Shalom, Shalom

ha. can't believe i didn't think of that one sooner.

I was talking to a man today about what his psychology prof called "memes" or conscious filaments of superconsciousness that infiltrate every thought of our movement and slowly become us. That's pretty esoteric for a university prof.

I have also seen a reference in art history to "phosphenes" or biological "bits" hardwired into our genetic structure that, like "catastrophe bifurcation" (remember that? :-)) turn like the tao or spiral, if you will, to the sacred beat of our comogenetic becoming. The actual reference was one artist's explanation for patterns and symmetries found in art and architecture, that they resonate with human bilogical and metaphysical architecture because they are born of it.

Undoubtedly, there is a lot of Chaos in the life of a schizophrenic and a large whopping mandate for order. My own research (ie. my life) seems to indicate that a lot of the acute pychosis is directly related to gender identity and I like to make specific reference to the gender of Androgyne that exists primarily to date in the collective subconscious of both nature and its priests. I speak of cross-gender or transpersonal obfuscation as idential processes whereby cognitive dissonance itself can become the dominant discourse in a society "cracking up to the universe"<william irwin thompson The Time Falling Bodies Take To Light. I see this as very positive as it leeds to a gaping need for the Feminine Archetype which i see more as a supergender than a cultural defined identity or if it is culturally defined it defies the traditional notions of sexual consciousness. For instance I typically think of myself as a woman. I often ask myself, what would a "Woman" do in this situation and who is the "Woman"? Correct me on this, but I believe the Gnostics believed the human soul or "twin-rayed soul" was essentially feminine. I don't believe these has to mean, however that this feminine or this woman has to resemble any particular woman within our culture or anyone elses, hence the dissonance. But perhaps it is this very dissonance or cosmic background radiation that, like the Virgin Mother herself is the very ground by which and through which all change takes place. And wouldn't the absence of change be the very definition of hell if such a place actually existed? Or as the folk song says, "round yon virgin, Mother and Child, holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep, in heavenly peace".

Such obfuscations are precisely what the "ego" is supposed to filter out in a "normal" person. However, a schizophrenic is particularly prone during his or her developmental years (and I do believe it starts at birth) to "investing the libido with himself (or herself), thus interfering with the objectification of the intellectual processes "<p21. Childhood Schizophrenia by Sheila Cantor." As you might imagine, this is similar to autism.

There are many more areas of human knowledge that come to bear upon this subject, but I grow weary. Your late cousin, Hans certainly sounds loved. I'm certain he got everything he wanted out of life and I revere the schizo in everyone for S/he is the white knight or white witch of the so called askiashic<sp> or morphogenetic record. esp if in deed the purpose of human history is the "collective conscious remembering of our most ancient origin through both our memory and our media" <"Artists of the Earth Unite"> see bottom of www.geocities.com/landonsealey/home.html

Ontos (being), Chaos, Custom Charisma. I think those are the four magor quadrants of Pythagorean human geometry vis a vis the triangulations of the four orders of knowing, eros, agape, logos, thanatos (personage of death). Which reminds me, I have a riddle for you:

Alone I am safe and secure.

Behead me and I am a place of meeting.

Behead me once more and I am the partner of ready.

Restore me and I am the domain of beasts.

What am I?

You may have heard in the chat room. Pendragon seemed quite familiar with it. Was it Gwyn that told it to me? I can't remember now. In any case, i think it embodies all of this knowledge much better than I could ever invent.

She gave one answer, but I think there are several.

I feel sick now. Maybe because I am positively schizo. Anyway, I try to avoid any discussion of eros or his fierce maenads. It does me no good any longer. Which is very unfortunate for me considering my company, I admit. But, alas, I am a man that needs to abandon his obsessions and compulsions passively sexual as they may be and likely are for as many years as it takes him to form even one healthy interpersonal relationship with an actual physical human being. Stick me in a church and call me christian. My grandfather was a christian. My biggest regret in life to date is dishonouring my parents and their parents. I don't plan on making that mistake any longer if I can help it.

God bless and keep you. God make His holy countenance to shine upon you and give you pease :-8

Thanks for your lovely words. You are exactly the kind of person I could hope would read my musings.

Fair thee well, Mariner,

Landon