| OVER THE RAINBOW: A Secret of the Gays WARNING: THIS IS SATIRE. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY, THIS IS MY ATTEMPT AT HUMOR; IT IS FICTIONAL. I WOULD NOT TELL ANY GAY SECRETS!! (I WOULD GET BITCH SLAPPED). Hello, my darling breeders... err, readers. As a bisexual and executive member of a gay organization, I know many secrets into the gay, lesbian, bisexual lifestyle. I am willing, out of the goodness of my heart, to share these secrets with you for only one platinum credit card (or an equal amount). This is a bargain; can you really put a price on your sexuality? Remember: money is the root of all evil and you don�t really want to go to hell with us queers now do you? Good. It�s settled then. Now, I happen to know some homophobes and the biggest question is �Is our sexuality a choice?� No. No one chooses to be converted to be gay/lesbian/bisexual. And we do convert. It�s just that no one wants to admit it. Oh, sure some of us are born this way, but ten percent? Come on, Mary. There are plenty of theories: Tinky Winky, Bert and Ernie, signs, door decorations and the general flaunting of our sexual orientation. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! You straight people are so stupid. Say it�s �free� and you�ll take anything, even t-shirts with queer cooties. That�s right, we convert you with t-shirts. How could we possibly do this? Well, there is a reason you people call us fairies. But, God Forbid, you ever stop to think about what you say. That�s right dearie, queer cooties are really fairy dust. You don�t really think Tinkerbell was straight do you? She wasn�t jealous OF Wendy, she was jealous of Peter. She wanted Wendy. Who could blame her? That nightgown was hot... Besides, how else could we get �Gay Days� at Disney? Laugh it up, you hets with your �marriages�, �military service� and �religion�, we have Space Mountain. Now, I can�t tell you where we get this magic dust, sweetheart, or what the antidote is (and ruin my sex life? forget it) but I will tell you that we put it in our laundry detergent and then we �wash� those free t shirts. The dust then becomes part of the shirt and when you wear it the queerness seeps into your veins. The more that goes in, the bigger the queen or dyke you become. HA HA HA HA!! Well, if we convert why don�t we convert enough to make the world ninety percent GAY and ten percent STRAIGHT? Oh, puh-lease. You people try to pass off some people as homo�s when they�re not...why would we want them? You keep your Osma bin Lauden, Jerry Falwell and Hitler to yourselves thank you. We are quite selective in who we convert, most of the time anyway. So you, reading this, are probably not what we�re looking for. Thanks for the credit card...Oh, DON�T ASK FOR A REFUND. We know Harry Potter. He�s family. Limp wrists are helpful for waving the wand |