Friends

Well It's official now. I am the scum of the Earth, or atleast spawn of the Devil.

I talked to T. yesterday, let me describe T.; She's about 33 years old and from Finland..she's a friend of Tina (whom you all know and love). In general T. is very attractive for her age (I know I definetly would), and pretty smart..she's got her shit together so that makes her cool.
The one thing that pisses me off about T. is that she is ALWAYS positive. you guys know my opinion about positive people...You just can't trust them, they just aren't honest.

Well T. was very honest yesterday, and I appreciate that. I have no idea how we got to the subject but somehow we went from booze to "Peter is not a nice person". not really a shocker because I myself have stated many a time that I am not nice, but this took an unexpected turn.

T. could back this up. She obviously had put some thoughts into this, because she could say why I am not nice and then come with arguements why I am not nice. Ofcourse the arguements weren't neccesary because I agree..however she pursued the conversation..
I am a "very interesting" person according to T. (I think I just became a labrat or something).
She has hardly ever met a more cynical person then myself, again I can imagine that..I am one of the most cynical people you have ever met. T. asked me why I was this cynical..so I gave her my opinion; .I am a pretty smart guy and the flaw in me is that I hate stupidity..I can't stand it. unfortunatly most people are stupid ergo I hate most people. (This was the short version)

Also I believe that I am a positive person (I know it sounds weird) I sincerely believe that I will "make it" and so will some of my friends. I sincerely believe in my own ability.

And then it came. The question that knocked me out. "But do you think you make people feel better? Because I think you don't!." she said.
My God was sort of a question is that? And then it hit me, it's the sort of question I would ask!
This was a very good question! I was impressed!
My answer was "Yes I do, just ask my friends." Although I believe most people will lie straight to your face, they don't come to hang out with you unless you "give them something".
I would be shocked if Tina, for instance, would claim I did not make her feel better as a person.
Sure I give my honest, and often blunt, opinion about her..even on this page. but I do hope she "loves" (EWWWWWW) me. And I think she does.

I told T. that I actually believe that you don't make any real friends when you move to another country for a year or so. I still believe this although I have been here for over two years now.
If I'd move to another country I would not need to see any of the people I am hanging out with now again. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but I have moved around for about 8 years now, and this is just the way it works! One leaves...then you send an email...and after that "out of sight out of mind". sure if I was to bump into them somewhere else I'd talk to them and it'd be cool and all but I don't know whether that constitutes "Real friendship". I have got about 4 "real friends"in my life..none of them life in Scotland (Tina gets pretty close to being one though).
They are all friends I made growing up in Holland..and although they life all over the world now, we speak every now and again but I know I can always count on them, and they know that all they have to do is pick up the phone or send an email and I'll help them out..I'll hop on a plain and fly to them if need be....those are people I would die for without giving it any thought.
Sure I would help the people I am currently "friends" with out, but in 3 years I wouldn't die for them. That's the difference between being "friends" and real friendship.

T. feels sorry for me now..I'm sure of this. She has no idea how I can life my life this way...I think it's great that she can try and see the positive in everything..It takes a lot of guts..however I don't buy it.
It's not realistic, people screw you over, the world is a bad place..and don't tell me that that's because of people like me. People like me is what keeps the words together..you need realistic people, we are not the ones making the world a bad place...We don't pull any shit that hurts people (Or atleast I don't think I do), the damageI is to myself...Being honest all the time is the hardest thing there is...and I think we need more people like myself.

But to get back to the question "Do I make other people feel better?" I honestly don't know..I hope I do..but if I don't then I would suggest the people that I am hanging out with now should just go find somebody else to hangout with! For I need honest people around me, they make me feel better.
I did gain a lot of respect for T. yesterday though, I know it takes guts to ask the good questions and to dare have a conversation on this level...I wish more people would have that courage..

T. is cool, no matter whether she is always trying to be positive or not.
Hell I might even trust her in a couple years.... but then again, I problably won't see her in a couple years.