Part Four
Part Three
He gripped the doorknob and twisted. When he peered inside, he found Camilla on her bed, resting on her side with one hand clutching her stomach. The manner in which she held her stomach was one that worried Snitch.
�Camilla? Are you okay?� he pushed the door aside and came inside.
�The baby won�t leave me alone.� She sniffled and brushed tears from her eyes.
�So there�s nothin� wrong? With th� baby, I mean.�
�Is that all you care about?� Camilla struggled to sit upright. �It is, isn�t it? All you care about is the baby! She�s just another girl you can get a hold on when she�s come of age!�
�That is not true!� he closed the door behind him. �I�m just as worried about you, if not more, than th� baby.�
�Then why is she the first thing you ask about when you get in here?�
�I asked if you was okay.�
�What you were referring to was the baby!�
�No I wasn�t! Could ya just for once quit wallowin� in your troubles an� look at other people instead �f yourself?�
Her eyes narrowed. �Have you forgotten what happened to me?�
�You certainly haven�t! Ya won�t allow yourself t� get over it so you cin keep remindin� yourself how pitiful ya are because some bum took advantage of ya. Well, I got two words for ya. Grow up!�
His voice raised on his final statement, giving him volume he had not known he was capable of. He was ready to apologize for his outburst until he saw the look in Camilla�s eyes. She almost seemed like a little lost girl instead of a woman nearly four months away from giving birth.
He watched as several emotions flickered throughout her eyes following that piteous look in her eyes. Hopelessness became anger, anger turned into fear, and fear evolved into a reality check. She was beginning to see her situation through Snitch�s eyes. She was being a selfish brat.
The baby moved, and she tenderly touched the place where the movement occurred. What had happened may have resulted in this pregnancy, but Snitch was right. Since then, she had only been focusing on herself and how everything she had was ruined because of one man. She had been living in the past and refused to move from her place.
�Camilla, listen.� He sat beside her on her bed. �I don�t like seein� ya like this. Since we�ve met up, ya�ve been a stranger t� me. You ain�t th� same. Now I�m sayin� this as a friend, an� not t� hurt ya. But it�s time ya took a step out of your liddle pity-party and focused on now.�
She frowned. �Excuse me?�
�All yer doin� is focusin� on what happened t� ya an� how miserable it�s left ya since then. I�m upset too. If I ever laid eyes on th� thug who did this, I would murder �im on th� spot. But ya can�t let it overrun ya life. Ya gotta keep movin�. Think of th� baby.�
�You know I don�t want the baby.� She tenderly pressed her fingertips to the flinching of skin where a kick occurred. �But�this morning, when you said she was going to be a girl�I thought I would fall apart.�
�Why for?�
�I�ve always wanted a daughter. Having one know is hard enough on me because I know it�ll be tough to give her up. Had she been a boy, I wouldn�t have had any problem in giving him up.�
�An� th� reason for that?�
�Because�I don�t want to offend you, but it was a man who was responsible for this happening. If his spawn was a boy, it would be getting rid of an heir or one to pass his seed down to another family. You should know, every man wants a boy for their first child.�
�Not all.�
�Most do. And getting rid of a boy would have more of an impact on�his father.�
�Then what�s th� difference with a girl?�
�Take a look at the world around us. Look at what happened to me. Women mainly have one purpose in life. To commit to one man and populate the earth.�
�But ain�t ya seen them suffragettes on street corners? They�re fightin� for women t� have more rights.�
�Until there are more rights for women, it�s our place in this world to bring forth life. A girl wouldn�t be as useful to her father as a boy would be.�
�I�ll betcha ya din�t think of this.� He smiled softly. �If ya was havin� a boy, �is daddy wouldn�t know about �im, an� �e could prove useful t� ruinin� �im financially or somethin� like that.�
She shrugged at his suggestion. �And she�s a girl.�
�She is.�
�It doesn�t matter. She�ll be going up for adoption as soon as she�s born.�
�Yeah.� He sighed. �But ya ain�t gonna go through this alone, ya know.�
She clutched his hand and held it to her face. �I know.� She whispered. �How long will you stay, even after the baby�s born?�
�I�ll stay as long as I�m needed.�
* * *
Watching Camilla over the weeks showed faint glimmers of progress. Though she still had a tendency to be moody, Snitch understood that it had to do with her condition. Recently, it had less and less to do with her unwanted pregnancy. She was even smiling more often. Any smile from her was definite improvement.
Harry had taken notice of Camilla�s mood change and had secretly increased the pay for Snitch. He was currently paying the young man four bits a day to help his daughter. Since Snitch was having a positive influence on his daughter, Harry raised the pay to six bits a day.
Now six months into her pregnancy, Camilla found herself in bed more often. If anything, this child was making her ill. She had been sick and in bed more than half the time she had been pregnant, and each time, her sickness was worse than before. Besides her illnesses, the baby�s kicks and punches were stronger than ever. Sometimes Camilla found herself stroking her abdomen where the kicking was strongest to calm the baby down.
On days when the sickness lasted only a little while, Camilla would find her exercise in taking walks with Snitch. Winter was nearing, and snow was thick on the ground. Feeling the snow crunching beneath her wobbly balance was quite unnerving for Camilla. But not once did she complain. Instead, she enjoyed the time she had outside, and to be with Snitch.
�You okay?� Snitch asked her one day.
�In what way?� Camilla countered softly.
�Ya look a liddle uneasy.�
�I�m pregnant. Of course I�m uneasy.�
�Ya wanna siddown?� he gestured at a nearby bench.
�No, I�m fine. I enjoy the outdoors.�
�Ya can enjoy nature by sittin� down for a while. Ya can�t overdo it.�
When she flinched and put a hand to her side, Snitch knew she could no long argue with him. He steadied her with his hand beneath her elbow and led her to the bench. She sat down heavily and puffed out a heavy exhale that clouded in the cold air. The size of the cloud was enough for Snitch to know how exhausted she was.
�Ya din�t fool me.�
�What does that mean?�
�Didja see th� size �f that cloud that came out �f your mouth? It was huge!�
�Oh, for heaven�s sake.� She sighed. �Fine, I was exhausted. These walks are getting harder every time. I feel like I�m forty pounds heavier.�
�Ya are havin� a kid.�
�Yes, and with her, I�m gaining weight.� She looked down at her stomach that was neatly concealed by the many layers of clothing to keep her warm. �I know it doesn�t look like it, but I feel it.�
�But as long as people don�t see it, then ya don�t gotta worry.�
�You don�t understand.�
�Understand what?�
�What I�m going through right now.�
�Do I even wanna know?�
�Probably not, but I�ll give you a little insight right now.� She shifted and grimaced at a kick. �Close your eyes.�
�What for?�
�So you use your imagination better.�
Shrugging, he shut his eyes tightly and pursed his lips together. Camilla struggled not to giggle, but a smile broke through. Thankfully, Snitch�s eyes were shut so he didn�t see.
�I want you to imagine a tiny baby. Can you handle that?�
�Yup.� He nodded.
�Now imagine that baby in your stomach.�
His face scrunched up in apparent disgust. �Got it.�
�Alright, now think of that baby growing bigger and bigger every single day, depending on you to give it food, water and air.�
�I don�t like what I�m thinkin� of.�
She laughed. �Now imagine that baby�s so big and is ready to come out.�
His eyes popped open. �Nuh uh, no more imaginin�!�
�Why?� she joshed, feigning disappointment.
�I couldn�t do that! There�s no place for a kid t� come outa me, an� I don�t wanna think about that!�
Now nearly hysterical in laughter, Camilla hugged her stomach to prevent from hyperventilating. She shook her head at Snitch once she caught her breath back.
�See now? I have to go through with all of that.�
�I think I got a liddle more respect for you ladies now.� Snitch answered honestly.
�I should hope so. Since you were cringing all throughout that demonstration, it�s proof enough that you men couldn�t handle having a baby.�
�That�s a liddle harsh now, ain�t it?�
�It�s the truth.�
He shuddered. �Eww. I wish ya hadn�t said nutthin�.�
Rolling her eyes humorously, Camilla shook her head. �I wish I didn�t have to wait three more months. I don�t know how I�ve lasted six months of this.�
�So I take it ya ain�t lookin� forward t� havin� more kids any time soon.�
�Believe me, that�ll be a long time from now.� She sighed. �For one, having one baby is hard enough.�
�What�s th� other reason?�
�The obvious. I�m not married.�
He frowned. �That don�t mean you�re not gonna.�
�After this, no man is ever going to want me.�
�Now that�s th� biggest lie if I ever hoid it.� He stated angrily.
�No it�s not.�
�An� why not?�
�Because what man would want a woman like me? I�m defiled. I�m not looked upon with the respect that I used to. I�m unmarried, was violated, and now carrying a child I didn�t want to have that will only destroy my body. Do you think I�ll be the same after having this baby?�
�Not emotionally.�
�Emotional scarring isn�t all that�ll be left over. There�ll be physical scars as well. Have you ever had a good look at a woman who had a child?�
He shook his head.
�Mrs. Connick told me what�ll happen to me after the baby is born. And it scares me.�
�I don�t think I�ll ask �bout this one.�
�It wouldn�t be appropriate to talk about in a public place such as this.�
�Right. An� I don�t see why all that would make ya think that no guys would ever want ya.�
�And why not? All women are today are seen as possessions. They get married and have children of their own. But none of these women have ever had a child before. All I�ll be ever seen as is a harlot and a spinster.�
�That is so not true.� He took her hand in his. �No one�ll need to know about this. It�ll just be b�tween you �n� me �n� your daddy. Ya said ya was gonna give th� kid up for adoption. So there�ll be no proof at all.�
�But I�ll know!�
�Shh, calm down. Don�t get hysterical.� He squeezed her hand. �There�s plenty �f guys out there who�d love ya just for who ya are. Not all are concerned about your bodies �n� what ya got for �em.�
�I�m not convinced.�
�Then I�ll tell ya that I�m not concerned about ladies� bodies �n� all that stuff.�
Camilla blushed. �You�ve known me since I was a child.�
�I wasn�t talkin� about you. I was talkin� about me. Wanna know a secret?�
�I guess so.�
He lowered his voice. �I din�t learn �bout that stuff till Pie Eater got married.�
Her body shook in choked laughs, all of which burst outward. She covered her mouth with her hand and tried desperately to keep from further embarrassing him.
�I�m sorry,� she wheezed, �but that�s hard to believe.�
�I know it is. I always knew somethin� about it, but never th� whole picture. An� I still choose t� like girls for themselves.�
�Then I guess that you�d be an exception. But still, can you think of anyone who would want to marry someone like me?�
He smiled. �How �bout someone who�s lonely, wants someone t� love an� knows without a doubt that you�re th� one for �im?�
She shrugged. �It�s sweet, but not reality.� She grimaced. �I wish she would settle down. She won�t leave me alone.�
�Where�s she kickin�?�
�Down here.� She took his hand and pressed it against her stomach.
Snitch carefully felt through her many layers of clothing and could feel the tiniest flicker of movement. And even that movement sent a rush through his veins. This was a development of life, and he was a part of it. Though he was not the father and did not approve of this kind of conception, the wonder of Camilla�s pregnancy filled him with awe.
He began to recall her words of saying that a man who would love her without a doubt was not reality. How could she be so blind? Could she not see that he had those feelings for her? She was the reason why he was here now and why he wouldn�t leave her until he knew the time was right.
In an instant, his sight brushed her lips and he was reminded of the kiss they had shared nearly two months ago. Camilla had been willing at first, but had later pushed him away. He felt a small tremor as he remembered the sensations flooding his mind and heart in proving to him that he truly loved her.
With those thoughtless words she had spoken, he felt them tugging tightly at his heart. They were an item as children. Now she couldn�t see it clear in front of her that those old feelings were still alive in him and more meaningful than ever.
�It�s just her condition.� Snitch told himself. �She�s not normal right now. As soon as her baby�s born, everything�ll be fine and back to normal again.�
* * *
