-- THURSDAY GAME WRAPS: The Fall Session
Thursday night extravaganza - Thursday Finale Edition!!! The Sluggers take the field for the final Thursday night games until 2008! What better way to go out then sweep the Grizzlies (who we beat twice in the first week of fall ball) and achieve respectability by leveling our record at 6 up and 6 down.
What the h*ll - we'll try anything once!! Game one was not exactly a meteoric rise to victory but after seven innings we had more runs than them so we won by decision. The chic behind the plate was one of the better umpires we have had all year - she even took great relish in punching out an clueless Grizzlie on a beautiful breaking ball by Commish. Commish actually was the majority of the defense on the night striking out batters and inducing weak fly balls to the outfield on the right side that Freak was able to catch about 2 out of every three that came his way. On the shoulders of Gus' hot start with the stick and Noose's directional hitting - the Sluggers eased up to a 15-10 win.
Since Cartman was out of town asking strangers for change a few others got a chance to step up behind the plate. Alas none could jaw as much as him. In game two the master plan of having everyone pitch an inning - quickly went out the window as the Sluggers struggled to score runs and even found themselves trailing 5-2 as late as the fifth inning! A big inning was in the wind and the Sluggers pushed through the dust and the haze to score seven times. After shutting the Grizzels down once more the offense strutted its stuff and put an end to the shenanigans without so much as farting into the wind with water balloons in your underwear! With three runs in and two on and one out - Flip mashed a towering can of corn to centerfield that just carried a few (or twenty) feet beyond the centerfield fence for a walk-off dinger. Sluggers rebound from a 5-2 deficit to 10-run the opponent 15-5.
With no MSTBWG also -- the power shifted back into Fozzie's hands as he cleared the fence for the first time in quite a few weeks (he did hit weakly on the infield in his first two AB's). Playing the role of Johnny Wamp tonight (September 27th) was JC and Commish - each rifling balls down the left field line. Jonny Wamp played the role of infield utility player late in game two. Johnny botched a sure fire double play by trying to hit Flip in the groin area on one ball and later took the turn at second base and turned an awesome double play with a little help from Big Dawg on the receiving end (that doesn't sound too good at all). With no Eazy on Thursdays, the Freak was patrolling right field and made it too interesting on two occassions by dropping two gimme outs but did make up for the snafu by getting a 2-run double with the bases loaded to put the Sluggers ahead for good in game two. Bo used four different bats on the night and atoned for hitting into a double play by making his plays on the infield and was not part of the botched rundown play. Commish in addition to pitching his 1000th and 1001th game this year - hit the ball solid for the most part and was in the thick of both big rallies on the night. The Newsomes (Fozzie & Harriet) ended the night by playing alongside one another in left and left center field. Fozzie overcame as crappy hitting start and Noose eased up on the throttle from a hot start to look like he was quite frustrated. Tiny, Big Dawg and JC comprised the most fearsome half of a six-man tag team match. Jeff nearly got to advance to 'GO' but his 'Chance card' only carried as far as the base of the fence for a double.
Sluggers end the Thursday Fenton season 6 wins - 6 losses and Mompler was there to be witness to our achievement. Helluva year so far guys -- now the attention shifts 100% to the boys of summer on Mondays...and the Cleveland Indians
Sluggers Get Double Dipped on Thursday Again
I'm not really even sure what to say at this point so I brought in Tonie LayRussa to field the questions of what went wrong tonight for the Sluggers. Take it away Tonie...
Reporter #1: Tonie, do you think the Lager Sluggers should have changed pitchers earlier to maybe change the momentum?
Tonie: You're (BLEEPIN) stupid. Did your mother have any children she didn't try to flush down the toliet? Next question.
Reporter #2: Tonie, in your opinion would you say the softball season is too long?
Tonie: Can someone get me a burger? I'm so hungry I could eat a fresh gooey turd. What was the question again?
Reporter #2: The season. Do you think it's too long?
Tonie: I don't think so. I think by using the crossbow for part of it, it makes it more sporting...for the animals.
Reporter #2: No Tonie. I meant the softball season. Do you think it's too long?
Tonie: (BLEEPIN) right I do. Look at the team from last week to this week - where are those bench guys? That really limits what a coach can do.
Reporter #3 (also a hot chic): Tonie, this is obviously a veteran team. Do you think
they need to get younger to compete?
Tonie: Honey come back to the manager's office and we'll see who needs to get younger. I see a spanking in your future. But I see where someone on the outside would say the Lager Sluggers are a bunch of veterans with very few youngsters in the farm system. But just look at the Cardinals for example - they are mostly old and broken down and millions of people still pay their hard earned money to come out and
watch the sad effort we put out. It's a helluva city huh?
Reporter #1: Tonie, in the later innings it seemed the other team was toying with the Sluggers - not hussling on the bases, letting balls fall in the outfield and so on. Do you think the coach should do something to fire up his players to keep from getting embarassed?
Tonie: You're a (BLEEPIN) douchebag. No they shouldn't stick up for themselves. They should lie down and be little b*tches. Screw trying to win. If I was playing I'd try to find a way to spike myself in the nuts to get out of the game. Next question.
Reporter #5 (wearing a green fedora hat and a Rollie Fingers moustache): Hey Tonie! Do you think ah all the playas should eat the spaghetti before they go play? It'sa good food for the soul! What do you say?
Tonie: Yeah sometimes I get the munchies before games and I'm sure the players do too. But my favorite meal was always Caesar Salad with French dressing, gummy bears and a room temperature Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
Man I miss grade school.
Reporter #4: Tonie is there any truth to the rumors that Tiny Ritrovato and Johnny Wamp received shipments of internet HGH bovine formula two years ago?
Tonie: (looks around then whispers) Yes...both of them plus Johnny Wamp.
Reporter #4: Tonie, Johnny Wamp was one of the two I already mentioned.
Tonie: So what's your point limp noodle? I'm tired of you people insulting my intelligence and personally attacking me with all your gay bashing on my family. This interview is done. (Tonie pulls out a
shotgun and shoots himself in the crotch.) (Now screaming like a 11 year old girl): You'll all pay for this. Those
testies were just like two of my best friends and now their gone forever. Long live the Sluggers! (Tonie passes out)
So I've delayed long enough. Sluggers get whomped despite the best efforts of outfielders Johnny Wamp, Fozzie, Gus and Freak. Many gopher balls for them and nil for us. Commish tried to gut out a pitching performance running parallel with the Cardinals efforts on the night (the Cards took it in the rump 18-1 BTW) but the softball Gods refused to bestow any saving grace on the team this evening. Our hitting was fairly respectable even though Commish hit into a triple play that was disallowed for some reason that escaped logic. Gus ran out of Enzyte and thus did not hit any fly balls at all (couldn't get it up) but still managed to populate the bases with his loping gate by painting and repainting the first base line a handful of times. The net difference was the other team's ability to prolong innings after a miscue or hits that shanked but still fell into no-man's land.
I'm the Freak and I approved this message. Thursday wraps wrap up for the year next week unless we get snowed out or rained out or the generator at Fenton blows up again or nine thousand other far fetching scenarios that might occur to postpone a softball game. Until the season finale -- support the Monday Sluggers!!!
Thursday Sluggers Kick Off September Action with a Punt...
In the Sluggers first action in September (On Thursdays) -- the team took on Dooley's Bar & Grill in a rematch of two games that were split in August. Much like the first game we played against this bunch of guys -- we lost the first game - this time by a 14-4 score. In an effort to jumpstart the sputtering offensive and sluggish defense -- the pieces got slightly shuffled but the one piece that took a beating in game one (the pitcher) again took a hit but much worse this time. We were the away team this time around having squandered the hammer from game one. After Gus led off the game with a base hit the next three guys smacked into an out of some sort. Determined to make a statement after getting embarassed in game one the Sluggers made a statement..."No Comment". What happened next may have actually happened but I cannot be sure. Overhead the the darkening sky ripped open to reveal a rift passageway into an alternate dimension. I started to point and ask if anyone else saw what I was seeing but instanteously I was transported to that alien world and landed roughly on a planet's surface unlike any a human has ever seen. The texture of the ground was like the ridges of a walnut out of the shell and as far as the eye could see there were strange impressions that looked like Tony LaRussa's face if you squinted. Suddenly two giant tentacled beings in over-alls ambled up to me and spoke through through their fingers -- they had only two fingers each that looked like cheese hotdogs that had been overcooked to the point of bursting. "Freak", the larger of the two beings said, "we mean you no harm but we must know something from you before we send you back." Stupified I could only mumble, "OK what?" Then the smaller version of the octopus people did a little dance and poked itself in one of it's seventeen eyes. "Can you acquire for us an autograph of the greatest living athlete on your planet. The one your tribe of Lagersluggers calls Bo?" I started to ask if this was a dream but then alien screaming rose in the distance and even stranger beings shaped like refrigerators from the 60's and 70's appeared slowly at the horizon by the hundreds. The larger octopus alien interrupted before I could answer, "No time for this now we must send you back. Those frigermonsters have no internal handles. If they get close enough to you they have a front compartment that swings open and you fall inside and become trapped. Then the frigermonster wanders off to desserted dead zone we call our dump and lays there until you are completely digested. I am sorry for putting you in danger. Go now."
* ZAP !!! *
In the blink of an eye the entire universe went dazzle flash bright and I was returned to the earthen plane. At least I thought I was back on earth only to find to my utter horror that was I was mistakenly returned to an alternate dimension and the Sluggers were trailing 22-0 after two innings of play. I searched in vain to find a seam to escape this hell and return to the normal world where the Sluggers dominate and other softball teams hate themselves in the morning but the nightmare would not end. In this world our version of JC hit a 2-run home run to keep this bizarre band of Sluggers from getting shutout and Gus added an RBI single later in the third inning but the reality of this world was realized in the bottom half when the uber-Doolies loaded the bases casually and drove home the game 'winner' with a sac fly.
Hopefully I can find my way back to EARTH for next week and see the real Sluggers return...
WTF?? Lager SLuggers of the ORG variety won one of two games. Guess which one they won? Commish said let's hit the ball. Bo had a moustache. Johnny Wamp clicked his heels together and zapped a ball down the third base line foul (no trees involved with distance). In the on deck circle Gus did a gay little dance and screamed like a girl when someone was trying to hit. The NEW-SOMES (sounds like a group from Motown doesn't it?) got dirty and made the bats go thwack. Mompler and lil John-John-Jon fought off attack bugs to enable the Sluggers their one victory. A ball was dropped. A hitter swung around and drove the ball to the opposite field. Runners tagged up and scored. A bang-bang play got missed by the umpire. 17 beetles hid themselves in the thick dust of the infield. A dog pooped out beyond the outfield fenases ce and no one picked it up. Until next time fellas BOO-YA! Booger eaters...
Welcome Thursday faithful!! Already into our second week at Fenton Park -- the Sluggers took aim at bigger game than last week as Dooley's Bar, Grill, Casino & Lube Shop took the opposing dugout. The Sluggers as the home team first answered the 5-run uprising in their first inning with 7 of our own as we batted through plus one - notable was Noose leaving the yard with a 2-run tater. In the second inning they also rolled their lineup and we nearly did so again but found ourselves on the short end of the gnarled old oak stick that someone used to clean up dog turds in their back yard and then discarded 13-12. We managed to keep the game within reach by answering their output with our own rallies. Due to the lengthy nature of our earlier innings the game was deemed last inning in the sixth. After holding the Doolies scoreless in the top half of the inning we needed 4 to tie and five to win. After New Guy #6 (Scott D) led off with an out the lineup picked him up with base hits and clever baserunning. With two on and two out J.C. stuck a meaty toe into the batter's box with the intention of pounding a game-winning hit. When the ball left his bat initially it looked as though his drive would clear the fence or at least strike it solidly but alas with no tail wind it died on the wrong side of the fence and in their left fielder's glove to boot. Sluggers fall 23-22.
Game two with no Cartman who probably was traversing the country as he sometimes does -- the Sluggers turned to Freak to set the tone as lead-off hitter and he delivered with a ringing double to the left center field fence. Also not on the field besides the aforementioned Cartman was MSTBWG - so the Sluggers had to look to other power sources as Fozzie tried to work through some kinks in his swing. In the fourth inning a source of power revealed himself in the form of J.C. (hey where was that swat at the end of game one???) with a solo shot to left center field. New Guy Flip contributed a 4 for 4 performance to fuel our goal to win the second game (only win one? win the second one!!)
In a tight contest that came down to the last inning -- the seventh -- the score was tied 9-9. Desperately needing a run and already having accumulated two outs - Gus turned in a clutch AB with an RBI base knock that snowballed with Flip, Fozzie and Commish chipping in to drive in runners and load the bases for J.C. J.C. showed the onlookers that his earlier smash was no fluke by cranking a grand slam to add some breathing room. In the bottom half of the seventh the Doolies mixed a couple of doubles and walk to net two runs before we ended their fun. Sluggers pounce on game two -- winning 16-11.
Commish struggled to interpret the strike zone from the Dooley friendly umpire but allowed his defense to make plays and ultimately make two fun and entertaining games. Noose after his homerun became snake bit at third base but managed to hold it together. Flip at shortstop played a couple of good ballgames and was Tony Gwynn-like with the stick. Scott D aka New Guy did some switch-hitting and played solid D all night. Alternating base hits per AB, Bo failed to slide and played no balls off his shins but I'm sure he will be back next week (or Friday night at the playoffs). Turning in the biggest at-bat of the night was Gus and he was only retired twice in 9 trips to the plate - nice work RB! Fozzie had a night of near-misses from a sliding catch attempt in the outfield (even on instant replay he didn't get it clean) to being out in front on his swing - Fozzie fought his way through and got big hits when we needed them. After a 3 for 4 game one Tiny tailed off at the plate but made his presence known by naming the entire cast of Baywatch the Second Season. The Freak had one of his better defensive and offensive games by collecting three doubles and four RBIs while turning a twin killing at second base and several near double-ups. Johnny Wamp #5 used quite a bit of the field after using his first swing mulligan almost everytime. In 9 trips to the dish - Johnny was only retired twice while trying his hand at being umpire from right field (was this one foul too Johnny?) Have a beer and relax kid.
Sluggers return to Fenton Park next week to lace'em up again. In the meantime the league office announced that the Monday Sluggers will take the fall field at Sun Valley in Pevely, Missouri starting September 10th - times TBA. Good luck Friday in the city play-offs guys. Let's win and do a rain dance for Sunday...
Thursday August 16th from Fenton Park -- the most competitive field now or so they say...
The Sluggers found themselves a Huckleberry in the form of team swinging bats from Wal-Mart circa 1999. PING! OK it wasn't that emphatic -- it twas more like ping and thump! We did our usual - win the first game easily and then dicked around with moving people out of position - although Johnny Wamp got a pivot while working shortstop and turned a fiesty double play in game two. Oh yeah I forgot game one final 15-4 good guys. With all sorts of chicanerey flying about -- the Sluggers kept enough focus for Gus to nail down some outs out of the bullpen and sweep the double header. Final from game two 15-11 which wasn't really the final unless you accept the ridiculously retarded position changes and defensive alignments put in place over the final handful of innings. Although Fozzie suffered a power outtage he still reached base frequently - MSTBWG went ape-sh*t with a 6 for 6 night with 5 dongs. He definitively deserves a Chocodile if someone can find one on ebay. Cartman claimed a batting K in the first game but rebounded the next time up with a stand-up triple. Commish struggled with his hitting placement but did ooooooooooooohhhhh one over the fence for a 2-run jack. Bo and JoJo played pesky punch and judie hitters and the brothers Newsome roamed the outfield together for the first time in a long time. Gus and Wamp set the table at the top of the lineup and Tiny, Freak and JC knocked in a few runs to justify their new Lager Sluggers nouveau retro jerseys.
Dolley was a no-show probably due to his not being on the team this session and Eazy dropped himself from the roster to catch up on a big mound of dishes at home (I think they are re-usable paper plates and sporks - but who's judging anyone?)
Hello caller you're on radio station K-R-U-D this is DJ Freak! Caller we have a bad connection but let me get your request!
You say your name is Nark NaNelian? Your friends call you Fart Man? Sorry to hear that. So Nark before you make your request I can trouble you to help me play a classic game called Mad Libs? Sure you do, you're a good sport.
OK Nark, I need a noun: jockstrap, verb: singing, color: Lager Slugger blue, famous person: The Commish, unit of measure: light years, another verb: skipping, adverb: quickly, time of day: nooner, homerun call: Slam-a-lama Ding-Dong!, U.S. City: Denver, beer: Guiness and finally an article of clothing: panties.
Thanks Nark and what is your request tonight? You want us to play two songs by either Lionel Richie or 2 Live Crew. Alright Nark we'll see what we can do...
Welcome to the game wrap for Thursday, August 2nd -- Mad Lib Edition!!!
Game one saw the Sluggers as the AWAY team to start. Making his third start in the outfield of the summer session was Dolley. He was wearing a super reinforced
JOCKSTRAP over his clothes - Barry Bonds style for protection.
Batting in the seventh slot in the batting line-up was the Freak. He had on his hitting
PANTIES tonight as he made the 2nd and 3rd outs of the first inning where the Sluggers plated 14 runs. MSTBWG and Fozzie took turns
SKIPPING around the bases after homeruns in that first frame while Bo was
SINGING - "SLAM-A-LAMA DING DONG Baby!".
THE COMMISH forgot his LAGER SLUGGER BLUE headband but was nonetheless in
the midst of the hitting festivities of the group. Gus was getting on base like the hairnet lunchlady knows what time a
NOONER is. Normally the games are timed in hour increments but this first game could be said to be over in a matter of
LIGHT YEARS. Johnny Wamp #5 looked so bored in the on deck circle at one point he began to try to think of things that rhymed with
DENVER. QUICKLY Noose and Tiny broke this up doing a secret chant to change Natty Light into
GUINESS beer. When the shenanigans were through in game one -- five innings into the contest -- the Sluggers prevailed 20-10.
Game two is usually much sillier than game one. This was no different. Dudes on the other Bench -- scored 6 times then went down hard like a $3 prostitute who can't stay awake on a greased water bed. MSTBWG, Fozzie and eventually Dolley again took the round trippers (MSTBWG went again but all he got was an
HRO). Johnny Wamp also had his hitting panties on by making two out in the first
inning of game two. Tiny at lead-off and Bo at second lead-off paced the attack that plated 18 runs in all. Our merry band of defenders held the fort enough to post an 18-12 victory and push the Sluggers within two wins of at least a share of the league championship. Good work...Bob, Jake, Scott, Kevin, Joe, Mike, Bill, Ryan, John and Jeff.
July 26th vs Domain Roofing ( 4-2 vs Domain coming into tonight's action )
Gamo uno started off promising as we had the bases loaded with no one out...and then didn't score. But on the defensive side of the ball
Domain couldn't figure out Commish's nasty breaking stuff. After three full frames the Sluggers led one to zip. Some credit to the Freak on the hot corner with a little nifty glove work on the backhand and off-balance throw for the putout. As our offense sputtered in the top of the fourth, Domain went to hacking in the bottom half and circled the bases four times. Defensive miscues setup their scoring chances and they pounced like a 80 pound cat on a mouse with one leg doused in imitation cheese spread. After another offensive plop into the
toilet for the Sluggers, Domain tacked on three more to extend the lead to 7-1. Refusing to roll over, the Sluggers rumbled with two outs and put up a number finally -- six runs...to tie the game. Domain rose to the challenge in the bottom half and nearly matched our hard six with five of their own. Trailing 12-7 Hot Rod put one over the fence but the offense couldn't climb the mountain of snot any further in their collective flip flops. Game
over 12-8.
Our same squad bucked up to be home team this time still missing several regular players (Silver, Chad, Tiny, Turley, Dolley, Cartman and Eazy). Unfortunately, our stagnant offense from game one hung around for the night cap. After just two frames we found ourselves trying to extricate ourselves from an 8-0 hole. In the third inning after holding them scoreless, we broke through for a two-spot. Domain answered by putting up 7 sevens to make the task very difficult. Two runs and the bottom of the fifth over with -- we slapped hands with the Domain crew & congratulated them on their two victories. 16-4 loss...bummer. J.R., when not admiring the lovely Shawnee, wore the collar on the night but did play adequate defense in several different positions. Bo Jangles had a few hits but struggled in the field as was the rule instead of the exception for most Sluggers tonight. Fozzie had a hard time in the outfield and a rough first game at the plate but did end on an up note with two base knocks (we wont talk about him getting hosed at second trying to squeeze another base out of an overthrow and burrowing into the powdery dirt that clung to his sweatiness). Commish's recruit Jesse aka CoCo played a little right field
and chipped in two hits each game - scoring some of our meager runs with those hits. Gus lined off on a couple of balls and got hosed on a disputable call on a ball that may or may not have tickled a tree branch in the
moment preceeding hitting the top of the fence a staying in the field of play but ruled a homerun. Johnny Wamp like Fozzie also had a rough night in the field but did pull a few balls for hits. Hot Rod and J.C. returned for a little retro glory at first base and catcher respectively. Noose collected two hits in the first game and got really, really dirty playing the field and sliding into bases.
Tough night where nothing went right for the Sluggers and everything fell in the laps of the Domain Roofing Dudes. A tip of the hat for finding two wins. Better luck for the Sluggers next week.
July 12th vs Cheers
The Sluggers played a little 7 and 7 - scoring 7 times in the first and last frames of the
first game. The in between inning was when things got interesting. Team Lager Sluggers scratched out single runs in the second & third innings and found themselves tied at 9-9. As a group we locked in neutral for a couple of innings and slipped into the chase mode now down 14-9 after five innings.
We pushed across a pair of runs in the sixth and held them scoreless in the
bottom half going into the last inning down just 14-11. As some of you with retention abilities will recall, I stated we scored 7 runs in the first and the...last inning - yes, very good. That would prove to be just enough as
we bent but did not break in allowing 3 more runs to the opposition before we could close out the game with a 18-17 win. WHEW!!!
Game two saw an escalation of the intensity and animosity. The first inning put a little confidence into the opposition as they were able to
post a 2-0 advantage. Our main antagonist was the shortstop for Cheers or whatever their team name was. He danced his drunken dance and talked non-stop sh*t. But order was restored to the universe and the Sluggers dumped six and eight runs on the guys from Cheers respectively in the second and third innings. Ahead 14-5 and batting in the bottom of the fourth inning, Cartman grounded out to the middle of the diamond and the fielder ran across to first base and made contact with Cartman with
some force for a putout. Cartman stood up for himself and all hell broke loose. Their team converged on Cartman, our team crossed the foul line from the third base bench to make sure things didn't get one sided, BDR (a late substitution for an on-call Gus) nailed the Freak with a practice swing in the throwing hand and the umpire was threatening a double forfeit if order was not restored immediately. Semi-cooler heads prevailed and the game resumed. We were able to plate another run in the inning and the game moved on. Cheers fired across five more runs in the top of the fifth but that was all the fireworks the evening had left. After our turn at bat
produced no more runs, Cheers went down without incident and the game was called on time limit. Sluggers win 15-10.
BDR filling in for Gus crushed a laser back through the box in fourth inning of game two that would have gone through a brick wall...NASTY!! Jake aka Noose reached base in every at-bat on the night showing that he was over the effects of his early season Fenton slump. Cartman capped a six run outburst in the second inning of the second game with a low, humming line drive to the fence - catching their outfield completely by surprise. Tiny and Bo were able to keep the longer rallies stoked -- although no sliding from Tiny on the night. He did do the 'splits' and one half back flip. For sure almost seriously. With no Big Dawg and no Eazy the rest of the group had to pick up the chatter in between beers. A precursor to Cartman's run in at first base was Commish fielding a
come-backer and doing his patented "roll'em out" play to first base. Classic for
sure. From the umpire vantage point, there was a small lily pond about 4 feet behind home plate. I believe it was
fully stocked with fish and had a large muddy outer retaining wall. No word yet on whether the city's parks and recreation division was having Shamu transferred there next week. J.R.'s main squeeze Shawney showed up once again and Mompler did not have to make any lightning quick moves to protect Lil Jon this week. Catch of the night goes to Johnny Wamp in left field ranging back and almost casually flipping the glove open at the last second to snag a ball with his back to the infield
near the fence and in close second place was an all out sprint by the Freak to make a shoe top catch
in shallow left center field to end a rally by Cheers in game one.
The Lager Sluggers improve to 5-1 on Thursday in the second session. What drama lies in wait next week for the blue and yellow?
Recap of July 5th -- the day after the 4th of July -- Happy Belated 4th everyone.
The events of game one might take longer to describe than it actually took to play the game itself. As the designated home team we allowed single tallies by Domain Roofing in each of the first two frames - while mustering exactly zero baserunners for ourselves in the first two innings. The third inning proved pivotal as we held them scoreless on three straight retired batters in our half of the third Commish, Noose and Bo rapped three singles to load the bases. Sandwiched between sac flies by Cartman and Gus -- Eazy and Tiny logged base hits. After back to back three base hits by Freak and Dolley (generous scoring here) - Fozzie launched his first of a pair of 2-run homers before good ol' J.R. flew out to right field. From there we kept them under our thumb allowing the Roofers only two more runs while jacking our total up to 14 for a five inning victory!
In game two the Sluggers had perhaps their most consistent offensive game - scoring in 6 of the 7 innings. We plated in order of innings: 2, 3, 2, 5, 0, 2, 6. Whoever put together the lineup deserves high knuckles -- between Commish and Noose batting 1-2 -- they combined to go 9 for 10. Way to set the table guys. From the bottom two in the order J.R. and Johnny Wamp the production was nearly as good as they combined to go 6 for 8 with J.R. notching his his career round tripper with the Lager Sluggers. Discounting the 5-run third inning from the Roofers that brought the game to 7-5, the Sluggers led throughout and dictated the play even in a horrendously botched rundown with runners on first and third. Sluggers go the distance and put up a 20-9 victory.
Undoubtably two of the best games played back-to-back at Fenton for the Sluggers all year. With Big Dawg, Sterling and Big Chad *M.I.A.* J.R. stepped in and played a solid 2nd base and found his stroke in game two. Bo Jangles produced a beautiful slide into home (out but still nice form) and I don't think he played a single ball off his shins - AMAZING!!! Commish shook off tender-foot syndrome and went 6 for 7 with two doubles while fortifying his performance on the mound walking nearly no one and manipulating their hitters to mostly hit where he wanted them to (I'm putting something in parentheses so as not to end this sentence with a preposition). Noose also lived the 6 for 7 dream and shut down the shortstop hole on defense. Freak got quite a bit of baserunning practice to make up for his debotchery two weeks ago and played a nearly perfect third base with the help of his fellow infielders. Fozzie provided his own fireworks in game one but was relegated to those little black snakes in game two with the stick and as is the norm Fozzie was unshakable in the outfield with one exception of telling Wamp the ball was right at him when in "reality" the ball was a mere 60 feet to Johnny's left. Lasik anyone?
Our old reliable backstop Cartman punctuated game one by receiving Dolley's throw from the outfield to nail a runner at the plate to end the game. Cartman put down his purse long enough to square up some lasers with his well broke in Mayhem. (kneeling and praying to the Mayhem gods) In his return to action from self-imposed inactivity, Dolley did not leave the yard but did contribute a pair of triples and the aforementioned game clinching heave from left center field in game one. Gus quietly punched some base hits and had quite a nice night (a little lippy on some occassions) with the exception of one botched basket catch but was bailed out on the next hitter by a fly ball to Dolley. Tiny did his best to take a step away from the most notorious triple play in Sluggers history but still received some good-natured feedback about the past. Jeff also made a couple of nice plays on errand throws by the Freak to not only keep the ball from leaving the field of play but also recording important outs. Johnny Wamp shook off a first game o-fer to reach base three times and played a valuable defensive role to hold the late inning rallies by the Roofers at bay. Eazy reached base safely in his first three plate appearances and made the outfield rotation work like clockwork.
Good work fellas. Way to sweat your asses off and play like the team that the whole softball world expects us to be. Also a large PROP to Mompler for keeping the book...in front of little John on that airmailed throw. Quick instincts there lady...
Fozzie's friend Mike likes pink. He has no last name but he really likes pink visor's. As a whole, the guys seemed to be constipated. Why would I say such a thing? Cuz as a group we couldn't hit water if we were sitting on a toliet. Perhaps that's an over-dramatization. We did roll up the first game in the final inning (6-5 good guys leading after 6 innings) by scoring 6 runs in the top of the sixth and hung over to win.
Game two was quite a bit of grunting with few splashes to show for it. As the home team we seemed on the brink, poised to retrieve yet another come from behind victory (you can feel it coming can't you??) when we scored a run to tie the game at 7 all with runners at first and second no one out. What I have to tell you next make shock you. May even frighten young children. Viewer discretion is advised.
Jeff Ritrovato who lives at...nevermind...stepped to the dish and blistered a 29 hopper to the third baseman who fielded the ball while stepping on the third base bag in stride and threw to second to force the runner from first and the return throw to first base niped Jeff to complete a 5-4-3 triple play -- ending the seventh inning and sending the game to extras. Bone chilling isn't it?
In the extra frame the bad guys tallied 3 runs while in our half of the frame after Eazy struck out, the Freak walked and the immediately struck by a laser off the bat of Gus leaving the game in the hands of MSTBWG and if he could reach -- Fozzie for the winner. With the 3-2 count in extra innings, MSTBWG offered at the the pitch and flew out within a few feet of the fence -- ending game two. 10-7 Lagersluggers fall in odd fashion.
June 14th - Spring Finale @ Fenton Park vs Blue Devils
JoJo what are you doing man? That's not the Lager Slugger bench. So you wanna be a Blue Devil? Your loss(es). Although I shouldn't bust his ballz too bad (no pun intended). JoJo was actually quite instrumental in the Sluggers sweeping out the Blue Devils to even our mark at Fenton Park at 6-6. His fielding was OK (you're only supposed to turn your head when you cough, not when fielding ground ballz kid). But his uber-aggressive base running helped us out of a tough defensive inning and his wicked 3-hopper to Commish resulted in a slow roll to first base to retire JoJo in another AB.
To get off of JoJo nutz for a moment, the WOW-WOW-WOW play of the night came during a MSTBWG AB. MSTBWG unleashed a ferocious swing that their fielder barehanded and snapped off in one fluid motion -- did I mention the "shot" off the bat traveled about negative two feet & the fielder making the play was their catcher? Sure MSTBWG got a tater but so what? So did Chad and Fozzie -- heck even Commish got into the act (HRO) after we were out of them.
In game one as the schedule page indicates was a one run affair -- we were the away team and held that 11-10 advantage. Game tu-tu -- was a see-saw affair that saw the Sluggers run out to a big lead then fumble away runs to make it close once again. With us leading 17-13 heading into the sixth inning, the umpire decreed that the sixth inning was the last -- one way or the other. The Blue Devils took advantage of some sloppy fielding by the freak at shortstop and pummeled their way to a 21-17 lead. Undeterred the Sluggers scored but quickly accumulated two outs. After some Newsome goodness -- the task at hand fell to Sterling. Justin was up to the task and delivered a deep shot to right field that their fielder appeared to have a bead on. Inexplicably their right fielder jumped backward awkwardly and the ball ticked off his glove and trickled to the fence. Sterling in overdrive followed the diamond shape of the bases quickly and plated our 22nd run -- good enough for the win.
Good come from behind wins two weeks in a row. Since we had like 15 guys on our bench -- JoJo's absence wasn't as devastating but still makes you wonder -- JoJO -- where's your loyalty to the family? I'm very disappointed. Vito explain the importance of familiy to JoJo.
Game one pitcher Commish, game two pitcher Sterling. Cartman (nice bullet line drive in game two -- anybody seen first base?) & Freak (price check on athletic supporter's by the pool of vomitted blood?) got to take turns wearing a cool pink visor -- so did Chad and Bo. Bo "Mr. Shins" seems to be slowing down a bit but still can hack it in the batter's box and whip out a slide at a moments notice. Fozzie seems to be having some extra energy lately (pop-up slides in the outfield & lots of oompf! without grunting at the plate). Noose has returned to the land of the hitting after a rough several weeks. Dolley made a cameo although he did not murder anyone with a wicked line drive as I had hoped. Johnny Wamp pulled a ball foul...and hit a few fair...right down the left field line...go figure. Gus made his usual contribtions and threw in a wince after an unfortunate incident involving the Freak and a bad hop ball at shortstop (I still got the guy out). Jeff aka Tiny blasted a couple of hits and made a nice stretch to complete an out at first base in his tour of play in the field. Big Dawg looked more comfortable at the plate with his swing but fell asleep on a play at first base (his position) during the first game. You need to chug 8 beers to think about what you did wrong Big Dawg. Thurm was on hand to instruck the novices on the finer points of drinking and Mompler kept the book to document all of our glory -- I thank you mi'lady.
Last time we played the Domain we were stuck at 9 as in that was all the runs we could muster each game. To recap a recap -- we lost 19-9 and 11-9 last time we faced this team. As
is commonplace in a doubleheader league one team starts as the away team (us) and in the second game they are the home team. Trying our fifth different lineup in as many outings at Fenton Park, we finally encountered some early success. With the ageless Bo leading off, we were able to take advantage of some miscues in the field by Team Domain and score four "quick" runs. Incentive for the hitters tonight was a pink visor that simply said "B*TCH" but spelled correctly. The early caretaker of the B*TCH visor was the Freak -- garnering its use twice in the first contest. Domain hung around down by two runs at 4-2 until the fourth inning when we batted around for 12 runs!! Highlighted near the end of the rally was Fozzie's grandslam. Up 16-4 we let Domain back into the game by allowing four runs in the bottom of the fourth and fifth innings. In the top of the sixth inning (the last due to time constraints) we added some much needed insurance via a grand slam of his own by Chad. The Roofing specialists began to climb their way back into the contest
until a poor base running choice nailed their first out of the inning at second base trying to stretch a single. From there the damage was minimal -- Sluggers prevail 20-15 to improve to 3-6 at Fenton this year.
With a little sigh of relief, we stayed in the field as the home team now. Things played pretty tight early on as we were unable to string together multiple base hits and did not score in the first two innings. On the other sideline, Domain scored once in the second and four more in the top of the third. In the bottom of the third we snatched some lightning in a bottle. Chad, Fozzie and Commish loaded the bases for the Freak who spied the right fielder walking in shallow on him and promptly punched one over him that rolled to the fence scoring three. After that some one pulled the plug on the offensive show -- for both teams. Domain scored but one time in the top of the fourth and we did not score again until the bottom of the seventh. Coming in for our last at bat of the night trailing 8-3 (Domain tallied twice in the top of the seventh), it was put up or shut up time. A hobbled Johnny Wamp led off with a hit and the circus was back in town. Bo followed with a strong AB and reached safely. Noose lined out but set up some cool drama for later. Gus came up clutch with an RBI knock and Big Chad riffled a shot into the tree branches in centerfield for a tater to pull us to within one run at 8-7 with only one out. Fozzie resisted some close pitches and drew a walk. Commish perfectly placed a hit into right center to push Fozzie to third and Noose came into run for Commish representing the winning run. Up to the dish stepped the last batter in the lineup -- the Freak. One out bottom of the seventh, tying run on third, winning run on first base and a very stiff wind blowing out to right field. The outfielders were playing straight up and the infielders were looking for the game ending double play. Sailing wide outside and low, the first pitch was called a ball. The background noise dropped away. A second pitch left the pitcher's hand and descended towards home plate this time headed for the green strike zone mat. It never touched that mat...
Tensing and then uncoiling in the batter's box, the Freak smacked a line drive up and over the second baseman's head and into no-man's land between the right and right center fielders. A chance for a SAC fly to tie the game scooted by the boards as the ball itself touched down in the grass and plowed it's way to the base of the
fence. Fozzie, who had been holding on third base in case of a catch, crossed the plate to bring the game even and a few scant seconds later his little brother Noose scampered all the way around from first to break the tie and send the Sluggers to their first sweep of Thursday night in 2007. It wasn't the World Series or the All-Star game but it sure was fun and that right there is why I play the game of softball.
Sluggers improve to 4-6 on Thursday nights with a 9-8 victory.
Tonight featured the return of Tiny & he celebrated by getting himself a double in game two. Johnny Wamp struggled with some physical issues but started the biggest rally of the night in that last inning. Most people
think Chad is nothing more than a bald thug - he's so much more than that no matter what their pitcher's foot says -- nice bomb in each game when we needed them. Our living legend Bo seemed to be spinning a little slow on the old eight track player tonight but came up big when we needed him. In
addition to Noose's break neck speed on the bases, he made several nice snatches of the ball on defense. The older of the Newsome brothers blew it up with two home runs in game one and a nice diving-rolling catch to snuff an enemy rally. Commish was an on-base
machine tonight with the exception of a disputed double play. He also whiffed a batter on a beautiful fading outside pitch. Eazy did all his offensive damage in game one going 3 for 3 all the while playing solid defense in right field. Big Dawg and Cartman took turns picking up the offense. Neither one got into a fight with the opposing bench or kicked dirt on the umpire.
Just a couple of choir boys. Gus had the stroke going in game one but turned in a
huge at-bat before Chad's big blast in the final rally. Gus also showed the Freak how to go back on a deep fly ball in order to catch it for an out.
Heck of a guy I say. As usual the Freak got to come out, take some sh*t about his wardrobe, play some ball and then tell you all about it. Sounds like a winner to me. See everyone the next time I see you.
Sluggers win for first time in a month at Fenton - Thurm re-joins the team for old-timer's game. Johnny Wamp was soooo lucky. On the way home I told myself if the Indians won their game over the Tigers -- I would be nice in the wrap up. But if they lost, I would tear Johnny a new a-hole for going O-fer in game two.
INDIANS WIN!! INDIANS WIN!! Man I love baseball.
We'll talk about Fozzie, Chad and Sterling going yard a little later. We'll even acknowledge Big C getting walked intentionally twice in game one. No Big Dawg, Gus, Dolley, Tiny or Poindexter this week.
When you're really tired they call you Cracker Jack!! Sluggers leveraged motivation in game one for the victory -- Joe set the umpire straight on a ruling and the Dooley's Bar guys went ape-sh*t.
Well let's see. It must be Thursday again. On Thursdays we sometimes play softball at Fenton Park. On this night we locked up with Domain Roofing - they wear dark shirts with white lettering and a house
graphic on the front. By our bench, I found a dirty 2001 quarter. I kept it. I think I'll use it in the vending machine at work. There are chocolate donuts
in the machine that look like they would be pretty good. They cost a buck but I
didn't want to pay more than 75 cents for them - but now with the found money, I think I can swing that $1.00 price tag.
For those of you interested, I'll let you guys know how this turns out. Pardon me, what's that? You want to know what happened at Fenton Park? Jeez you're a little rude and impatient. I was getting to what happened. Just keep your french maid's costume on buddy.
Game one saw the Domain guys poop a 5-spot. Using the "pull the name out of the hat" method, Mompler constructed a lineup that was as follows: Freak, Bo, Chad, Fozzie, Noose, Tiny, Wamp, Commish, Gus, Dolley, Cartman and Big Dawg. The results resembled a Lite Brite with a faulty wire - on and off. We put up three runs in our half of the first and then took the next two innings off offensively. Being the home team we slipped back into the contest at 10-6 after four innings. The next inning however, proved to be the turning point in the game. With a runner on and two outs, their batter chunked a pop-up between third and home in foul territory. Cartman - the catcher and Commish - the third baseman converged but were unable to secure the third out. What came next was 6 additional runs on a bunch of line drives and dunkers. All told they pushed across 9 runs in the frame and left us gasping for air to continue the contest.
Our first four batters reached base - with the capper being a round tripper by Fozzie but let's back up hitter. Chad knocked in a run and Bo was cut down at third base (with a slide) without proper guidance from a third base coach. Three batters latter the game was over. Domain Roofing tops
the Sluggers 19-9.
The second of two started out a little different but locked into the same rut -- Sluggers trailing 5-3 in the early going. In the third and fourth we were able to hold them scoreless including stranding a lead-off triple on two put-outs by Commish at pitcher and a line drive to Noose at shortstop to end the threat. We got a leg up in the top of the fifth with four runs to take an 8-5 lead only to have Domain answer with 3 runs to tie the score. The top of the sixth saw the Sluggers retired quietly and Domain hammered home 3 runs to take an 11-8 advantage to the top of the seventh. Fozzie crushed a one out home run but that was all we could muster. Sluggers fall to the very cocky Domain Roofing 11-9.
On the night, Chad pitched a decent first game and Commish fought hard in the nigthcap. Jeff "Tiny" Ritrovato made some nice plays in the field and came up with a couple of clutch hits. Big Dawg had an off night with the stick but stayed sharp in the field. Noose overall hit better and came up with some nice snags at short. Johnny Wamp showed off the gun from left field and remained true as ever with his dead pull stroke. Working his way around the outfield, Fozzie showed pretty good range on a diving catch and chipped in a couple of dingers at the plate. Although his "plan" for a split didn't work out, Cartman knocked the ball around with authority. Gus was able to fight through being jammed at the plate in the first game and even made a late inning appearance in game two at
the hot corner. In the outfield Dolley displayed some talented tumbling routines but at the dish he looked uncomfortable even though he did reach base safely in both games. In addition to sharing the pitching
duties with Chad, Commish lit up the middle to start game two and made some excellent plays to keep the team in the
game. Anchoring the top of the lineup in game one, Bo and Freak combined to go 5 for 6 and score 3 runs. Not too shabby for a couple of old guys.
In the end the mistakes and missed opportunities came back to chomp us in the butt. Better luck next week guys. Check with Commish for rain out make-up dates and times
Finally...Thursday Night Softball Has Come Back To Fenton Park!!!
After being rained out for three consecutive weeks at Fenton -- the games were finally on! And the Sluggers were left wishing for more rain...
Trying to chip off the rust with a sledgehammer and chisel, Rachel reworked the
lineup for game two. Still the same malaise hovered like a cloud above our hitters for the first four innings. By the time we dented the plate we were already chasing a double digit deficit. Things got so bad at one point that Jeff - Commish's "little" brother -- got up on the picnic table and started belting out the song from Annie...THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROW, THERE'LL BE SUN!!! At long last the Sluggers were able to hit the field for their much anticipated 2007 debut. Fenton Park welcomed arguably the best league team in the history of recent memory of drinking. Gazing into the setting sun there was no better place to be than on the
lavish dirt of a softball diamond. The team renewed acquaintances with Chad "Big C" Lange and Justin Sterling aka Silver. Making an early season substitution for an ailing Dolley was Big John
"Turley". After the coin flop it was time to get it on. The Sluggers pounded their way to an early 9-0 lead before the bats fell silent. Some solid early "D" gave way to some shaky infield shenanigans revolving around some spotty shortstop play by the Freak. Before long the Blue Devils streaked into the lead. In the waning innings it was painfully apparent that the Blue Devils were firmly holding onto the momentum. So much so that drastic times called for drastic measures. With two outs in the bottom of the sixth, Gus was called upon to take one for the team in the form of a called strike out to allow the game to skip to the final frame with but a few minutes before time limit. The strategy backfired somewhat as the deficit ballooned from 3 runs to 9 runs. In our final team at-bat we could not muster 11 back to back doubles to overtake the Blue Devils. Team Lager Sluggers suffered their first defeat of the young
year 21-12.
In the revenge game it was nip/tuck all the way through. MSTBWG bombed away twice with runners aboard. Chad & Fozzie got into the act with some HRO's that were still pretty impressive. Johnny Wamp tuned up for his race with Gus by spanking a couple of extra base knocks. With a combo
of Sterling & Commish on the mound we were able to hold until the final outs were recorded and secure our first victory of the year 14-11.
On the night a ton of sloppy defense and the offense was a little helter skelter. But as first night's go - it
wasn't half bad. There is much to work on for next week and greater expectations with the presence of so much fire power. Obviously the player of the night was Gus -- selflessly taking one for the team via strike out to give the group a chance. This Busch Light is for you.
Didn't I just see you over at the Monday Game Wrap section?? Honestly do you have
nothing better to do? My car needs waxing if you're this bored. Also I could use several Slim Jims and Fruit Roll-ups. Find Fozzie's number and make that happen. Also hack into Cartman's myspace account and send alot of off-color jokes. Once you've completed this
task, then and only then can you toilet paper Font's house for him having a bad back. This is softball people. We need to make sure everyone fears and is in awe of us. Who's with me???
Pacing the attack, just a triple short of the cycle, Fozzie had a first inning grand slam and was joined in the home runnyness by J.R. and Big C aka Chad. The biggest hit of the night (after Chad's 2-run bomb to tie the score in the
seventh) was accounted for by Dolley on his only time reaching base safely on a ball through the wickets of the first baseman to put the Sluggers ahead for good. In the Mr. Consistency department: Johnny Wamp batted four times and singled each time on a carbon copy grounder within 2 feet of the third base foul line each time. Aside from scoring just 4 runs in the middle five innings, it was a good win for the Sluggers.
What would a game be without a Fozzie grand slam? We don't know either. Nice job getting another one in game two Foz. J.R. homered in both games and Commish added a 3-run smash during our 8 run barrage in the third inning of game two.
-- THURSDAY GAME WRAPS: The Spring Session
June 7th rematch versus Domain Roofing
INDIANS WIN! INDIANS WIN!
Sluggers drop nightcap mostly due to porous defense. Bo is the oldest living Slugger on the planet still playing and sliding into bases. THE YANKEES ARE IN LAST PLACE!!! NIIIICE! Weird Al Yankovic was born and raised in California. Thursday Sluggers play early next week. Eat plenty of fiber and fart at least twice an hour.
In the first of two games on the night for the official Sluggers crew -- Commish sent Santa a text message asking for an early present...run
support! The normally torrid bats of the Sluggers seemed meek and in need of viagra to reach their full potential. In reality the bats were fine with the exception of the young Noose. Many
of our line drives sunk deep into opposing leather. Rats and shuckie darn it! Even the mid-game addition of Big C couldn't help
the floundering attack. Sluggers are short-gamed hard -- 19-3!
You may be asking yourself: Self? Are you talking to me self? Yes you self! Self were there any positive moments of the night - besides Bo doing the Mexican Hat Dance on the picnic table? OK there were a few minimal highlights. Roll'em...
Gus hitting a bomb in the 3rd inning of game one - in game two Gus used his man balls as a backstop. Fozzie crushing a ball about 400 feet (foul) - it still counts as a strike - so it happened. Jeff whomping a single during "the" rally. Noose...um, had some cool new shoes. Commish chipped in a pair of base knocks in each game. Johnny Wamp served home fries in between innings - no wait that wasn't him - but he did get a hit in game two. Eazy pee'd sitting down on first base during pre-game warm-ups and ran like a girl around the bases later on.
Remember ladies, always wipe front to back - not the other way around. After 1/2 of the first game Chad arrived (he thought we had late games because of some confusing emails from Big Dawg). But Chad's clothes were not wrinkled no matter what anyone says. Big Dawg did a little curtsie at first base on a grounder but did smack a base hit during "the" rally. Freak went 5-5 on the night but thought he was a human
pinball bumper at third base - choosing to deflect the balls as opposed to sticking his glove in front of them. To be honest I don't think Bo even slid once on the night. Oh well, the Thursday Sluggers get another chance in the late games on the 24th.