Lynda's Annual Letter (2000 Edition)
Well, to start off with, this past year has really been a real kick in the head (so to speak.)
I'm not quite sure where to start, so I guess I'll explain it one kid at a time.
As of this fall, Amy is in boarding school in Pennsylvania (we found an Amish-run school for girls that Napoleon found quite attractive.) So far, her grades are getting better and she hasn't run away from campus yet. She's also on Prozac, as we have discovered after discussing with the family doctor that she has a personality disorder. The meds are helping her quite a bit, as well as the change in scenery. She's fifteen now and is growing more independent, which is making me feel quite old.
Lee is now fourteen and already has an FBI file. He thought it would be fun to go off to Siberia to military school with his cousins. Unfortunately, he was sent home with his cousins after it was discovered he was running an XXX website from his dorm room with computer equipment he had sent from Houston (I am now not speaking to Jason, who didn't question the request and sent the server equipment. I suspect some of the videos and photos on that site came from Larry, but I can't prove it in court.) On a slightly better note, his room is not quite as toxic these days (the reason being that a couple of goldfish died God knows when and have only recently been discovered, the aquarium being missing under a mound of dirty clothes.) Now if we can only clear out the lingerie and jewelry, we might be able to pay some unsuspecting girl to marry him one day.
And, of course, there's Maggie, who has electrified everyone this year. Not only did she manage to blow up THRUSH headquarters from our basement (I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I had the missles installed in the backyard for this stunt. Almost ashamed, but not quite.), then she gave myself and Napoleon a heart attack each by eloping to Las Vegas. She's seventeen years old. Needless to say, I won't mention who the now-dead son-in-law is, but at least he's out of our hair. Even more shocking, she's pregnant and due in June. I am not ready to be a grandmother, but it looks as if I don't have a choice. So much for Stanford, folks. At least for a year, anyway. She's completing her senior year at L'Academie de Lafayette (she's every bit as brave as Brenda was, I'll give the child credit for that.)
Then, there's Napoleon. The biggest kid of them all. He's talking about retiring, but I don't think he really wants to. I just can't see him puttering around the house or out in the garden all day. Golf course, maybe. He really scared everyone by disappearing for awhile (he was actually deemed dead. One day, I'll get the courage to write the book, since it happened about the time we were going to show Aerohawke to the military.) But, other than that, he's actually been okay this year, other than the minor caniption over the missiles in the backyard, Maggie's elopement, my adventure with the Concorde, and of course the Aerohawke fiasco (that's another book.)
And, of course, there's Mama Jackie, who has remarried, of all things. Judging from this cupcake, she has no clue what she's gotten into. Apparently, they met in Monte Carlo and a month later, they were married in Mexico while vacationing this past July. She's younger than myself (25 years old, to be exact. And, believe it or not, a college graduate. She just didn't major in Common Sense.) Oh well, maybe it'll work out, but I kind of doubt it, considering Mama Jackie's proclivities.
Let's hope 2001 is better than this past year has been.
Until next year . . .
Au Revoir . . . for now
Lynda Josephine
