You will get a new job, soon, in which your most important activity will be to periodically "jiggle a little thingie". While it will pay well, this will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties. Eventually you will hit on the ploy of saying you sell insurance...ith pale protruding eyes. Fortunately for you, a suitible candidate will soon show up at your door, dressed as a peanut.
This is a good month to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good. Or perhaps some crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you. No pressure, though. Do what you feel is right for you.
You'll get one of those pieces of toast thsi month with a really big hole in it, and the jam will squish out the bottom. That's it though, for this month's excitement.
An odd smell, probably like that of chocolate milk drying on a linoleum floor, will bring back a flood of childhood memories. You will remember your locker combination from seventh grade, for example. Ironically, this will happen during a boring yet important meeting, and you will disgrace yourself by calling someone "booger-face".
Good month to pick a day to curl up with a good book. Later, you will build a fort out of your furniture and some sheets, and shoot rubber bands at people.
A moth the size of a Boeing 747 will erupt from a nearby hillside this month, and go off to help a huge semi-aquatic rubbery dinosaur fight off an alien attack. So what are you doing to help?
Time to start a new fashion trend. Look at it this way: there had to be a first person to wear a necktie, didn't there? Today, every western man has to wear one to dress well. You can almost certainly do better - you probably aren't a deranged masochist with choking fantasies!
Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.
You will discover what Shakespeare actually meant, when he wrote "Hey nonny, nonny", in Much Ado About Nothing. It turns out that it was simply in-field chatter that somehow made it into the play, and that Shakespeare not only enjoyed softball, but was a reasonably good shortstop.
You will have a visit from "The Scourge of Valderia". He's thin, small, balding, wears little round glasses, and dresses in a rumpled blue suit. Still you don't want to cross him.
It will occur to you that there may be something behind the heroic and daring exploits of people in commercials for snack foods. You are absolutely right - in fact, snack foods can be dangerous if over-indulged in. I once wrestled a giant anaconda after downing a bag of Ranch flavored potato chips and a Hostess HoHo.
You must seize the opportunity that presents itself today, no matter what the consequences may be. Remember: opportunity knocks but once, and absolutely refuses to ring the doorbell.
