Dam1

Chapter One

The young man squinted slightly as the sun shone brightly in his eyes. It seemed odd that the sun should be so bright in December, especially on a day like this. There was no snow, yet the frosty New York air cut through him. He glanced around and noticed others shivering against the wind. His eyes wandered over his surroundings. They refused to meet the site that lay in front of him. Every time he tried, tears formed behind his lids.

A silence overtook the group and the young man looked up to see that the minister had finished speaking. His gaze met the scene in front of him and immediately tears welled behind his lids. As much as he tried, he couldn�t look away. He didn�t want to let go. Didn�t want to say goodbye.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, shaking him from his reverie.

�Are you okay Nick?�

Are you okay? Are you okay? No, he was not okay. He was sick of being asked if he was okay. He wasn�t even sure if he knew what okay was anymore.
Wiping at his eyes he replied, �Yeah, Bri. I�m okay.�

Brian looked at him sympathetically.

�You know I�m here for you if you need to talk or anything,� he said. �We all are.� He motioned to the three other men standing behind him.

Nick looked at his band mates and forced a weak smile.

�I know.�

�I know we didn�t know her as well as you did, but if you need anything, anything at all, just ask,� Brian added.

�I will,� Nick replied, shifting uncomfortably. �I think Adley is going to bring me back to the hotel. You guys can go back now if you want. I still have to,� he paused, taking a deep breath, �I still have to say goodbye.�

�Are you sure Nick?� Brian asked.

�Yeah. Don�t worry about me.�

�Well, if you�re sure. We�ll see you at the hotel then.� Brian and the rest of the boys said their goodbyes and left the grounds.

Letting out a sigh, Nick searched the group of people that was slowly dwindling down. Spotting the small brunette, he made his way over to her. Feeling his presence behind her, the girl turned around, her green, tear filled eyes peering up at him. Seeing her so upset almost put the tears back in Nick�s eyes. Fighting back his overwhelming emotions, he reached down and took her small hand in his.

�You ready?� he asked motioning his head to the gray casket behind him.

�No, but I suppose I don�t have a choice do I?� she replied, giving a half smile.

Nick returned her attempt at a smile and led her over to the casket. Lifting the hand that held hers, he placed it on the cold metal. Both turned their heads down and offered their prayers.

Ernie, you know I�m not big on praying, but I want you to know that I will everyday for you, Nick said silently. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I just wish I could�ve see you one last time. It�s been way too long. I suppose we�ll see each other again, though, he glanced his eyes heavenward. I cared for you Ernie, I really did. And I�ll miss you more than you�ll know. I hope you�re happy now, wherever you are. You deserve to be happy. Goodbye, Ernie. Rest in peace.

He choked back a sob and let his hand fall to his side. He looked over at Adley, the tears silently making their way down her face. When she finished, she looked up at him with bright eyes, the saddest expression on her face.

�It hurts Nick,� she whispered. �It hurts so much.�

�I know it does, Adley,� he said taking her in his arms. �Believe me, I know it does.�

�But why? But why us? Why her?� she sobbed into his chest.

�I wish I knew. I wish there was an answer, but there isn�t. She�s the only one who knows. She�s the only one who will ever know.�

By now there were only a few people left and the caretakers were beginning to lower the casket into the ground.

�I can�t watch this,� Nick whispered. �Let�s go.�

Adley nodded and followed Nick to the car.

They reached the car, got in and made their way to the hotel that Nick and the rest of the boys were staying at.

Adley stared at the road in front of her. Nick stared out the window. Both were silent. Both were lost in their own thoughts.

Nick ran through the skyway at top speed. He reached the end and put on his hat and sunglasses before going out into the actual airport. Making sure his disguise was on right, he stepped off the skyway and into the airport.   Frantically, he searched the crowd.

Where is she?, he thought when he didn�t spot the blonde, curly head he was searching for.

Glancing around once more, he noticed something that wasn�t what he was looking for, but was the next best thing.

�Adley! Adley, over here!� he shouted at the brunette standing about ten feet away.

The girl turned around and a small smile crept across her face at the sight of him. She ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck.

�Oh Nick. I�ve missed you,� she said, her face still buried in his chest.

�I�ve missed you too, Ads,� he said wistfully, returning the hug. Letting go of her, he looked around the bustling airport again. �Where�s Ernie? I thought she was picking me up.�

Adley looked up at Nick, her eyes bright.

�Why don�t we go get the car?� she asked as she started walking.

Nick was about to say something, but decided against it, following her out to the car. The two drove in silence until they reached Adley�s house about twenty minutes later. Adley shut off the car and got out, heading up to the house. Nick looked at her, slightly confused, but followed her in just the same.

�Adley, why are we here? Where�s Ernie?� Nick asked once they were inside the foyer. He looked at her and for the first time, Nick noticed that Adley looked different. Her eyes were red and her hair was slightly disheveled, nothing like the normal sleek style she was known for. �Ads? Is something wrong?�

�Have a seat Nick,� she whispered, gesturing to the chair in the living room.

�Adley? What is it?� Nick asked, now fully nervous of what she had to say.

�Nick, Erin hung herself last night,� Adley said, barely getting the words out herself.

Nick�s breath caught in his throat.

The words didn�t make sense to him. It sounded foreign.

The tears in Adley�s eyes, however, told him it was true.

Slowly, a single tear rolled down his cheek. In procession, another and another fell until it was a steady stream.

Nick�s whole body shook with the force of his tears.

Adley watched in silence until her own tears could no longer be held back. She went to Nick and kneeled down next to him, putting her arms around his waist.

The two held each other tightly, silently crying for their lost friend.

�Nick? Nick, we�re here.�

The soft call of his name pulled Nick from his thoughts. He brought his gaze around to meet Adley�s concerned face. Her lower lip trembled as she reached up and brushed a stray tear away from Nick�s cheek. He watched as she pulled her hand back, the small drop of moisture glistening on her fingertip. When had he started crying?

Fighting back another wave of tears, Adley opened the car door and got out. Mechanically, Nick did the same. The two walked up the cobblestone path that wound to the front of the hotel. Nick held the door open for Adley and followed her in.

Walking up to the front desk, he picked up his room key and led Adley through the pristine lobby to the elevators. Methodically, the elevator climbed upwards until it reached the ninth floor. A small dinging noise signaled their arrival and the doors opened slowly.

Nick walked off the elevator, his head hung low, Adley right behind him. He walked down the dimly lit hallway, not precisely sure where he was headed.

All he knew was that he had to keep walking.

One foot in front of the other.

Hearing a soft, unmistakable laughter he stopped. His ears perked at the sound and he moved in the general direction. It was coming, he determined, from behind a door on the left side of the corridor. He walked over to the door and knocked gently, Adley a few paces behind him.

The laughing stopped and light footsteps took its place.

The door opened to reveal Brian on the other side. The small smile that had played on his lips vanished and a look of worry took over.

�Nick, how are you?� he asked, genuinely concerned.

My best friend just committed suicide. How do you think I am?! he wanted to scream.

�I�m alright Brian,� Nick replied, robotically.

He was really getting sick of that.

I�m not alright!

I�m not okay!

Just let me be miserable for a bit!

God!

�I just wanted to let you know I got here okay,� he continued. �I think I�m just going to sleep now.�

�You sure you don�t want to hang out with me and the guys for awhile?� Brian asked, looking over his friend with a cautious eye.

�Yeah, I don�t feel like it tonight. Maybe tomorrow,� Nick replied, yawning big and loud for emphasis.

�Alright,� Brian complied. �Sleep tight. Goodnight Adley.�

�Goodnight Brian,� Adley replied from behind Nick.

Taking one last glance at his friend, Brian shut the door.

Without another word, Nick walked down to his room and opened the door, holding it for Adley. She entered the room, the door swinging shut behind her.

For a moment, Nick stood with his back to her, his shoulders rising and falling with each deep breath. Finally, he turned around to face her, his eyes shimmering.

�Would you like to spend the night here?� he asked in a meek voice.

�I�d like that Nick,� she replied, forcing a small smile.

Nick walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers. The two crawled inside, enveloping themselves in the heavy blankets. Nick put his arm around Adley�s waist and sighed into her hair.

�I miss her already,� he whispered, shivering slightly.

�So do I Nick,� she whispered back. �So do I.�