleepless nights and the seemingly endless hours he had spent watching over him.

"Fetch the doctor for me, will you? I want to be taken off these machines..."

The painful expression on Chris’s face told Vin that he was almost asking too much.

"Please don’t do that," Chris whispered. "You’ll die without them."

"I’m already dead, cowboy," Tanner stated sadly. "You know what doc Hamblin said."

Larabee sighed, his eyes pleading in vein with Vin. Finally, he squared his shoulders, straightened and gave in to the inevitable. "Okay. What else?"

"Get Ezra here. There’s something I want him to do for me... Will keep him away from here..."

"No problem," Chris nodded. "What about the others?"

Vin thought about this for a moment. "I don’t want to see them after the machines are turned off. But if they want to drop by before that, it’s fine with me."

Chris swallowed again, harder. Keeping up the facade of a strong man was more than he could handle sometimes. "I’ll see to it."

"And Chris... I know I’m asking a lot now... but ... could you... stay with me until... you know..."

The request almost tore Larabee to pieces, shredded the last of his self control. He wanted to shake Vin and tell him to stop this nonsense, start fighting. But he knew at the same instant that Vin was fighting with all he was worth. "I promise I’ll be with you when you need me."

A violent coughing ripped through the silence and it took Tanner a while to recover, his pain and fever ridden body too weak to take up to the added strain.

"One last thing," he wheezed between labored breaths. "I want you to bring me something from my apartment..."

* * *

It was late afternoon the next day when Vin gripped Chris’s hand tighter and shot him a frightened look.

"What’s wrong, pard?"

"Can’t feel my legs," Tanner wheezed.

Chris felt his throat tighten, remembering what the doctors had told him about the sepsis claiming the nerve system. He wanted to say something, reassure his friend that everything would be all right, but all he managed was a wry smile.

"Scared."

It wasn’t more than the whisper of a dying man, but Larabee understood it nevertheless. Out of words, Chris just pressed Vin’s hand tighter to comfort him.

Ezra chose that moment to enter the room cheerfully, waving a thin file in his hand. His broad grin was the last thing Vin saw before the darkness reached for him.

"Mr. Tanner, I managed to..."

Vin smiled faintly at the sound of the beloved voice, then his heart could no longer handle the frantic pace and just ceased.

Chris felt the hand he was holding getting slack, saw the now peaceful, content expression on Vin’s face and swallowed hard. He didn’t have to check the flat line on the heart monitor to know that his friend was dead.

"...retrieve the documents your bank had misplaced," Standish finished his sentence before he realized what had happened before his eyes. The folder dropped to the floor, scattering its contents over the sterile hospital floor. One look at Chris, the tears that slowly trickled down his sorrowful face and the slump in his team leader’s shoulders was all Ezra needed to understand that Vin Tanner was gone.

* * *

The music slowly poured through the room, the soft voice of the female singer dropped from the speakers as Ezra played the CD Vin had bequeathed to him with a short note "I’m sorry. Go on and be happy, will ya?"

Ezra Standish sighed quietly and closed the CD.

"Good night, my friend."

~Fini~