MH

OK this is a serious one, sorry about that.

I see them all the time, being pushed around by their mothers, or some Healthcare worker, always smiling (I guess ignorance is bliss) and happy...the words that come out of their mouth can barely be understood by anybody else..Sad little helpless humps of flesh.

I am talking about handicapped people, not just handicapped though but Mentally and physically handicapped.
I don't like to see them, they annoy me..with their weird voices..and sometimes sounds of joy that can only be described as "hardly human"..Their voices burn in my ears and they always seem to want to talk to me...They stare at you, just like they are about to say something..and then you have to talk to them because you don't want to be rude.

I can't understand how people can be around them all day. Drinking coffee with them, talking to them about nothing like they are talking to a 5 yearold..smiling at them all the time.., cleaning up their mess and apologising for them all the fucking time whenever they make a mess of things...Let alone care for them; feeding them, washing them, putting them to bed.

I know why I don't want to talk to them or even see them.
They scare me! And for only one reason..It's too damn close!
I don't like to be reminded of how incredibly lucky I am to have that 1 little Gene that makes me a, relatively, healthy person..Reasonably sound of mind and Thank God sound of body!

One little gene could have changed all of that and it scares me to death that that could have been me.
I have never been able to deal with mentally handicapped people just because of this reason and it makes me wonder.

Does this make me a bad person?

I will be the first to admit, not liking having them around, when I am being asked why I act uncomfortable around them and people always act surprised when I admit it.
Granted I hang out with bigger morons, people that are able to use their brains but still don't do it, but atleast they look relatively normal.
Do other people feel the same, do they just deny it because it would be wrong to admit it?
I have spoken to several people about this and they all say they are "fne" with hanging out with a mentally handicapped person when, for instance, it's family.

I couldn't, not even when it is family..I'm sorry..again It's too damn close, it rreminds me of my own weaknesses and I think it is a normal fear of people; You don't like to be reminded of your own weaknesses, or do you?
I might be called insecure about myself, ofcourse that's true..I might be pretty happy with whom I am but it is obvious that upto a certain point i am insecure about certain things..everybody is.

I thank God for a couple of things in my life (that's an expression, I am not a really religious person for all you Jehova's witnesses thinking of showing up at my door at fucking 9 in the morning) One of them would be that I got all the genes that are needed to keep a person reasonably healthy.
I don't know whether I would have been able to deal with a handicap, granted if your not mentally well you don't know otherwise, like being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life for instance..or loosing an arm, I think I would be to weak for that.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for people that are mentally sane and can deal with that shit. I don't treat them differently from other people..I have met a lot of people in wheelchairs that are complete assholes and I have let them know that I don't like them.
that does not make me a bad person..If someone is in a wheelchair and he acts like an asshole I don't have to be nice to them, I am not nice to assholes with the ability to kick me..so I am not nice to some asshole that could run me over!

I have also met a lot of nice dudes and dudettes in wheelchairs..some really cool people that just happened to bump into a Truck that was going at 60 miles an hour,and actually consider themselves lucky to be alive..I really respect noone more then those that can overcome such a thing and still fucking smile and life a normal life..some of them are even more cynical and sarcastic then I am...I even consider one of them a "real" friend.
But Mentally handicapped people..no I'm sorry..but I just can't.