2. We state the (apparently) obvious precepts of Natural Law for your benefit, including the precept that government ain’t government if it detracts from the rights obviously found in the Natural Law, and therefore the act of abolishing reprobrate organization may be said to be, in fact, a duty. Incidentally, the King of Britain has fulfilled all the requirements for a government to not be a government anymore.

3. Now we list his qualifications for ousting:

4. He didn’t let us have some laws.
(And really what is the bloody point of a government if it doesn’t give laws?)
He doesn’t let anybody else give us laws either.
He still won’t give us laws, unless we can’t tell him what laws he can give us.
He sets up inconvenient committees for making laws.
He dissolves Representative Houses than oppose the laws he gives, even though we just said he doesn’t give laws…
He won’t let us have more Representative Houses and this is setting us up for not only viruses but auto-immune diseases.
He practices population control with his obstinate refusal to give us laws.
He won’t let us have laws that will give us judges.
(And really what is the bloody point of judges if there aren’t any laws to judge with?)
He is in charge of the judges’ salaries and tenure even though we just said there are no judges…
He gratuitously raises bees and calls them Officers, and they’re really bugging the local citizens.
He didn’t ask our permission to keep standing armies around between wars.
He says military power is stronger than civil power.
He likes to play pretend and give us laws that don’t agree with the laws we already have.
We’re still pretty mad about the whole letting soldiers hang out here between wars thing.
He practices favoritism on the murderous, bored soldiers’ behalf.
He’s really cramping our trading style.
He doesn’t ask our permission to tax us.
He prefers trial by judge rather than jury in most cases.
He makes us travel three months by boat for trials on false charges.
He made Canada.
He doesn’t want to play by the old rules.
He doesn’t want the old referees, either.
He’s quit his job as King and attacked us.
*insert list of all possible manners of attack*
He’s hiring people to attack us.
He’s forcing us to fight ourselves.
He got the Indians drunk and asked them to attack us, too.

5. We’ve him asked politely.
We’ve asked everybody else politely too.
They didn’t listen.
We quit.
Time for a new country.

Signed, the Real Representatives.