Living with the Pips

STILL WATERS

About the world we live in and life in general

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What's in a Name?

(The Adventures of Being Leland)

In my father's house, there are many rooms.

When I was thirteen years old, I found myself imagining that there were 7 different person(alitie)s in me. Each personality represented a different feeling and a different way of thinking. When all this started, the personalities were in constant disagreement. I imagined that if these personalities were all riding one rowboat, the really bad internal debates would send the boat sinking.

Over the years, the personalities began to accept each other. In fact, they are now all very good friends (I even imagine "family" pictures of these personalities). The internal debates decreased. The number of personalities has decreased until it has reached a point where I can't really distinguish one from another.

I don't really talk about these personalities because I don't think people will understand. People find weird people what they do not understand. And it's difficult to be different. But in recent days, I have run across two movies and one television show that introduces this concept of "split" personalities.

"Hurricane" Carter had to deal with two different personalities when he was in jail. One was a slobbering self-pitying Hurricane and the other a Hurricane who was ready and dying to fight his way out of jail. Joan of Arc had to deal with her "voices" and a nagging Dustin Hoffman character that people say represents her conscience.

And then there is Ally McBeal with her "Pips". I don't watch the show myself but my girlfriend told me that Ally had different personalities too and Ally calls them her "Pips". To call these personalities "pips" is really appropriate. It reminds one of that ancient group with Gladys Knight and her chu-chuwapping boys called "The Pips".

When I ran across these shows, I thought that it may now be appropriate to talk about living with different personalities.

I think it is a truth that each of us has these "personalities". They just represent the fact that we have different (and oftentimes conflicting) feelings and thoughts about situations. We may be happy and sad at the same time because of one event, and sometimes on top of that jealous and bitter and whatever else. When making decisions, one part of us may be saying "go for it" while another will say "lets watch what happens first" and another says "don't even think about it". When we talk about "head" versus "heart" I think we are just referring to two conflicting feelings and ways of thinking, one intuitive and one logical.

"Splitting" myself into different personalities helps me accept a very human fact. How I feel and what I think can rarely be answered simply and that's o.k. That's o.k. because we were built this way, to have different thoughts and feelings about the same situation. Just because I have conflicting emotions about the same event doesn't mean I'm going crazy. The feelings and thoughts personalities represent aren't like Joans' "voices" emanating from someone else nor are they just figments of my imagination. They are me, in my colorful glory (written 2nd half, 2000).