NOVEMBER 2003 I'm happy as a butterfly is free.

OCTOBER 2003 sometimes i wish situations didnt play off the way they did. i hate the fact that we're hurting each other whether its intentionally or unintentionally, but we're still leaving permanent marks that will never be erased. i'm gradually moving on and i'm sure you've had already. our friendship is on a rocky road right now and hopefully for both of our sakes, it will get smoother sooner or later. if things dont work out for us in the long run, whether it be friends, more or less, i hope you'll have a wonderful life. i love you. "these foolish games are tearing me apart and you're breaking my heart." -Jewel

AUGUST, 2003 My heart began to ache again..Yea..u mite kno...i miss him so much, yet I know he`s not comming back. There are just way too many memories to ever be forgotten...i want it to be the way it use to be...is that even possible anymore? He said he`d stay with me forever...he left...One year and 5 Months later. He said i`d be the one leaving..he left..i`m the one sitting here..typing this out..letting tears fall...why`s it so soon to let go? People tell me: no guy`s worth ur tears...and the one that is won`t make u cry..that doesn`t work...cuz i`ve cried for him like..5 times. Other people tell me...u don`t truly like him..till you`ve cried for him...that doesn`t really work either..cuz this hurts me. He meant the world to me....he still does. I said i needed him...i do. Is it cuz i`m emotionally weak that i`m crying...or is dare another reason? I dun even kno wut do nemore..i wanna let him go...i try..but i can`t..my heart juz wun let go...y not? one year and five months later...i can`t say it wuz all happy....but i wouldn`t exchange even a second of it for anything else...stillz...juz cuz u dun love me nemore...i love u still.

APRIL, 2003 I really am happy coz my baby amar is here and we're doing so well in our relationship. I am actually surprised how far this has gone honestly. I never thought it would last for more than a week ... and now we're still together for a year and 2 months. Woohoo! *Party Time In Da Club* It has bloomed to new heights and made me feel undescribable things. I truly love him. He has shown me the meaning of true love. Baby, you make me smile all the time. I don't know what you do to me but you just make me feel really special and wanted. I can't believe we're finally engaged officially. I also can't wait to get married to you within this year. We can then work and study college together and then finally get our own place and maybe start a family when we both are ready for it. Right now, I know it all seems too fast for both of us and we both might deny being daymn nervous about it but i know that we'll be happy for a lifetime. There will come a time we'll both have ruff times but I know deep in my heart we'll get through this ... you are the one for me. In the end, it will only be happiness. We have gone through a lot baby, we both know this rite?! Now, both our families know we love each other very much and we both are willing to go beyong our limitations just for us to get through this and live together soon. You make me look forward to each day just being with you loving you every minute and second of my life. I really am happy I met such a wonderful, caring person like you for now I know without you, I can't live nor breathe. You are my world Amar and only mines will you be forever eternity. *sobs with emotion* With you i can wake up the next day with a smile on my face and go to bed at night and sleep like a baby knowing you'll still be there the next day. Mwah! *wink wink* (",) This page goes out to you. By the way, hello to my friends as well. You guys know who you are. Thanks for the times you stood by my side and made me strong when i was weak and needed a good friend to look after me while my baby is in Canada. I appreciate every bit of advice y'all gave me! Ciao!