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SLUGGERS
BEDEVIL DIABLO'S THURSDAY
SLUGGERS RETURN TO ROMP IN THE PARK Jacks, smacks and taters were flying everywhere it seemed for the good guys. ROY candidate Brad launched a big fly as did T-Dubb, Sportscenter, Mr. Freak, and Commish accounted for a GRAND SLAM-SLAM-SLAMMY. I’m sure I’m forgetting someone but everybody on our bench was hitting like Wade Boggs on crack. Borgie chipped in a few base knocks batting lefty and Gus (yes, Ryan) actually went opposite field twice. Wamp (with the lovely Lady Slugger Rachel) was there with beer in hand to cheer the squad on and keep an eye on Greene manning the book. MIA was Big Dawg. Unconfirmed reports placed Big Dawg in a tropical locale possibly working some Barry White type vibes. You go Big Dawg, work the mojo. Just so the buying public in Singapore knows – Freddie’s groin is OK so it’s OK to stock up on his merchandise again. No other real injury news to report – Sportscenter is banged up (but he pretty much always is tweaked a little but still an f’in force), Commish may have dead arm syndrome from all the K’s he racked up and JoJo may be a bit sore from flinging his body around the infield to track down grounders. Other than that seems like I stranded the brothers Meissner all night – sorry fellas I’ll jolt down more Busch Lite next time to get ya around or I’ll just walk and let Font bring in the RBI’s. Next up for Thursday Sluggers…Cruel World…Cruel World…CRUEL WORLD. Bring’em on. MONDAY
AND THURSDAY FALL SCHEDULES ROOKIE
OF THE YEAR VOTING SUSPENDED STATS
ARE UPDATED CONDOLENCES
TO JOHNNY WAMP AND FAMILY 2004
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR TIE
PLUS WIN EQUALS WIN FOR SUNDAY SLUGGERS What I didn’t mention in the above text was how pissed the Eisele’s boys were at the man in blue. BAM, whoever the hell he thinks he is, was pretty much riding the ump like a cowboy on a bull at one of the steer roping competitions. After the ump passed the decree that game one was all winners – Eisele’s celebrated thinking they had taken the Sunday league championship…not so fast boys. Because of the ‘tie-win’, their record 9-2 & ours 8-3 with the head-to-head sitting at: 2 wins 1 loss for each team Thus if we won the second game and had the same record we would own the tie break with 3 wins to their 2 so let the game two chips fall where they may. Last game of the summer season was a low scoring affair. Early JA-JA-JACKS by a sub named Crash and a gimpy Sportscenter gave the Sluggers a 2-0 advantage. Later a three-run inning in the fourth pushed it to 5-0 and a final tally in the fifth made it 6-0. Eisele’s threatened just once in the sixth and put up a field goal to cut the lead in half at 6-3 but that’s all the closer they would get to winning the league. When the considerable dust settled after their top half of the seventh and Eazy trotting in with the last out in his glove, we had our win and got our tie-breaker – because even on Father’s Day…ties suck. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the HOMER ROLE for Sunday: Sportscenter (of course), Crash (whoever he was, nice), Justin (just like the BP bombs), Eazy (a big fly in game one), Danny (I think he got one, but I’d have to double check the book) and Greene Bean just missed one in game two. Justin had two assists from the outfield to nail runners at home and Mish also anchored a relay from the outfield to nail another runner at home in game two. The afternoon was lots of fun, especially listening to all their shit-talking the whole time. Nice work all around gentleman – hope to see you guys in the fall. TROPHY
NIGHT AT LYONS PARK As always there was beer, no grill this time though. Well I guess that’s it. Seems like I’m forgetting something though. Oh yeah, dumbass me! The final round was a best two of three and the Sluggers only needed two games to come out and take that second place trophy and we did – no contest. We should’ve got a live chicken. THURSDAY
SLUGGERS GO HOME - MONDAY SLUGGERS GO FOR THE GOLD Hiking our gear down to the larger of the two Lyons Park fields, the Monday Sluggers caught the end of Cruel World’s game where they were eliminated by the Upper Deckers. The Monday Sluggers settled in on our sideline (Freddie whipped out the BBQ grill, we like the grill) after we won the coin toss to be home team. Out of the box we held the Bullpenners to a baboon egg and responded with a 5 or 6 spot to infuse the energy into Team Lager Sluggers. It looked as if we would have an easy time of things when the score reached 9-1 through two innings but our momentum tank sprung a leak. Our bats cooled for a couple of innings as we pushed across single runs while the Bullpenners chipped away at the deficit. Up 11-9 through top of the sixth, we manufactured a handful of runs and built our advantage to 16-9. Valiantly clawing their way back into the contest, the Bullpenners unfortunately fell into our trap of trading runs for outs – we gave them three more runs but tucked away an out after each time they scored. JoJo sealed the deal with his leather wrapped around a smoked shot from their lethal lefty. To be honest I don’t remember a lot of individual hits or any one person carrying the offensive load, just big innings with back to back to back hits – some ugly ducklings, some wicked lasers but solid fundamental hits. Last ticket of the night: Lager Sluggers (Monday) vs. Upper Deckers for a trip to the finals and a chance at the Lafayette Brothers who so rudely ushered an end to the Thursday Sluggers night. Both team touched gloves and came out swinging. UD’ers drew first blood with a single run in their half inning and we jabbed back with four of our own. As they say, “Monkey See, Monkey Do” and they did-put four runs in their scoring column next. Back and forth the battle waged with the good guys gaining the upper hand on the UD’ers. The lead was 10-6 at one point (with us ahead) and then 11-9 and then 13-9 and finally 13-11 which was where things ended with Danny (D-MYZ if you’re nasty) shagging the final liner to left center to ink our names into the finals on Thursday. Again not to slight anyone in this group (you guys played your asses off) but this fell into the team effort category. Danny covered a tremendous amount of ground and saved some runs but all in all every name on the lineup sheet did something to grin stupidly about. As disappointed as I was at not having an all Sluggers final, I did take solace in the fact that we will be represented there, as we rightly should be. The defensive beings showed up at the right times and the dozen coaches on the bench were there to put the seed of offense into everyone. I know the competitive fire had Big Dog inching to grab a stick and get a few hacks as well. Everyone go to Freddie’s profile page and eyeball his baseball card – that grill is a tangible intangible. The Boys of Summer 2004 may morph into the Boys of Fall 2004 and beyond but before they do, they have a couple of ball games to win on Friday the 13th Eve. If you build it (Lager Sluggers), they (the championships) will come. SLUGGERS
DUMP GREEN TEAM IN THE RED Back to the action…when last we left you both teams were flailing and flopping like the end of a Faith No More video. Leading the offensive charge for the good guys was Font. When asked about his secret, he indicated he was swinging at the sun itself (the sun was the backdrop for the hitters in game one). His main cohorts were BBQ and Mr. Automatic Bo Jangly Jangles. The rest of the grain and hops band chipped in and pushed across ten runs and we held off their late attempts at a comeback and prevailed 10-7. After a short bit of recess, game two kicked off with the sun a bit more workable for the hitters. Drinking team put a lot of balls in play and took control early. I’d like to give a big shout out to Rachel for holding down the fort until the other Lady Sluggers could arrive and Big Dog for excellent traffic control on the corners. Team with a softball problem won this one going away 17-5 as D-MYZ smacked a walk-off shot and zipped around the necessary bases (as Freddie skipped and danced to touch the plate before him). Having seen enough the ump ended the beating there. Noteworthy on the evening: the K’s racked up on both sides were ridiculous (but who could frickin see?), Wamp navigating the soccer goals on a (blatantly foul ball the ump called fair) pop fly, Huey Dog hanging in on tough turn at second and T-Dubb nearly taking a shot in the personal goods department on a relay from Eazy (ouch, too damn close, ouch). Good warm up heading into the playoffs, stay tuned for the Sluggers Run to the Championship. NEW
PROFILE PAGES SLUGGERS
FETCH TWO WINS FROM UNDERDOGS With the arrival of Slick for game two, we were able to return a borrowed player from one of the earlier games and fielded a ‘pure’ Sluggers team of 10. Again the curse of the one bad inning jumped up and bit us. After the top half of the fifth was complete (we were home & wielding the hammer) good guys were in a daze, a funk or a tailspin if you will and trailing 10-1. But like a virgin getting to ‘do it’ for the first time, the Sluggers hit it hard and hoped to find a hole. And we scored…oh did we score. We batted around before recording the first out and when the fifth was done, we had a new ballgame tied 10-10. At the beginning of the sixth, the ump declared it to be the last inning due to time. Amazingly, the Dogs loaded the bases with no one out but Fozzie and Co worked out of the jam with only allowing a single run to score. In the bottom half of the sixth, the first two Sluggers made outs but Stripper Steve came through with a knock and with some crafty base running put himself on third. I sashayed to the dish, worked the count and then…oh were you curious what happened? Oh my bad. I got a single of course TO TIE THE GAME!!! But the rally stalled there as the third out was recorded with the game in a tie. Very un-Bud Selig-like, the ump said play on and we gladly did. The pesky Dogs pushed across another tally in the top of the seventh to put the onus back on the Sluggers. So with the gauntlet thrown squarely at our feet, we picked it up and laid waste to them. The playmakers in that bottom seventh were Mish, Fozzie and Mark. With Fozzie on second, a run in and two outs, Cartman (Mark) flared a seriously wounded duck (I think it might have had herpes too) into center that allowed Fozzie to trip his happy arse on home to break the tie. Final score: Lager Sluggers 13 UnderDogs 12. Awesome focus and clutch hitting were displayed by the Sluggers in those fifth, sixth and seventh frames. Also just to note, in game one I had no beers and got only 1 stinking hit. Game two I had three beers and I had three hits. Coincidence? I think not! Also of note was Justin who missed taters by just a few feet twice as he clanked two balls off the fence in left. Yeah and Mish hit some line shots, blah-blah-blah, made a probable game saving catch, yadda-yadda-yadda. He had Greene-Bean excited like a 12 year old girl waiting in line for a meet-n-greet with a boy band. But we’re all just big kids at heart aren’t we? NEW
PRODUCTS ADDED TO THE SLUGGERS SHOP SLUGGERS
PLAY FOUR, WIN THREE The scuffling that mattered took place in the first two games against Pepper’s. Game one was pretty much decided in one lone inning where Pepper’s chunked up a nine spot early on. Unable to sustain a long rally, the Sluggers fought to the last out but fell 10-4. Game two with Sportscenter in the house for all the innings was ultra-competitive. Commish and Sportscenter peppered the Pepper’s outfielders in right center for some nice yardage. From inning to inning the lead changed hands or got tied up until the Sluggers leapfrogged from 7-6 down to 8-7 ahead late. The tight defensive net they threw on us all night flung back on them and we snagged the win like JoJo on a shot to his left. During the intermission, I huddled with Big Dawg (I said huddled not cuddled you homo-phobes). We agreed that he needed to assume the mantle of power that is the third base coach’s box to jump-start the offense. His results speak for themselves as we dismantled the Trouble Hitters 30-3. What’s that Commish? There were two games? Oh yeah, if you want to get technical we blanked them 12-zippo in ‘game one’ and for the second course finished off 18-3. Powerful offense from everyone on the lineup card, even Gus playing catch with the right fielder who was camped out by the light pole. Now for the accolades and laugh-o-meter stuff: Sportscenter with 2+ fading back catches in center, JoJo with a catch and jump throw for a twin killing from center, Bo completing a double play with his ass (where’s that damn camera when you need it?), Gus going opposite field once (he made an out but still gotta recognize the effort), Danny getting vertical for a nice snag, Eazy for getting on base any way he could and making me run, Green Bean for doing early duty, Stripper Steve for a cameo, Font and Wamp for solid smacking noises coming from their swat sticks, Huey Dawg for a nice turn on a DP that the ump blew the call on at first, Farmer Freddie (grill sold separately, orange hat and Kungfu grip only available during summer, see store for details) for keeping all those runners on their toes, some guy named Jeffro for getting dirty with the game well decided and me…what did I do? If I say nothing, can we pretend those two K’s in the book don’t exist? SLUGGERS
FIND GAFFNEY'S BREAKING POINT Regrouping the troops, we plunged into game two like a hippo into the pool at the zoo. The first inning with the good guys as the away team didn’t fare much better than game one with the Sluggers on the short end of a 5-2 score. But the tide was about to turn. Building a rally to load the bases with no one out, Sportscenter strolled to the dish and blasted a laser over the centerfielder’s head in right and coasted into third with three RBI’s and a tie score. A sac fly brought him home and we never trailed again. In the late innings, things began to get testy. During Justin’s AB he sizzled a shot that the pitcher snagged for the out. Seconds after that, the pitcher was excused from the game with a self-diagnosis of a broken hand or thumb. That same inning after a new pitcher was acclimated to the game, Commish smashed a shot through the new pitcher’s glove (the glove went flying) and the ball was corralled at second for an inning ending out. Shouts and threats rang out from their sideline that we were headhunting and trying to take out their pitcher. Commish, who I mentioned in the above paragraph as having to defend his person against numerous batted balls, didn’t back down and nearly took on their entire bench but fortunately it didn’t come to that (there were kids in attendance for crying out loud, peeing in your pants and wearing plaid flip-flops.) With things held to a simmer, the Sluggers prevailed 9-5 for the split. Nice effort by Stripper Steve for laying out twice on hot shots, Sportscenter just jacking everything everywhere, all the Sluggers for allowing no runs after inning one in game two, some guy on their side who jacked one out and Slick who did a good job on the book. Just a note: if you are trying to hurt someone or you think somebody is trying to hurt someone in a Sunday afternoon softball league you should hang up your spikes and seek professional help. It’s a freaking fun game now enjoy it you bastards!! Also the ump was a cheeser who missed half a zillion calls. Peace out THURSDAY
SLUGGERS WRAP IT UP Last game of the summer Thursday session kicked off after a short break with some more deer in the headlights action. Game two saw the Sluggers as the ‘away’ team and we rolled up a crooked number in both the first and second innings while holding the demoralized Haus’ers to nada in their score column. With ‘E’ running the book and getting writer’s cramp from filling in all those diamonds for runs, the core minds schemed to avoid granting the other team mercy. The infielders switched places with the outfielders; Wamp, T-Dubb and Sportscenter gave Mish a little relief help. After a few cool chances, Mish may be considering Gus at shortstop in the future. Watch your back T-Dubb!! Ending tally for game two, 17-1 (I think). Since I have taken liberty to poke good-natured humor at some of the crew when they have an off day offensively or defensively, I must visit this crap storm on myself. After starting the game with a gift single and RBI, I fought my new oversized, classic Lager Sluggers jersey and lost miserably. I made outs in my last 5 AB’s or the scores may have resembled old Oklahoma-Mizzou football scores. My mentor and steadying force, Big Dawg was unable to attend the games and my pitiful swing suffered. Otherwise two fun games with lots of ridiculous base running (pssst…Stevie it’s OK to overrun first). SLUGGERS, MISH DOUBLE UP GREEN TEAM And now a word from our sponsor…Eazy-Dogs. Nothing satisfies attention deficit children or buzzing Sluggers like Eazy Dogs. Crunchy on the outside, mystery meat on the inside. Mmmmm…gooo-ooo-oood! Tip of the cap to the grill captain. Next week perhaps we’ll have the gourmet Sluggers review of the best grilling spots of the Summer 2004. Now back to our show. When last we left you the Sluggers had just pushed themselves to 10 games over .500. Could they bring home another meaty win? Let’s find out. Taking a page from the Sunday Sluggers book, we scored early and often in game two. Hey it was fun, why not? Gus was playing musical centerfield. Bo was doing stretching exercises at first base. The keg dudes on our sideline were trying to dunk one another into icy keg bath. Freddie assisted on a 6-6-4-3 double play. Huey Dog probably had the best overall night with several doubles and significant RBI’s I imagine. Eventually I realized in like the fifth or sixth inning as we were walking to the middle of the diamond to slap hands with the Green Guys, that the game was over. C’mon it was only 14-4! The lights were all functioning properly, the dogs were still warm and the beer was quite cold. Why not play a little lager? I mean longer. Umpires are such wieners. All in all everyone on the field for us either did something good from the coaching box, with the leather or with the expensive modified lumber - even Freddie which should help his jersey sales to Bangkok. Edited by Commish_77: What Scotty 2 Hotty, the Freak, Sleeves, Whitey failed to mention was that he absolutely CRUSHED the ball in both games of the doubleheader. Just thought I'd throw that in. Dude was enfuego! I don't know if he made any outs all night. SUNDAY
SLUGGERS WIN, SUNDAY SLUGGERS WIN Game two…let down time in Sluggerland, right? Not hardly. After falling behind in the first half inning 1-0, the guys went to work. Instead of lumping a single big inning together, the runs came in bunches over the 4 or 5 innings we played. More suspenseful build up here…18-1 BAM!!! Our D was airtight and we smacked alot of wicked line drives that soared over their shallow outfielders (by this time Underdogs had picked up enough players to cover all the positions.) I can’t think of two games we’ve played back to back this year with such over the top results. Total time for both games (with mini-break in between) was about an hour and fifteen minutes. The moundmen – Mish and Chad – flashed quite a bit of leather to the extent that one inning no other fielders were necessary. Hopefully Mish and Chad can accept their success and accolades at face value and steer clear of the Steve Howe path of life. I would probably be relieved of reporting duties if I failed to mention the Mark foam cooler incident. Post game celebration included consumption of beverages that caused Mish to break out in bitter beer face and one segment of Mark trying to win a bet by putting his ‘full’ weight on his tiny foam cooler. Mark was ready to concede the bet with his cooler lid creaking and popping with him sitting lightly on top. Fozzie suckered Mark into turning the cooler over to where it would be more structurally sound with the bet still on the line. Unfortunately by this time the camera had stopped rolling for what happened next was awesome. Mark sat down on his cooler and tentatively lifted one foot off the ground, then the other. The cooler held as Mark balanced on his ass with his hands and feet in the air in triumph. The triumph was short lived as Justin did his best Jeff Wilkins impersonation with the cooler and Mark toppled into the dirt amid the ruins of his cooler. After a brief chase attempt after Justin, Mark gave up and mourned the loss of the heirloom cooler and collected his ‘winnings’. I apologize as best as I can that the camera did not catch this event as lagersluggers.com would overrun whatever bandwidth limits it has with people wanting to see the spectacle. Funny as hell!! We are in negotiations with Mark to re-enact this instant classic after every Sluggers’ doubleheader sweep. |