The Escape to New York Affair
It was bedlam at the DeBeauharnais home in Hawthorne Beach that evening when Jacques made his decision as to what to do with his two unruly daughters.
A couple of months earlier, Lynda and Brenda had gotten expelled from Sacred Heart Academy out in California after they smarted-off at a nun and tossed her over a desk. Jacques had to endure a three-hour narrative from both girls, as well as the �official� version from Napoleon, who had been close by in San Francisco at a computer expo and ended up dropping them off on his way back to New York.
The family was at the dining room table, the usual goings on prevailing. Jason, the eldest, was telling with graphic detail about a rabbit being ripped open by a wolf, to the utter disgust of rest of the group. Morgan, the baby, had to flee the table before throwing up all over her plate. Lynda was, as usual, lost in another world and wasn't hearing a word, while Brenda was threatening every other sentence to rip Jason's chest open so he'd know what it felt like.
After several minutes of this, Jacques slammed his hand on the table. �That's enough!� he bellowed once, causing instant quiet. �Jason, if you can't find anything else to discuss that's less disgusting, go to your room.�
�Fine,� he grinned and shot out of his seat like a ball from a cannon and almost ran upstairs to his room.
Jacques poured another glass of wine and leaned back in his chair, casually and looked at the twins. �You're wondering where the two of you are going this fall, aren't you?�
�As long as it's L'Academie de Lafayette, I don't care,� Lynda replied, staring out the window. �I find their computer science department rather entertaining.�
�I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I've decided on sending you two elsewhere.�
�Are you thinking of that school outside Houston?� Brenda asked, all nerves on instant alert.
�No,� he replied, sipping on his glass. �I don't think that one would be adventurous enough for you two.� He set his glass down and lit a cigar. �How's this for an adventure? The vast tundra of Alaska. So quiet you could hear the dog sleds from five miles away. Imagine sunlight twenty-four hours a day between November and February.� He noticed the eyebrows going up on their foreheads and saw he wasn't popular at all. �Snow? Eskimos? None of this appealing?�
�You're sending us to live with Eskimos?� Lynda asked.
�Not quite.� He grinned. �How do these two words grab you? Military school?�
Brenda laughed. �We'd be on our way home before you could cry `uncle,'� she commented. Looking at Lynda, she shook her head. �A day maybe?�
�Nah,� Lynda responded. �We get there at eight, we'd be gone by lunch. Mummy dearest in the Commandant's office, as well as a few strategically placed charges and a little improvement in the decor should do it, not to mention everyone getting a bang out of the chemistry lab.�
�Better yet, a hooker in the Commandant's office and we'd be reprieved by nine,� Brenda grinned.
�Ya'll do and ya'll be dead when I get hold of your butts,� Jacques warned. He looked at his watch. "Ya'll need to go upstairs and start packing. We're leaving early tomorrow morning.� He put out his cigar in the ashtray and finished off his glass. �I'm going out for a walk. I expect ya'll to be in bed by nine.� He got up and walked out of the room.
As soon as the front door closed, both girls got up and scurried upstairs, snickering to themselves the entire way. No sooner had the bedroom door closed; Lynda flopped out in the middle of her king sized waterbed and laughed uproariously. �He is crazy!� she exclaimed. �Military school?�
�Yeah,� Brenda snickered, flopping out beside her. �It is to laugh.� She noticed Lynda almost wading over to the edge. �What are you doing?�
�I'm going to use the phone.�
�Nah,� she said, scrambling over to take the receiver out of her hand. �I've got a better idea.� She winked mischievously.
About midnight, Brenda slipped out of the bedroom and, in stocking feet, tiptoed down the hall. Two doors down, she opened the door and peeked in cautiously. Inside, on the king sized bed; Jacques was in bed, snoring soundly. There were no lights in the room, except for a sliver of moonlight from the open windows.
She stuck her head back out and leaned against the wall, her heart beating so fast, she was almost sure it would give her away. She took a deep breath, and as she started for the door again, she sensed something. A presence, maybe? She turned around and saw Maximilian, the German Sheppard, sitting quietly behind her, his head cocked to one side. She smiled and put her finger to her lips and he quietly got up and walked down the hallway and down the steps.
Once more, Brenda gently opened the door just enough to slip in and looked to her left. The double dresser was only three steps away, as were the car keys. Holding her breath and sweating bullets, she tiptoed those few steps and gently picked up the keys with a shaking hand. She turned toward the bed, but to her relief there was no movement. Just as careful as she entered, she made her exit, pulling the door behind her.
Brenda tiptoed back to Lynda's room and finally exhaled upon entering. �Got `em,� she announced, dangling the keys just inches from her twin's face.
Lynda was just as giddy as Brenda was. �Thank God,� she whispered, quickly throwing clothes into a suitcase. �Is Mama Jackie asleep?�
�Yeah,� she answered, rolling her eyes. �Naked as a jaybird."
�I'm sure that was a sight to behold,� Lynda said, pretending to retch.
�And I had to sneak in without a camera,� she sarcastically replied.
�How about getting my carry-on bag from the closet?� Lynda asked, taking the keys and putting them into the front pocket of her blue jeans.
Brenda disappeared and came back a minute later from the walk-in closet with a navy leather carry-on bag. �Do you want the honors?�
�Hell, why not?� she laughed, closing the suitcase and taking the bag. �Meet you downstairs.� She picked up her suitcase and lugged it out the door.
A few minutes later, just as Lynda came around the corner from the garage, Brenda was dragging herself slowly around the corner of the house. She had a carry-on bag over one shoulder, a garment bag over one arm and dragging a trunk behind her. And just a couple of steps behind her was Maximilian, quiet as could be.
Lynda saw her and quickly ran over, grabbing the garment bag. �What are you trying to do?� she whispered. �Ruin your back?�
�I'm trying to get us the Hell out of here,� she whispered back. �And the sooner the better.�
�How much is left upstairs?�
�The shoe trunk, the television set, the computer, the-�
�We've got money, Brenda. We can replace all that when we get to New York. Think Fifth Avenue. Shopping spree. Saks? Eitenne Aigner?�
�Aigner's in Pennsylvania,� she corrected.
�We'll stop by King of Prussia on the way. How about new luggage?�
�I'll get some from Louis Vuitton in New York,� she commented as they approached the open garage door and each picked up an end of the heavy trunk to place it in the car.
They quickly loaded the rest and closed the trunk door. �Who's driving?� Brenda asked.
�If you want, you can,� Lynda shrugged.
�Nah, since you've got the keys, you can drive. I'll take over in the morning.� She opened the right rear door and Maximilian obediently jumped up into the back seat. �I can't leave Max here,� she commented. �Mama Jackie would get rid of him just for spite.�
�Don't you mean Daddy Harry?� her twin corrected. �He'd sneak the dog out of here and take it somewhere and kill it.�
�Shouldn't we call ahead?� Brenda asked, getting into the front passenger's seat and fastening her seat belt.
Lynda giggled. �Yeah. And have the FBI, CIA, state police in every state from here to New York, as well as UNCLE looking for us.� She got in, closed the door and fastened her seat belt. �I think we're ready.�
�Let's haul ass,� Brenda replied as she heard the doors lock.
Lynda pulled the keys from her pocket and slipped one into the ignition. She turned the switch and the car purred. She quickly adjusted the rear-view mirror until it was situated, then adjusted the power side mirrors. Taking a deep breath, she put the car in reverse, took her foot off the brake and gently tapped the gas pedal.
The car lurched out of the garage suddenly. Lynda threw her foot back on the brake and stopped the car just short of the side of the house. �Oops. Didn't mean to try to take part of the house with us.�
Brenda laughed and looked in the back seat. Maximilian was on the seat, his paws over his eyes and whimpering. �She didn't mean it,� she cooed.
�What's wrong?� Lynda turned and looked at the dog and laughed. �He'll be okay once we get out of here.� She put the car in forward and calmly moved it back toward the garage, then backed out, turning the car toward the backyard with the front aiming toward the driveway. This time, the car behaved quite a bit better and they finally got down the driveway and eased out onto the quiet, dark road.
It was a peaceful drive to the highway, the ocean waves rising and covering the sand like a blanket as the Lincoln cruised along the road. The windows were down and after they had gotten about six blocks from the house, Brenda put a cassette into the tape deck and turned it on at a medium volume. Lynda set the cruise control and they headed north, singing along with the stereo.
Just after 6 the following morning, Mama Jackie stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He then threw on a red satin kimono and slipped his large feet into a pair of red maribou slippers and left the bathroom.
He walked into the bedroom and picked up his coffee cup off the nightstand. Then, as he sipped on it, he walked out of the bedroom and out into the hallway, turning toward the girl's bedrooms. He stopped at the next door and knocked. �Brenda,� he called. �Are you awake?�
There was no answer. �Brenda,� he called again, �I'm opening the door.� He eased the door open and walked into the room to see nobody. The bed hadn't been slept in, so he walked to the closet and opened the door. Discovering it empty, he sighed and muttered to himself �Maybe she's in the shower,� and went into the bathroom.
The bathroom was unoccupied. The curling iron, hair dryer, hot rollers, all the female necessities were nowhere in sight. The towels hung on gold hangers, neatly in place and the shower was also empty. No shampoo, perfumed soaps, and so forth were seen.
Jacques set his cup down on the double lavatory and walked through the open doorway into Lynda's room. Her room was left the same as Brenda's: the bed was made up and nobody in sight. He checked Lynda's closet as well, but it was partially empty (as was Brenda's) and nobody was in there.
�Damnit!� he grumbled, walking out Lynda's door into the hallway and storming down the stairs. "Maximilian!" he called out. �Here, Boy! Time to go outside.� There was no response from the dog.
He stepped out the front door and saw nothing out of the ordinary. He picked up the newspaper off the sidewalk and called again for the dog, with still no response. He walked past the front of the house and around the corner toward the rosebushes by the garage. His mouth dropped open when he saw the opened door and the Lincoln was gone. �WHAT THE HELL???� he screamed.
Jason threw open his bedroom window upon hearing the racket and shouted down �What's the matter, Dad?�
Mama Jackie turned around. �The car's gone and I can't find Lynda or Brenda.�
�Do we need to call the cops?� he shouted back.
�Call your Grandaddy and tell him to fly over here. I'll call the cops.� He stormed back into the house and into the study, slamming the door.
By noon, Grandaddy DeBeauharnais had arrived at the house, straight from the county airport. He took off his white Stetson and sat down on the sofa in the study, propping his alligator boots on the coffee table. �Why in the world would you want to send the girls to Alaska when you know perfectly well they'd be better off in Scarsdale?�
�Because Scarsdale's in New York, that's why,� Mama Jackie retorted. �Why do you think they want to go to New York?�
�Well, Lynda's reason I can figure out without even asking. Brenda, on the other hand, that's a toughie. But you have to admit, L'Academie de Lafayette is a fine school. They have one of the most up-to-date computer labs in the country. And that's where they excel at. They'll gain nothing out of military school except getting expelled. Just like Sacred Heart in California.� He sipped his coffee and set it down. �Have you called Alex?�
�No,� Mama Jackie replied. �I don't plan to.�
�Well, we won't get into that. However, you might want to call Napoleon and warn him about the latest escapade.�
�I called him after I called the police,� he puffed on his cigar. �He offered to come down, but I assured him we had it under control. I've asked him not to call Alex about this. I think it would only give him a reason to try to take them from me.�
�I don't think so,� Grandaddy replied. �Right now, we need to get those two home. Preferably before they get into God knows what.�
That afternoon, the Lincoln pulled into a hotel parking lot and stopped. Both girls got out, dressed to the nines in matching low-cut summer dresses in a floral pattern, low-heeled sandals and wide brimmed hats. They both wore sunglasses and Lynda got Maximilian from the back seat and attached his leash to his diamond collar. �I don't even recall what town we're in,� she remarked.
�All I know is somewhere between here and New York,� Brenda replied, sounding slightly fatigued. She tucked her Vuitton purse under her arm and started toward the front door. �I don't know about you, but I could use a nice dinner, a long hot bath and a good night's sleep,� she remarked, sounding much older than her twelve years.
�That sounds good to me,� her twin commented, looking around. �By the way, I also have Mama Jackie's ATM card.� She winked.
�I believe I saw a bank just a couple of blocks back, but using it will show up on the bank statement, so they could trace our whereabouts rather easily,� she mused. �All the more reason to pay for everything in cash.�
�Thank you, Professor Brenda,� Lynda grumbled. �Do you ever think that others have common sense besides yourself?�
�Of course not!� she retorted, pretending to sound offended. �Anyway, why do you think we took money from the safe, dinglaling?�
�Lovely,� Lynda commented. �Let's go in and get a suite.�
They walked into the lobby and approached the check-in desk. It wasn't very busy at all, maybe less than six people milling about in the roomy area decorated in mahogany wood with burgundy and silver velvet everywhere. It looked almost decadent with a huge chandelier suspended in the middle of the roof, rounded plush seating and a water fountain with a pair of cherubs springing up from the middle of the floor.
An elderly couple took a set of keys and were led toward the elevators by a bellman and the cheerful young lady at the desk greeted the girls. �Welcome to the Hotel Rosselette,� she chirped, looking no more than twenty. �Can I be of any assistance to you ladies?�
Brenda spoke up. �Yes, we'd like one of your best suites.� She opened her purse and pulled out her wallet.
�How long will you be staying with us?� she asked, typing on a computer keyboard.
�Just for tonight,� Lynda butted in. �You do accept pets, don't you?�
�Yes ma'am, we do,� she replied. �We charge an extra fifty dollars per night for pets.� She looked over the counter at Maximilian, who sat beside Lynda, looking quite docile. �You have a rather handsome German Sheppard."
�Thank you,� Brenda smiled. �His grandfather won best in breed at the Westminster Dog Show three years running until he was retired last year.�
�That's rather impressive,� the clerk returned, checking the computer. �Let's see here. We have the Presidential Suite available.�
�That sounds just fine,� Brenda answered.
�And your name, ma'am?� the clerk asked.
�Nelson,� Brenda replied. �Claudia and Samantha Nelson.�
The clerk typed in the information into the computer. �And how will you be paying, Miss Nelson?�
�Cash,� Brenda replied.
�That will be four hundred and fifty nine dollars."
Brenda pulled out a stack of money from her wallet and started peeling off the bills while Lynda picked up the overnight bag and cosmetic case.
A young fellow of about twenty-five with sandy hair and medium build came over, dressed rather dapper in his bellman's uniform. �May I take those bags for you, Miss?� he asked rather politely.
�That would be great,� Lynda replied. �Thank you so much.�
He smiled at her as he quickly looked her over from top to bottom. �It's my pleasure, Miss-�
�Nelson,� she answered. Looking down at the dog, she said �Okay, let's go, Max.�
The dog stood up reluctantly and followed the girls toward the elevator.
A few minutes later, the girls were escorted into a large, airy sitting room with French Provincial furniture and antique paintings on the walls. The predominant tones were French blue and antique white, with gold trim on the doors and walls. It was a rather opulent setting. A sofa and coffee table sat in the middle of the room, a huge flower arrangement sitting in the middle of the table in an exquisite crystal bowl. A pair of chairs sat opposite across with an end table separating them. An armoire sat on the wall opposite from the fireplace, and it contained a television set. A telephone sat on a small gilded table on one end of the sofa.
Behind the sofa was a glassed-in wall with double French doors leading to a small terrace with a view of a lush garden and swimming pool off in the distance. A dining set with four chairs sat near the doors, with a fresh-cut bouquet of flowers adorning the center.
The two bedrooms were equally attractive, with king-sized beds in each room, fireplaces and doors leading to the terrace, as the rooms were on either side of the sitting area. They were approximately the same size and each had their own bathroom. The bathrooms had large whirlpool tubs sunk into the floor, double vanities and pedestal styled commodes.
Both girls were quite enjoying themselves while maintaining a sense of dignity, each quietly walking through the rooms and nodding with approval of all the ammenties. Maximilian jumped up on a bed and, without missing a beat, quickly settled down and went to sleep.
The bellman set the bags down at the door and gratefully accepted a hundred dollar tip from Lynda. �Thank you, Miss Nelson,� he smiled. �Is there anything else I can do for you ladies?�
�No, I think that'll be all for now, thank you.� She watched as he bowed and left the suite, closing the door behind him. �Damn this is nice!� she exclaimed excitedly. �Piece of cake.�
Brenda removed her hat and couldn't contain herself any longer. She started running toward the bedroom on the right. �I've got this room!� she sang as she tossed her hat and purse on the dresser and leaped across the bed, landing in the middle. �I have an idea.�
Lynda leaned tiredly against the doorway. �Such as?�
�When we get to New York, we get our own place.�
�Nice dream, Brenda.� She yawned. �Just one problem: we're only twelve years old. Who's going to rent us an apartment?�
�We'll get a maid and a butler. And a limousine with a chauffeur. Or better yet, we could get a house in Scarsdale near L'Academie de Lafayette and we could decorate it. All we need is someone to sign us into school and nobody will know.�
�Oh right. I can hear Grandaddy right now. He'll have a heart attack.� She turned around and walked toward the other bedroom. �I'm going to go take bath. Let me know when you're ready for dinner, Oh Delusional One.�
Back in Hawthorne Beach, Mama Jackie was drinking brandy right out of the decanter, stopping only to take a puff off his cigar. �I hope to God Harry doesn't hear about this,� he grumbled, turning up the bottle.
�He's in Bermuda,� Grandaddy replied. �I've contacted the FBI. They should be here anytime.�
A little while later, half a dozen FBI agents were swarming over the house in Hawthorne Beach like bees, assembling tracing equipment in the den, shouting orders to one another. It was maddening chaos. There were also several operatives from the CIA at the house as well, and as a result the two parties started arguing over who was in charge of the missing persons investigation.
The guy who was apparently the lead person for the FBI, a craggy-looking fellow was arguing in the living room with a fat, balding guy with the CIA who looked like he was left over from WWII. �I don't care if you're the deputy director of the entire world, you're not in charge here. This is an FBI matter and we are handling it.�
�This isn't an ordinary missing persons case,� the CIA guy retorted. �We're dealing with two heiresses whose family has longstanding ties in the intelligence community. That fact alone makes the targets for any crack head looking for a way to fund a foreign war.�
�Oh get a life. You CIA guys are too suspicious. I bet you check your assholes for bugs every time you go to the bathroom to take a crap.�
Grandaddy walked through the room as if they weren't there and went toward the kitchen. He made a beeline for the coffeepot and poured himself a cup. �This is insane,� he quipped to a young agent sitting at the bar. �All this is about is the fact that my son wants to send them to Alaska to school and they want to go to another school.�
�So they took the car and left?� the agent asked.
�Pretty much. I know both those girls. And I think I know where they might be headed.�
�Where might that be?�
�Probably back toward Houston. There's a school there they were looking at, called the Kensington Academy.�
�We'll have our agents posted in the area,� the agent replied, getting up. �If you'll excuse me, Mr. DeBeauharnais.�
Grandaddy watched the boy walk out and smirked to himself. �Dumbass,� he snickered as he sipped his coffee.
Back at the Hotel Rossellette, the girls were quietly enjoying dinner in their suite. The television set was on and they were watching the news report to see if there was a manhunt going on. �Think we've made the news?� Brenda asked.
�Knowing Grandaddy, he'd keep it quiet. The less attention, the less likely they'll have any jerk offs claiming they'd seen us just for a reward.� Lynda stuffed another forkful of shrimp linguine in her mouth. �Relax for a bit. We're going to go to bed soon and then we're leaving early tomorrow.�
Brenda was busy cutting up a t-bone steak and preparing a plate for Max, who sat in the floor beside her. �Hold on, Baby. I've just got to finish cutting this up for you.�
�I think we need to go ahead and go after we finish dinner,� Lynda remarked, sipping on her iced tea.
�I thought you wanted a good night's sleep?� Brenda asked. �I'm still a little tired myself.�
�I can sleep when I get to New York,� she replied. �Why don't we just go to the airport, leave the car and charter a plane?�
�That's not a bad idea,� Brenda replied, setting the plate on the floor for the dog.
A little while later, the girls had changed clothes and were wearing matching pant suits, scarfs around their necks and sunglasses as they scurried into the local airport terminal. It was not busy at the check in counter, maybe a couple of dozen people seated in the waiting area. Other than that, there was nobody at the counter.
The quickly approached and Lynda spoke up in a quiet voice �We have a reservation for a Hillcrest Charter flight.�
The clerk asked �What name is that under, Miss?�
�Nelson.�
The clerk typed into the computer and found the reservation. �Your plane is waiting at gate two, Miss Nelson. What payment will you be using?�
�Cash.� Brenda pulled her wallet out of her purse and started counting out bills.
The clerk took the money and tendered it. Handing over two tickets, she chirped �Thank you for choosing Hillcrest Air.�
Without a word, the two and Maximilian went down toward the gate with a skycap following with their luggage.
It was almost two a.m. when a limousine pulled up in front of an apartment building and stopped. Lynda and Brenda wearily drug themselves out of the back, as did Maximilian, who had to stop at the tire to lift his leg. The driver walked to the rear and started unloading the luggage and asked �Will you require any assistance with your luggage?�
�No,� Brenda said tiredly. She pulled out a hundred dollar bill and slipped it into his coat pocket. �Just a little bonus for you.�
�Thank you, Miss.� He set the luggage down on the sidewalk and a doorman came outside and asked if he could help. Lynda nodded, looking like she could go to sleep where she stood as the doorman and the chauffeur carried the luggage inside and set it in the lobby.
�We'll get the load later,� Brenda replied as they walked inside the building, slipping the doorman a hundred dollars as well.
They quickly got on an elevator and Lynda pressed a button. She leaned against the wall and slid down onto the floor and started snoring. Brenda kicked her in the leg and Lynda sat bolt upright. �Huh?�
�You were snoring,� Brenda told her, yawning.
�I was not,� Lynda retorted. �That's Max.� She pointed to the dog, who was collapsed and snoring away loudly.
�Oh. Sorry.�
The elevator soon stopped and they drug themselves out and, with the dog reluctantly following, they made their way down the hallway. Stopping at the corner apartment, Lynda rang the doorbell and leaned against the door in complete exhaustion. Brenda slid to the floor and leaned against the wall beside the door and the dog just sat there, his eyes drooping low.
Inside, Napoleon was sound asleep in the king sized bed, a willowy twenty-something blonde wrapped around him. He mumbled something and went back to sleep. A few seconds later, the doorbell buzzed again and this time didn't stop. He raised up and gently tapped his roommate on the shoulder. �There's someone at the door,� he whispered.
�Hmmm,� she mumbled and rolled over onto the other side of the bed. �At this hour?�
�It's probably a wrong number,� he tried to assure her as he got up and put his robe on over his naked body. He stepped into his leather opera slippers and slipped out of the room.
He eased the door shut and walked through the short hallway and into the living room and grabbed the front door. To his utter surprise, Lynda fell into the doorway and he reached to catch her and break her fall. �What in the world are you doing here, Josie?� he asked.
She started coming to and smiled. �Hi, Honey. I'm home,� she mumbled somewhat coherently. "It's been a long trip.�
�I can see that,� he replied, picking her up and carrying her to the sofa. He gently set her down and asked �Grandaddy and Jacques are worried sick about you,� he admonished. �Where's Brenda?�
�Outside asleep.� She curled up into a fetal position and closed her eyes.
Napoleon went to the doorway and looked. He turned to the right and saw Brenda sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, with Maximillian's head in her lap. He knelt down and petted the dog's head. �Hey Max,� he whispered.
The dog raised up and saw him. He got to his feet and went around them and into the open doorway and made his way into the apartment, finding a spot in front of the fireplace where he decided to make his bed. He lay his head down on his paws and was snoring away peacefully, knowing he didn't have to get up anytime soon.
Brenda raised up. �Hi,� she said. �What time is it?�
�A little after two,� Napoleon answered, picking her up. �I take it military school didn't sound so good, did it?�
�No way,� she chuckled. �I am not going to live with Eskimos.�
�We'll discuss that in the morning. Right now, I know of two little girls who need to get to bed.� He carried her into the apartment and saw his date standing in the living room near the hallway. �I'll explain in a few minutes,� he started. �Right now, I need to get these two to bed.�
Lynda raised up off the sofa and looked around. She straightened her glasses on her face and saw the woman standing there in a satin robe. She immediately recognized the robe, as it was one she had given Napoleon just last Christmas. She looked dead at Napoleon, who was standing near the door with Brenda in his arms and asked �Who the hell is she and what is she doing in my robe?�
Napoleon's jaw dropped. �Lynda Josephine!� he barked. �What is wrong with you?�
The young woman was equally shocked. �Who are you, you little brat?� she asked Lynda.
�That's none of your concern,� Lynda spoke up boldly. �However, you haven't given me the courtesy of an answer as of yet.�
�Quiet, please.� Napoleon set Brenda down on the love seat and looked dead at Lynda. �I wasn't expecting the two of you to show up at this hour. And I will have to ask you to conduct yourself like a young lady.�
�I don't think this brat knows how,� the woman quipped. �If I didn't know any better, I'd swear there was something going on between the two of you.�
Napoleon was a caught a bit off-guard with that statement. Before he could get a word out of his mouth, Lynda spoke up. �Whatever goes on between Napoleon and myself is our affair. If you don't like it, you can get out.�
The girl fumed and, turning around, ran toward the bedroom in tears. She was infuriated that she had been treated like an intruder by a mere child. And one so bold as to question her in such a manner. She slammed the bedroom door, threw the robe off and cast it aside as if it were diseased and quickly put her clothes back on. Grabbing her purse, she dashed out from the bedroom, hopping into her heels and almost running into Napoleon, who was trying to talk to her. �I don't want to hear it. I'm not staying. If you want to babysit that little bitch, go for it.�
�There's nothing going on that shouldn't be,� he protested. �It's just one of those little girl crushes. She's starting school in the fall. She'll get over it.�
She shook her head. �I somehow have the funny feeling she won't. It's written all over her face and with a child like that, they'll do absolutely anything to get what they want and it doesn't matter how or who they walk over or destroy to get it.�
�Thank you for the child psychology lesson,� he smiled. �Really, Josie's not like that.�
�Oh?� she paused. �From the way you talk about that family, I get the impression you would actually like to marry into that family.�
�No, I don't. Besides, Josie's only twelve. That would be utterly insane.�
�You're right.� She pushed past him and ran for the living room. Lynda saw her and smiled �Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, you harlot.� The door slammed and Lynda smiled.
�Are you through making an ass of yourself?� Brenda asked. �You've just run off Napoleon's date, you've embarrassed him and now he'll probably call home and tell Mama Jackie we're here.�
�He's not going to call tonight, relax.� Lynda settled herself on the sofa.
Napoleon came back into the room, trying to keep his cool with the girls. Unfortunately, it wasn't working. He walked over to the sofa and looked down at Lynda and asked �Are you happy now?�
�Almost, Dear,� she smiled. �I take it with it being so late, you're going to call Grandaddy in the morning?�
�I've got half a mind to call him now.� His eyes narrowed and he looked like he could strangle her. �You're not going to stay here. I am going to send the two of you packing in the morning.�
�Yeah. Right, Nappy.� She laughed and looked over at Brenda.
Brenda rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. �Like we're going to be turned over tomorrow like a pair of criminals,� she scoffed. �Napoleon, you know you really don't want to see us go to Alaska. I hate arctic cold. Besides, L'Academie de Lafayette is not far from here in Scarsdale. We could sign up, move into the dorm there and be out of your hair.�
�Speak for yourself, Bren,� Lynda interrupted. �You can live on campus if you want.�
�Why don't we all get some sleep and discuss this further in the morning?� Napoleon groaned, knowing full well he couldn't bring himself to be angry with either of them. He picked Lynda up off the sofa and carried her down the hall toward the guest room. Brenda drug herself up and followed, yawning the whole way.
Brenda kicked off her shoes and yawned again. �Our luggage is downstairs.�
�I'll call for it in the morning,� Napoleon answered, gently placing Lynda on the other side of the bed and removing her shoes. He put the shoes under the bed and then took her glasses off her face and placed them on the nightstand. �Do you need anything before I go back to bed, Brenda?�
�I'm okay.� She balled up under the covers and quickly fell into a deep sleep.
The next day around lunchtime, Jacques and Grandaddy were at the apartment, sitting at the bar with Napoleon and discussing the situation. Jacques was blind drunk already and almost incoherent, so Grandaddy did most of the talking from their side. �I know it's a crazy way to try to get out of going to school, but you have to admit they are rather resourceful.�
�True. I wouldn't have expected anything less,� Napoleon answered, sipping on a cup of coffee. �Would you mind my giving a little advice?�
�Not a bit,� Grandaddy replied. �Shoot.�
�Let them go to L'Academie de Lafayette. All they need is some space, especially with all the turmoil in the family going on,� Napoleon suggested.
�Harry the turmoil,� Grandaddy agreed. �Yeah, that's a lot to deal with.� He looked over at Jacques, whose head was laying on the top of the bar counter and snoring away. �I'm looking at the other half of the turmoil.�
Jacques raised up. �Turmoil?� he asked, obviously have heard their comments out of the corner of his ear. �Harry's the prime cause of it, no doubt. But all I'm wanting to do is find them a good school where they can excel and be far enough out of Harry's reach. Then they'll be okay. Physically as well as mentally.�
�That's another thing I think I need to broach with you,� Napoleon interjected. �Josie's not doing any better. She was belligerent to my date last night, then later after I'd gotten the girls to bed, I got up around four to check on them. Josie was outside on the balcony, still asleep. I had to almost pry her off the railing before she fell.� He took another sip. �Has she been under doctor's care lately?�
�It's just a phase,� Jacques shrugged it off, sounding indifferent. �It was probably all the excitement and the travel and everything. I think she'll be okay once I get her to Alaska.�
�She's not going to Alaska,� Grandaddy butted in decisively. �They will stay here in New York and that's final, Jacques. I tried to tell you, but you wanted to push the Alaska issue. I told you not to call the FBI in or the CIA, but you did it anyway. Now we've got about a hundred agents crawling around everywhere like cockroaches in every direction all because you wanted to show your ass.�
�Actually, in my opinion, I think they're staying in New York would be a good idea,� Napoleon offered. �But my idea on this is slightly different.�
�How so?� Grandaddy asked.
�I was thinking they could reside here with me. I took the liberty of contacting the school this morning while you two were en route and they do accept day students. I can arrange for a car and driver to take them to school every morning and pick them up in the afternoons.�
�Hmmm,� Grandaddy was pondering. �I really don't want to trouble you with them, Napoleon. I know you're quite fond of them, but this is really too much.�
Jacques was not pleased one bit. He banged his fist on the counter and said �Absolutely not!�
�You shut up!� Grandaddy barked. �I don't even know what you're doing here anyway. I have guardianship over Lynda and Brenda. I'll make the decision.�
�They're my kids!� he bellowed.
�In name only,� Grandaddy reminded him. �Maggie had an affair with Harry, remember? He's the one who donated the sperm.�
�And look what it got her? Dead.� Jacques finished his coffee. �I'm not leaving them here.� He got up and started off down the hallway.
�They're not here, Jacques,� Napoleon called after him.
Jacques turned around and asked �Then where are they?�
�They're at a friend's right now. I didn't want them to hear you rant and rave like an incessant lunatic.�
�I'm a lunatic???� he screamed.
�SHUT UP, JACQUES!!� Grandaddy bellowed, jumping up and running over to him. He slapped Jacques hard across the face. �You are acting like a total idiot. Just like Harry, you've got to have the last word on everything. And you don't know how to act around others, either. Now sit down and shut up or get out of here.�
�Jean-Claude, that's really not necessary,� Napoleon tried to help. He was trying to keep everything peaceful.
�I'm sorry Jacques' acting like an ass,� Grandaddy apologized.
�I'm not!� Jacques retorted. He walked right up to Napoleon and looked him dead in the face. �If you know so much about raising kids, then you raise `em. They're yours. I'm giving them to you. Every time I look at either of them, I see Harry and everything he's done to my family. They are evil.� He started laughing. �Hell, they might even take over the world one day.�
Napoleon clearly had had enough of Jacques. He didn't flinch, only swallowed hard and told him in a even tone �Get out of my home.� He pointed toward the door. �Now before I throw you out.�
Jacques drew back his hand, but Grandaddy grabbed his arm. �Look, Boy,� Grandaddy warned. �don't say anything more that you could regret later than you already have.�
�I've said my peace,� Jacques decided, jerking his arm out of his father's grasp. He quickly left the apartment.
Grandaddy looked rather embarrassed, as well as infuriated with his son. �Napoleon, he's drunk, hung over as well as crazy. His behavior gets more and more bizarre.�
�I've heard,� he acknowledged. �The phone calls from the girls.�
�When he's at work, he's fine. He's a piranha in the courtroom. But once he leaves it, he's either going to Cha-Cha's on the weekends, or staying home and watching adult movies. I've even walked into his house and found all of the kids watching that mess.�
�What are you planning for Jason and Morgan?�
�I think I'll take them back to the ranch with me,� he replied. �There's a good school near Houston, so we'll try that out for the upcoming semester. If not, I can always get a tutor for them. I can take Lynda and Brenda, too. But if you would like to keep them, then we'll try it out and see how it goes.�
�I don't want to interfere.�
�No. You're not interfering at all. I know you care about the twins.� He grimaced. �Jacques' not a parent of the year, you know. Harry wants to rant and rave about taking over the world and I'm ready to have him committed. As a matter of fact, my attorneys in Houston are working on the commitment papers as we speak, so Harry won't bother them anymore.�
�We hope,� Napoleon sighed.
�That's about the size of it. One can only hope.� He sat down in a chair by the fireplace. �Even if I wanted to, I can't up and die yet. Although I'm still in good health, my mental state is questionable when it comes to everything my children are putting me though.�
�It's hard to imagine why,� Napoleon remarked cynically.
Granddaddy laughed. "Touches'. Are you sure you want to take on the twins?�
�My mental state is fine,� Napoleon replied.
�You're a better man than I am right now,� Granddaddy grinned. �I'm going to go ahead and get an account set up for the girls so that their upkeep won't be a burden on you.�
�That's not necessary,� he started. �Just between us, Josie slipped about fifty thousand out of the safe before they left.�
�You know how long that's going to last with those two?� Granddaddy laughed, getting up. �I need to get Jacques on home. I'll call you later. Tell the girls to call me.� And, with that, Granddaddy DeBeauharnais walked out.
A plump, Spanish lady came out of the kitchen, unfastening her apron. �Is everything alright, Mr. Solo?� she asked in a pronounced accent.
�It is now, Rosa,� he answered. �Miss Lynda and Miss Brenda will be living here now.�
Rosa was relieved. She was attached to both girls herself and didn't think they needed to go back to their chaotic surroundings. �Finally those two will have some stability maybe.�
Napoleon chuckled. �Maybe.� He watched her get her purse from behind the bar. �Where are you off to?�
�I'm going to the market,� she explained. �I thought I'd pick up some steaks and crab legs for dinner tonight.� She put on her gloves. �The girls should enjoy that.�
�Actually, I was thinking of taking them out to dinner tonight,� he grinned. �And you as well.�
�Oh,� she blushed. �Now all you need is a wife. You've just inherited two kids.�
�I'm not quite ready for that yet.� He poured a drink behind the bar.
