The crowd loves him, no matter what he does. Well, except the Canadians perhaps, but even they secretly adore him. They�re just too proud to admit it. Being in a tag-team with him is wonderful, yet torture. How am I supposed to stand there, at the sidelines, and watch him get clobbered? It�s all fake, yes, but the merest hint of blood makes my muscles twitch. My limbs want to move, want to do something, protect him. It�s silly. Like he needs my help. Like they�re really out there to hurt him. They wouldn�t dare.
Then there are the times when I�m in the ring, and he�s standing on the apron. Or hanging from the ropes � he�s always the one that gets the shit beat out of him � watching me. And the audience is watching him. I�m putting on this grand show, yet I know that he�s getting most of the attention. He can never stand still when he�s not tagged in. He has to move, make funny faces, and wince when I�m hit by a particularly nasty clothesline. I know, I�ve watched our tapes. I always say it�s because I want to improve myself, but it�s really just to watch him. Watch him without people raising eyebrows � which they already do � or asking questions.
I know I�m sounding obsessed, and needy, but damn I love this man. It�s hard not to, and I�m not even sure if there was ever a time when I didn�t. Over the years we�ve gone through a lot, Shawn and I, but I doubt there was ever a time when I didn�t feel something for him. It�s hard, at times, but it�s the moments we share that make up for all the heartache.
Those moments, those short and meaningless looking moments, are what keep me sane. In the ring, as he hunches over me protectively. After the match, when he allows me to hug him from behind. The crooked smile as we bring up things from the past; Montreal, the old DX. It�s those moments that make me regret, yet cherish what we have. Regret that I never acted, before Rebecca, before Steph, before God. Fighting a woman is always a tricky business, but fighting God? No, I was never destined to win.
I wouldn�t even want to win now, even though I know it sounds strange. Shawn�s happy like this. I find his faith inspiring. To believe in something this strongly, it must be a comforting feeling. I couldn�t take that from him. I could never take something like that from the people I love. So, I watch. I cherish the moments. Those accidental nudges, the lazy smiles, the whispered words. I push down my protective side, relish in his instead, and watch as he enjoys the world as much as the world enjoys him.