�I'm sorry?� he tried, but closed his mouth soon after. With Sabu's scrutinizing stare, he knew an apology wasn't going to cut it. He just wanted to know what he'd done, though.
Perhaps he could ask the neighbours. Sure, seeing as they were staying in a hotel, he had no idea who they were, but with a bit of luck they'd be wrestlers. Maybe they'd understand the situation and give him a break.
Or, perhaps, he mused, there was something he could do to tempt Sabu into giving in. Yes, Rob liked that plan.
(Love Machine � Girls Aloud.)
-
He'd been running in circles, Sabu knew. Been all over the world, had spoken quite some languages, listened to more. Yet nothing was quite as special as being regarded with something that could be considered affection. Touched because the other wanted to so desperately, knowing it wasn't just to get what they wanted.
Still, he knew he wasn't quite that philosophical, so he never dared actually saying it. He was too short-sighted for that, or at least people liked to think so.
With Rob sitting next to him, prattling on about something or another, there was this urge to say something, though. Moments like these beat chanting crowds or the rush of doing impossible moves. Something he'd never admit to, but couldn't resist at the same time.
�Rob?� Sabu murmured, instantly halting the flow of words.
The other man turned. �Hmm?�
Sabu paused, then grimaced at his own behaviour and sighed. �Never mind.�
(That's Where It Is � Carrie Underwood.)
-
The ocean was supposed to be peaceful. Something about the never-ending waves continuously crashing on the beach. Sabu thought it was useless noise.
Rob didn't, though, which was precisely the reason why they were here. The man had been standing near the water for a while now. Reflecting, probably, or something incredibly Zen that Sabu wouldn't want to know about.
Sometimes he'd wonder, though, what Rob thought about when he was in one of those moods. Curled up, bending in ways that shouldn't be possible, he could look so extremely serious and relaxed at the same time. Complacent, happy, yet conveying a hint of trouble. Sabu figured it probably included him, that bit of trouble that Rob never quite managed to deal with it, but he never asked.
Staring at the white foam, rushing up the beach and then forced to stay there, Sabu sighed. Had he been anyone else, he wouldn't have seen dreadful notions in that. Possibilities of being left behind, considered waste, in favour of the great endless ocean.
It scared him, Rob's love for the sea.
(We Belong To The Sea � Aqua)
-
He hates lying. Lies distort, mess with people, and he likes to think he's better than that. And yet, Rob has to concede, his entire friendship with Sabu is one. A big lie that he can't admit to, has to push back and imagine doesn't exist, because being truthful would ruin everything. They're not friends, like they pretend they are, not in Rob's mind. They're forever scraping the surface of what would be considered appropriate.
So they lie to each other, pretend there's nothing going on. Rob hates it so much, it tears at him, but on the outside he remains aloof, relaxed. He's RVD, nothing can bother him, so no one bothers to ask either. Oh, how he hates lies.
He wishes, while trying to fall asleep in the other bed, that he was strong enough to make a decision. He wishes, early in the morning when he's getting them coffee, that he could either get away or get in. Jump on the train and see where it leads, or get off and never return.
The lies have consumed them, though. There's nothing but, and even the truth can't change that now. Sighing, Rob turns to the window. Outside the wind blows, but the truth remains.
(Dear Lie � TLC)
-
There is nothing he can do about it. Rob tells himself that, again and again. It's final, their decision � or Sabu's decision, Rob has to admit � and he has to abide by it. But it hurts. Hurts so much. How long had they been friends, how long had they been more? So very long, as long as Rob has been in the business. It tied them together, this jungle of egos, wrestling moves, and betrayal. That wouldn't be them, Rob had decided.
He's seen Sabu during the worst of times. Has sat next to a hospital bed on more than one occasion. Has worried endlessly, has attempted to console, has pushed violently to get what he wants. He's always thought that was what Sabu wanted as well. Not so now.
It hurts Sabu, Rob knows, but in a different way. The man couldn't take it any more, seeing himself break down and having to watch Rob sidestep everything on his path to greatness. Beloved, appreciated, but Rob feels hollow inside.
No fan appreciation can heal him now.
(Goodbye My Lover � James Blunt.)
-
Sitting there, Sabu felt Rob was taunting him. Something about the smirk on the man's face, begging to be mentioned, pleading to be noticed. Then again, that could also be the booze talking.
He'd become accustomed to an alcohol-induced haze, over the years. It didn't happen quite as often any more � Rob's insistence that alcohol and medicine really didn't mix hard to ignore � but still enough to feel familiar. So then why did tonight seem so different?
Perhaps it was the fact that flaming cheeks told him Rob was in much the same state, instead of staying sober so he could drive them back to the hotel like he'd usually do. Or perhaps that he looked remarkably composed for someone so thoroughly inebriated. God, he hated Rob sometimes.
The temptation was there, though. That ever-present urge to give in and blame it on the haze both were in. Would Rob even remember it the next morning, were he to kiss him?
Instead Sabu shied away from it, not quite catching the disappointed look on his friend's face.
(Kiss The Girl � Disney) Ehehehe.
-
Japan is beautiful. Rob's always thought so, which is why he doesn't mind going there. With its culture, charming people, and tendency to get quite obsessed with wrestling, he knows he fits right in. There are some things he's a bit apprehensive of, though. For instance, this strange habit Sabu has of almost killing himself when he's there.
Sitting in a chair quietly, Rob waits for Sabu to wake up again. It's the second time in three weeks that he's found himself stationed next to a hospital bed, absent-mindedly leafing through a magazine and pretending to read. The words don't make sense to him, even though Sabu occasionally attempts to teach him some. Generally Rob's more occupied with watching the man get passionate about something than he is with what the words actually mean.
He should be worried, Rob knows, but Sabu has made sure to beat that out of him. Nobody worries about Sabu. Only, Rob does, simply can't help himself, and wonders when exactly Sabu will notice how much he cares.
(Inuyasha ThemeSong � Inuyasha.) I have no idea what they're singing about, so...I chose to make it about Japan instead. So sue me. Besides, Inuyasha's all about unrequited love, so that fits, right? ^^
-
He feels old. Watching young guys do moves he invented � and do them better � he can't help but feel like his time has passed. He's worn, body breaking under the strain. It's like the first breath of winter has finally reached him, and he's feeling its chill. One breath away from disappearing pitifully into a bitter night. Would anyone mourn the loss?
Staring gloomingly at the ring he used to love, Sabu doubts anyone would. He's become something of an enigma, but one everyone mocks behind his back. Crazy, they call him, difficult. No one bothers with him these days, not unless they need a table smashed, or a back broken. That he can provide.
Suddenly he feels warmth behind him, a hand carefully slipping under a shirt. He's reminded then, that there are some people who still stare in wonder when they are near him, or who speak fondly of him to anyone who will listen.
Grouching slightly as his partner stands a bit too close, he secretly relishes in the affection. Perhaps, Sabu muses, Rob is the only one left, the last one, but he's enough to make Sabu feel alive.
(The Last Unicorn � The Last Unicorn Soundtrack.) Best animated film ever.
-
Love will lead us.
Both regarded the big sign with some trepidation. Oh how they hated weddings. Rob seemed a little less put off than Sabu did, but it was still clear he wasn't too happy with the arrangement either. Still, friends deserved their presence, and there weren't too many left these days.
�Love always manages to fuck up the directions, though,� Sabu muttered, causing Rob to chuckle softly.
�Hey, it's all about the journey, right?�
�Is that why we keep staying at run-down hotels? Or is love just a cheapskate?�
Sabu paused, realising he'd just mentioned the L word in relation to them. Rob didn't look at him, seemed remarkably relaxed. Perhaps he hadn't noticed? Sabu wondered for a second what he would do if he had. Joke himself out of it? Could he with a straight face?
Truth was, somewhere on their endless journey, he'd found that no one was safe from the clinging arms of love. They were too strong to shake off. And yet... Hiding, jumping for cover, he didn't want it any more.
�I think,� Rob whispered, staring at the sign with a troubled gaze, �That love just always takes the long way round.�
(Dolphin's Cry - Live.)
-
I give a damn, Rob wanted to say, having to listen to Sabu cursing and ranting hard even on him. How could he not? It had been that way ever since they'd first met, yet somehow Sabu had never noticed. Or perhaps he had, but hadn't really considered it. It was a constant, not bound to change, so why should he ponder it?
Rob knew his affection was taken for granted every time Sabu yelled at him, or ignored him, or � even worse � favoured others over him. The man had convinced himself that no one cared what happened to him, had based that on the fact that his friends hadn't called, hadn't bothered. But Rob had.
�I'm here,� he whispered, causing Sabu to pause. Dark eyes regarded him for a second.
�Yes, but they're not. Haven't you been listening?�
Rob stared at the floor, didn't bother looking up when Sabu grabbed his phone and walked out. He knew he'd find him outside, leaning against the building, pretending he'd contacted his friends. Under the guise of wanting them to care, he'd bother. Which was more than Rob got. Because Rob wasn't going anywhere.
How it hurt to have to see the man he cared for constantly find what he wanted with anyone but him.
But he'd hold on, because he didn't want to take what he had for granted either. Even if it meant keeping quiet until Sabu finally realized that Rob would always be there.
('Alles Draait Om Jou' � De Leeuwenkoning 2. ) That's the Dutch version of 'Love Will Find A Way' from The Lion King 2.