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Laura's Dating Tips 101 |
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Becides everyone else in the world, who knows dating better than I do? Well that'd be NO ONE! So here's your comprehensive guide to getting that guy or girl, Laura style. Enjoy! |
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Disclaimer: Laura is in no way reponsible for how you may embarass yourself in the process. Use these tips at your own risk. |
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Step 1: Use a pick up line.
I know these have a reputation towards being pretty pathetic, but really they're great and wonderful, and can help you to snag the right person with this great conversation starter. Here are a couple of my personal favorites... |
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How YOU doin'? |
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Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you? |
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Hey baby, if you were a juice, you'd be Veryfine! |
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Hello, I'm a theif and I'm here to steal your heart. |
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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd but "I" and "U" together. |
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Your name must be Mickey cause you're so fine. |
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Your dad must have been a baker, cause you've got a nice set of buns. |
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You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King. You treat me right and I'll do it your way. (for some reason this seems to work better for guys...) |
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I'm the love pirate and I'm here for your booty. AARRRGHHH!! |
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Step 2: Serenade your date
This tip is for the fellas. Most girls love it when a guy pulls mushy stuff like this. Writing them an original poem will sometimes work, but is most likely over the top. This will actually do the reverse and get the top off, oops! umm I mean your creativity and boldness will do wonders, especially if you write the song yourself. But if not, I've got some classics right here, guaranteed to do your dirty work. (PS- Don't worry if you can't sing, they'll never notice anyway if you go at it confidently) |
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1- Jenny From the Block ~ Jennifer Lopez (This one sounds especially good recited) |
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2- SR-71~ Right Now |
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3- No Secrets~ That's What Girls Do |
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4- 2gether~ U&U&Me (Any 2gether song is probably good for this anyway. |
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5- Ludacris~ Ho |
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6- Coolio~ Ugly Bitches |
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7- Next~ Phone Sex |
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8- Living Loving Maid~ Led Zeppelin |
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9- 50 Cent~ Fat Bitch |
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10- I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks~ Bloodhound Gang |
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Step 3: Flaunt the booty and don't be afraid to act a little stupid
Ok, so the pick up lines and serenading didn't work, or maybe they did, but you wanna make sure you've got this in the bag. The best way to do it is by following the old saying "if you got it, flaunt it," or even if you don't pretend. Here's some tips of how to get your booty into the action. |
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Tell them "Back that Ass Up" was written about you, then try to show them why. |
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Ask for help in picking your wedgie. |
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Say you just let a juicer, and you're worried that it went through. (You won't get any action this way, but at least they'll take notice of your ASSets with this dirty little trick) |
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Play strip "Hokey Pokey" |
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Smack THEIR booty, come on, you know you wanna. |
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Take turns drawing each others self portrait, emphasizing the butt |
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Tell them you've always wanted to play the bongos |
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Step 4: Get to know them better
I don't know WHY they wouldn't be feeilng you by now. Maybe they're the type that wanna get to know you better before they make any rushed decisions. They probably won't help you out with info, so it's up to you to pry into their lives, try using these as questions. |
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One time I had a really nasty skin rash right on my butt, in fact it's still there. Have you ever had any embarassing skin rashes on your body parts? |
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Were you always a dude (or chick)? No seriously, were you? |
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(To say to a girl) You know my mom used to have a moustache just like yours. Have you always had it? We could go back to my place and bleach it together. |
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(To say to a boy) Hahaha, boy, you sure have small feet. Does this mean what I think it does? |
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(To say to a girl) Have you always been this fat? |
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By now you should have them right where you want them. If I know anything about dating (which I don't) these tips will make you the stud of the town.
****CAUTION, THE FOLLOWING ARE THE TOP 10 WORST THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR DATE**** |
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Click Here!!! |
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Go Home! |
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