I really made a fool of myself, didn't I?

I'm childish and naive and all sorts of bad things.

I hate myself.

I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me, too.

I hate surprises, too.

But that doesn't mean I can't be grateful for the thought.

Kim says you don't really know.

She says you're just calling it a surprise so you don't look like a bad mate.

I don't know.

I don't know whos advice to take anymore.

All I know is that I love you.

I have given you my heart and my soul.

And all I've asked in return....

All I've ever wanted....

Is that you respect my stance on that one subject....

Is Kim right?

If she is, I'd prefer the honesty.

Is Kim wrong?

If she is, I'd prefer the respect.

Either way, I love you.

I've been ingrateful and perfectly awful.

I don't deserve your forgiveness or your love.

After all, I'm a bad lifemate.

But I thought I should atleast explain to you why I hate surprises so much.

I need a certain amount of control in my life.

Surprises take away that control and in turn take away my self-esteem.

Surprises mean I can't keep track of my life.

I HAVE to know what's coming and when.

But that doesn't matter, does it?

I've been selfish.

I know I don't deserve it, but...

Please forgive me...