WHATEVER THE FUTURE MAY BRING
by The Cap'N
MST'd by ESM & Co
(Five people enter a dimly lit custom-built theater, complete with bathroom, lazy susan for receiving outside food, and triple-locked doors. Reclining seats six across and three deep are set in front of a 20by20 foot plasma screen, which at the moment seems to be on a caffeine high, judging by the frantic screensaver anyway. The recliners come with large beverage and popcorn holders, and ottomans. Legolas and ESM take their places smack in the middle of the theater, while a Dwarf sits to the right of Legolas and two hobbits sit on ESM's left.
ESM: Well, here we are again! Well, not really, we're in a new and BETTER MiSTing theater.
Legolas: (muttering) It's only "better" because YOU designed it...
ESM: Today we have Legolas and-
Legolas: ::desperately tries to be nonchalant:: So, who's the love interest this time?
ESM: And Gimli,
Gimli: Why do people ALWAYS say "Legolas and Gimli"? It's like "Merry and Pippin" and "Elladan and Elrohir" and "Beren and Luthien" and "cats and dogs" and "peanut butter and jelly". I want my individual identity back!
ESM: ::slightly annoyed:: AND Merry and Pippin!
Legolas: If Merry's here...who's doing the catering?
ESM: The twins...
Legolas: Shoot me now.
Gimli: Okay!
ESM: ...and Arwen. BUT, Merry and Pippin will not be MSTing. They are in training.
Merry&Pippin: Oh.
ESM: Okay, WHO put that sickening screensaver on? Elladan, PUH-lease. Next time pick something that doesn't reflect your inner chaos so faithfully. And remember, we don't own this story, which can be found in the italics below. Nor do we own the concept of MiSTing, nor most things in general. But we do own most of the comments. So there. Here we go.
Note: No flames please.
ESM: We're not flaming.
Legolas: Hmph.
Don't like it don't read it.
Legolas: See, Essie, she says not to read it if...::trails off::
ESM: ::glaring::We are going to read it. And where'd you get the name 'Essie'?
Legolas: I read your jour�er, I mean, Perepip told me!
ESM: ::attempts to strangle Legolas::
Gimli: Children! Enough!
ESM: ::breathing heavily:: I'll teach you to read my journal you little tw-
Merry: ::intrigued::Sooo, in an MST theater, we're allowed to bicker?
Elladan: (from lazy susan) Uhm, what else is there to do?
ESM: Argh.
A cutting wind swept over Holin
Gimli: You know, I know a thing or two about cutting, and nothing that I ever cut with ever swept.
ESM: At least she was attempting to be poetic or...something.
Merry: Who is writing this fic? And what is the title?
ESM: Shh! You're not supposed to be talking.
Merry: Where's the fun in THAT? ::pouts and has some more popcorn::
and the fellowship huddled closer together for warmth. The miserable night did nothing for anyone's spirits
Pippin: Except depress them.
and there was no sound.
ESM: Kinda hard to believe. There was a wind. Wind usually makes noise.
Even the birds seemed depressed by the terrible weather.
ESM: What terrible weather? Just a little wind. Are you guys ever gonna say anything? Well fine, don't then...::mumbles about discovering duct-tape's anti-thesis::
The situation continued to worsen when
ESM: They all died of hypothermia because Boromir had used all the miruvor liquor as cough medicine.
the hobbits swore they heard a terrible cry on the wind and Pippin was convinced it was a monster lurking in the dark ready for them to go to sleep so it could eat him.
ESM: Really. That run on sentence could have used at least one period. And which hobbits swore? Legolas, Gimli, have you been corrupting my young brother and cousin?
Legolas: I don't think there was much scandalous work to be done after they'd been exposed to your delightful influence, Essie.
ESM: Pfft! Can't you see my halo?
Gimli: Yeah. It's dripping.
ESM: What? Dripping what? Halos don't drip.
Gimli: The ones made entirely out of sarcasm do!
Soon he and Legolas were the only ones left awake.
ESM: (shocked) Pippin! You know you're not allowed to stay up late! Legolas, I'm going to have to speak to you about babysitting my young cousin here.
"Go to sleep Pippin. There's nothing out there its all in your imagination."
ESM: Commas would be good.
Gimli: Actually, I was thinking a coma would be better.
Legolas: (Pippin, a la Mr. Tweedy) It's all in me head, it's all in me head.
"It is not! You just come here and listen then you'll know I'm telling the truth."
Legolas: Right. If I just move a few feet over I will be able to hear this mysteriously frightening sound.
ESM: An inch is as good as a mile!
All except ESM: Wha...?
ESM: Oh. It's, 'a miss is as good as a mile', is it?
Legolas: ::shakes head sadly::
Sighing he complied, thinking that this would be the only way the hobbit would let him get some sleep that night.
Legolas: Erm...Elves...don't sleep...
Gimli: Unless they're drunk.
He sat very still and quite for
ESM: Yes�er--quite.
a number of minutes
Pippin: Why don't they tell us how many minutes?
ESM: Be quiet, Pippin. I think the authoress might be doing algebra in school. 'x number of minutes'
Gimli: Much to the detriment of her grammar and lit classes.
until he too heard the strange cry.
Gimli: It was actually the cry of a head of lettuce being eaten.
ESM: I knew it!
"I apologise. I hear it too. It might be some kind of danger."
ESM: Yes, the lettuces are about to attack the serial vegetable-killer.
Merry: Danger from killer ping-pong balls!
"I don't have to come with you to investigate do I?"
Legolas: Of course you do. I need a bumbling sidekick to make me look even smarter than I really am, if that's possible.
Gimli: It is.
Legolas: Shut up.
"No. I shall wake Aragorn, if there is some kind of battle he would sulk if I left him out."
ESM: Especially if it was a battle with lettuce as the protagonist.
With a grin the Elf silently made his way over to the sleeping Ranger and bent to whisper in his ear.
Gimli: (Legolas) Arwen's here...in a bathing suit!
"Aragorn, Aragorn ORC!!!"
Gimli: Oh.
"Where!!!"
ESM: ::peers at text:: Is that a question?
Aragorn jumped up too fast and fell over Borimer in his eagerness to slay the evil creature.
Merry: WHO is Borimer?
Gimli: ::uncertainly:: Ummm, Boromir's twin brother?
"Where's the orc?"
Legolas: ::cheerfully:: Right behind you....woops.
"Nowhere mellon but come and listen to this
ESM: Awesome CD by the Lothlorien Ataris.
.Pippin was telling the truth there is a strange voice in the air.
ESM: No, no, Christmas is in the air! Deck the halls with boughs of Holly, falalalalalalala!
All except ESM: NO. SINGING.
ESM: ::blushing:: Sorry. Just got carried away` with the festive season.
I thought we should go check that it is nothing dangerous."
Gimli: (Aragorn) You thought? Well you go on thinking that and check it out. I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Aragorn smiled and followed his friend out into the darkness.
ESM: Why, where were they, in the light?
Legolas strode in front unfazed by the complete darkness while poor Aragorn stumbled along blindly cursing his humanness and the Elves ability to see in this darkness with their good eyesight.
ESM: Point one, it is a physical impossibility to see in complete darkness, even for Elves. Point two, enough with the run on sentences. Point two-and-a-half, punctuate, please! Point three, tell Aragorn to stop giving such a bad example to my little brother and cousin!
Louder and louder the sound became until Legolas stopped suddenly
ESM: His eardrum having erupted.
and Aragorn walked into him.
Gimli: Painful. Was he in you for long, Legolas?
"Ouch! What was that for? Why are you stopping?"
Legolas: A traffic light. Stop tailgating me!
"Look." Legolas's voice sounded very strangled.
ESM: Wha...?
Legolas: Don't ask me!
Looking over his shoulder Aragorn eyes
Merry: WHO is Aragorn eyes?
Gimli: Aragorn's aunt's uncles' nephew...twice removed
Merry: You could have just said Aragorn's uncle then.
ESM: Yes, don't try to confuse a hobbit with genealogy. They'll get you every time.
adjusted to the light
Legolas: There was light in the valley? It was complete darkness before.
and when he looked down at the floor of the valley he gasped in revulsion
Gimli: At the dust that had been swept under the rug.
ESM: Kinda like Snow White?
Gimli: Ye-uh, what? Who's Snow White?
and took a step back.
ESM: Merit point for the word 'revulsion'.
Legolas: Demerit point for the run-on sentence.
Below them where hundreds of orc and Elf bodies some mangled beyond recognition.
Gimli: ::sadly:: Methinks the lettuces' revenge wrought havoc on the punctuation and grammar of this sentence as well as the orcs and Elves. This, folks, is why Dwarves stick to meats and grains.
Slowly they descended into the valley of death
All: Oooo.
and looked over the battle scene in dismay.
ESM: Is it still a battle scene when everybody's dead? Just wondering.
Why? Was the question in their minds as they picked their way through the horrific sight amidst the dyings moans and the horrible shaking rattles of the wounded taking their last breaths.
ESM: Oh, so they weren't quite dead yet.
As they moved through the carnage the sound was getting louder and more distinguishable,
Legolas: What sound?
Pippin: The one I was hearing.
Legolas: Oh, yes. Sorry. The run-on sentences distracted me.
Legolas notched an arrow and Aragorn drew his sword.
ESM: With a pencil.
Gimli: Wiseguy. Girl.
ESM: (grinning) I'm not that picky.
Legolas continued to make his way to the sound, which was now turned into sobbing, the voice alternated the heart wrenching sobs with pleading. The figure came into sight hunched over a body with its head cradled in its lap.
ESM: That last comma-less description conjures up a very unpleasant mental image.
All: EEEWWWWWW!
The figure was crying and stroking the corpses
Legolas: Pervert.
face lovingly whilst pleading with him to wake up.
ESM: Whilst? What is this, a poem?
"Groundsel sob please wake up.
Gimli: 'Groundsel sob'? Translation please?
Please. Come on." After having said this giving the body a shake.
ESM: Who did?
Legolas: The...Voice...pervert...thing.
ESM: Ah.
Lowering their weapons they advanced towards the distraught figure and Legolas said quietly "Excuse me? Are you all right?" The figure turned around slowly and
Gimli: said, "I was just attacked by crazed lettuces! Do I look alright?"
pulled down the hood of its cloak.
ESM: ::gasps:: A cliffhanger! Quick, let's guess what the cloak has revealed!
Legolas: I bet it's a tearstained Mary Sue.
Merry: Ditto.
Gimli: Ditto.
Pippin: Ditto.
ESM: I hafta agree with yall.
Disclaimer: I don't own any LOTR stuff though I will do some day Muhahahahaha....
ESM: I own lots of LOTR stuff. Posters, calendars, action figures, DVDs, soundtracks, sheet music, bookmarks, costume patterns, books on tape, books,... What does that have to do with this story?
Gemini969: This soon enough for you? Thanks for reviewing! Natulcien: Thanks for that I suck at spelling!
Legolas: Eh, she wasn't as bad as many I've seen.
Gimli: Except for Borimer.
A young woman was reviled under the grubby folds of the clock
ESM: Ack! Merry, you aren't reading this, are you?
Merry: Why, is she getting raped?
Pippin: What?!
Legolas: ::changing the subject:: Umm, anybody else here wondering what the grubby folds of a clock are?
Gimli: ::raises hand:: Me.
her face contorted with grief and streaked with tears.
Legolas: Darn. I would've won the bet except you all said the same thing.
Legolas advanced slowly forward and knelt down to her level.
Gimli: That's pretty low.
"Are you all right? Are you hurt?"
ESM: (tearstained Mary Sue) You asked me that already!
It seemed that she was unable to answer
Legolas: Her mouth was stuffed with lettuce.
so she shook her head forlornly and turned back to the corps.
Gimli: (tearstained Mary Sue) Fooorrrwarrd, MARCH! 1st and 2nd Corps, halt!
ESM: ::staring at him:: What...are you doing?
Legolas stood up and motioned to Aragorn to speak with him away from the dull-eyed figure.
ESM: ::gasps:: Dull-eyed? Dull-eyed! Is it not a Mary Sue? Her eyes should be sparkling with crystal tears and have dazzled the handsome elf-prince out of his mind ten seconds ago!
Legolas: ::hurriedly:: It's all a ploy to make you think it isn't a Mary Sue.
ESM: If you say so.
"Do you think we'll be able to move her with out any trouble?"
Legolas: Sure. Once I've sent one of my trusty arrows clean through her body.
ESM: Now, Legolas, you promised you wouldn't be so violent anymore.
Legolas: Yeah, and you promised I wouldn't have to do this anymore.
ESM: I did not!
Legolas: Did too.
ESM: Not!
Legolas: Too.
Gimli: Shut up.
"Come on Legolas what would we do with her even if we could get her to move? But your right we can't leave her here alone."
Merry: What's on his right?
Pippin: Huh? oh.
"We are too far from Rivendell to head back so the only option is to go on with her and drop her off at the safest point."
Gimli: (Legolas) Or we could just kill her and leave her here.
ESM: ::growls softly::
Aragorn agreed to this even thought it might slow them down considerably.
ESM: ::coldly:: I see. Sacrificing the Quest to help this tearstained maiden. Definitly a Mary Sue. How could I ever have doubted it?
The first rays of dawn were peeking over the rims of the valley casting a bloody dull red light over the battle field and for the first time they could really see who they were dealing with.
ESM: A bloody dull red light? Is this person using cuss words or does she just have no sense of proper description?
Gimli: Probably the latter.
Resting a hand on her shoulder
Gimli: (explaining) His hand was tired.
Legolas spoke to the woman softly.
Gimli: (Legolas, whispering) Prepare to die!
"Come with us you cannot remain here."
ESM: (Legolas) In other words, I hearby strip you of your God-given right to remain here if you so choose because...because I say so. So there.
A fresh wave of tears came after he spoke to her.
Legolas: ::sighing:: Ah, yes, the tears. What would a Mary Sue be without them?
ESM: ::suspiciously:: Legolas, Did you say something MEAN to her?
Legolas: I? No! Never! Well, maybe I said she was ugly and not worth talking to...
She softly moved the corpses head
ESM: Well, now, is there one corpse or alot?
and stood slowly.
ESM: ::bursts out laughing::
Legolas: ::pretending to be shocked:: What's so funny? Can't you see the girl is crying?
ESM: ::laughing harder:: No, no she's not. She's standing slowly!
Pippin: ::perplexed:: How do you stand slowly?
All: ::laughing::
With one last loving glance and the still figure she walked away from him
Gimli: What still figure? Why did she take it? What kind of a story is this, anyhow?
ESM: ::gravely:: No one will ever know.
and towards the waiting Aragorn with Legolas gently guiding her.
ESM: What is she, blind?
Whilst walking back to the others Legolas found himself studying her very intently.
Gimli: Ooo, careful you don't trip, Elf-boy!
She has
Legolas: Oh, changing tense, are we?
beautiful copper hair
ESM: ::joyfully:: Like me!
Legolas: ::looking at her wryly:: Your hair is NOT a beautiful copper.
ESM: ::stuttering:: Well, I uh, that's because it's not washed!
Merry: You didn't wash your hair?
ESM: ::blushing:: I mean, it IS washed, you just can't tell in this light...
All except ESM: Uh-huh.
which would be sleek and smooth but the battle had seemed to take its toll on her appearance the warrior's braids that usually were very neat were messy and falling out and the elegant cloak was stained with mud and looked very travel worn.
ESM: ::quietly:: I don't like run-on sentences.
Legolas: ::looks at her anxiousl::
She was wearing male clothes, which consisted of a brown tunic and a very dirty light green shirt and light green leggings.
Gimli: I don't wear that. Does that make me not a male?
Legolas: Probably.
Gimli: I was joking.
Legolas: Oh.
The clothes flattered her athletic form,
ESM: Please, for the sake of sake, either use a period or a semi colon!
Legolas: Have you ever had sake?
ESM: No. It just looks clever on the screen.
Gimli: Actually, it just looks retarded.
ESM: You're very lucky I can't reach you, Dwarf.
Legolas was in the middle of contemplating this
ESM: Legolas! How could you?
when she turned to look at him. Embarrassed to be caught staring like that he quickly turned away blushing slightly.
ESM: ::darkly:: You'd BETTER be embarrassed. And not just because she caught you.
"Where are we going?"
Gimli: Sounds like Pippin.
Pippin: ::bristling:: Was that an insult?
Gimli: N-no, just a comment of endearment.
All: ????
It was the first word she had spoken to them.
ESM: Methinks the author has been reading too many relatively ancient texts.
Her voice was quite
Legolas: Quite. Quite what?
and very gentle to Legolas it was the best sound in the world.
ESM: Stop. Running. Sentence.
Legolas: Uh-oh.
He shook his head briefly. Where did that come from?
Gimli: What, that horsefly? Merry had it in his pack.
Merry: What in the world would I be doing with a horsefly in my pack?
Gimli: Wasn't that who you were talking to in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep?
Merry: I have no idea what you are talking about.
"We have a camp not far from here. Our companions are waiting for us there."
ESM: ::singing tunelessly:: Here! There! And EVERYWHEEEEEERE!!!!
Just as Aragorn answered her question seven shadows appeared
Pippin: ::gasping:: Wraiths!
on the horizon.
Legolas: We walked that far, eh? Man, that Mary Sue sure can cry loud.
"There are our friends. It seems as though they got bored of waiting!"
Gimli: No, actually we just sent Merry and Pippin to go see if you wanted to play Uno.
ESM: Uno's fun, isn't it.
All: Yep.
Legolas was chuckling as two hobbits started running towards them and the stranger.
Gimli: Looks as though they did their job.
"Strider, Legolas we thought some thing bad had happened to you!
ESM: (Merry) Yeah, like some thug had come and robbed you clean!
Legolas: (Merry) But apparently, you've come to the worst end possible. 'Tis a Mary Sue you have there with you!
Did you get caught by the monster?"
Merry: Obviously not. Why do people make me look so dumb?
ESM: Stereotype, I expect.
"No Merry there is no monster. This is your monster."
ESM: After many split seconds of serious thought, I have concluded that those were not necessarily contradictory statements.
Legolas: That first one didn't make sense anyway.
Gimli: Hold on, aren't Mary Sues monsters?
After saying this Aragorn indicated to the
ESM: 'Indicated', good. 'To', not good.
nervous figure standing with Legolas a bit behind the group.
Gimli: The group of Aragorn?
Pippin: ::uncertainly:: He DOES have alot of names...
ESM: Yeah, maybe the names weren't all for prophetic reasons. Were they, Legolas?
Legolas: Well, I have caught him talking to himself a couple times...
Taking it upon himself to introduce the group and himself to the guest Pippin strolled up to her.
ESM: ::teasingly:: Oo, quite the ladies' hobbit, are we, Pippin?
Pippin: ::blushes slightly::
"This is Merry, Sam, Frodo, Legolas, Strider, Gandalf,
All: GANDALF???
Legolas: Oh yeah, they were in Hollin. Right. Gandalf.
ESM: Oops.
Boromir, Gimli and I'm Pippin. Who are you?"
ESM: (Mary Sue) Mary Sue!
Legolas: That's the truth, come what may.
"Carnen."
Gimli: Direct sort of person, isn't she?
ESM: ::calmly:: Gimli, Sues are not persons. They are more flawless than they have a right to be. They are not persons. Repeat that.
Gimli: Mary Sues are not persons.
ESM: Thankyou. Anyway, I think it was supposed to be a dramatic ending to the chapter.
Legolas: I'm noticing a pattern. The chapters are all ending with this Carnen�thing.
Pippin: There's only been two chapters.
ESM: And your point is...you want to do the next one right now? Good. Here it is.
Disclaimer: (Tolkin points a gun to my head)
Legolas: Who's this Tolkin gunsel?
Pippin: Kin of Tol is my guess. Though who Tol is...
ESM: It is my belief that a disclaimer is invalid if the name is misspelled.
Tolkin: Say it
ESM: (Tolkin, hysterically) Say that you give your soul to me!
Me: your mean.
Gimli: Tolkin has a mean?
ESM: It is my belief that only a plurality of items can have a mean.
Legolas: Ask a mathmatician.
All except Merry: ::Look at Merry::
Merry: Why are you looking at me? I'm not a mathmatician.
ESM: Really? Your name starts with an 'M'. I thought...
Merry: ::firmly:: I'm a genealogist and a war hero. NOT a mathmatician.
(Trigger clicks) fine. I do not own LOTR.
ESM: Ah! I get it! Tolkin is a thug hired by Tolkien to make sure people put disclaimers in their fanfics!
Legolas: ::dryly:: Acute, ESM, really acute.
ESM: Thankyou.
Anastasia Who: I'm glad you like it. I'll try and correct my bad spelling!!
ESM: I'm actually more worried about your punctuation and plot.
Gandelf,
Gimli: Isn't it odd, how when she says she's gonna fix the spelling, she immediately has a blaring error?
Boromir and Aragorn were walking at the back of the group with the hobbits a little in front of them. Legolas and Carnen were walking further in front of the hobbits trying to coax her into talking.
ESM: No. That sentence did not make sense.
Boromir took a sly glance at the two.
Legolas: ::monotone:: Hmm. Borry must be up to something.
"I think our little Legolas has taken a liking to Carnen."
Legolas: WHAT?!
ESM: Really, Legolas. You're going to have to come to terms with this.
Aragorn smirked and said, "Does he know that?"
Gimli: ::glancing at Legolas:: At the moment I think the 'liking' has taken the form of plotting her destruction.
"I don't think so. Lets have our fun with the elf while we can."
Merry: What are they gonna do, elope?
(A/N how evil are they!!!)
ESM: Very evil, omg!!!
Stepping up the pace a bit they caught up to Legolas and Carnen who were talking (or in the case of Carnen listening)
Gimli: Yeah, Legolas sure talks alot. The hobbits can't ever get a word in edgewise.
Legolas: Hmph. Replace 'Legolas' with 'Gimli' and you'll have the truest statement ever uttered by Dwarf-kind.
of the quest the fellowship were embarking on.
ESM: WHY are you telling it your mission? For all you know, it could be one of the spy Mary Sues.
Gimli: But don't they always have a change of heart and save the Fellowship anyway?
"What are you two talking about?" Aragorn enquired.
"Just what we are trying to do." Legolas started to get very suspicious of what they were trying do, after all that tone of voice they were using suggested one of Estels pranks. He grimaced as he remembered all the times he had been the victim of the twins and Aragorns' jokes.
Gimli: WHAT! You mean to say that we went on that grueling Quest because the twins wanted to play a joke on Legolas?
ESM: ::grinning:: Looks like it. What do you think, Merry and Pippin?
Merry: Carrot rot.
Pippin: Tomfoolery.
"That's fascinating don't you think Carnen?"
ESM: About the twins? I do indeed.
Boromir said in sugary sweet tones.
Pippin: You mean like the way he talked when...nevermind. ::sniffling:: I miss Boromir.
ESM: Me too.
Merry: Me three.
::Collective sniffling::
She nodded slowly as Legolas became more and more uncomfortable. Glancing at each other Boromir and Aragorn immediately launched into an account of how Aragorn and the twins had stolen his clothes
All except Legolas: ::laughing::
while Legolas was in his bath and he had to run all the way back to his bedroom naked to get some new ones.
All except Legolas: ::screaming with laughter::
To make matters for Legolas worse they told her about how Lord Elrond had seen him running desperately to his room.
All except Legolas: ::Rolling on floor holding their stomachs and trying to breathe::
By the time they had finished Legolas was the colour of a very ripe tomato
Gimli: ::wheezing:: That...that he is!
::Peals of laughter from all except Legolas::
ESM: And the best part is, we weren't laughing at the stupid joke, we were expressly laughing to make you blush!
and Carnen was giggling quietly the troublemakers were grinning from ear to ear having succeed in the mission to embarrass the poor elf.
ESM: ::sobering:: RUN-ON SENTENCE!
Gandelf
Legolas: Who IS this guy?
announced that they would be stopping here
ESM: Right. Just...here. That'll do.
to rest for the night, as it was already getting dark. They decided to risk a fire and it was all very companionable but Carnen was prone to go very quite and sad.
Gimli: I am beginning to believe this person does not know how to spell 'quiet'.
ESM: Quite so.
Gimli: Shut up.
ESM: That was quite rude.
GImli: You're being quite annoying.
ESM: I am quite crushed.
Gimli: I've had quite enough.
ESM: Quite right.
Gimli: Argh!
One by one they dropped off
ESM: A cliff?
to sleep
ESM: Oh.
until she was the only one left awake.
Legolas: What, no nightwatch? Ridiculous.
ESM: The Sue must make everybody tired. I'm kinda tired myself.
Merry: ::nods:: All that laughing.
She could not fight the wave of tiredness that sent her to her nightmares.
Gimli: Thought it just said she couldn't sleep.
ESM: No, just that she was the last one to be awake.
A suffocating blanket of darkness surrounded her
Legolas: ::gleefully:: Yes! The fic I've always wanted! Suffocate, pathetic little Sue! Oh Essie, thank you for this!
ESM: ::surprised:: Erm, uh, sure thing.
and she could not breath suddenly she could see something.
ESM: ::muttering:: Run-on sentence.
It was Groundsel come back to her.
Legolas: ::getting more hyper:: See, look! The dead have come to claim their own!
::ESM and Gimli exchange glances::
"Groundsel!" she sobbed and tried to run towards him with her hand outstretched.
Legolas: ::laughing evilly:: Bwahahaha! Run, run to him! He will take you back to the underworld!
Gimli: (to ESM) Is he always like this? This Sue isn't THAT bad.
ESM: Well, he's not usually quite this...crazed. I suspect he's venting all his pent-up rage for past Sues right now. The ones who, you know, spent alot of time...at night...with...him...
Gimli: I see.
"Carnen help me!"
Merry: Just curious, has anybody else figured out how to say the Sue's name?
All: No.
Merry: What about her boyfriend?
All: No.
He was shouting but she couldn't move no matter how much she tried
Legolas: ::shouting:: Because she was DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESM: Dude, what is with all the exclamation points?
and he was absorbed into the blackness screaming her name.
Legolas: FOLLOW HIM, SUE!
She awoke sobbing in Legolas's arms.
:Legolas: ::stunned::
ESM: Legolas? Legolas honey! Legolas, it's all right.
Legolas: ::breaks down crying::
Gimli: :: looks away in embarrassment::
Pippin: ::hands his handkerchief to ESM::
ESM: ::pats Legolas's eyes::
ESM: There, there, it's alright, Thranduillion. We'll kill a Sue later. Come on, we shouldn't be causing a scene right in the middle of a fic. Would it make you feel better if I promise you don't have to do the next one? No? Okay. Whatever. You're too old for this. Get over it.
The fellowship had been ambushed by crebain and where now climbing up Caradhras.
Gimli: How time does fly.
Carnen was struggling to catch up, the battle and the sorrow exhausting her physically and mentally. After the nightmare she had withdrawn further and further into herself
ESM: Autistic Egoist.
becoming more quiet and sad.
Gimli: Oh my Durin! She spelled 'quiet' right!
Frodo had just fallen.
ESM: He does fall alot.
Pippin: He has ear problems.
ESM: Oh, is that it?
He got up quickly the snow turning his fingers blue as he searched for the ring.
Merry: Shouldn't 'ring' be capitalized?
Boromir picked up the ring and entranced his fingers traced the edge of the gold band. Mesmerised he whispered.
"Strange that our fate rests on such a small object."
ESM: Erm, that sounds rather awkward even compared to the movie.
Aragorn noticed how Boromir looked at the ring. He tried to bring him back from the evil that had cast its spell over him.
"Boromir give the ring to Frodo."
ESM: Yes, I'm sure that did it. There is a deplorable lack of commas in this plotless fic.
"I care not." He laughed trying to defuse the tension.
Pippin: I'm gonna cry.
ESM: Well, I'm tryin' not to.
Carnen how ever was shaking she had seen the look in his eyes that greedy soulless look that scared her so much.
ESM: Hmm. I guess she wasn't too far gone to notice that.
Legolas notice she had held back.
Gimli: That sentence made no sense.
Gliding up to her
ESM: Gliding? On snow? Did he have a snowboard or something?
Legolas: No. She's lying.
he rested an arm around her shoulders
Gimli: Oh, now his ARM is tired.
and pulled her close trying to give her comfort and warmth. What he got in return was that smallest of gentle smiles that seemed as fragile as a blossom.
Gimli: Cheap.
It made his hart beat faster
ESM: I didn't know Legolas had a hart.
Legolas: Neither did I.
Gimli: But it beats faster.
ESM: That it does.
and filled him full of a funny emotion that made his stomach flip.
ESM: Nausea?
Gimli: Hey. What happened?
Merry: Looks like it's all done.
Gimli: No, really? I wanted to find out more about the Lettuce Wars.
ESM: You could make up an ending.
Gimli: No thanks. We'd best get Legolas out of here.
ESM: I agree...hey, where'd he go?
Pippin: Out the door. ::sniffs:: I smell...bacon!!!!!
Merry: No wonders he left so fast...
(The hobbits dart for the door. Gimli and ESM follow, stopping only long enough to turn out the lights.)
ESM: ::yelling:: Half the pan is MINE!!!!!