Dear Journal,
Damn....these peepo are nosey....they all wanna be up in mah bizZz...sike nah i dont care. Ok well today i found out Carinn had her baby yesterday!!! ish a gurl!!! aww ish gonna be so cute! i'm gonna buy all these cute clothes and hook her up!!! ok i am on the phone with somebody right now so i'LL write more laterzZz.
ok i think this journal thing ish a lil bit corny but oh well....YOU peepo seem tah be interested in what i have to say. OK well today was really bad cuz i woke up all late and got 2 school at the end of 3rd period and so i really only had two classes left and i was so tired so i wanted to go home but i just didnt have the motivation to just get up and leave...ok now i'm thinking about somebody that everyone knows so i won't even say who...i MISS PHILADELPHIA soooo much. damn....GRRRR!!!! and i'm listening to all these sad songs....i guess this isn't helping.....o well. PEASHE!
well its not like anything interesting really ever happens in my life....BUT it looks like you are still reading this so i guess i'll talk.....but YAY i dont have a coughie anymore!!! :) thash good! AND i'm going to try tah convince my mom tah let me go back to philly for memorial day weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! (hopefully i'll get to see someone that really needs to be seen by me cuz ish been WAAAY too long aightzZz?) Yea!! and Ylimay....we should practice this weekend! OUR DANCE ISH GONNA BE SOOO CUTE! whoa airband is comeing up in like 17 days too. aight well thas about all i have tah say about that....life iz Liiiike a box a chocolotz....yah never kno....HeHe!
ok i forgot tah say this yesterday. ISAIAH: u need to stop matching clothes with me!! ok? i know i am just the BEST and you wanna be like me.....LOL ok i'll stop. OK here are some names of people who are making me mad...weLL u know it's proly better if i dont say anything but there are just certain peepo that are just SO arrogant and so disrespectful that they are just SO pathetic cuz i know that that's not how they really wanna be. I don't like people who act like followers.Goshness GET some personality!!! ewWWW! ok i'LL stop (o wait this has nothing to do with matching clothes or u isaiah.but that was funny..ish other peepo) o and by the way....speaking of blah blah blah...HEY Ylimay i really think i should hook u up with so and so.HeHe (u know who we were talking about earlier) o yesh and i'm sorry John if u called me yesterday cuz i fell asleep right after i got off the phone with you. IM SO SORRY i said i wouldn't but my eyes were just soo droopy ((u-u))~zZz. Well school ish almost over (YAAAAY) and i'm pritty sure i dont have summer school so i plan tah spend lots of time in Philadelphia and Wildwood NJ. Me and Jill go every year. Aw JILL i miss yah sooo much!! and Kim too. Wow Kim, u and Weston are inseperable *AWWW* so sweet. ok well thish ish kinda getting too long so i guess this is all im gonna say:)
oopsh i guess i forgot about this. ok well this weekend was boring cuz i thought that on Friday everyone was gonna chill but everyone forgot to tell me that Yvette was still in Pennsylvania. Saturday i watched that movie "The Wedding singer" over ------'s.....leaving out some details i can say i wasn't too happy r. so ------ , if u are reading this u kno what im talking about. that kind of "friendship" is nothing that i want to be a part of.....because i define the word "friends" as "friends" none of that...... Different subject--
ok and i dont know if anyone else out there ever felt like this but i just need to say this....what is it about someone that they are the last thing u thin about before u go to sleep, the only one in your dreams and the first thing u think about when u wake up? and why do people say that long distance relationships never work out? that just seems unfair. who made that up anyway? whoa i think i am getting a little too deep for this lil PUBLIC journal....aight thats enough for today. :)
wow. a lot of bad things are happening 2 people. i'm so sorry Mike! :( i wish i could be like a little superhero and solve this or like prevent things from happening.....(i said "super" Desiree,) im thuper thankth for athking! "THERES THE BOY THAT I LIKE...NOW IT APPEARS..." o yeah and "its limpy and its lumpy, they walk a little funky" wow o yeah and one more thing "Gracias" hehehehe! wow we have a lot of little things like that...oops can't leave out "guppy" right Tracey? ok lemme get back to Mike: here goes my speech....What is the problem with the youth of America? Why are they so STUPID? some people have NO brain cells whatsoever.......commit a crime without a motive...........get yourself hit in the mojo that way....dam kids these days....OK thats my speech. well some good news isl i talked to Carinn today! Her baby girl is doing just fine its one week old. Her name is Leneah Jasmeene. I didn't get to see her yet :*( i thought i was tonight but i can't. Wahhh! aw! i can't wait to see her...o yeah and Carinn too...hehehe.
I AM IN A BAD MOOD! today was another boring day just like every other BORING day. NOTHING interesting EVER HAPPENS to me! i also have this feeling that something BAD is goign to happen to me soon. I dunno....but whenever i get like this something always does happen. i just found out that i might have to take summer school ONLY because in NY STATE u need two credits of world history to graduate....what the?!!..WELL THANX 4 TELLING ME NOW WHEN THE YEAR IS BASICALLY OVER! shopping didn't even cheer me up tha last 2 days.
I HATE MY FATHER!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T THINK I EVER GOT ALONG WITH HIM........I CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE OUT! I WILL BE SO HAPPY! WHY DOES HE CONTINUOSLY MAKE UP THESE RULES AND GIVE ME ALL THESE BOUNDARIES THAT HE KNOWS I WILL NEVER FOLLOW AND ALWAYS CROSS? I KNOW WHY.....BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO GET ON MY NERVES AND THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE IS THE PARENT AND I AM THE "RECKLESS CHILD" U KNO CUZ I DONT GO BY HIS CHRISTAIN VALUE AND WHAT NOT....GRRRRRRRRR IM JUST SO MAD I H-A-T-E WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO RESTRICT ME..........U CANNOT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND WHAT I SHOULD NOT DO! IT DOESN'T WORK.....I WIN EVERY ARGUMENT EVERYTIME BECAUSE I WON'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!!!!!!! THAT DUM FORK.......
iSH bEeN tOo LoNg PEEPS! i am writing this @ school porque a STUPID person whose name i wont mention-LETS CALL HIM M. DAD, no thats too obvious...lets call him My D. wont let me do ANYthing anyMORE cuz hes so paranoid about me....BLAH BLAH BLAH...GOD fprbid i should be talking to GUYS! and if they do DARE to come and MEET him then its suddenly RELIGION class all over again like "DO you go to church?" "Do you pray on a regular basis?" and of course the question "DO YOU SEE THAT BIG GUN THAT I HAVE OVER MY FIREPLACE?" and then they bring me home at like 8 o'clock!!!!! ok well this is all past experiences i had but lemme stop talking about the past. He's not the only problem i have right now. i haven't been able to talk to anybody in a while cuz of all this trouble and what not M. DAD is causing. My brother is spazing out at school (hey just like Pysith!) but its really serious and theres all these other details that YOU PEEPS eyes cant see SOWWIE!. BUT THE ONE PERSON THAT I WISH I COULD TALK TO RIGHT NOW is ~JOHN~ i cant even call HIM anymore cuz of the phone bill GRRRR! o yeah anyway im not supposed tah be using the phone either. JOHN wheres my letter mon? :(
ME AND YLIMAYS'S DANCE WAS THE SHIZIT!!! o mY gOsHnEsS! i HaD sOoOoO mUcH FuN! i LOVE BEING ON STAGE! i CaN'T bELiEvE i WaS eVeN NeRvOuSe BeFoRe wE WeNT On! ThAt wAs sOoO FuN! iT bEtTeR Be oN TV SoOn cUz i rEaLlY ReAllY nEeD To TaPe iT!!! i WaNNa dO iT aLL oVeR aGaiN! iT WaS jUsT So mUcH FuN! AHHH! aNyWaY i Am HoMe FrOm ScHoOl cUz i DiDn'T hEaR ThE AlArM CLoCk AnD dIdn"t wAkE Up....OoOOoPsH! o WeLL iTs A.O.K. i GoT kInDa sad tho at the end cuz they played that corny vitamin c song about graduating and it was making me really sad but then Akil picked me up and twirled me around and i thought i was gonna fall off stage ( this was when we all were up there at the end of the show for our finale bow) things like this being on stage really make me think because ive always like being like in the spotlight. even when i was little n my lil dance recitals. i really love doing things like this. and i really dont know what i wanna do when i grow up....cuz i gotta grow up in like A YEAR! ahhh! but whatever i do i KNOW i can't go threw my whole life without being recognized for doing something that everyone will remember....like something for the history books or something. To me it seems like if i don't do that then whats the point? well i dunno if im getting my point accross but at least I KNOW what im talking about.
-
\/
ok Tenzin told me that whenever you write the date since its the year 200 you make the zeros into a smilie face if you are having a good day or a frown if you have a bad day. Today ish a good one : ) i forgot to tell you peepo that i finally saw Carinn's baby last week. SHE IS SOOOOO CUTE! Me and Laura and Desiree are all gonna kidnap her! she is sooooo adorable! and little hands and little fingers and nobody really knows what color her eyes are yet cuz she barely opens them. She can give you some evil lil looks too like "who the * do you think you are" kinda looks! AWWWW! ok hey Cecile i saw your lil website....its all small you should get the kind that i have. Then you can put on all those pictures you have in your many wallets! HEhE....well nothing really worth saying ish goin on.....my boss the one who stalks me called me from puerto rico last week. That was weird...ok i guess thats all i ahveta say agian. PEASHE! ish MORPHIN time! HeHe whoa i'm buggin....
-
\/
Today was ok....i went tah 3 classes....o well.......HEY thanx for the ring isaiah its kewt. HEY YLIMAY.....does Eric think i dissed him i hope not cuz i rilly didn't mean to. ok im talking to too many people online so i gotta stop 4 now.
-
O
Oh my goshness ok well today was pritty interesting......
CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE FIGHT
Arron-----> who is fake 6/00|)
Isaiah-----> hypocrit
Julia-------> too much plastic surgery(the next rage carrie2)
Laurel-----> wanna-be chicken head
.....oh don't worrie i'LL probably think of more later....anyway, soooo let meeh see what else do i have to say today? might as well get it all out...well im mad at John.....i kno about the phone bill and everything but the least he could do is mail my letter but even if he didnt have a stamp.he could still email me.....i feel like... i dont kno..YEAH, that actually makes sense : i feel like i DONT know what is going on........i just better be quite cuz i dont wanna say that but i do have to say that but .....UGH!!!!!!!!!
last thursday and friday i had some rilly embarassing accidental peep shows with my shirts and i will NEVER wear them again!!!! thats like one of those nightmares when you go to school naked....well not exactly but it was scarey. ANYway i was supposed to go to Bo's party last night and it was gona be off the hook and what not, BUT i couldn't go cuz my mom was sick and begging me to stay home. I mean she was crying i couldn't leave her like that. I love my mommy she's so kewl. LOL i sound like a cheese ball but oh well.
what did i tell yah? i KNEW the fights wouldn't be over! THIS TIME IT WAS SO POINTLESS! i bet nobody knows what everyones mad at anymore. thats what i hate a bout girls. Most of them are all sheisty bitches. ANYWAY......soo these are my plans for the summer: June 26th i go to some amusement park with my granpop. (he's mad kewl hehe) and then hopefully*(*i always jinx myself) i'll go to philly that tuesday (if i'm still invited to the beach with Jill) and then summer school starts July 5th. it ends August 15th and then that day i have to go meet Desiree i think in Staten Island and we'll take the plane to PUERTO RICO!!!!! and we won't be back until September 9th!!!!!! o heLLzZz yeah baby!
more stuff happened with the fight but just click that link up there because i'm getting lazy aightz peepo? ^^^
anyway...i REALLY need to go see that movie CHICKEN RUN! ok Desiree and Laura? we gotta see this!!! haha ok and Desiree, u have to come on monday to Knobles cuz i don't wanna chill with my family the whole time at an amusement park. Gee maybe i should tell you that you're invited. ANOTHER thing that needs to be figured out is Stephanie's baby shower because how many month's is she?
right now its 12:41 AM. This time last night i was in Elysburg PA in a corny lil amusement park with all my family members and camping in a rickedy old cabin. but i went off tah explore and what not and i met this guy. i havent even known him for 24 hours yet and i can't stop thinking about him. and i don't know why. we didnt even kiss or anything. and i'm probably never gonna see him again. i really feel like maybe this is one of those love at first sight deals but i forget that i dont believe in that. i can't even explain it on here this is getting a lil too personal ;)
oopsh i forgot about this journal thang. OOPSIE. sooo i m in summer school yup. its actually alright. its pretty easy. NOT to brag but I got the highest grade in my senior english class. OK I WAS BRAGGING I LIED. stupid eugene is trying to get with me again. stupid stupid eugene. i dunno maybe deep down he has a heart and he's not an ass. i dunno tho cuz he prolly juts wants one thing. at least T.J. is straight up with it. he told me straight out "I want to have sexual intercourse with you." What is it that guys think that that's a SMART thing to say??? stupid pathetic T.J. will never get anything from me i know that much. and lemme see who else. this other guy Matt from talehasee florida who is in one of my classes is trying to talk to me too. I JUST GOT TO KNOW HIM and now he is the most annoying person in the world. he calls me 24/7...what could you possible talk to someone over the phone for that long that is so increadibly important? this makes no sense to me. i can see calling me like ONCE a day at the most....but come ON! 5 times a day? what the hell is wrong with you? thats another guy that i wont waste my time on anymore.
ok well basically i stopped talking to Matt. i think he finally got the hint when he kept calling me and i made so many excuses to get off the phone. TJ is stupid and passed out in class all the time because english starts at 8 am and he drinks too much so i guess hes just GONE. a lost cause. whatever anyway. so now im "Seeing" this guy named Kenny:) he's filipino. he's sweet. he's really interesting too. i mean....most guys take me places like in PUBLIC like just to show me off like maybe some OBJECT or something. with Kenny, we can just stay home and cuddle:) He asked me out twice but i said no.... ONLY because i didn't know him too well. we will end up going out though.
i made the biggest decision of my life OMG its determining my whole future basically. i think i decided to be a meterologist. i dunno it all happened so fast. all i know is that after i graduate im going to thsi place in Daytona Beach Florida. i dunno if this is what i want. and my mom already started paying for it. ughhhh. i dont feel like im ready for this. you know? i still feel young. i dont wanna grow up and...uhhh GROW UP. i just dont know.
geez ive been gone for a while. well ok i left on august 15th. our flight left at 7am from newark and we were in staten island and of course WE WOKE UP LATE. and of COURSE.....since i've never flown before there had to be an electric storm that morning. anyway we got to San Juan and took a plane to Ponce. THE OCEAN WAS SOO BEAUTIFUL. i took some pictures from the plane and you'll see how everything looked. anyway. my friend Des's abuelos were soooo overprotective. they wouldn't let us off the PORCH. and everytime some guys would say hi to us, papi was like "OK time to go___" (fill in that blank with any stupid idea. Like to the mall or to visit some relatives all the way on the other side of the island.) Then there was Hurricane Debbie, but it didnt hit us i think it mighta got San Juan. i was mad cuz i really wanted to see a hurricane. OK then one time when we were at the beach, we were in the ocean and it was ligtinging and thundering and raining but everyone else was still in the ocean anyway. then i was running from kathleen cuz she threw wet sand at me so i was in the ocean up to my waist and thats when we looked up and saw this really bright light. i dont remember too much but running and running. kathleen said she couldnt move her legs for a second and des said it felt like a brick hit her in the back of her head. as we were running out everyone was pointing at us. everyone got out of the ocean after that. and our ears were rining and burning. so basically we got struck by lightning. hehe that was cool. but anyway we left PR on the 30th and we stayed in Staten Island till yesterday. oh and on the 1st we went to atlantic city for the day and night. it was aight but the nj ocean looked so nasty. OH YEAH the guys in NYC were all cuties. (well maybe like 80% of them. thats better than here.) and that one guy Pito from Vineland NJ was a sweetie too. and little Darito from PR that spoke no ingles. aWWw...and me and Desiree will never forget our good friend Jose from PR. muak to everyone. i had a good time and i behaved myself more than i thought i would. oh well it was still the best times. and now Los Estados Unidos looks like crud compared to Puerto Rico. I WANNA GO BACK!
ok Friday i did something stupid. well i dont know if it was exactly stupid. but ok well isaih kissed me. and i think he was seeing margarite. or something. and if she finds out, i think shes gonna get really depressed. i think i am such a bitch. i can't believe how stupid i am. well i don't know if i'm stupid. i don't know i don't know!!!
well last week me and isaiah had a really serious descussion and we decided ( i think it was "we" more like HE) that we should "JUST BE FRIENDS" well. i guess thats the smart thing to do. what i don't understand is that HE was the one who was laying on top of ME kissing ME. if he "just wanted to be friends" then why did he do that? i always do this. like with John. i got too scared because i loved him but we live so far apart. so i just stopped talking to him. i didnt want things to turn out bad. like ruin our friendship. but i probably ruined it by just not even talking to him at all. what is my problem?! GEEEEEEEEEZ
AHHHH! he did it AGIAN! ok last night i was supposed to chill with ylimay, desiree, and michelle at the football game and isaiah calls me at work asking me if i wanna watch american pie with him and i was like "well u can come to the football game with us" and then we were gonna all watch it over his house together cuz his mom is in puerto rico again. well i didnt end up getting to meet my friends cuz of all these other factors and then i wanted to just go home and he was like "what are you dissing me now too? watch the movie with me?" so i watched it and then well if you've seen thsi movie then you know. so he was all trying to mess with me and what not.so i was litterally smacking him and telling him to stop. i ended up making him go to a different bed. and i fell asleep. but then i woke up and he was like ON me kissing my forehead. asking me "where are we at in our relationship" YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK i thought we ALREADY went over that? but all i said was just "i don't know" and turned my head and went back to sleep. what the hell is he thinking. HE was the one who said we SHOULD just be friends.
i made cheerleading. yay (thats a sarcastic yay) cuz i wish my friends YLIMAY and DESIREE went to try outs cuz i KNOW they would have made it!!! well anyway i have sooo much friggin stuff on my mind cuz im geting ready for college and what not and my grades are really bad lately. GRRR but John is probably coming up to visit me from philly soon so tha will make me all happy and what not :o) hehe other than that everything is ok. but now Jeremy thinks i like him juts cuz i played some b ball with him. geez. CAN't i JUST TALK TO PEOPLE? CAN'T guys every think a girl might JUST be talking to them AS FRIENDS? i guess not. oh well. i don't have any more time to stress any additional *i$h so i won't care.
wow its been a while. thats kind of ironic that i said that about jeremy. cuz now its all confusing with him. i guess he really DIDN'T think that i was just being friendly...cuz all the sudden hes talking to me alot these dayz. i know i dont like him at all. his personality is just-blah. nothing special. nothing is "clicking"...but for some reason i think i want it to. i know its not happening tho. im probably gonna end up hating him. the only person that i can really see myself with is John. theres not even a question about it. but life is just so cruel...now i live up here in bumblfuk nY with all these bumblefreak guyz and im so sick of it. i just want John. wow it seems like jeremy should KNOW that its not clicking by now. why is he pretending something is gonna happen? why am i? i know its not. what is my problem? urggg! im soo depressed or something ...maybe im just angry at myself. i dont even know....
