Permission to perform the play "A Forced Marriage" is granted freely for non-commercial purposes or events, the proceeds of which will benefit solely a registered non-profit organization. The play in any event remains the copyright of V Lakshmanan and Maheshram Vittal and proper attribution must be made at each performance. Permission to perform this play commercially must be obtained in writing and in advance from the authors.
You can contact me at [email protected] . Drop me a note if you plan to stage a performance ...
Sunil: I'll be back in a moment. If anybody brings bills I have to settle, tell him I'm not at home.
Goutham: What if someone brings you money?
Sunil: Money? Then, I am at Goutham's place.
Goutham: (walking in) That's a smart move.
Sunil: Hey, Goat! I was just going to your place!
Goutham: Why? Any thing happening?
Sunil: Oh nothing... actually ... to consult with you on a matter that would have great implications on the course of my existence.
Goutham: I assure you that you've come to the right man. Let's talk.
Sunil: Hey, I want to be sure on one thing. You mustn't flatter me, okay? Tell me exactly what you think. Be blunt, be forthright, be ...
Goutham: Okay, I will. What's all this hoopla about?
Sunil: There is nothing worse than a friend who doesn't say exactly what he thinks.
Goutham: (shrugs)
Sunil:: It's hard to find a sincere friend these days.
Goutham Tell me what you wanted to say, damn you!
Sunil:: You should give me a frank answer.
Goutham I will, I swear I will.
Sunil:: (cautiously) What do you think about me getting married?
Goutham You! .You want to get married? What will happen all those magazines under your bathroom sink?
Sunil:: (makes a long suffering face) Ya, I'm thinking of getting married.
Goutham You?
Sunil:: Yes, me. I first person singular. I am getting married.
Goutham First tell me -- how old are you?
Sunil:: I don't know.
Goutham Ball park figure?
Sunil:: Is this important?
Goutham Hey, how old were you when you first came here?
Sunil:: Not more than twenty three.
Goutham And how long were you in that Community College?
Sunil:: Four years...
Goutham And you worked right?
Sunil:: McDonalds? Ya, for three years.
Goutham And then you came here?
Sunil:: Ya,
Goutham And spent six years with that bald Desi Prof.?
Sunil:: Ya, and it's been three years as a postdoc.
Goutham that is (calculating) 23+3+4+6+3 making it 39...
Sunil:: Nah, that's not possible!
Goutham You can not argue with numbers, buddy. People of our age and our position should not think of such things like marriage. Those are for young people, not for people with beer bellies like yours. Every body in your lab will laugh at you. Everybody on the street will laugh at you. Don't do it, Sunil, don't go and marry.
Sunil:: I'm going to marry no matter what you say. And nobody is going to laugh if I marry this particular girl.
Goutham (curious) Which girl?
Sunil:: One girl I like.
Goutham (hearty voice) You didn't tell me you liked some one. Who is this?
Sunil: (listing it out one by one very excitedly) I've asked her father for her hand. The wedding is next month. Two weeks and I'll be in India!!
Goutham For heaven's sake, Sunil. Get married! Don't do anything, just get married.
Sunil: What? Should I change my plans just because your highness thinks otherwise? Can you spot a man with greater vitality than me? Do you think I am no longer capable of dreaming about a woman? Do I still not walk to school? Do you know anyone who has a more powerful pair of lungs? (coughs) Clean sound, isn't it?
Goutham Of course, clean sound. Get married.
Sunil: (dreamily) a girl who will greet me as I walk in weary from another day's work, a girl who will smile at me, will caress me, will run her fingers through my hair, will bring me steaming cups of coffee, will listen to me as I speak, a girl who will bring to the world more of my tribe, children who will come running to me saying "Daddy! Daddy!"...
Goutham Nothing more delightful, my friend. Nothing absolutely, get married.
Sunil: Honestly?
Goutham Yes, that is what I would advise. Get married. And who're you getting married to anyway?
Sunil: (with a lilt in his voice) Deepa!
Goutham Which one, the one who got all GA GA over < insert name of someone in the audience and point to him>
Sunil: (defensively) That's not true.
Goutham Good luck, marry her immediately. Why are you waiting a month?
Sunil: So you think I made a right decision?
Goutham No, no, a perfect decision. Marry her. Just go ahead and marry her. (Goutham leaves laughing)
Sunil: It gives everybody a great deal of pleasure when I tell them I am going to get married. It must be such a good thing. Let me call Deepa up. (goes and gets onto a rotary phone, sound effect of dialling)
Sunil: Why don't they sell touchtone phones in garage sales? (dials again) (voice over): (Hindi crosstalk, Sunil listens eagerly and is admonished, put the phone down, stupid!!)
Deepa: Hello?
Sunil: Deepa! Were you expecting me?
Deepa: (aside) early in the morning, this character. Thank God you called! This creep of a father has been bothering me a lot. When are you coming here? I can't wait to marry you and get away from this wretched home. I know you won�t treat me like those narrow minded men who will shut their wives and not let them meet anybody or anything. After all you are in the US, aren't you? You'll buy me whatever I want, wouldn't you darling?
Sunil: Of course, dear. Anything you want. Nothing else can give me greater pleasure. (starts looking dejectedly at his watch and mouths "she is taking so much time")
Deepa: I went to that jeweler you know, the one who has his shop near that meat market. I ordered for a big diamond ring. I know you will want to buy that ring for me.
Sunil: (aside) I thought your father was the one would buy such things. Bye, Deepa. I'll talk to you later. (Shudders) (Sunil hangs up. and then ponders.)
Sunil: This girl seems to be more than I bargained for. Wants to escape her father, does she? And wants me to buy diamond rings? I�m getting doubts. Maybe that Goutham fellow was right after all. I'll talk to some elders after I go to India.
Pundit: What can I do for you, young man?
Sunil: I need some advice from you, guruji. That's why I am here.
Pundit: You should change your way of speaking, young man. You ought to be thankful to God that you are here. You are here not because you are here but only because God has decided that you should be here.
Sunil: Punditji, isn't it true that I'm here?
Pundit: You may be here but again you may not. This is all Maya, illusion. the truth of this matter, only God knows.
Sunil: Well, if I am not here who are you talking to?
Pundit: There is no I in the first place. Just like there is no you in the second place.
Sunil: You're making fun of me, Guruji, Here I am, and here you are. Let's set this all aside and continue with my business. I want to get married.
Pundit: I know nothing about that.
Sunil: I'm telling you about it.
Pundit: It will happen, if God so wills.
Sunil: The girl is very young and very beautiful.
Pundit: So are all of God's creations.
Sunil: Does it make sense for me to marry her?
Pundit: Either one or the other.
Sunil: Guruji, just tell me this. Should I marry her or should I not?
Pundit: It's all God's wish.
Sunil: Her father has agreed.
Pundit: That's possible.
Sunil: But I'm afraid she'll cheat on me.
Pundit: If God so wishes, it could happen.
Sunil: What do you think?
Pundit: Nothing is beyond God.
Sunil: What do you suggest?
Pundit: Listen to the voice of God.
Sunil: I'm losing my temper.
Pundit: That may be God's will.
Sunil: You self-styled Pundit! (grabs the scroll under his arm and gives him a blow) that's all the fee you get for your useless advice!
Pundit: You dare to beat me, a pundit renowned wherever the Gita is spoken of?
Sunil: It was God's command.
Pundit: I'll complain to the police.
Sunil: God's wish.
Pundit: I have wounds on my body.
Sunil: This is all Maya, the truth of the matter only God knows.
Pundit: You are responsible for them.
Sunil: But who am I? I may be here or I may not.
Pundit: You will go straight to court and to jail
Sunil: Either one or the other (pondering voice again) No talking to elders for me, I will have to find out for myself.
Sunil: There is Deepa, the answer to my doubts may be at hand!
Deepa: I'm not joking. I am going to marry this guy in America.
Lecher: But that guy is old.
Deepa: I'm marrying him only because I want all his money, all these American people are supposed to be rich and all that. Who cares if he is old or not. I will have a fun time. (turns around when Lecher points to Sunil) Sunil! Fancy meeting you here! how are you? I was just speaking about you with great respect. You deserve it, you deserve all of my respect. (Sunil looking suspiciously at Lecher)
Lecher: Hi, I am Lecher. how are you?
Sunil: Nice to meet you, Lecher. (they leave) Now, I am sure, I better hurry. I should try to break off this marriage.
Sunil: Hello, uncle.
Father: It's a pleasant surprise, son-in-law. Come in. aiye.
Sunil: I have to talk to you.
Father: About the reception party? It has been arranged.
Sunil: Nothing to do with that.
Father: (slowly listing things out) The light music troupe has been fixed. The food has been ordered. and my daughter is eager become your wife.
Sunil: It's that last thing I came to talk about.
Father: Everything will go fine.
Sunil: I have something to explain.
Father: No need, son-in-law, everything is okay., whatever it is. Forget it and go home, you have a big week ahead.
Sunil: (exasperated) Will you listen to me?
Father: Go on, I am listening.
Sunil: I can't marry your daughter.
Father: It's usual to have doubts, son-in-law, you will get over it soon.
Sunil: No, I am sure. your daughter won�t be happy with me.
Father: No, no she will, she will.
Sunil: Your daughter will have problems at the US consulate.
Father: She can wait.
Sunil: I can't afford the tickets for your daughter.
Father: I will pay for that.
Sunil: She may feel lonely when I go to school.
Father: She will think of her happiness on being married to you.
Sunil: She will have to bear with the rock music I listen to all the time.
Father: She'll learn to like it.
Sunil: She'll have to cook me non-vegetarian food.
Father: My daughter will do that.
Sunil: Will she put up with my smoking?
Father: Yes.
Sunil: She will have to put up with my drinking.
Father: My daughter will give you company.
Sunil: Will she put up with my girlfriend?
Father: Y... what? (Sunil exults) Okay, okay, tell my daughter first why you can't marry her. The silly girl will start blaming me otherwise. Deeeeepa! Come here for a minute. Sunil wants to talk to you.
Deepa: (has been listening all along) First of all, Sunil, I have something to tell you.
Sunil: No, let me tell you first.
Deepa: No, no, listen to me.
Sunil: What I have to say is very important. I wanted to say that ...
Deepa: (very fast) I can't marry you.
Sunil: What?
Deepa: I'm sorry I can't marry you.
Sunil: That is exactly what I also wanted to say. This is great! (pauses, makes to leave and then turns) Why? what is wrong with me?
Deepa: Nothing, it is me.
Sunil: (curious) why?
Deepa: I make sounds when I eat.
Sunil: That is no problem. I can take that. I spill all over my shirt. (rest of conversation is at a rapid pace)
Deepa: I never wear saris.
Sunil: Neither do I.
Deepa: I go to parties all the time.
Sunil: So do I.
Deepa: I go to bars
Sunil: I go to nude bars.
Deepa: And I drink
Sunil: I am a drunkard
Deepa: I smoke
Sunil: I have cancer.
Deepa: I have a boyfriend.
Sunil: so do I (pause) a g..girlfriend.
Deepa: And I can't leave him
Sunil: And I can't leave her either
Deepa: That is why I can't marry you.
Sunil: No, that is why I can't marry you.
Deepa: No it is ME who can't marry you.
Sunil: I got here first.
Deepa: I made up my mind before that. (pause)
Sunil: (small voice) You really have a boyfriend?
Deepa: Kind of... yes...
Sunil: Oh.
Deepa: You have a lover?
Sunil: No... I was just trying to get out of the marriage
Deepa: So was I.
Sunil: You mean those things aren't true?
Deepa: No, I really make sounds when I eat.
Sunil: Oh, I can't marry you then.
Deepa: You can't?
Sunil: No, maybe I can.
Deepa: Well, I can't.
Sunil: (protesting) All those things aren't true!
Deepa: Say 'please'.
Sunil: (after a great deal of hesitation)Please!
Deepa: Are you a man or are you a mouse?
Sunil: Duh? I can't put with this any longer. I'm leaving. (he starts moving towards one exit, Deepa following him)
Deepa: No, no, jaaneman, marry me.
Sunil: No, I won�t.
Deepa: Please??
Sunil: No, I mean it. no way. Deepa; Okay, then why are you still here?
Sunil: I'm leaving. (by this time, both of them are off the stage)
Deepa: The door is the other way.
Sunil: Okay, okay, I will marry you, GET OFF my chest!
Deepa: Say please.
Sunil: Please!
Deepa: Please what?
Sunil: PLEASE marry me!