September 1st, 2007

FREAK: Welcome fans and people with explosive diarrhea alike. Today our guest is Miguel Cairoe who got the call-up to the big club from the minors with the expanded rosters. Miguel welcome back to St Louis and how was your interview with Ricke Horten earlier today?

CAIROE: Thank you. I hate him.

FREAK: I can understand completely. Ricke Horten may be the biggest douche bag in St Louis.

CAIROE: I dream of killing him every night. When I was told I would be coming back to St Louis I thought really hard about retiring. I hate him very much.

FREAK: Um OK. I'll just stand by my previous statement that he's a tremendous douche. So back to the topic of your presence here as the Cardinals strive to make the playoffs again - what are your thoughts as far as your role here and the fact that you were delayed until September and thus not eligible for post season irregardless of whether or not you impact the race?

CAIROE: I think my role will be to come in and compete with Albert and Chris for playing time at first base for the last month and into spring training. With a some good breaks Joe Torre can bring St Louis another world series champsionship.

FREAK: Um...the manager of the Yankees will bring St Louis another world title? Can you elaborate Miguel?

CAIROE: Joe always treated me very well even though other players pooped in my locker and fantasized about John Rocker in the showers for hours. Joe never got over losing for years in St Louis and he has 375 voodoo dolls of all the players in the national league and their managers and a few pitching coaches. Every night he stabs the dolls and smears them with his feces in his office before going home.

FREAK: Well Miguel you have proven to be an interesting guest and as a guest here we would like to give you a little something for your time. Here are 198 empty Natty Light cans that the Lager Sluggers personally emptied just for you. Good luck getting playing time and hope to have you on the show again soon.

CAIROE: Don't turn your back on me. Don't ever turn your back on MIGUEL!!!! I call on the spirit of Robert Poindexter to make all of your shoes smell like jet fuel!!! I will eat many many cheap tacos and throw up all over head!!

FREAK: Yeah...I really don't have a comeback for that Miguel. Good luck sir...with the random drug testing. Back to the naked chics in studio.