Author Notes:
Disclaimer in part 1… but just in case… I still own nothing…
I’m veering, as you can imagine, from canon at this point. FE!Buffy that we had during Selfless has been changed
to FE!William and he’s not nearly as nice… plus
Selfless didn’t happen since Buffy has already been moved into Xander’s
apartment. So, well no spoilers I guess…
Chapter
3
Xander
tapped his fingers against the countertop of the table waiting.
The fact
that Anya had even agreed to meet him for coffee had amazed him. She’d been by
his apartment at least once a day, every day since Buffy had moved in over a
week ago. The concern that she felt for the vampiress etched into every line on
her face.
And William
was just as bad. For a guy that claimed to not care about the no longer
bleached blonde dead girl he was exhibiting more worry for her than Xander had
seen him exhibit for anybody except maybe Dawn.
An impromptu
Scooby meeting had led to discussions on how to handle the suicidal vampire.
None of them had any experience in that type of stuff. Besides the fact that he
thought that William and Anya were not telling them everything.
They were
all scared for her… even him, although he would never, ever admit it to another human being. Things had seemed to be going
so well, or at least as well as they could since Buffy was living with a man
that hated her.
But she had
at least been coming out of her room, it had been four days since the last time
someone had managed to coax her out.
Two days
since Xander had even heard her leave the tiny room. As far as he knew she
hadn’t even had blood in days, possibly longer.
William and
Anya had both decided that they needed to let her come to them, that maybe they
were pushing her to hard and it was just making her struggles to return to
sanity even worse but now… if she had stopped feeding.
“Alright,”
Anya dropped her bag on the table, settling herself in the chair across from
him. “What was so important that you couldn’t wait until I came to check on
Buffy tonight?”
“I think its
time to discuss exactly how we plan on handling the suicidal vampire that won’t
leave her room.”
“Closet.”
“Whatever.”
“What do you
mean… not leaving her room… I thought she was coming out to eat at night…”
“I thought
she was… I mean I thought I heard her moving around; blood was gone from the
fridge so I just assumed… But I think she’s just been coming out to pour it
down the sink drain and then hides away again… I don’t want to worry William
because he’s dealing with
“Maybe she
just needs time… I mean there was something in that basement with her,
something… evil…”
“More evil
than Buffy?”
“Xander.”
“Sorry,” he
muttered though his tone indicated that he wasn’t at all. “She was crying last
night,” Xander said softly.
“Crying?”
Anya asked eyes suddenly intent on him.
“Crying,
sobbing, it sounded like she was talking to someone, but that couldn’t be
because she never leaves her room…”
“Closet.”
“Whatever… it sounded… She sounded scared Anya… I don’t like her,”
he stated his eyes hardening. “But… she’s in pain and I think we need to do
something soon or…”
“Xander?”
“Or I don’t
think she’ll be around much longer, she’ll find a way to stake herself.”
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Buffy curled
herself tighter into a ball, eyes clenched shut, hands over her ears as she
rocked back and forth.
“Do you
really think that’s going to make me go away?” the amused voice of her Slayer, not the Slayer, broke through her
agitated mumblings.
“You’re not
real,” she murmured, “not real.”
The feel of
his warm hand touching the bare skin of her arm had her jumping slightly, eyes
darting around the tiny closet that Harris insisted was a spare bedroom.
“Don’t I
feel real?” her eyes met the warm, loving ones of not!William.
“You’re not
real,” she insisted staring at him. She knew
he wasn’t, whatever this thing was it
wasn’t William, because the Slayer would never have looked at her with love and
devotion in his eyes… even as much as she wanted him to he had never cared for
her except in a way to escape the pressure of his friends.
“Oh but I
am… I can be if you want,” he smiled at her, lowering himself gracefully to his
knees unmindful of the cramped confines of the room he knelt in front of her.
“All you have to do is say the word… its not as if you have anything more
pressing to do.”
“I won’t
betray him… not again,” she said softly a tear leaking from her eyes.
“But you’re
meant to,” a warm hand caressed her cheek and she fought to keep from leaning
into that gentle touch. “You’re meant to kill him, to tear his throat out, to
bathe in his blood… you’re not meant for this life that you’ve forced upon
yourself.”
“I can’t,”
she whispered brokenly, more tears tracking down her cheeks. “I won’t.”
“You will…
its all you’re good for after all, its all you are… you’re playing at being
human, just like your grandsire. And just like her you’ll realize that playing
is exactly what it is. You’re not human, you’ll never be human and no amount of
acting as if you are will change that. Did you really think you could escape
who you are, what you are by getting
a soul… Did you really think you could escape us that easily…? Did you really think it would make a difference in
the way they saw you…”
“It has,
he…”
“What? Cares
about you?” not!William scoffed. “He despises you,
hates you, the only emotion he does feel for you is pity. He hasn’t even told
his sister or his best friend that you have a soul.”
Buffy stared
up at him, tears continuing to leak down her cheeks, the soul that she had
fought so hard for screaming at her for her sins, for those atrocities that she
had committed while it had been gone.
Those voices
of those she had killed, the pain of the soul listening to those voices was
crushing her.
“No witty
comeback?” this thing that looked so like her Slayer, but was most assuredly not her Slayer asked a smirk crossing
his elegant features.
“You’re not
real,” she murmured her eyes glazing as she began rocking back and forth again.
She would take a page from Harris’s book. Maybe if she ignored him he’d go
away… it had never worked when Harris had done it to her but maybe she’d get
lucky.
“Oh my dear
but I am…” moving ever closer to her she could feel his warm breath against her
cheek as his lips hovered there. “And soon you’ll realize just how real I am,”
he whispered as his lips caressed her skin.
She’d become
used to the pain, she’d never realized how painful that soul must have been for
Dru who had been cursed with it… let alone how much more horrific it was for
her since she had voluntarily sought it out. The voices were sometimes
overpowering, all talking and screaming, overlapping each other in their
efforts to make themselves heard.
But never
before had they crushed over her at the same time. Every voice, of every person
that she had ever caused pain to screaming at her and her mind in torment
splintered under the agony she screamed… and screamed as not!William
watched with a smile crossing his face. The loving mask he’d been wearing
fading away to reveal what he really thought of this vampire who thought she
could change the way things were done.
And it
wasn’t pretty.
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Xander
shoved his door open, key still dangling from the lock as Anya pushed past him.
The sound of
Buffy’s screams sent a lance of fear through him, I hate her, I hate her… I am not
worried about her, he kept telling himself that but… even through that
hatred he could hear the pain, the torment lacing her screams.
It wasn’t
right for anybody, even an evil, soulless, chipped vampire, to be in that much
pain.
They both
rushed to the small room that Buffy was enclosed in, Xander pulling futilely on
the knob. It didn’t turn, didn’t open and Buffy’s screams continued, echoing
throughout the room.
“It won’t
open,” he muttered as he pulled on the door. It opened out… “She must have
locked it somehow.”
“It locks
from the outside Xander, let me try,” Anya rolled her eyes as she shoved him
aside, putting her considerable strength behind the motion she pulled, and
pulled… and nothing. Her movements stilled when Buffy’s screams suddenly
stopped, sobs overtaking her and she frowned suddenly as she heard… laughter?
“There’s somebody in there with her,” she whispered.
“What?”
Xander stared at her in confusion. “The rooms barely big enough for her, how…?”
“Buffy?”
Anya called slamming her fist against the door. “Buffy open the door!”
“What’s
going on?” William’s confused voice asked from where he, Dawn and Willow were
standing in the doorway, their arms ladened down with
bags. “Why’s Buffy crying?”
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“Do you
really think they’re going to help you? Do you really think they care about you
in any way shape or form?” not!William stood, arms
crossing over his chest as he laughed at her crumpled, shaking form.
“The human
is worried that you’re going to get dust all over everything when you finally
manage to plunge a stake through your own heart, the demons worried that your
insanity might be contagious, we’ve already discussed your Slayers feelings towards
you and your little bit?” he sneered. “That little girl that you would
willingly die for hates you more than she hates anything else in this world.”
“But maybe I
was wrong, it happens you know, once in a million years or so… you’re not evil,
you’re not a monster… you’re too pathetic
to be a monster. With as pathetic as you are, as you always have been I have no
idea how you managed to kill two Slayers… you’ve been trying to be something
that you’re not since the moment that Angelus turned you.”
“I thought I
could use you, thought you might yet prove yourself useful but it seems to me
that your only use would be to find the nearest wooden object and dust
yourself, remove the stain on the line of Aurelius once and for all… maybe
someone more worthy than a pathetic, mousy poet whose friends laughed behind
her back will be able to take your place.”
Buffy wound
her arms around her body, drawing her knees up to her chest protectively she
winced in pain as she brushed wounds that hadn’t even begun to heal.
“They’ll
desert you… and I’ll laugh when they do.”
White light
blinded her as the door flew open, standing framed in it was her William, looking so much like an
avenging Angel, terrible and beautiful at the same time that she was tempted to
beg him to end her suffering. She let her lids flutter closed to block out the
unmistakable sight of horror… and yes pity in his eyes.
“Oh my god,”
he breathed eyes wide as saucers.
He couldn’t
move, he wanted to… he wanted to rush forward and scoop her up in his arms and
demand she tell him what the hell was going, but he was frozen where he stood.
Her hair
covered her face, and most of her body was hidden in the shadows so he couldn’t
see the extent of the damage done to her… but just looking at her body, at the gaunt
frame that used to house one of the most vibrant, lively vampires that he’d
ever known… he knew that she was in horrible shape.
It was the
whine that propelled him into movement, no human made that sound… he’d only
heard it come from injured animals that were dying and now his ex-lover was
making it and he refused to allow her to escape him that easily.
“Anya can
you run some water in the bathroom?”
“Shower or
tub?” she asked as she turned on her heel, her eyes hooded and blank, hands
trembling slightly as she touched a gaping, horrified Dawn’s shoulder.
“Tub… Xander
can you, clean up the blood in here?” William asked softly as he swiftly swept
Buffy up in his arms. Blood stained the floor under her body, blood was leaking
onto his clothes from the wounds on her arms and he realized with a quick
glance that she had been dragging her nails down her arms, her chest…
irritating already non-healing wounds, and making more.
“I’ll make
up the sofa bed… it’ll be more comfortable for now.”
“Will can you
dig around in one of those bags,” he nodded towards the bags that he had
dropped on the floor when he’d seen Anya banging on the door to Buffy’s room,
demanding that she allow her entrance. “There should be something in there
that’ll still fit her…”
“I’ll warm
up some blood,” Dawn said quietly as she watched her brother carry the deathly
silent vampiress towards the bathroom, where they could hear Anya obviously
following his instructions and running water.
“Forget the
blood, just bring me a knife,” Will called as he entered the bathroom. Anya
looking up at him with surprised eyes.
“You’re
going to feed her your blood?”
“She needs
it… pigs blood isn’t going to put a dent into these,” he set her carefully in
the water, wincing as her heard her hiss in pain, then watched as she turned on
her side away from them.
“Yeah but…
you’re the Slayer William,” she said in confusion. “And you’re going to
voluntarily feed a vampire your blood? She needs human blood I grant you, but…”
“But what?
You want me to ask one of them,” he jerked his head towards the rest of the
occupants of the apartment. “To slit their wrists for her? I would never ask
them to do something if I wasn’t prepared to do it first… besides they don’t
know…”
“Don’t know
what?”
“Yeah what
exactly is going on Will? I mean Buffy’s acted crazy before, but never, you
know… crazy,” Dawn muttered as she
placed the knife in William’s extended hand.
“You haven’t
told them yet?” Anya turned to glare at William, a glare that he readily
returned.
“Why didn’t
you?” he retorted.
“It’s not my
place,” she stated, turning back to Buffy she smoothed her hair off her face
wincing at the visible sight of her self-starvation.
“And it
wasn’t mine either… I mean its Buffy’s secret, I thought we should wait until
she was… better… before telling everyone…”
“William,
Anya,”
“Buffy has a
soul,” Anya said abruptly. “She got it for William and now it’s driving her
insane… although I think it might be having some help in that regard.”
Silence
reigned over the room, shock written in every muscle on
The silence was
broken by Xander who was openly gaping at the vampiress who remained turned
away from them, ignoring their presence in the bathroom.
“Buffy did
what?”
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