CHAPTER 11: Going Back In Time
They walked into the bowling alley, Lori a few feet behind the guys, who were in a deep conversation. Lori snuck off and went over to one of the gumball machines and put in a quarter then turned the knob to get her gumball. She reached down and grabbed her pink gumball out of the dispenser and stood up then took a couple steps back, bumping into Matt, who was behind her. When she turned around and saw him standing there, there was a look of hurt on her face. The expression on her face made it seem like her dog just got run over.
"Hey." he greeted her, trying to be friendly.
"Oh. Um...hey." she said nervously. She slowly and carefully put the gumball in her mouth and chewed it up so it took the shape of gum.
"You still want to bowl right?" he asked her.
She blew a huge bubble with her gum and popped it so it made a loud sound in response to his question.
"Come on. We already got a lane and everything." Matt said.
"I still have to get my bowling shoes." she reminded him. She looked down at her white and pink Scooby Doo sneakers.
*No, they didn't have a picture of Scooby Doo on them. Scooby Doo was just written on them*
"We got you a pair." Matt told her.
"You don't know how big my feet are." she pointed out.
"We figured you were around a 7, 7 1/2, or an 8." Matt said.
"Lucky guess." She blew another bubble and popped it.
"Were we right?" he asked getting excited.
"Yeah you were." She admitted.
She looked away from him and down at the ground. When she looked seconds away from bursting out into tears Matt lifted her chin and said, "Don't cry Lorr."
"I just don't understand why I had to confess everything." she shook her head.
"What do you mean?" he asked slightly confused.
"Those songs I was singing....well, I, um...." her voice trailed off.
"What about the songs that you were singing?" he asked.
"I can't tell you." she spat out. She started to walk away but he stopped her before she could get any further.
"What about the songs you were singing?" he repeated holding onto her hand.
"They were about....I can't do this. Just forget I even said anything." she said seriously.
"I can't do that. Tell me what you were going to say." Matt told her. "Who were they about Lorr?"
"They were about .......this guy at school." she blurted out. She wasn't about to tell him that she was singing those songs about him. He would have laughed in her face.
"So you like a guy at school?" he asked.
"Kind of yeah." she said before she had a second chance to stop herself.
She was totally and completely lying. She knew they were about Matt, but did he KNOW they were about him? Would he find out? If he did, would he even care? A bunch of questions arose in her mind. Matt looked at her and said, "You should tell him how you feel."
Nice one Matt. Give her advice that you should be taking, Matt scolded himself.
"I know I should tell him, but I don't know how to. I'm too scared. I don't want to get rejected and every guy I've ever asked out has said no. I didn't even ask out my boyfriends. My friends asked out my first boyfriend and this guy Steve put my second boyfriend on the spot. My personal life is nothing but a bunch of shit. I'm starting to see that maybe there's nobody out there for me. I just..I don't wanna look anymore. I'm sick of it." she blurted out. She blew a bubble, popped it angrily because she was getting pissed off then looked down at the ground.
"Maybe you don't have to look anymore. Maybe he's right in front of your face." he blurted out.
Lori looked up when he heard his voice. She couldn't believe what he had just said. Butterflies filled her stomach and she started getting chills all over. The feeling she got when she was Matt was amazing and she didn't want to lose it. She had to hold onto it for as long as she could.
"Do you really like a guy at school?" he asked looking at her.
"I've had crushes on guys at my school, but I dunno....I don't think they're right for me. They're jerks or creeps or potheads." she said.
"Picky huh?" he asked jokingly.
"I am very picky." she admitted.
"And all guys are jerks...or all guys can be jerks." he told her.
"Tell me about it. That's why I rarely ask a guy out. I think it's his job." she blurted out.
"Why don't you ask a guy out? What have you got to lose?" He looked at her and she looked back at him.
Before she knew it she said, "Because I only want to be with one guy...and I don't ask guys out because the guys I like are popular at school and he'll tell all his buddies and I'll be the laughing stalk of the whole entire school. I was obsessed with this guy Dan in 8th grade and I didn't exactly have the best experience."
"What do you mean, you didn't exactly have the best experience?" He eyed her then gave her the once over.
"OK. In the second grade I was really good friends with this girl Lauren and years went by and we sort of lost touch and everything....in 8th grade I wrote her a letter saying how I wanted to be popular and she said that I could hang out with her so I hung out with her once and her friends started saying stuff about Dan liking her and that he was going to ask her out....jealousy took toll and I didn't hang out with her or her friends after that....Dan and Lauren went out and we went to Washington, D.C., but Dan didn't go. Anyway, I was in the hotel room and I looked out the window and I saw Lauren flirting with a bunch of other guys in the pool and I flipped out because I wanted to be with him more than anything...I would have done anything for him and I just couldn't believe that she would do that to him....and I wrote her a letter saying how I was going to tell Dan that she was flirting with about 5 to 8 guys in Washington, D.C. Let's just say news spread around fast." Lori rambled on. "Her friends were on my case because some people recognized my handwriting."
"So you really liked this guy and Lauren flirted with other guys in Washington, D.C. while Dan wasn't around, which pissed you off and you wrote her a letter saying how you were going to tell Dan?" he summarized.
"Yeah." she said shyly and slowly.
"That's sweet what you did. You were looking out for him. You didn't want him to get hurt." Matt said being completely serious.
"I do some crazy shit when I get jealous." Lori said. She shook her head and said, "I hate having a jealous personality."
"I really think it's sweet what you did. You must have really cared about him." he told her.
"I did really care about him. I liked him since I can remember." Lori blurt out. "I think in 2nd grade I liked him...in 5th grade I liked him and I just..I dunno. I liked him a lot. I loved him."
"Do you still feel that way about him?" he asked out of curiosity.
"When I see him in the hallways at school I check him out and I get this feeling in side of me, but I don't like come in contact with him often. See, in middle school, we had teams that we were assigned and 8th grade me, Lauren and Dan were all on the same team so I saw Dan a lot. I even walked close to him in the hallway once just so I could touch him. Not touch him literally, but his shirt touched my shirt. I don't know. I was crazy about him. He doesn't even know I exist though."
"Hopeless romantic." Matt just smiled.
"Would you have told him what you just told me?" he asked changing the subject.
"And what? So I can get laughed at? No way!" she said in complete shock.
"He's one of the popular guys isn't he?" Matt guessed.
"I like the popular guys...you know..the jocks..the guys who think they're all that....the hot guys who skateboard and smoke weed and pot....of course I never stand a chance. Then my second boyfriend...he had a bunch of close friends that were girls so that made me uncomfortable." she admitted.
"You and those popular guys." Matt shook his head, but smiled.
"I like hot guys, what can I say? I just...I dunno. I put them on these pedistals and I just get hurt. I liked this guy Scott and oh my god....he was so hot. For some reason he reminded me of Chris....don't ask. That was when I was like in love with Chris, but anyway....I found out his SN from this girl Whitney, one of the popular girls and I IMed him and I would just play jokes on him. I would pretend to be somebody that I wasn't so he wouldn't think I was gross. He made me laugh because he was so stupid. He actually admitted that his hobbies were hanging out with friends, smoking weed and a bunch of shit. I laughed." she rambled on again.
"Why would you pretend to be somebody that you weren't?"
"Doesn't everybody?"
"Hmmm...some do, but I mean, if you really liked that Scott guy or that Dan guy you should have just told them how you felt." Matt advised.
"Here I am....talking about two of my old crushes, when I don't feel the way I did about them anymore....I totally like a completely different person and I thought the chances of me seeing him again were pretty slim. Amazing how things work themselves out."
"Who are you talking about?" He raised his eyebrow but lowered it. "Are you talking about Greg?"
"Hmm....I admit I used to have a crush on Greg, but lately, I've been into a whole nother guy." she said slyly.
"And what do you mean seeing him again ?" he asked.
"I met you guys at the 'JYY X-mas Jam in Concord, New Hampshire." she shrugged. "I thought I'd never see any of you guys again because of the stupid lawsuit thing." She rolled her eyes. "It made me mad."
"Yep. It made us pretty mad too. We didn't really understand why Chris sided with the producers though." Matt said.
"He had to do what was right for him." she shrugged. "Not that I know all the details. I'm not sure I want to know either. The stuff I read online.."
"Don't believe everything you read or hear online. There are creeps out there." Matt reminded her.
"When are you going to start acting like a guy I can like instead of my dad? Matt, I have a dad. I don't need a second one. ONE IS ENOUGH." she said putting stress on the last sentence.
"I just....it scares me to think that you dated a Chris poser. He could have been some horny 50 year old guy who was trying to get laid." he made a funny face. "Ugh. I don't even wanna think about it. It creeps me out everytime."
"Did he ask you to meet him anywhere?" a curious, nosy Matt asked.
"Who? The Chris poser?" Lori asked.
Matt just nodded his head and she said, "No. He didn't ask me to meet him anywhere. He sent me pics of himself and like during my junior year I found the pictures on some websites. I knew he was a poser and all but I didn't want to actually believe it."
"Sometimes it's hard to let go of what you think could be a good thing." Matt said. "But it's scary at the same time that there are stupid losers out there who want to ruin other girls' lives by pretending to be somebody the girls could be totally in love with...." he got cut off.
"I was totally in love with Chris. I finally confronted him about being a poser and he actually admitted it to me. We fought a couple times, too. He said I overreacted and he supposedly got high once and he was a complete asshole to me for no fuckin' reason." she remembered as if it had happened yesterday.
Chapter 12