(AN: This was my very first slash story. If it sucks, forgive me. I like it. Enjoey!)

	JC watched the younger man from his silent perch. Why didn't 
Lance know he needed to talk? After all the years of being friends and 
even more...shouldn't he be a mind reader?

	JC yawned, then stretched before entering the room. Whatever 
Lance was doing had to be important. First off he didn't notice JC 
standing in the doorway or look up when he actually came in the room.

	JC had to admit that Lance looked beautiful. There was always 
something about Lance that drew his attention. Perhaps it was eyes? Or 
the little stuble that occasionally stuck out from his chin. Or maybe 
it was that sneaky half smile that only crossed Lance's features when 
he was being devious. Whatever it was, JC found it hard to keep his 
eyes off of Lance.

	Lance was sitting on his bed, legs crossed "indian style", 
reading from his labtop. Every so often a long finger would reach up to 
his face and push his reading glasses further up his nose. He was 
wearing baggy khaki pants and a green pocket tee-shirt. His hair was 
much messier then he would ever show off in public. Just the way JC 
liked it.

	JC strolled further into the room until he was right next to 
Lance's bed. Then he sat down beside Lance.

	As soon as Lance felt the new weight on the bed, he slammed his 
labtop shut. His eyes drifted to the person sitting beside him.

	"Oh, it's you", Lance said once his eyes had done a quick yet 
thorough examination of the body next to his.

	"Watching porn on the net again, buddy?". Lance cringed at the 
use of the word buddy. There had been a time when Lance was referred to 
as baby. That pet name was much nicer. But it was a name Lance never 
expected JC's lips to utter to him again. Unless he was drunk and 
horny. Those were the nights Lance would cry himself to sleep. From 
both the exhaustion of the fight of wills and the mixed emotions he 
recieved. But things were better this way, right?

	"Yeah, that's me. I'm a porn addict", Lance said dryly. "So, 
what's up?".

	"I need to talk".

	"I figured you did. How long were you standing in the 
doorway?". JC blushed slightly. Lance must have noticed him standing 
there.

	"Um...not long. Anyway, this is about Craig and Jerry". Lance 
sighed. The little melodrama that was JC's life was a terrible bore to 
Lance. Yet he promised JC they would stay friends after the breakup. 
Lance didn't think at the time he'd discuss JC's little relationship 
crisises.

	"What happened now?".

	"Jerry and Craig somehow found about each other and they've 
given me an ultimatum. It's either Jerry or it's Craig".

	"So...what's the problem? Just chose the one you like best".

	"But I don't want to chose".

	"Look JC, you've really gotta work on your commitment issues".

	"I don't have commitment issues".

	"Yes, you do".

	"No, I don't".

	"You've never once been completely commited to someone".

	"I was to you".

	"No, you weren't. To be fully commited you need to first off be 
with only that person".

	"I was only with you".

	"Oh please. Have you so quickly forgotten about Bobby? How 
'bout Darren, and Juan? Or Ping? Or even Grady?".

	"Grady was just a friend until we broke up".

	"What about the others?".

	"Lance, I was younger then and a lot stupider. I didn't take 
anything as serious as is should have been and I have a lot of 
regrets".

	"Why do you get yourself into these situations?".

	"Because I keep on searching for someone to replace the only 
person I ever needed. There just isn't one person out there to fill the 
gap. Two isn't enough either. I don't know what to do".

	"Who did you lose that was so important?". JC looked down at 
his hands. Then he looked up into Lance's eyes.

	"You".

	"Me? But...I...I don't understand. If you loved me so much why 
were you seeing all of those other guys?".

	"Sometimes you just don't see what you have until it's gone". A 
tear slide it's way down Lance's cheek. JC quickly wiped it away. "I 
never thought I'd tell you that".

	"I never thought I could forgive you for what you've done to 
me". Lance pulled JC close to him in a tight embrace. He breathed in 
the "JC scent". A smell he never thought he'd smell this way again.

	"I love you", JC whispered almost inaudibly. Lance pulled away 
slowly. He ran his fingers through JC's hair. Their eyes met.

	"I love you too". Lance's lips pressed JC's softly and briefly. 
When they parted Lance's hands stroked JC's cheeks softly. His bottom 
lip trembled. "I've missed you so much". Lance collapsed into JC, 
shaking with sobs. JC's arms wrapped around Lance instinctively. Tears 
fell from his eyes as he listened to Lance's cries.

	"I've always been here".

	"Not like this", Lance whispered. His arms wrapped around JC's 
waist. He pulled himself into JC's lap, longing to be as close as 
possible. The two of them sat there in each others arms silently for 
quite some time.

	It was hours later when I came home. I didn't know at the time 
that they were both there. See I was sharing a room with Lance at that 
time.

	When I walked into the room I found the two of them cuddled 
together and asleep on Lance's bed. To say I was shocked was an 
understatement. I thought they had gotten drunk and hooked up.

	So instead of going to sleep, which was my original plan, I 
ended up going to Joey's room. I figured he must have have taken the 
two of them out and gotten them drunk. Besides, JC and Joey were 
roomies in this hotel. Joey had to know what was going on.

	I knocked on the door softly. After a moment of no answer I 
pounded the door. Joey wasn't in his room. My last option was Chris. I 
didn't really want to knock on his door, though. It was for two 
reasons. One, he had his girlfriend on tour with him, and two, he and I 
had gotten into a shouting match earlier in the day.

	I stood in the hallway for a bit trying to decide if it was 
worth it to knock on Chris' door. Then I just thought fuck it and 
returned back to the room I shared with Lance and currently JC.

	I slipped in quietly. Then I grabbed some clothes and shower 
essentials before heading into the bathroom.

	When I got out both JC and Lance were gone. At the time I made 
an educated guess. They must have gone into JC's room. Later on I found 
out that they weren't there and even now I don't know where they went.

	The next morning I woke up at about eight o'clock. Lance had 
snuck in sometime early that morning. He was asleep on his bed when I 
awoke.

	Later, at breakfast, I pressed the two for information.

	"So...uh...guys, is there something you want to share?". Lance 
looked up and smiled at me.

	"No. Is there something you need to share, Justin?", he asked.

	"No. I was just wondering what y'all did last night". Chris had 
to ruin everything at that moment by mentioning Cassandra, his 
girlfriend.

	"Well, Cass and I went out and...". At that point I stopped 
listening. When Chris' monolouge was over I continued my quest.

	"What did you do, JC?". He looked at me and smiled in the same 
way Lance had.

	"Not much, J. Were you hoping someone got some action last 
night?". All eyes turned to me.

	"No...uh...don't turn this one on me".

	"Where did you go last night, C?", Joey asked, addressing JC. 
"I don't remember you coming in at all last night. Aren't you tired?".

	"Nah. I got some much needed peace yesterday", JC responded. 
The conversation was driving me crazy. A patient lad I was not.

	"Are you guys a couple again or what?". Again all eyes turned 
to me.

	"What the hell are you talking about, Curly?", Chris asked me.

	"Lance and JC". My eyes floated to them both, back and forth. 
"What's the scoop, Scoop?".

	Lance sighed. "We don't know yet. There are a few issues still 
left to work out. I am, however, almost completely sure we're a 
couple". JC smiled. He was obviously pleased with Lance's statement. I, 
on the other hand, wasn't.

	"Did you guys have kinky make-up sex?", I asked. All eyes 
turned to me. Why was I the constant center of the conversation? How 
come I always got the questioning looks? Whenever Joey would say 
something like that people would laugh. It's cuz I was young, wasn't 
it? Wasn't it?

	"Well, aren't you a little hornball this morning, J", Chris 
said to me.

	"I...uh...I was just curious".

	"Are you really that desperate that you need to hear other 
peoples love stories?".

	"I'm not desperate. I...".

	"You're a nineteen year old pervert, Justin".

	"Fuck you, Chris". I got up from the table and fled the room.

	"That was really nice of you, Chris", Lance said, rolling his 
eyes. He then came after me.

	By this time I was laying on my bed crying into my pillow. I 
heard Lance come in but didn't make any aknowledgements of his 
presence.

	The bed shifted and a soothing hand stroked my back.

	"Are you okay, Just?", Lance's caring voice asked.

	"You aren't going to tell me that I'm young, stupid, and 
impressionable, and that I shouldn't take Chris' comments seriously?". 
I think I was really melodramatic that year.

	"I'd never talk to you that way, Justin". I sat up and faced 
Lance.

	"Why? Everyone else does".

	"Come here, J". Lance opened his arms and I leaned into his 
embrace. I had never been comforted by a man other then my father so I 
was surprised by the feeling. I felt tingly, comforted, and 
maybe...aroused? The last feeling shocked me the most.

	I pulled away from Lance. His caring green eyes stared into 
mine briefly. Then his hands came up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

	"Are you going to be okay?". Again the caring green depths were 
locked onto my eyes.

	Then I did the one thing I wanted to do most at that moment. I 
reached a hand to the back of Lance's head and brought his lips to 
mine.

	I was shocked when Lance put his arms around me. I was even 
more shocked when I felt his tongue exploring my mouth. It was an 
extraordinary feeling. One I wished would never end.

	Lance pulled away slowly.

	"I don't think you want this, Justin".

	"Oh, yes I do". I had thrown my morals away the very first 
second I was in Lance's arms. My lips automatically pressed themsleves 
against Lance's again. Soon I found myself pushing Lance onto the bed 
and laying on top of him. I couldn't get enough of the kisses I was 
sharing with Lance.

	Unconsciously my fingers worked on the difficult buttons on 
Lance's shirt. When I finished the last button I pulled the shirt down 
his shoulders and arms. My mouth left his for a moment so I could pull 
off his undershirt.

	"Justin, you're straight", Lance whispered.

	"If I was straight, would I be doing this?".

	"Are you experimenting?".

	"I want to be with you, Lance".

	"But you've never done this before and you're so young...". I 
stood up.

	"You said you'd never treat me like that".

	"I'm sorry, Ju...". I stormed into the bathroom. "Justin...let 
me talk to you. Open the door".

	"Why do you want to deal with someone as ignorant as me?". 

Lance tried the knob and opened the bathroom door.

	"It's not that, J. I just want you to know what your getting 
yourself into".

	Lance walked up to me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly 
and lifted me so I could sit on the counter. Then his beautiful lips 
found mine in an earthshattering kiss that could only be created 
between him and me. Our lips united as one. I couldn't wait until our 
whole bodies were united that way.

	But suddenly...Lance pulled away.

	"What is it?", I asked.

	"I...I can't". He put his hand up to his mouth. Then he ran it 
over his face and through his hair. "Why am I doing this, Justin?".

	"Probably for the same reasons that I am".

	"Which are?".

	"Simple emotions...need, want, desire...love?".
	
	"I...uh don't...J...I don't love you like that".

	"I know", I said sadly. I doubt I was in love with Lance but 
those words still stung.

	"I gotta get out of here". Lance ran into the bedroom. He 
immediately started flinging his shirts on.

	I came into the room a moment later. I walked up to Lance and 
stopped his hands from re-buttoning the buttons.

	"Please, don't go". Lance looked up into my tearfilled eyes. He 
put a hand on my cheek. I leaned into the comfort it provided.

	"Just...you know I can't do this to JC".

	"Don't deny something that feels soo right".

	"There are certain things you just need to walk away from. This 
is one of those things".

	"Please, Lance", I said in a pain filled voice. I saw a tear 
escape Lance's eye. He wiped it away before it got far.

	"We can't be together".

	"Anything can happen. Anything is possible".

	"Not this. I don't love you, Justin. Get it through that thick 
skull of yours. I am in love with JC. I only did that to make you feel 
better. You mean nothing more to me then an annoying co-worker. And 
you're a little bratty kid with a big job". Lance pulled away from me 
and rushed out the door, slamming it.

	I sat down on my bed. I curled into a little ball and the tears 
came. Lance's words were purposefully hateful. But I doubt he meant a 
single one of them. My relationship as friends with Lance never fully 
recovered. And I never once felt a connection as strong with another 
human being.

	The next day I found out Joey was my new roommate. I never 
again roomed with Lance. Or JC for that matter. But my relationship 
with Chris ended up getting repaired after his break up with Cassandra.

	In the end Lance and JC ended up staying together forever. I 
never found true love and never settled down. It seems my standards 
were set too high because of the one that hurt me the most.

THE END