Going To The Chapel Chapter 1 She steadily glided down the pathway towards me. I gazed at her in awe and wonderment. She was so beautiful. The kind of beauty all can witness but only a father can truely see. She is my baby. Was my baby. Now another man is going to take my place as the most important man in her life. Okay, so I never was THE most important man in her life, the position was shared. As I watch her now I wish I was the one to walk her down the aisle. I told everyone it didn't bother me. I didn't actually think it would. But now as I stand up at the alter, as the proud and doting father, I wish I could have his place and he could have mine. It seems like an eternity ago that this all started. But really it was only twenty-two years. Twenty-two years ... Wow, time really does go by quickly. As a youth I always wanted to be where I am now. Now...I realize, I'd much rather be that youth. The pain that wretches my heart now didn't exist all those years ago. Hell, I didn't feel any pain. I was at the top of the world and untouchable. But that was before I fell in love. And before she came into my life. I think I'd rather have her in my life then go back to my naivety. So...let's see. This all started in the year 2005. Times were good. 'N SYNC was the most popular band worldwide, we were practically gods. All fifty states had passed laws that allowed gay people to be legally married and to be able to adopt. And he came into my life as much more then a friend. Lance. I can't help but sigh when I think his name. He's such an indescribably wonderful creature. We were touring Europe that year. We were in Hamburg, Germany. At the time I thought I was very much straight. Man, I was wrong. ... "Hey, Joey! Joey! Joey! Joeyjoeyjoeyjoey!!!", Justin yelled into the dark hotel room. "Come on, man. We've got the day off and you promised we'd do something together". I turned in bed until I could see the mess off curls atop the younger mans head. "Grrr". I couldn't think of anything else to mutter. I felt around the bed looking for the girl I had brought back the night before. She was gone. That was good. Just the way I liked it. Sometimes mornings could be a hasle. Most girls didn't like being a one time gig. Hey, it was the way it had to be. It was a good thing she left before Justin came in. He didn't understand why I did what I did. Actually none of the guys understood. So, I chose to be real quiet about it. Not sneaky, just quiet. The bed shifted under a foreign weight and I knew that Justin had sat down. "What do you want?". "Well, aren't you a grumpy one this morning". Out of the corner of my one opened eye I could see Justin shake his head mokingly at me. "Were ya out partying late last night again, Joe?". "Why do you care?". "Joey, man, I'm your friend. Ya know I care about you. We're buds. Through thick and thin, ya know". This was Justin's damn sensitive side. I used to really hate sensitive guys. It took quite a few years for Lance to turn me into the sap I am now. "Yep, J. I know". I yawned before sitting up. Where the hell were my clothes? I quickly went throught the nights events in my mind. Then I slapped myself in the head for being so stupid. The girl...what was her name? Emily, Elise, Elsa? Yeah, it was Elsa...she wanted to keep my clothes as some weird souvenier. I was drunk off my ass, so I let her. That was a stupid move. I wouldn't have been surprised if a couple of days later my clothes were on e-bay and some little girl had bought them for more money then most can imagine. That was the way my life went. "So, what are we going to do?". "Look, Justin. I need to have some Joey time right now. Come back in say an hour and we'll talk plans. Okay?". "Sure". Justin stood up and walked to the door. "See ya in an hour". When Justin had left, I stood up and stretched. Then I walked into the bathroom and took a long shower. I always felt dirty the morning after. Not just physically dirty, but emotionally dirty as well. I couldn't help but feel guilty. It was like I was taking advantage of girls. Technically I was. Most of the girls I picked up had at least a few. Still...I dunno. After my shower I changed into some comfortable clothes and layed down on the other bed in the room. I didn't feel like laying on the other bed. Not until the maid came in and changed the sheets. I was watching tv and had just gotten into this movie when Justin came back. "Hey, Joe", He greeted. "Hey, Justin. So, what do you want to do today?". "Well, I was thinking we should go Christmas shopping". "Okay, whatever". "Can we bring Lance along?". "Why? I thought we were gonna hang out. Ya know, just the two of us". "Well I wanted to, but he's been down lately. I just say him in the hall and he looked like shit. I thought he could use some cheering up". "Alright. I'm all ready". I stood up and followed Justin to the door. We ended up running into Lance at the ice machine. He was hitting it. "Hey Lance", Justin said cautiously. "What are you doing?". "This god damned fucking machine is broken". Justin and I were taken back by his words. Lance didn't usually swear much. But that was just bad. "They turned the machine off. If you want ice there's a machine down stairs", I offered. I had actually had that problem the night before. "Oh, hey, Lance you wanna come shopping with Joey and I?". "Sure". Lance sighed. He then walked down the hall to his room. After opening the door he literally chucked the ice bucket in his room before slamming the door. "I'll just tell the guards our plans", Justin said. Then he ran down the hall to the big men. 'Great', I thought. 'Leave me with the psycho'. "So...", I began. "What's up?". "Nothing". Lance looked nervous all of a sudden. It was strange. "What'd you do last night?". Lance snorted. "Obviously not what you did". I was shocked by the bitterness of his tone. I had never really had a confrontation with Lance before about my sleeping habits. "What's that suppost to mean?". "Look, Joe, not all of us can act like skanks every night and have a clear conscience the next morning". "Who said anything about a clear conscience? At least I live a little. When was the last time you were with a girl?". I knew immediately that I hit a sore spot with that one. I thought at the time that he was just jealous that I got so many girls. Later on I realized I had been seriously off. "Do you really think that's any of your business? Don't change the subject. This was about you". "What do you want me to say, Lance?". "How about nothing". I didn't have time to respond because Justin came back. Soon we were whisked away into a van and taken to the mall. All I could think of on the way to the mall was Lance. At first my thoughts were of what could have made him act like such a prick. Then I started to think that he looks really cute when he's angry. That thought came out of nowhere. So, I started to analize my relationship with Lance. It seemed that recently Lance had been pushing me away. He was always ready for a fight and didn't ever back down. He was sitting next to me, so I casually looked over. I didn't even realize I was staring until I looked away. My watch showed that I had been staring at him for several minutes. Then my eyes floated back to Lance. After a bit Lance looked over at me. He glared and I just smiled. Then he turned away. But a couple of minutes later he turned to me. "What?". "I didn't say anything". I gazed into his eyes. I hadn't really noticed how unusual the shade of his eyes were until then. "I know, but every time I turn around you're staring at me". I blushed slightly. Which was a very un-Joey like thing to do. "I...I...I wasn't staring". I looked down. Lance nudged my shoulder with his. I looked up. He no longer looked angry. His expression was much more caring. "What's wrong?", he whispered. I guess he didn't want the body guards to hear. Justin was listening to his head phones so he couldn't hear. "Nothing". "Look, earlier...I shouldn't have said anything...". "No, it's okay. I'm not upset". My eyes were locked on Lance's. The rest of the world seemed to disappear. He was the center of the universe and I was utterly confused. Where did all these feelings come from? When did I start liking guys? Is he going to kiss me? Well, he didn't kiss me. ... Julie's dress waved in the light summer breeze. The wedding couldn't have been planned on a better day. It had rained a little earlier but now the weather was perfect. That was a good sign as far as I'm concerned. Brian and Julie were made for each other. The weather just confirmed that. They are just like me and Lance when we first became a couple. Everythings new and exciting. And you learn a new thing about your beloved each and every day. It's been years since I last learned something new about Lance. ... Lance and I were laying on my bed watching some late night movie. It wasn't really porno but pretty close. "This movie sucks", Lance complained for the gazillionth time. "I know, but we don't have anything else to do". Lance looked at me from across the bed. "There are other things we could do". "Like what?", I said, disbelief evident in my voice. The look on Lance's face was a look I had never seen from him before. He looked devious. Sneaky. He looked like he had a very good plan. Lance shrugged slightly. "You wanna play poker?". Poker? How was that sneaky? Ooh, poker. I'm scared now. "I don't have any money on me so we can play for clothes". My mouth almost touched the floor. He wanted to play strip poker? I wasn't going to say no. After the mall incident Lance and I started to hang out again. We were just friends and I didn't think he wanted to make it anything more. But you don't play strip poker alone with your friend. "Um...okay". Lance got up. He walked to the kitchen table and sat down. I picked up a pack of cards and followed his example. "I'm not very good at poker. Wanna explain the rules to me again?". After I explained the rules to Lance we began our first hand. He lost. To tell you the truth I didn't think Lance could be so sexy. He lifted the bottom of his tee-shirt so painfully slow. Revealing a new patch of his torso with every motion. I decided I wanted to lose the next hand. I had the sudden urge to be very naked. "Full house", I said at the end of the second hand. "I don't have anything. I told you I'm not very good". Lance stood up. I watched as his hands unbuckled his belt. Did he have to do everything so slowly. I could feel myself slipping deeper in the desire I had for him. I really wanted him to lose the next hand. He'd probably hafta remove his pants. I could feel myself shudder at that thought. Man, this game was harder then I thought it would be. After the next round I realized Lance wasn't going to make this easy. He took off his damn shoe. What was that? It shouldn't have even counted as a hand. I didn't mention this to Lance, though. I didn't actually trust my voice so I used it as little as I possibly could. Damn, this just kept getting harder. Yes, I getting harder too. Stupid anatomy. When the third hand came around I lost. I didn't even try to lose. Maybe Lance was better then he was letting on. Tricking me so I'd lose some clothes too. This game was so un-southern gentleman-Lance it was scary. I didn't expect any of this, but I found myself needing and wanting much more. I decided to tease Lance the same way he had been teasing me. I took off my necklace. You should have seen his face he was so shocked. I think he knew I was catching on to his game. I lost the next couple of hands too. Lance was a helluva lot better then I thought. He must have been some sort of a hustler. In all the years that I'd known him, he had never played poker this well. I had taken off my shoes, my socks, the rest of my jewlery, my shirt, my belt, and my pants. I felt naked. Actually if I lost another hand I would be naked. Luckily Lance lost the next few hands. I think he did it purposefully. Of course I didn't tell him that. Soon we were both only in our underwear. Me in my boxers and Lance in those dangerously sexy boxer briefs. Next, I did the one thing most sexually driven, twenty something's would do...I pretended to drop a card and snuck a peak under the table. Oh yeah, Lance was at least as excited as I was. I couldn't believe what was happening. I hadn't even kissed a man before and now I sat nearly naked with one in an empty hotel room. Things could only get more heated and I knew I would continue to feel inadequate and stupid. I kinda hoped Lance was virgin to most of this stuff too, but something told me he had some nice experience. ... I took eons, but finally Lance and Julie stood at the alter. "Who gives this woman away?", the justice of the peace asked. "Her father and I do", Lance said with a chuckle. I smiled a little too. It did sound a little funny. Lance's chuckle was so heart warming. It was like the first time everytime. I sighed. How in the world did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve this? Did I rescue a nun or something? I dunno. It doesn't matter really. I just need to be happy. ... "Do you ever think about settling down?", Lance asked me. "Sure. Who doesn't?". "No, that's not what I meant. I meant with me". "With you?". "Yeah. It's not really that far fetched, Joe. We've been going out for a year now and I love you. I think I'd like to settle down some day with you". "I don't like to think about the future". "Why not?". "Change is bad. The future always brings forth change". "Change isn't bad. It's more of like the spice of life". "Yeah. I guess". ... Lance sat down and I followed him with my eyes. I wish I was sitting next to him. I don't know why I had to stand here. Nobody was paying attention to me. All eyes were on Brian and Julie. That's the way it should be. As I looked at the couple I couldn't help but think about how Lance and I got married. We had so many problems before the wedding. Hey, I almost called it off. Life would have really been different if that had happened. ... "I really wonder how serious you are about this, Joey". "I'm serious, Lance. Really. You must know that". "Then why am I the one to make all the big steps in our relationship?". "I'm a coward?", I questioned with a roll of the eyes. In all actuality I was a coward. I was always scared of everything. "Yeah, that's real funny. Joke at a time like this". "I'm sorry...". "You're always sorry! Sorry doesn't cut it. Not this time. What is wrong with you? Why can't you just be happy?". "I don't want to talk about this". "I think we need to". "Look, I think you need to cool off". I ran my hands over my face. "I don't need to cool off. I need a straight answer. We're getting married next week, Joey. Do you really want this? Do you really love me?". "How can you...". "Just answer, Joey. I need a fuckin' answer". The serious look on Lance's face was alarming. How could he not know I loved him? I told him everyday. "Yes, of course". "Then why can't you be serious about this?!". "I am being serious!". "You are not!". "Fine. You want serious. You want me to take some action. Good. This whole thing is off. The weddings off, us is off, the whole damn thing". Then I just stormed out. ... How could I have almost let that man go? He completes me. No matter how cheesy that sounds. I don't know how I could live without him.