“I told you a hundred times, I was there when she told him.” Goosey explained, trying to sooth his mood.
“I jus’ wanna know. I don’t like bein’ kept in th’ dark like this!”
“Camilla’s not your concern.” Snitch muttered. “She’s mine.”
What he had said wasn’t completely true, although it certainly felt that way. How could Camilla be pregnant? She wasn’t a soiled dove. Her father would never approve of her if she was. She also wasn’t a naughty girl. She had always kept up to her morals and honor. Girls like her weren’t ones to let themselves down so easily.
However, knowing, or rather hoping, those statements were false, Snitch was faced with a more upsetting conclusion of that she had been taken advantage of. She was a very lovely girl. What man wouldn’t find her attractive? Snitch hoped that no man had hurt her. If one had, it would only add guilt to Snitch’s conscience.
Raking his fingers through his hair and knocking his hat back, he sighed. “Ya wanna know, Itey? Fine. Camilla’s gonna have a baby.”
The expression that crossed Itey’s face was one of being embarrassed for being so meddlesome. “Yer kiddin’, right?”
“I doubt it.” Goosey spoke instead. “I noticed Camilla’s weird behavior. She was eating a lot, she got freaked then happy when holding Little David, and she’s too afraid of men. I actually thought she was acting like an expectant mother before I found out. I just hoped I was wrong.”
“I wish ya was wrong.” Snitch shook his head. “How could this happen? She’s a good girl. She’s got morals ‘n’ sticks to ‘em. She’s not th’ type of girl t’ just allow a guy t’ sucker her with lies. She’d never give ‘erself up t’ anyone.”
“Ya don’t think she was…attacked, do ya?” Itey offered cautiously.
“If she was, I’m gonna hate myself for th’ rest ‘f my days.”
“But it’s not your fault.” Goosey offered.
“But I also wasn’t there. Camilla’s th’ girl I love. If any man touched or hurt her in any way ‘n’ I wasn’t there t’ stop it, I’m gonna hate myself. I should’ve been there with her!”
“Ya don’t know for sure what’s going on.” Itey muttered. “Maybe she’s gonna be a…a…whatever ya call ‘em, but one ‘f those ladies who’s gonna have a baby for some other couple who can’t have kids?”
“That’s a surrogate mother.” Goosey corrected.
“Yeah, one ‘f those. It’s possible, ain’t it?”
“Then how’d that explain ‘er actin’ freaked an’ completely changed from when we was kids? Nothin’ else coulda changed ‘er. Not unless somethin’ like that happened t’ her.”
“Maybe you should go see ‘er ‘n’ find out.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Cuz if ya’d seen th’ look on ‘er face, ya wouldn’t go afta her either. She’s so…ashamed of what’s happened.”
“She’s gonna be ashamed.” Goosey said. “Unmarried girls who’re gonna have babies are always a disgrace to society. They blame the girl, the boy, and the parents for not bringing their children up correctly.”
“Then who’s th’ boy?”
“You’ll hafta ask her.”
“But I can’t!”
“Yes you can.”
“But what if th’ daddy of ‘er baby is still around? What if ‘e pounds me?”
“An’ what if ‘e’s long gone an’ll never come back?” Itey suggested. “She’s gonna need somebody with ‘er, probably a guy. You should be that guy.”
“Why?”
“That way she won’t be too much ‘f a disgrace. If she’s got a guy around, then most people’ll see ya as th’ daddy.”
“But I don’t wanna be seen as a daddy! I’m too young t’ be a daddy! An’ besides, I ain’t never had any contact with a girl that would make me a daddy. If it’d hurt Camilla, then it’d hurt me too.”
“You could get married.” Goosey proposed shyly.
“I can’t do that.”
“Don’tcha love ‘er?” Itey asked.
“‘Course I do!”
“Then why can’tcha marry ‘er?”
“Because I don’t got all th’ details! I don’t know if she’s got some beau out there lookin’ for ‘er so ‘e’ll know about ‘is kid, or if th’ daddy don’t even care. I got no right t’ just go in there ‘n’ say, ‘I wanna be your kid’s daddy.’ Do ya have any idea how scary that’d be?”
“No.”
“See? You’re puttin’ me in a fix ‘ere! I know I love Camilla, but I can’t be a daddy.”
“Why not?”
“Cuz…daddies have so much influence on their kids. I wouldn’t make a good daddy.”
“What makes you say that?” Goosey questioned.
“Look at my lifestyle! I ain’t perfect. Ya know I spit ‘n’ belch ‘n’ say ‘n’ do stuff that kids shouldn’t be seein’. Itey knows my bad habits. Tell your girl that I wouldn’t be good for th’ job.”
“I seen ya with kids before.” Itey defended. “Ya may not make an ideal daddy, but you’re real good wit kids. They like ya. An’ ya always act right when you’re ‘round ‘em.”
Snitch frowned. “You’re supposed t’ agree wit me.”
“I can’t! Ya are good with kids.”
“So?”
“You know,” Goosey interrupted, “you don’t necessarily know that Camilla’s gonna keep her baby.”
“What makes ya say that?”
“Under the circumstances of her being, what, seventeen, and unmarried, she may go into hiding, have the baby and give it up for adoption without anyone but us knowing.”
Her statement made its point. “I never thought ‘f that b’fore.”
“Listen, Snitch.” She leaned over the table. “I don’t think this is a matter of being a daddy or not. This is a matter of what Camilla needs.”
“But I don’t think she wants a man right now.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. She’s scared, Snitch. Really scared. You know that. And she’s having a baby all by herself. She’s gonna need someone to be with her. Anyone, even. And she knows you. She trusts you. And you know her. I think you should just go to her and stay with her.”
“Then if anyone else found out, they’d think I’m th’ daddy.”
“Would ya quit about bein’ a daddy?” Itey snapped. “Grow up!”
“Fine, Snitch.” Goosey continued. “Don’t listen to me. But you can do one thing.”
“Do what?”
“Just go to her and find out how this happened.”
“Ya think she’ll tell me?”
“I think she will. Just go over there and find out.”
She said nothing more, and gestured to Itey to do the same. Eventually, their silence did its work and Snitch left the restaurant. Once he was gone, Itey scooted closer to Goosey so what they said wouldn’t be overheard.
“I hope ya did that for th’ reason that I was thinkin’ of.”
“You mean getting him over there so he can find out about this whole mess and realizing where his real place is?”
“Yup.”
“Then you’re right.”
“An’ I hope it works out.”
* * *
Index Stories HOME
Snitch couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so uneasy. The truth about Camilla had been hard to bear. Now facing it would be even harder. Back when he was twelve, he had thought for sure that Camilla would be the only girl he would ever love and that he would be the only boy she would ever love. And now, she was carrying a child that was not his.
He began to worry about his reactions. If Camilla’s pregnancy was the result of her giving herself to a man outside of wedlock, would he lose all love and respect for her? He thought she would have known better. She was a smart girl who would have considered all of the after affects.
Then a more extreme option came to mind: what if she had been forced upon? Being a newsie, Snitch had often seen stories of women being attacked and having horrific things happen to them by their attackers. Could the same have happened to Camilla?
The final conclusion he came up with was Itey’s suggestion of a surrogate mother. Camilla had a kind heart. Being young, she had many child-bearing years ahead of her. If she was being used as a surrogate mother, her actions may have been the result of her not wanting to give up this child. But that didn’t explain the scars on her wrists. It was likely that the two were connected somehow.
As he neared her house, he began to rub his temples. There were so many conclusions and yet so many unanswered questions that only made things worse. He couldn’t try to figure this out on his own. The only way for him to know the truth was to ask.
He reached the house within minutes. Staring at the brass knocker in the shape of a lion’s head, he could feel his insides tremble. It wasn’t seeing Camilla that frightened him, but the truth behind the child she was carrying. There was also the fact that her mother had died in childbirth. Camilla wasn’t very strong. She could have complications as well.
Steeling himself, he grasped the knocker and banged it softly two times. He then backed off and expected Emerson to answer. To Snitch’s surprise, it was Harry who answered.
“Come in.” he said, holding the door aside.
Snitch pressed his lips together tightly as he came inside. The house was seemingly empty, meaning Harry was alone. Where Emerson and the other servants were, Snitch had no idea.
“Camilla told me she told you.” Harry said as he closed the door.
“She did?”
“Sit down. I know you’re here to find out.”
“It’s been two weeks, how’d ya-”
“I just knew you’d want to know. Sit.”
He seated himself in a nearby maroon chair with rusty yellow and pinkish flowers and sage green leaves covering it. Harry took a seat on the matching couch across from the chair.
“Is Camilla okay?” Snitch asked, knowing this was the most important question.
“She is. But she hasn’t been herself in months.”
“How long has she…been…expecting?”
“You mean how far along is she.”
“Yeah.”
“Four and a half months.”
She was past the risk of having a miscarriage. Though Snitch hated to admit it, a miscarriage would be a blessing in disguise.
“Camilla’s been desolate since before she found out.” Harry continued.
“How’d it happen?”
“She did it because of me.”
Snitch frowned. “That doesn’t make sense.”
Harry’s head bent down. “I was going to sign a deal with a bank. But the man who came to me was a swindler. I found out later that he had almost had me sign a document that would have transferred all of my money into several of his accounts.”
“What does Camilla got t’ do with it?”
“I was called away. There was a hold up at the bank. So I told the man to stay at my home till I returned. Camilla was gone at the time. But she came home early when she heard of the hold up so I wouldn’t worry about her. She didn’t know there was a man there.”
“This’s th’ same swindler?”
“Yes. Apparently, Camilla came home to find him going through some of our possessions and stealing things that were valuable. He saw her and pulled a gun on her. She found out what it was he was trying to do and begged him not to do it. He said he wouldn’t as long as she did everything he told her too.”
The uneasiness turned over and over in his stomach. Poor Camilla. If he were a woman, how would he react in a situation like this?
“Apparently, Camilla caught on to his intensions. She tried to talk her way out of his demands. She tried getting him to get rid of the document, putting back everything he stole, and leaving her alone. Then he loaded his gun and told her to go upstairs.”
Snitch had always remembered Harry to be the jolly type when he and Camilla were children. He was always in a bright mood and it was rare when he seemed down. And now, Snitch watched as Harry bent over like an old man, sobbing.
“Camilla didn’t give me all the details.” He continued raggedly. “All I know is that he threatened me and that was what broke through for her. When I returned home, I found her in the kitchen with a steak knife and tearing it at her wrists.”
Now that the truth was out and everything fit together, Snitch didn’t know how to react. If he knew more details, then maybe he would be able to put his emotions across. But since he still had so many questions, all he could do was find himself unable to close his mouth.
“Papa?”
Both men turned toward the voice. Obviously, it was Camilla. She was on the stairwell, with one hand on the banister as she watched on stolidly. The satiny teal nightdress she was wearing perfectly outlined her body. And from the angle, Snitch could perfectly see the small rounded protrude of her stomach and the child growing inside. The view added to Snitch’s anger and compassion.
“He knows?” she asked.
Harry raised his chin to mask his tears. “Yes.”
“I’d like to speak to him.” She stepped down off the last step. “Alone, please.”
He nodded and rose. “I understand.” He went to the door and took his hat and coat. “I’ll be at the office. Emerson is outside in the garden with Mrs. Connick.”
“I’ll be fine.” Camilla assured.
The door closed, and Camilla silently took a seat where her father had been seated. Hands folded and eyes lowered, she could find no words to say.
“It didn’t make sense.” Snitch finally blurted. “Ya’d changed so much. It was like you was a stranger. I never even thought this woulda happened to ya.”
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“But why?” he leaned forward. “Ya still know me. Sure, I’ve changed, but I’m still th’ same kid ya once said ya loved when we was kids. With th’ way we felt, I woulda thought you woulda told me this sooner. Why, Camilla? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to know.”
“That’s not good enough for me.”
She fought endlessly to keep the tears from flowing. “Look at me, Dean. Look at this!” she pointed to her bulging stomach. “I’m a disgrace to society! I’m carrying an illegitimate child that I don’t want to have, that has and will continue to ruin me until it’s born!”
“I can’t understand what that’s like for ya.”
“Exactly. You can’t.” she rubbed tears away with her finger. “You don’t know what it’s like to come home, expecting to live out your day as it usually goes and end up being ruined for the rest of your life.”
“Then tell me.”
“Papa told you.”
“He only told me what you told him. So tell me what you didn’t tell him.”
“You don’t want to hear it.”
“I know I don’t. But I do wanna know what’s caused ya t’ become a stranger t’ me. Five ‘n’ a half years never put a damper on how much I care for ya. An’ now, I care enough t’ be mature ‘nough t’ listen t’ what ya gotta say.”
Camilla felt the baby kicking and leaned back. Since that day the baby was conceived, she had blocked the scene from her memories. And now that they were returning, she felt cold and fearful. She shut her eyes as she began to shudder from the feelings that returned with the memories.
She didn’t speak for quite some time. With her eyes closed, Snitch had thought she had fallen asleep. Then he spoke her name, and her eyes opened. She kept her eyes away from his as she poured out the story.
“I was at a quilting social.” She recalled. “Several of the older women in the town asked that all of the young ladies come to learn how to quilt. Since I was the only one who showed up, I went home early. And I saw that man there. He was going through our roll-top desk and shoving things into his pockets. I gasped and that was when he saw me.
“He seemed pretty surprised when he saw me, but also very thoughtful. He asked who I was and what I was doing there. I said that this was my home and that he needed to give back everything that was stolen and leave. Then he said that my father had brought him here to sign some documents for his new account. But I didn’t believe him.
“I told him so, and he began to laugh and he told me the truth that the documents would only scatter papa’s money into several of this man’s accounts. I told him that he couldn’t do this. And he said that since I was here, he wouldn’t on one occasion. And that was if I’d do everything he told me to.
“I knew what he was implying, and I said no. I told him to get out of the house right this instant before I went upstairs and got my father’s gun. Then he pulled a gun on me and said that now he had the control. He loaded it and told me to go upstairs before he shot me. I told him he could go right ahead just as long as he left papa alone.
“Then he laughed and said that he might as well. I said fine. But then he added that if I was dead, there would be know way of me knowing that he had not gone through with what he had done. He could still do what he had planned on in the first place and I would have died for absolutely nothing.
“That was what changed my mind. I didn’t want anything to happen to papa. So the man told me to go upstairs or he’d shoot me. I did everything he wanted from there on out. But Dean, I swear to you that I wasn’t willing. Everything he did, he did for himself. I knew that if I had no part in this, that everyone would believe that he had attacked me.
“When he left, I felt desolate. I was so angry and so sad that I told him to shoot me. If I wanted to make this look like everything was his fault, he had to do so. And he said fine. He loaded the gun and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. Then he laughed and unloaded the magazine. There were no bullets inside.
“He said that I couldn’t put the blame on him now because he had been unarmed all along, and there was no proof of his ever having intensions to do anything unlawful. And he left me. I heard the door slam and his laughing, and I cried. I cried for so long. Then I went downstairs to the kitchen and tried to slit my wrists. That was when papa came home.
“He took the knives away from me and demanded to know what I was doing. I told papa about the man and his plans and what had happened. Then papa ran upstairs, loaded his shotgun and ran outside to find him. One of the neighboring women came over to stay with me because I was afraid of being alone. I told her what happened from my point of view, and she had complete compassion for me.
“Papa never found that man. As it turns out, he was under a fake identity so no one could catch him. No one really found out what happened that day. Then I started getting sick and papa got the doctor to our house. At that time, papa was busying signing up with other local banks to expand our earnings. With him finding out I was pregnant, everything went wrong.
“The news spread quickly. It was the talk of the town. All these rumors went around, and none of them were true. And this affected papa’s prospects in signing a better deal. They didn’t want to be associated with a man whose daughter was a harlot. Those were their exact words. So papa took the offer from New York since they were too far away to know. We moved out the next day.”
“An’ ya never expected t’ see me, didja?”
She shook her head. “No. When I did finally see you, I didn’t want you to know because I was afraid you’d treat me like everyone else did.”
“Camilla, I could never do that.” He moved to her seat and wrapped his arms around her. “Ya know me. I could never, ever, hate you for somethin’ that wasn’t your fault.”
“But it is! I did what he said, and look at me now!”
“Ya did it because you was scared ‘n’ din’t want nothin’ t’ happen to your papa.”
“But nothing would have happened! The gun was unloaded. Even if papa had signed the papers, we’d still be home and I’d still be pure and worthy.”
“What’s gonna happen when th’ baby comes? Ya gonna keep it?”
“No! I hate it! As soon as it’s born, it’s going up for adoption. I don’t want anything to do with it! It ruined my life!”
“It’s not ruinin’ your life. It’s your attitude that’s ruinin’ your life.”
Her tears burst free. “Then how else am I supposed to react? A man used me again me will for his pleasures, got me pregnant, destroyed my reputations and life-long friendships, almost made us lose our money, and took me away from my home. How else am I supposed to be, overwhelmingly happy?”
“If this din’t happen, ya wouldn’t have found me.”
“Well I’d rather we’d met again under different circumstances!”
“But we din’t. We met up under these. But don’t think I’m gonna leave ya under th’ circumstances. My Uncle Paul, while ‘e was still alive, told me that every expectant momma needed a man by her side t’ help her get through.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Yer gonna need someone by your side.”
“I’m not getting married.” She looked downward. “Not even to save my reputation. It wouldn’t be under the right circumstances.”
“I din’t say that. What I’m sayin’ is that right now, you’re in a situation that ya can’t go through with alone. Sure, ya got your papa ‘n’ all your servants, but that ain’t ‘nough. Ya need more than that.”
“No one will accept me like this.”
“I have.”
Her sight went to his eyes. “Have you?”
“Ya told me everythin’. What happened wasn’t your fault. I understand that.”
“Thanks.” She muttered.
“But I ain’t gonna let ya off like this. I’m gonna stay with ya all through this.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that I’m gonna stay here, with you. Ya need someone who cin stay with ya all th’ time an’ not leave ya alone.”
“But why? Why would you do this? You have a job, and you have friends to be with. Why would you give that up for me?”
“For one, if I stayed with ya, I wouldn’t hafta pay for room ‘n’ meals.”
She giggled slightly. “That’s true.”
“An’ second, my friends could come visit here. They’d love to.”
“Oh no, please don’t do that. Too many people know of this already.”
“But they won’t tell anyone. I promise ya that.”
“So why else would you stay here? You have life to live on your own. You’d be wasting it staying with me.”
“No, I wouldn’t. It’s my place t’ stay with ya.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What I’m sayin’ is that now that I know everythin’, I know that you need a man t’ be here with ya. An’ I know that I’m th’ only one who cin do this. We’ve known each other since we was kids. We’re tight. We trust each other. An’ as your friend, I know it’s my duty t’ stick by my friends when they’re in need.”
“Are you sure you want to do this? Everyone would think you’re the father of the baby.”
“I don’t care. I’m willin’ t’ go through with it. My reputation cin suffer as much as I want. Just as long as I’m with ya, it’s worth it. My place is here with you.”
“So you’re in this with the entire way? Even when the baby comes?”
“I’m with ya for as long as it takes. Till your life gets back t’ normal, I’ll be here, by your side the whole time.”
TO BE CONTINUED...
