Speak French

Every summer, thousands of American tourists flock to Montreal for the prestigious Canadian Grand Prix. Although the �City of Saints� is located just hours away from New York and Boston, it�s positively worlds apart in terms of culture. Luckily, I�ve prepared a primer with all the words and phrases you�ll need to navigate your way through North America�s largest French-speaking city. Bonne chance!

Note: Some expressions are distinctly French Canadian and may not apply in France.

Mastering the essentials

At the track

Just because you drive a 1986 Chevette doesn�t mean you should be excluded from the F1 fun. Memorize the following words and your life will be in the pits in no time!

Acceleration - Acc�l�ration
Aerodynamics - A�rodynamique
Chassis - Ch�ssis
Cockpit - Habitacle
Crash - Accident
Engine - Moteur
Gas - Essence
Gear - Vitesse
Grandstand - Tribune
Helmet - Casque
Horsepower - Puissance en chevaux
Medical center - Centre m�dical
Paddock - Pr�
Podium - Podium
Racetrack - Piste de course
Steering wheel - Volant
Penalty - P�nalit�
To pass - D�passer
To stop - S'arr�ter

Picking up and scoring

Make French your own personal language of love with these translations of first-rate pickup lines.

Do you want to sleep with me tonight? - Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Nice legs. When do they open? - Vous avez des belles jambes. � quelle heure ouvrent-elles?
My magic watch says you�re not wearing any panties. You are? I�m sorry, it must be an hour fast. - Ma montre magique me dit que vous ne portez pas de bobette. Oui, vous en portez? D�sol�, elle doit avoir une heure d�avance!
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? - Est-ce que je peux vous payer un verre ou pr�f�rez-vous que je vous donne simplement l'argent ?
Hi, I make more money than you can spend. - Bonjour, je fais plus d'argent que vous pouvez en d�penser.
Can I give you my number just in case Hell does freeze over? - Est-ce que je peux vous donner mon num�ro au cas o� un jour les poules auraient des dents?
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. - Bonjour, je suis l�homme parfait. On m�a dit que vous me cherchiez.
Hi, I'm suffering from amnesia� do I come here often? - Bonjour, je souffre d'amn�sie... est-ce que je viens ici souvent ?
Give me your phone number before I change my mind. - Donnez-moi votre num�ro de t�l�phone avant que je ne change d'avis.

Learn how to order food and ask where the strip clubs are�

Wining and Dining

Assuming you�ll be avoiding salads and vegetables, here are the basics you�ll need to know for your scurvy-inducing diet.

Meat - Viande
Beef - Boeuf
Steak - Steak
Chicken - Poulet
Pork - Porc
Sausage - Saucisse
Potatoes - Pommes de terre
Water - Eau
Dark beer - Bi�re brune
Blonde beer - Bi�re blonde
Beer on tap - Bi�re f�t
Red wine - Vin rouge
White wine - Vin blanc
Knife - Couteau
Fork - Fourchette
Spoon - Cuiller

Meeting and greeting

No matter who you meet in your journeys, you�ll want to be able to communicate, especially if they have any interest in a) sleeping with you or b) beating you senseless with a bar stool. With that in mind here are some key words to remember.

Good morning - Bonjour
Good evening - Bonsoir
Goodbye - Au revoir
Do you speak English? - Parlez-vous anglais?
I don�t understand - Je ne comprends pas
Please speak slowly - Parlez lentement s�il vous pla�t
My name is� - Je m'appelle�
What is your name? - Comment vous appelez-vous?
Nice to meet you - Enchant�
Yes - Oui
No - Non
Please - S�il vous pla�t
Thank you - Merci
You�re welcome - Bienvenue

Shopping and accommodations

Man cannot live on beer alone (believe me, I've tried). Here are some words to keep close at hand when it comes time to buy supplies and find a place to crash.

Supermarket - Supermarch�
Bakery - Boulangerie
Butcher - Boucherie
Corner store - D�panneur
Liquor store - S.A.Q. (La Soci�t� des alcools du Qu�bec)
I would like... - Je voudrais�
I am looking for� - Je cherche�
Do you have� - Avez-vous�
How much is that? - C'est combien?
Could you reserve me a room, please? - Pourriez-vous me r�server une chambre, s'il vous pla�t?
I'd like to stay an extra night. - Je voudrais rester une nuit suppl�mentaire.

Taking a turn for the worst

Vacations rarely go according to plan, especially with luck like yours. Here are a few phrases to keep in mind if things start to go downhill in a hurry.

I'd like to see the manager. - Je voudrais voir le g�rant.
I've lost my ticket. - J'ai perdu mon billet.
I don't have enough money. - Je n'ai pas assez d'argent.
Do you accept travelers checks? - Acceptez-vous les ch�ques de voyage?
My suitcase has been stolen. - Ma valise a �t� vol�e.
I don't feel safe here. - Je ne me sens pas en s�curit� ici.
Call an ambulance quickly. - Appelez une ambulance rapidement.
Where's the nearest police station? - O� se trouve le poste de police le plus proche?
I've lost a filling. - J'ai perdu un plombage.
Where can I find a doctor? - O� est-ce que je peux trouver un m�decin?
Why are you burning my car? - Pourquoi br�lez-vous ma voiture?
I have a frog in my bidet! - J'ai une grenouille dans mon bidet!

Say what?

Some phrases simply defy classification. Here are four of them.

I am as happy as a monkey with a peanut machine. - Je suis aussi heureux qu�un singe avec une machine � pinottes.
You've got a face that would blow off manhole covers. - T'as une t�te � faire sauter les plaques d'�gouts!
Your children are very attractive. Are they adopted? - Vos enfants sont tr�s beaux. Sont-ils adopt�s?
Was it difficult to find a tie more obnoxious than you? - Est-ce que ca a �t� difficile de trouver une cravate plus agressante que vous?

words of precaution

Learning French vocabulary is one thing, but actually learning how to pronounce the words is quite another. Just bare in mind that Qu�b�cois French is considerably different from Parisian French, so resorting to your best Inspector Clouseau accent won�t take you very far. One solution is to buy an album by Robert Charlebois, a popular Qu�b�cois singer and songwriter. I can�t guarantee you�ll actually like his music (or understand it, for that matter), but his songs will at least give you a sense of the language�s regional nuances.

parlez-vous fran�ais?

The good news is that French has contributed many words to English. Take for instance m�nage � trois, lingerie and au naturel. So, even if you don�t learn the language itself, you can still get by, particularly if you plan on spending the bulk of your time in one of Montreal�s many famous strip clubs. After all, isn�t that why you went to Canada in the first place? Vive la diff�rence!