2008 LAGER SLUGGERS OFFICIAL GAME WRAPS

Thursday Sluggers Get Rained Out on 10-16-08

Due to muddy conditions at the Elks lone field -- the Sluggers were unable to take the field and officially clinch the fall session and earn more t-shirts for Commish's garage. *fart noise* 

Monday Sluggers Stay the Course

In the same vein as a triple bill of Coldplay, Dave Matthews and Maroon 5 -- the results of another double header at Heine Meine made me want to inflict physical harm upon 90 year old nuns involving gasoline, a lighter and a barbeque fork. In game one the Sluggers actually added 2 more innings of having a lead to this ill-fated session. At the end of the first inning - the Sluggers featuring Bill Sabourin, Sportscenter & Limpert held a 5-3 advantage. That lead slipped away early but once again we we in the lead after the fifth inning 14-12. Have I mentioned how much a loathe Heine Meine? Game two was a total implosion 11-1 the wrong way. The real interest came in the 9 inning schoolyard pickup game after the two early games. A who's who of who'ness -  showcased their skillz for the locals with some homerun bombs into the street, yards and trees adjacent to the field. The Sluggers will finish out the string next week with a rainout makeup and hopefully never set foot on Heine Meine soil again. I just sayin...

Thursday Sluggers Double UP (and Over) Antler Trucking

Thursday is the day most Slugger fans look forward to reading about almost as much as the Sluggers themselves look forward to playing. BDR was so excited about playing softball at the Elks lodge field - he brought heavy duty farm machinery and had his very best blue jeans and work gloves on to play third base. Whatever the explanation for his ensemble - he swatted a 3-run bomb in the first inning to stake us to 3-0 lead. In the second Johnny Wamp #5 hit one over the big fence and earned himself a 2-bagger. After three innings we were feeling pretty confident like that sleazy dude with the roofies sitting at the bar at Club Imperial on a Wednesday night. After another double by Johnny Wamp leading off the fourth, the Freak set the bench to buzzing by crushing a ball over the left field tall fence that cleared the ditch beyond the fence and bounced in front of an SUV on the outer road. Peanut followed suit with a double of his own that clipped the power lines beyond the fence. In the fifth MSTBWG went up and over for two bases and the Sluggers were on cruise control leading 18-12. After a lead-off base knock by the Freak - Thurm left the confines to dead straight away center for a 2-run homerun to account for all the scoring that inning. In the seventh after a MSTBWG crushed double, BDR nearly earned a dinger but the line drive smash collided with the top of the fence and fell on the playable side of the field where BDR collected two bases. Commish, JC & Freak singled to put runners on in front of Peanut who knocked two of us in before the inning was done. In their bottom half of the seventh the war of the worlds did not break out and Billy Ray's mullet did not attack anyone's groin area - the Sluggers win 25-13.

Game two as they say in Atlanta...was a dogfight. After Antler bludgeoned several grounders off MSTBWG's chest and other uncatchable places - they had 6 runs which we had to scratch and claw our way to match - extra base hits in the inning by MSTBWG (HR) and the double brigade: Gus, BDR and Peanut. After a better second inning - they only got one, we put up a 4-spot. In the third we locked them down entirely for a GOOOOOOOOOOOOSE EGG! This whole game, Panhorst from Monday night Slugger fame (RULE #1: WE DON'T SPEAK ABOUT MONDAY NIGHTS!) was pitching for Antler while wearing a long sleeved Lagers Sluggers jersey. Anyway we scored two more - scorekeeper? 12-7 good guys. Led by the aforementioned Panhorst (WE DON'T SPEAK ABOUT MONDAY NIGHTS!), Antler started bashing the ball around the park and their big lefty burned Gus & Freak twice in the inning enroute to Antler scoring 9 times and taking a short-lived lead. The Sluggers held their composure and tied the game on a 2-run single by Tiny. At the top of the fifth, the umpire said he would have to shorten the game to six innings as we had used alot of time in scoring a bunch and there were still late games to be played after us. Again on the strength of Panhorst and steriod lefty - the Antler gang banged in a half dozen runs. After a pair of 2-run dingers (BDR and Commish), the Sluggers loaded the bases with two outs when Tiny drew a walk to bring Johnny Wamp #5 to the plate. Johnny crushed a drive to left center that looked like it would clear the fence for a grand slam. *TINK* the ball struck the top of the fence! The ball caromed into the inky Imperial air for a long second before falling to the ground...beyond the fence! GRAND SLAM BABY! QUADRUPLE WOOOO! Sluggers take the lead 24-22 and hold on to win by that same score! That's how it's done Monday nights! :)

Monday Sluggers Adopt Fight Club Mentality

It's kind of like the elephant in the living room who has just consumed several ounces of viagra. You don't want to look or acknowledge what is going on but on the other hand you are afraid to turn your back on such a frightening proposition. But enough about Dumbo's erection problems...let's talk Monday Slugger updates concerning Heinous Meinous. On the schedule we circled the last Monday in September as a special (DEE DEE DEE) reminder of Slugger's past - when we would step onto the field to do battle with Corey "Sportscenter" Jaggie - the leader if you will (any Dusty Rhodes fans in the crowd tonight? Anyone?). CJ Plumbing (All-Stars) warmed up doing inverted one-arm push-ups while catching 80 poison tipped needles in their teeth - one at a time. Not to be daunted...we were not daunted initially. With some nifty D and some can of corn hitting by their dudes - we held them to one and on a MSTBWG sac fly - we tied it up! Maybe Heine Meine can be overcome!! In their visitor half of the second inning - again they squeezed out another run like a fat kid who ate too much bread and cheese. Down just 2-1 we took a hardline stance against scoring runs and thus didn't in the remaining 4 frames. The third and fourth innings really unraveled our enjoyment of the sterile, oppressive Heine Meine experience. Four and five runs scored by CJ's respectively plunged us into a hole from which we would not return and completing our hitting in the fourth and fifth (1-2-3 innings both) we lost 12-1.

Game two! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Bring it on - we love Heine Meine - it's not the devil's navel no matter what you hear! Now we were the visitors and after consecutive base hits by Freak and Bo, Borgs doubled in a run to give the Sluggers a rare lead on fall Mondays. Freddie plated another run with a groundout before we relented to CJ Plumbing All-Star squad - punctuated by the ever cocky bomb dropping Corey Limpert - no relation to Corey Jaggie. Acquiring first base successfully were our opening four hitters in the second to plate three runs to get us back to even. But that was where the hits stopped for us and again CJ's pushed across a run to retake the lead. Top three - the middle of our lineup failed to reach base and as a result we did not score - that's just weird. CJ's manufactured a single tally to ease their advantage to 7-5 after three complete innings. In the fourth inning we opened with back-to-back-to-back doubles before Freak capped the scoring with a 2-run opposite field jack giving us four runs scored. A solo bomb for CJ's was all they could muster and after four innings - stop the presses, call your grandma, give a leprechaun a noogie, sing two refrains from your favorite Smashing Pumpkins song  - the Sluggers were sitting with a lead 9-8. In the fifth we nearly batted around and scored 5 only to be outdone with 7. The sixth was inconsequential so I'll skip it regardless of their three runs or not. It all rolled up to the seventh inning - we needed four runs to tie the score...we got four highlighted by Gus & Panhorst getting triples. Now tied at 18 - it was really just a matter of seeing if Limpert would hit another ball over the centerfield fence into the dude's yard to win it. But first, the namesake of CJ's Plumbing, Corey Jaggie stepped into the box and belted the second pitch of the AB on a line into medium right field...needless to say the Freak was playing there. Playing deep too - to avoid a ball going over his head for extra bases. He needed to make some sort of play to inspire the troops and put all the pressure on the homerun swatting Limpert on deck to do something at crunchtime. The play, as it was, turned out to be getting caught in between as the ball landed about 12 feet in front of him and with the right handed batter english kicked the ball off to left and zoomed past - allowing CJ himself to circle the bases and stomp the plate for a win 19-18. Sluggers keep their perfect Monday at Heine Meine intact...

Thursday Sluggers Don't Slow Their Roll

Game report written from Right Field of the Elks Lodge Field <ding>

Two entire serene games without a single ball landing in right field proper (Gus got burned twice in right center but that's over there not here <ding>

Strange ambience as the usual umpire was not in attendance but his son was. Mompler was not present but Jen Scott was in her place on the book (not physically mind you) <ding>

Alright screw this stupid manual typewriter from seven grade. My typing teacher Mrs. Archer would probably be OK knowing that I at least learned to type a little. 

The cocky bunch of The Bombers seemed discouraged after MSTBWG's second bomb of the game or maybe it was Commish's first bomb of the game or JoJo busting out the big whomping stick of all 26 ounces to blast a ball into the ditch beyond the tall left field fence or just the 12 run inning in general. Now that I think about it I'm not sure where to pinpoint their apathy for game one. The gist of the upper handedness was a 26-5 smack down in favor of your Lager Sluggers!

Game two if you choose to call it that...featured some MSTBWG pitching, a first inning (we were the home team) where The Bombers landed four runs only to be doubled up when we batted around. In the second frame they cut the lead to 8-7 and then the game got away from them...for awhile. Starting back over with lead-off hitter extraordinaire - JC - we rolled through the lineup once..twice...and a half. Who needs Jimmy Divinny? Huh where are ya punk? Just messing with you Jimmy. But seriously where were you? Anyway, back to the inning sponsored in part by the good people at Trojan's condoms. Remember, once one breaks, she's not the only one who is f...finally after the 27th man had batted (Thurm) - we were ahead on time of possession and runs 21-7. The Bombers put up a mild effort in the top of the third inning culminating in a middle shot on MSTBWG's knee that caromed on the fly to the third baseman Commish for the final out. The Bombers bow out 21-7.

Notes from both games - JoJo's bomb was one of many hard hit balls by the youngster. Gus overcame (hehehe) his out fest in game one to make a contribution besides getting burned twice in right centerfield. Taking a break from mound duties in game two - Commish reached base in every plate appearance and also leveraged a handful of JC's balls over the fence in left field. BDR suffering from chronic BDRness struggled early with the stick before righting the ship in game two and made some nice routine catches in the outfield. Aside from making our final out of the night on offense - Thurm was his usual self slashing and cutting the ball all over the place.  Our vertically challenged first baseman Bo 'Clyde' Jangles was hacking at balls around his eyebrows all night with alot of success even though he let a couple of wild throws from his infielders go astray. Freak in addition to bending many blades of grass on his numerous trips to solitary right field reached base via hit his last five trips to the plate (three in inning two of game two alone). MSTBWG had to settle for three 3-run homeruns as Gus in front of him was inconsistence on his reaching base ability. Tiny owned second lead-off and took an extra base (home) when the outfielders had a bit of a communication problem with their infielders. Johnny Wamp #5 took the reins as the lead-off guy again with Jimmy D MIA. In addition to playing the monster fence in left - he chose to make only 1 out all night during the marathon second inning in game two. Aside from some unsportsmanlike rumblings from The Bombers after the games - it was fun and a good showing of what the guys can do when everyone is clicking, humming, swaying to the music, and just getting stoopit with the sticks.

Monday Sluggers Work on the...

FAIL PRINCIPLE!

Against a gorilla-style softball team...wait make that the partial make-up of the Gorillas tourney team - the Sluggers hung around for one game before losing 11-6 and then completely got swept aside at the sterile unsoftball friendly Heine Meine - even McLovin would have dissed this place.

Thursday Sluggers Dismantle Ball Busters

Not much to report on Thursday, September 18th except a couple of good ol fashion horse whippings behind the shed. The Sluggers (visiting team) needed a vicious single off the bat of MSTBWG past the third baseman's feet to avoid a 1-2-3 frame. But no harm done as our defensive perimeter around Commish allowed no runs to score in the bottom of the first. What comes next is the beginning of the end in this game and the next for the Ball Busters. The Jovial J's led by JC, Jimmy and JoJo turned on the groovy turntable as the same hits played over and over again. With nothing to report for the Ball Busters we move on to the third inning where the offense chugged to the dance floor once again only to have power go out of the rally when Jimmy hit and ran his way to a round-tripper (rally killer). We only got three that inning. Now the only real drama was...would we be able to hold them under 1 run. Sadly that  did not transpire as a grounder with two outs eluded JoJo and *sigh* they scored...once. The top of the fourth was a blur of singles, doubles, triples and runs galore - 14 to be exact for the Sluggers. On the Ball Buster side...not so much. Short-game Sluggers dominate in four innings 23-1.

Not to take all the suspense out of game two, but if you were paying attention, what comes next wont be much of a surprise. Now with JC acting as lead-off hitter and mound master we stayed in the field as the home squad with the clock only showing the time around 9:15pm - we goose-egged them in their half of the first. Now comes pain Ball Busters...

JC who I think hit the first pitch in every AB on this night led off with a two-bagger and the glory to the Sluggers. Bo batting seventh made the first out of the inning and three spots down from him Gus made the second out. The next 8 batters reached base safely - with that eighth hitter being a greedy Peanut (after Freak's 3-run inside the park homerun) who had an easy double that he tried to stretch into a triple but just didn't quite get called safe at third. That's OK 15 runs is not a bad start for the first inning. In the top half of the second inning, the Ball Busters exploited JC's lead-off walk to score three times and cut our advantage to a razor thin 15-3 difference. So for about the next 25 minutes we hit and for about the last 17-18 minutes of it there were 2 outs. Finally our side was retired after we had scored 20 more runs. Noteworthy in these two innings was that only one Slugger was responsible for making two outs and everyone had at least two hits. Also of note - the Freak managed to hit for the cycle collecting a triple and homerun in the first inning and double and single in the second inning. On the other bench that group looked as pitiful and beaten as the Rams have in the fourth quarter of either game so far this year. JC locked in the strikes for the top of the third and things were over quickly as their last hitter fouled his last strike into the backstop. Sluggers roll in 2.5 innings 35-3. Our next action is this coming Monday at Heine Meine as we currently sit at 45-12 and in search of our third 50+ win season.

Thursday Sluggers Play Two in the Rain for 9-11

I would like to appease all the Jimmy Divinny Fan Club members who sent in their hate mail that I didn't give the newest Slugger more of his due. Jimmy did some behind the scenes grease jobs to land himself in the lead-off spot once again. I only know what I wrote on the port-a-potty wall but cannot confirm any of the animal related 'tales' are in fact true about Jimmy's personal life. Game one saw solid offensive production from everyone...but the lead-off hitter. In the field we saw excellent fundamental defense except for the left centerfielder...who led off the game. The only other Slugger to struggle a bit was our normal lead-off hitter Johnny Wamp #5 who was hitting second lead-off due to a late arrival on the premises of the Elks field. Antler Trucking, whom we played on this 9-11 remembrance day -- was fiesty out of the gate -- actually leading 5-4 after one inning. In the second inning (we were the visitors but not from outer space) Jesse whom got his gig on the team due to some creepy elbow rubbing with Commish at work -- started an 8 run outburst with his first of four base knocks in the game.  Wamp and Jimmy made the run total all the more improbable by making back-to-back outs immediately following Jesse. From there a refocused Gus restarted the fire and we were off like a Spear's sister's underwear in the vicinity of a background stage dancer. Our fun second inning ended as you may have guessed it...on an out by Wampler (don't worry Johnny, if you didn't make two outs in one inning Jimmy had your back to wrap it up). The Antlers (no relation to the Mizzou Antlers...I think) answered with three runs of their own for a complete two inning score of Lager Sluggers 13 Antler Trucking 8. In the third, fourth and fifth we tacked on whilst holding our foe to nil. Run rule decision to the Sluggers 22-8 - the Russian judge had Antler winning on their card. Douchebag Russians. Not all just the douchebags - they know who they are...

With the rain letting up and the humidity taking over, the Sluggers settled in for 7:30-ish action as the home team. A chunky-clunky first inning saw the Sluggers trailing 6-0. We did bat 4 guys in that inning thanks to Gus' double. I guess the Antler group of dudes were still a bit sore from the game one loss so they put up an additional 6 runs in the second inning only for us to bat through the lineup plus three. No one made two outs in the inning so that is a positive thing and also scoring 9 runs works too. In the third inning we won the frame 5-4 highlighted by Jesse's backwards "K"...wait I mean highlighted by MSTBWG mashing a 4-run homer a.k.a grandslam. Incrementally speaking the next inning was the fourth - we scored a run - WOOT WOOT! and Antler scored none. So if you are scoring along at home...you are taking several liberties and probably lonely if not an outright loser. So Sluggers trail 16-15 after 4 innings. The fifth inning saw Gus' only offensive out of the night but it also saw the Sluggers take the lead with five runs and we held the fort on defense to return to the dugout up 20-16. You know when you glance at JoJo in the scorebook really fast it almost looks like Jacob but not really. Anyhow in the sixth inning after Antler went down quietly, we used six consecutive hits to plate four 'insurance' runs. Don't worry these 'insurance' runs didn't have to get bailed out by the government. In the top of the seventh, Antler needed...hmmm 24 minus 16...carry the one...divide by pie...go for the two point conversion...8 I think to tie. Confused by the complicated maths involved, Antler settled for three runs and called it a game. Sluggers sweep on the strength of a 24-19 second game victory. Next up after a Monday BYE at Heine Meine -- Sluggers play on September 18th against the Ball Busters.

Thursday Sluggers Finally Make Fall Debut

Welcome one and all who anxiously awaited this day. The Sluggers tromped out the fall version of The Elks Slugger Squad with a few fill-ins while the Disabled List works itself out. Missing on the night from the Spring/Summer version were Milo, Eazy, JoJo, MSTBWG and healthy BDR. In their places we picked up Jimmy D #9 & Peanut for the session, unhealthy elbow BDR, DBO and Dupe.

Tonight's games saw the Sluggers locked up with Seliga Heating & Cooling - pretty much same team from the session before. We chugged out to a four run start through our first five hitters before the holes in their defense closed up. With the shifting of talent - Commish took the push factor for game one and DBO ran the bump to start. In the bottom of the first DBO allowed a quick run with one out and then induced a double play ball to BDR at the shortstop hole that somehow found a crack and squirted into the outfield. Seizing the opportunity, Seliga continued hitting and running hard and matched our four runs. The second inning saw the Sluggers quickly u-turn back to defense after three of the four hitters were retired. Team Seliga threatened to have a big inning but settled for just a single run. In the third inning the top of the lineup started up the offensive machine again before things stalled once again at the bottom for another four runs. Finding our defensive balance, we goose-egged them in the bottom of the frame. Top four we felt bad about not giving them any runs and so did not score any of our own - despite a hustle double by Jimmy that turned into a three-bagger once the throw into second got away. Our opponent caught fire somewhat and tagged BDR who had come in from the bullpen with four semi-earned runs. After four innings the score was 9-8 bad guys in the lead. If you got up and went to the gas station just outside the parking lot for about 15 minutes and missed the fifth and sixth innings - don't worry - there was no scoring for either team. Top of the seventh was now here and the Sluggers needed runs. Lead off man Jimmy and his side-kick Dupe reached to start the inning. Two outs later we were still trailing with runners on first and third. DBO, who is built a little skinnier than a broom handle, slapped a run scoring single to right field and the Slugger bench let out a collective sigh with the game now tied. Peanut followed with a 2-run double and scored on Freak's base knock who then came all the way around on Commish's gap double to end the scoring. Seliga to their credit did not fold up shop. They battled and drove home two runs before we could slam the door. Sluggers win 13-11!

With an exciting win in our back pocket, we looked to continue the good vibe in game two. Starting where we left off offensively speaking (we were now the home team) -- Tiny was our lead off guy. In the first frame, both squads traded zeros before Seliga turned on the Merry-Go-Round hustling across 6 runs. We cut the lead to four with a pair of runs in the second only to be trailing by six again after the top of the third. Not to be intimidated, we strung together 7 hits in a row after we had one out and scored 5 times. After Seliga knocked in another run the score was 9-7 Seliga through 3.5 innings. Freak and Commish reached base to start the bottom of the fourth and we were off and running so to speak. When the thick infield dust had partially cleared we had 8 more runs to show for our efforts. In the top of the fifth, Seliga looked a bit down in the mouth and we finished off the momentum swing in our favor with four runs - Jimmy carrying the final run to short-game Seliga 19-9 after we had trailed 8-2 just 2.5 innings earlier. Good pair of wins.

After some early struggles the bats woke up and we for the most part played some solid D.

Monday Sluggers Get Socked in the Mouth (TWICE!)

76. Because the sun exists. Only after she slapped me the second time. These are examples of answers. On Monday, August the 25th, The Lager sluggers really had no answers for the team that was led by Hammer Hands called Aaron Miles Fan Club. It was the fourth inning before a Lager Slugger set foot on third base while we were hitting. By that time we were trailing 4-0. In the fourth, after Borgie led off with a single and was 'called out' stretching it into double (swipe tags are great and pretty but very irritating when the umpire bites on it especially when it does not make contact with the runner). So after the botched call, MSTBWG doubled and came around to score on JoJo's triple who scored on Commish's base hit. A couple of fielder's choices later the inning was over. Trailing 4-2 going to the fifth inning was about as good as we can sell this game. In the top of the fifth AMFC scored three times to our none. and in the top of the sixth AMFC busted the game open with seven runs - some unearned - putting the game in mercy rule territory at 14-2. In our half of the frame, after alternating base hits with outs the game fell to the Freak with two on and two out and no runs scored to this point. With a 2-1 count, Freak ripped a ball over the right fielder's head and ran every base even if they were 70 feet each. Good guys earned another inning to try to rally. In the seventh AMFC notched another pair of runs and the uphill battle was soon over after a 1-2-3 inning in our bottom half. Sluggers get slugged 16-5.

Looking to turn the page, the Sluggers were now the visiting team and we scored first. Actually with two outs we scored all four of our runs. The Hammer team came out and hit the gaps and put up five runs. In the second inning each team did not score. In our third inning Panhorst came through with a bases clearing double (the bases were loaded) to plate all three of our tallies for the frame. This time AMFC was only able to score twice so we won the inning - WOOT WOOT! The fourth inning for us came and went with Gus the Out Maker. Copying the frame that worked, AMFC pulled five more runs out of our bums and pushed their lead to 12-5. In the fifth we scored once and again AMFC scored five times. In the sixth everyone on both sides was disinterested so no runs for the fans. top of the seventh saw us trailing 17-8 so MSTBWG got the scoring started with a solo homerun. JoJo followed with a double and scored on a sac fly before the party was over for us. Sluggers dumped again 17-10. 

Ugly couple of games. On the night we won 3 innings - one of those was because we scored two runs in the top of the seventh of game two where they did not bat. Part of the problem was that Peanut played for the enemy and was very solid with the glove and with the bat. The umpire was a stick in the mud and may have had one stuck up his...where was i? Bottom line not pretty. Perhaps some hang-over from winning it all over at Wilmore? Who knows. I hope the Thursday Sluggers come out and kick arse at the Elks. Until next time: Be smart, don't start sh&t with a bigger human who looks really prone to mashing people. 

Monday, August 11th End of a Session Game Wrap

On a cool and perfect evening for softball, the Sluggers rolled into Wilmore Park for the season swan song. Situated next to the tennis courts on the "big" field, our Monday foe was the One Hitters - who as a group showed up about 88 seconds before the game's first pitch. Mompler who was perhaps feeling a bit Irish - kept the book in green ink. We took the field first as home participants. Commish dallied with the strike zone for a few moments before locking it down and we cruised through the first inning on defense with no problems. D-MYZ led things off with a hollow sounding hit and dented home plate when Commish brought him home with a single. In that first frame we also tacked on two more runs in workman like professionalism or as close as this group can emulate that behavior with dirt, balls and beer. Over the next handful of frames we fell behind but hung close. In the bottom of the fifth after MSTBWG led off by firing a liner that knocked the third baseman's glove off his hand, Gus and Commish followed with base hits before Borgie was able to get a run across to tie the score at 8. With two outs, Freak mashed an RBI single to center to score Commish with what would turn out to be the game winner. Sluggers hold back the One Hitters 11-8.

No homeruns in game one. Not really all the big of a shock as we were playing on the "big" field and their outfielders were plenty deep on nearly every hitter of ours. In the first inning book-ended between JoJo's first and third outs of the inning - we put up 9 runs highlighted by two bombs to left field - Commish and MSTBWG respectively burning the defense for roundtrippers. As much as that sounds like the first threads of a rout sweater being knitted - it was not so, granny. The One Hitters made a quick out before going on the offensive and our defense got a little sloppy and fumbled more times  than Rashaan Salaam formerly of the Chicago Bears. When the One-Hitting finally stopped and the first inning was in the book - the score stood at 9-7 good guys...that frame took 18 minutes by itself! In the second inning we scored on the hustle of the Freak on some infield put outs. The home team followed suit by scoring once as well. In the third and fourth innings we sought to do some damage and crush their will to play on... All seemed to go according to plan as we scored 12 more runs in those two innings - including a first in my time with the Sluggers -- a home run to right field over the fence on the "big" field. Mike Scott absolutely destroyed an outside pitch and drove it well over the fence about 120 feet off the right field line which I would estimate the shot at about 377 feet. Helluva poke. Now leading 22-8 heading into the bottom of the fourth inning - we were feeling generous and did our usual nonsense with moving guys into positions they may not normally start in (no Bo at shortstop sightings yet). With MSTBWG moving to the mound, the infield defense got shakier than Michael J Fox with an energy drink (hey my hands shake too so I can make fun of people like him!) and the team of Cartman and Freddie got toasted into the right centerfield gap to score 4 runs for the bad guys. Anywhozit...the really long of the short of it, we nearly gave up our entire cushion. When we came up to hit for the final time at Wilmore Park for the year in the fifth inning, we were informed by the chimp-pire that this was the last inning due to time constraints. Borgie came through with a two out RBI single to score MSTBWG and Commish got the last hit of the Wilmore session before JoJo was retired on a nice play by their defense. Keeping the lid on the drama port-a-pottie, two runners reached base with two outs but no damage was incurred (our regular defense was re-installed). 

In addition to MSTBWG's historic right field blast, the Sluggers also finished the session on a tear winning our final 20 games straight after a weak 1-3 start. All the guys and gals chipped in and got D-MYZ some small people clothing and a card with some cashola as apparently he got a girl "in trouble" or something. As Walter cut dust donuts around the infield, the 3/4 moon illuminated the areas beyond the tower lights and brought all the surrounding imagery into crisp contrast. Mostly obliterated chalk lines terminated at the in-laid wooden home plate in front of a slightly swaying backstop on a lit empty field...until the spring.

Sluggers are off on Thursday the 14th and Monday the 18th before starting fall ball.

Monday, August 4th Rematch With Crest Midwest Game Wrapzz

I guess calling it a rematch is sort of wrong and misleading to the listeners (I'm assuming most of my readers actually read aloud and thus become listeners of the game wrap section). If you can follow along the months of schedule notes about games and results - the week we were scheduled to play this team prior Crest Midwest -- was the day it rained steady but not enough for Roger who runs ASA to call off the games; instead we had a full squad at the ready as their lone rep forfeited. That was then this is now as The Monkees sang over a decade ago...

As sometimes happens in August the heat was oppressive, the infield behind Walgreen's butt was covered with several hundred "goose" tracks and the outfield grass was long enough to harbor an army of leprechauns with only the tops of their little green hats showing. As usual Cartman had the lady umpire hot and bothered behind the plate. Things started off swell as we scored immediately. Then the bitchy crew from Crest, Colgate or Aquafresh started complaining about our bats, our uniforms and how many tampons were left on their bench. Whatever the deal was they turned their hot flashes against us and took control of the game midway through to the tune of a 9-6 deficit for the Sluggers. In the fifth inning on the strength of a one out 3-run bomb off the ASA approved bat of MSTBWG we pulled even at 9 and held them scoreless to take it to the sixth inning. The She-ump grumbled something about possibly being the last inning (it was only the sixth but with the heat and humidity it felt later?) so we put two on with two outs for lead-off hitter extraordinaire D-Myz who launched a bombdiggity for a three run cushion and good thing he did because Gussy followed with his only out of the night. The body cavity creeps came out swinging and burned our outfield for two quick runs and Commish was sweating a bit on the mound. In a gambling stroke of strategy Commish walked their biggest dude with a runner already on base (that is putting the winning run on first) but managed to skirt trouble when JoJo lunged towards the middle of the diamond from his shortstop position to snare the out and end the inning and the game...not quite. In all the drama building and gamesmanship -- we didn't exhaust the remaining time and therefore earned a seventh inning for all -- YEAH!!! So as the visiting team we held a 12-11 lead and then we got STEWPIT...I mean STOO-PED...we scored a bunch of quality American-made runs! Two hitters into the frame,  MSTBWG left the yard for the second time in the game and thus took our third and final dinger of the over the fence variety - meaning any balls batted over the fence in fair territory would become outs. After the next two batters reached (Borgie & JoJo) the Freak stepped in a sizzled the right field line and chugged all them bases for a 3-run homer (all legal as it did not pass over a fence-like barrier) and the rout was on! When the dust and goose poop settled - we scored 10 runs in all to take a commanding 22-11 lead and like a drunk screaming out the plot of the movie during the previews the party was over. Sluggers win 22-12.

All the kool kids were impressed by our gutsy display of nerves and skill in winning the first game of the night even though in essence we weren't playing for anything as our mastery of the league had wrapped up the league championship probably the prior week but winning is still fun...just ask Jason Isringhausen. Kyla (Freddie's Friend From Fhermann) was on hand or Freddie lap along with the rest of the Scooby gang: Mompler not looking at all like the bleary-eyed fiend from the lake, Chas-tit-tee keeping the scorebook (nice pix of flowers chickie), DJ trying his head catch the hat trick, Walter the Dog, Jennn from A-Bev beer products support, various other child-like tall people, the bat bags, a few coolers, the can man and an angry mound of ants behind our bench - the little p*ssy ones like that get into your house and find pudding cups not like the giant flesh eating ones from Indiana Jones VI. What the h*ll was I talking about again? Oh yeah...GAME TWO!

Since Cartman's sweetheart in the official ASA umpiring gear (dark shorts, wife beater and damp towel around her neck) was burning up we took pity on her and demolished the Cresty Dudes in four innings 20-5. Their pitcher who pitched both games lost the strike zone for awhile - MSTBWG lost another ball over the fence (new game the home runs reset to 3 each again) - Commish went 3 for 3 in game two and was only a double, triple and home run away from the cycle - same for Freddie. It was softball and fun and Slugger win so who can complain except those people who dogged the new Batman movie - which I must say is pretty entertaining if you like dark and twisted movies. Just going to throw that out there like ice water on Gus in the shower... 

July 21st Generic Game Wrap

Game one five innings Sluggers short-game win by 10 runs.

Game two seven full innings Sluggers win by 16 runs.

Wow how much did that blow? In game one we were actually ahead 17-1 until MSTBWG got a little Cuckoo for his Cocoa Puffs at third base and uncorked a wild but strong throw completely over the second base bag - failing to achieve the desired force out. Instead the ball landed in the Freak's glove about 100 feet or so into right field on the fly. Slugger HGH pee testing starts in the fall Mike. In our third inning we sent 13 hitters to the plate - in the fourth we sent 3. Softball is kooky... yes-no? 

On our sideline we had returning Slugger Super fan Agi (pronounced like Auggie but spelled weird) and also the lovely Kyla from Germann, MO, equally lovely if not emaciated Mompler, a bushel of children, the scruffy can guy, our second favorite lady umpire (here's a hint: she's the only one), Cartman's fart from last week, a late arriving Jenn (with two...N's yep that's it) and other parties interested in Slugger nation.

Game one was really an exercise in Slugger domination and quite frankly bored Agi. He didn't truly feel we were playing for "The Streets" as Freddie coined the phrase awhile ago. In game one we were the home team, in the second contest we were the visitors - we still had our usual bench next to the big tree of pee running parallel to the streets. In order to draw Agi and Kyla's attention back to the Sluggers and their mystique - we decided not to reach base in any form through the first seven hitters of our lineup (2.3 innings) and to add to the mix we allowed Spencer's Gift Shop Team 7 runs to play with like a toddler smeared with chocolate in a public sandbox that has a surplus cat problem. We were stinking...so was sewer Des Peres. Finally in the third inning Freddie doubled, breaking up the no-no and promptly scored on a base knock by D-Myz. That was all well and good but we gave that back in the bottom of the third. In the fourth and fifth innings we scored 4 and 4 yet managed to limit them in the same innings to a total of only 3. Top six and the good guys still trailed 11-9. Agi was at the edge of his splintered, dusty seat to see what the Sluggers would do next. Like a monster Slinger to a starving man with an overbite, seven runs sounded really, really tempting and finally our willpower could hold back the urge no longer and we enjoyed every one of those seven runs. They answered with like 2 runs or something silly and trivial. 

Nocturnal animals are those that primarily are active or hunt at night. In Alaska sometimes they experience night-time for upwards of 20-22 hours a day during the solstice. Now if you combine these definitions and facts and apply them to softball you'll see it's time for me to finish the recap and to Google Slinger for the necessary ingredients to make the mother lover of all Slingers from here to eternity.

Anywho, we bombed the heck out of poor Spencer's in that last inning by burying them under thirteen additional runs to make our gaudy total 29. I almost feel a little bad for the Spencer dudes as they all looked hopeful and determined when they were up 7-0 and Commish was just starting to percolate like one of those 9 gallon coffee makers from the 70's. Disaster and embarrassment avoided. Sluggers Sweep and all but cinch a clinch for the Monday Wilmore league championship that we owned last year - but let me not get ahead of myself as there are still games to be won and we're the hombres to do so...

Oh yeah...Gus hit  one round tripper (sorry no sparklers in the glove catches this week), JoJo returned from someplace afar and made a terrif over the shoulder catch running into short left field from shortstop, MSTBWG had a tater along with side orders of doubles, Commish quit cheating and the softball gods let him get hits again, Big Dawg pooped a bunch of RBI's, Borgie went 9-9 on the night in addition to playing every single position on the diamond including his two walk performance on the mound before Freddie came in for the save. D-Myz aka Danny aka The Meiz punched a ball far enough to clear a fence and an outstretched glove, Bo slid not once but twice and yet was OK to walk to the cooler for an InBev Light.

Yippee Kai'yay Mother Wampler!  

July 14th is a GOOD Time to Score 17 runs

Are the dog days of July applicable now or just for August? On this Monday it was a two dawg night - Big Dawg returns and Walter anchored the bench - literally. Action for the Sluggers was held behind Walgreens next to the sewer Des Peres - little field at Wilmore Park. Looking over the field in the last rays of sunlight, the infield was aglitter where the sun fell upon it - it is a city field and there is never a shortage of broken glass bits, ancient beer tabs and alien eyeballs partially submerged in the dirt. Of course we drew our favorite lady umpire and our opponents were the Foomanchoo whom we had dispatched in a prior meeting: 25-9 and 18-3.

Game one was methodical - Commish pitched for us - Tim "Hammerhands" pitched for them. We set a limit of 17 runs for ourselves (let's not be greedy right?) and told them score whatever you want - they chose 5. So by the law of large numbers we win 17-5.

Game two we again set a limit of 17 runs (hey it worked the first time right?) - they decided 5 was not enough the first time so this time they upped it to 7. Applying the law again...carry the one...let the dog off the leash...multiple by X squared where X is equal to 1...answer thirty seven text messages...pick up Viagra for a "friend" at Walgreens...make a moustache out of nacho cheese...practice scratching crotch...perform flying double back handstand on the bench...yeah sorry Foomanchoo looks like you guys still lose 17-7.

Game one guys who hit well: Gus, D-Myz, Wamp, MSTBWG (birthday on July 19th - mark your calendars - I marked ours), and Big Dawg. FREAK HIT A HOME RUN TO RIGHT & CHUGGED THE BASES...just thought I would casually mention that in passing. Game two Borgie hit a round tripper (not to be confused with 70's comedic icon - Jack Tripper). Wamp, Freddie, Big Dawg, Freak and MSTBWG led the way offensively. In the field Gus developed a two hand (glove off) basket catch snap-off - sparklers are on order from the $50 still owed to Milo from Thursday night festivities. Danny made a nice diving/tripping catch in the outfield - HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DOG !!!

After the games concluded for the evening - Freak & Cartman donated their time and skillz to a youth/female clinic to help the next generation learn to field softballs. OK so we pitched and hit infield practice to Commish's kids, Mompler, Jenn and imaginary african-american pirate ghosts. Thanks & good night!

Thursday Sluggers Makeup Rainout Day After Heavy Rains
YARD WORK... 

Our makeup games on Thursday July 10th were either against the Bombers or the Ball Busters (I can't tell all these Caucasians apart). Anywho we were a wee bit short-handed so Commish brought out Dupe-Dude-Brian. Most of the rest of usual suspects were on hand: BDR, Wamp, MSTBWG, Milo, Gus, Commish, Freak, Clyde Jr, Eazy and Tiny. Extra spectators were gathered around the backstop: the Ritrovato family parents, Mompler, Kelly, childrens of varying ages, Chastity (later) and more people I'm probably forgetting. The first game was an 8:30-ish start that played out all seven innings (the other team was home first). Our bats struggled a tad coming out of the gat, netting us only two runs (MSTBWG 2-run dinger) in two innings to trail 4-2. Commish didn't have the magic glove tonight but induced several infield grounders that turned into force plays and even a couple of double play balls.  In the third our bats came alive to plate six runs sparked by our second lead-off hitter Tiny. The B team answered with 3 runs in the bottom half and after we went quietly in the fourth, they snuck a run home to tie things at 8-all. With two outs in the top of the fifth and runners at second and third, Freak roped a double to score to runs and the Sluggers would trail no more in this contest. Our sixth inning was slightly better than theirs offensively as we scored 7 to their 6 -- about half of their output in the inning was to blame for some oops defense by the Sluggers. In the top of the seventh we salted the game away with 3 more runs and maybe could have had more but Gus was gunned down at the plate being aggressive with two outs. Commish acting as starter, middle reliever and closer - closed this one out for the 20-14 victory. 

Game two was a momentum carryover with the Sluggers jumping out early but we did fall behind briefly in the top of the second 3-2. From there until the fifth inning when BDR hit a walk-off two run mega-bomb it was nothing but Sluggers 19-9. The team produced in every batting slot and the short-game win was quite satisfying and even puzzling to one loud-mouth on their bench who was talking smack after getting swept in two games. Quite curious some would say. 

Our defense and aggressive approach at the plate were the difference-makers on the night. Commish pumped in strikes as did BDR in a brief stint from the bullpen at the end of game two. Milo's ejector glove was giving him some fits early but he solved it and made some nice scoops and throws. MSTBWG had a quiet game defensively but punished balls and bats alive. In the "did I almost kill your pitcher, not once but twice" category was BDR. Absolutely vicious with two liners and lucky on another soft chopper that the second baseman should have turned for a double play but botched altogether with when the pitcher's throw hand-cuffed him. Commish and Dupe played some wall-ball with the sticks and Dupe made a couple of stellar grabs in centerfield. With a bird's-eye view of the action from right centerfield, Gus was able to focus on where to place the ball when coming to the plate and made just one out combined in both games. Bo, Eazy and Tiny fed the rallies and hustled to score when the guys behind them were successful. Freak found his swing again after a month in the tank and hit his first tater at the Elks to put in his back pocket with three turned double plays on the night. Thursday Sluggers take next week off and formally complete their Elks schedule (t-shirts are on order to recognize champions...US!) in two weeks in early game finale - 6:30/7:30 on July 24th. Next up the Sluggers take on Hammer Hands and his high sock wearing buddies on the small field for late games. 

Sluggers Outhit One Hitters
Cartman & Gus Tie Each Other Up...

The early evening of July 7th as the twilight slowly wrapped itself lazily around the meadow of coarse grass and lush dirt of Wilmore Park proper the Sluggers did but slumber as JoJo composed his whimsical prose half a world away whilst bumming cigarettes (they're called "fags" over there) from local denizens of those trite places. Not too much pretty or smooth to speak about in the early goings on for the Sluggers as the One Hitters trotted in slow motion to a 2-0 lead after two innings (they were home team to begin with...) Borgs, Gus and MSTBWG teamed with a Commish SAC FLY to tie the game at two in the third inning. In the following inning (the fourth if you are indeed scoring at home like a diligent psycho of a softball groupie stalker) Cartman blazed up another base knock to kick the offense in the pants and aid our efforts for another pair of runs. Only MSTBWG and Gus did not take an A-B or InBev off in the game as they came through in each of their respective at bats. As the game wore on and the tread of energy disappeared Bo snatched some liners and such at first as the game skidded to a conclusion 10-5. The action was marred by some serious humidity and heat and a late arrival of Johnny Wamp. Mompler and the Sugar Sluggers kept our intensity up and we celebrated a short break with some cold beverages and talk of why Walter was not at the game...

D-Myz's lady friend started to do a back handspring Ozzie Smith-style but then decided against it as she is with child and all. With Gus and Cartman embroiled in a fierce battle for some prize based on their hitting display, Gus drew first blood in the game with a base hit and came around to score the first run. In the second Cartman led off with a tasered ball of his own to reach first base safely. Several batters later Gus was only able to muster a SAC FLY to keep things tied between the participants - we as a team scored 5 more to make things 6-0 after two innings. In the third inning Cartman bettered his position with another base hit but was stranded by the bottom of the order. Batting third in the fourth inning Gus garnered his second hit, a double, to even things with him and Cartman in their quest to be dominant to one another but a-gain (canadian) the Sluggers were held without scorage despite the Gus & Cartman show. Through four innings the Sluggers held a 6-3 advantage with the best league pitcher in history on the mound and the hammer in our collective bat bag if needed. After a goose egg for the One Hitters in their fifth inning, we sent 6 batters to the plate and only the lead-off hitter Commish was able to score (Cartman update - FLY OUT to second baseman). In the fifth inning the One Hitters loaded the bases but were only able to push across a single run to close the gap to 7-4 before we batted in the bottom half and scored three more (Gus single, Cartman line out). Somehow this summary of Cartman-Gus hot, sweaty, dirty action led to them tying their personal contest and carrying it over mano-a-mano, chest-bumping to next week - perhaps I missed some caveat from game one...
Leading 10-4 in the top of the seventh, we just needed to secure three outs from their hitters before they tallied 6 or more runs to end the game in our favor. With a flair and a slow roller and a few line drives the One Hitters almost pulled the door back open for themselves but alas it was not meant to be. Sluggers prevail amidst a cornucopia of flourishing life and bustle among a sleeping community of infinity generation swallows nesting high above a smudge of brown upslope from the stoic tennis courts. Sluggers win 10-8! 

Monday Sluggers Sweep Through June

Let's flip back to the low point of the season in Sluggerland USA... The date was May 5, 2008 (Cinco De Mayo for those who only can tell time passage by holidays). The mighty Wilmore Monday Sluggers had just hacked and choked their way to losing two games to a bunch of barely 20-something kids called Malle's to run their Monday record to 1 win and 3 losses. Now let's jump ahead from then... Since those ill-fated em-bare-a$$-mints the Monday Sluggers have rolled like all the so-called experts predicted in their pre-season gallup polls. Coming into this rematch with Malle's we have gone a perfect 8-0 with a vengeful Commish wanting "to beat these guys by 50 runs" were his exact words at the Lager Slugger float trip that had just finished the weekend prior. Game one was a little sloppy on the hitting side but nothing sloppy about the leather as we held them to a puny 3 run output. On our side we were able to string together enough offense to 10-run them 13-3. With BDR in center, D-Myz in left and J Wamp at catcher (along with JoJo in Europe?) the defense was TIGHT!

Leading off game two, Commish tripled and scored to pace the offense. The big back-breaking, spirit crushing inning came in the form of an offensive display of power and speed in our hitting portion of the fifth inning. D-Myz, MSTBWG and BDR all went yard and chugged the bases to give us a 12-2 victory.

The good news is we looked nothing like the muffdiving, arse scratching, nose-picking bunch that gave away two games to an inferior team in May. I guess the bad news is that those games still happened. Sluggers now control their own destiny once again in the league and resume their normal programming of drunken Gus peeing on dry land...

Thursday Sluggers Finish June Strong  

On the last Thursday in June - the 26th for those scoring at home with a gnome - the Sluggers returned to the field after taking Monday, June 23rd - the Freak's 36th birthday off - and locked up with Selica Heating & Cooling. To date coming into tonight's action the Sluggers held a 3-1 lead in the series and a run differential of 77-43 or +34 for those fantasy stat keepers abroad. As happens it seems like half the time - we started as the visiting team on the parking lot dugout side of the Elks next to the concession stand wit ha clear view of all the infield dirt. In our half of the first we started with six consecutive singles and capped our socring for that inning on a 2 run single off the short porch fence in left. Commish who was wearing socks no matter what the locals may say -- kept serving up the strikes and we took care of the rest. In the second inning after a lead off two-bagger by Gus, BDR hit the first of a pair of two run homers -- the next one came again after a double (by MSTBWG) off the bat of Milo. We threatened with runners on second & third but we couldn't get them to flinch any further and thus scored no more that inning. They got one in their half - who cares. The third inning got skipped...move along. In the fourth inning MSTBWG hit his first of four homers on the night - a solo and Freak chipped in another RBI for all of our scoring that inning. I think Eazy fell down farted too loudly because somehow The Selica peoples scored three times - in one inning...who cares. In the fifth inning...nope censored due to George Carlin passing away four days earlier - no record of the fifth inning. Coming around for the sixth inning we quickly ran out of homeruns as we kept hitting them with the goal being to hit the fireworks stand just past the centerfield fence - if this was accomplished, Gus was on record as saying he would spring for $50 worth of fireworks for giggles. After Johnny Wamp pulled a base hit to left (how odd is that for Johnny?) BDR launched a bomb and was immediately followed up with a back-to-back jack from MSTBWG - just missing the fireworks stand and using our last of 5 balls over the fence. Our tally was 4 runs scored in teh sixth - theirs was 5 runs scored...who cares. Heading for the top of the seventh inning the game was still somewhat up for grabs at 16-11 Sluggers. With runners aboard, we started a little two out magic punctuated by a triple off the bat of Commish to score our third and fourth runs of the frame. The Bombers loaded the bases and then hit into a double play started by Milo at third base to kill their rally one hitter later when their lefty popped a can of super premium corn into the waiting glove of the Freak in left centerfield. Sluggers win 20-12.

Game two was more of the same, we trailed but briefly 2-1 heading into the home half of inning number two until we manufactured 11 runs (only 1 homerun - MSTBWG - who'da thunk it?). The Selica guys tried to hit the red button like those guys in Fast and the Furious (the first one, not the super retarded sequels) but they blew their...chance and got swept away 23-11 in 4.5 innings on a 10+ run rule victory. Now the Sluggers turn their attention to camping and floating for the Lager Sluggers float trip! Woot Woot! Happy belated birthday Gus & Freak!

June 19th - Last of the Uber Late Night Make-up Games

Since we were a bit shorthanded with no MSTBWG or Johnny Wamp or Thurm or Milo - Commish called in reinforcements in the form of B-O-B, Limpert, McGrew and Dougie. The first game started with the approach of Commish's birthday (after midnight). We were making up games against The Bombers whom we had split two games with the previous week. Even with missing some regulars - the subs stepped it up and hashed out a 24-14 five inning victory highlighted by a 13 run fourth inning.

Starting the second game a few minutes before midnight the weather was in a state of flux as the wind was kicking up and a sporadic drizzle was starting to fall. After scoring but a single run in the first inning and holding them to none - we broke away with a 9-spot and The Bombers countered with a run (just one). In the third and fourth innings we added 6 runs (really just 5 but the wind and rain were getting pretty fierce and no one was paying that close attention) and with Dougie's 2 run blast the game was called on run rules after four innings 16 (really 15) to 1. The post game celebration was non-existent as a torrential rain hit the field, the dugouts and everything in sight in sheets. Sluggers take the season series 3-1. Happy Birthday Commish!

Sluggers Re-Tangle with Keeton's Double Play

These are the guys we look forward to playing: Jessie and the crew with D-Myz's significant other on their sideline (head scratching noise). This game should have been televised on THE OCHO (for those who like the movie Dodgeball) as the number 8 held significance for both squads. If you would have been watching this game on TiVo you could have fast forwarded through the first two innings as they were nothing but defense and knock knock jokes. Leading the offensive charge for the visiting Sluggers in the third inning was Cartman as he led off with the club's third hit of the night and proceeded to circle the bases for the game's first run. Seven other Sluggers followed suit in some fashion or other as we pushed across 8 runs to titillate the crowd on hand. Meanwhile on the mound, Commish and his gay band of defenders were hanging zeros on the board for Keeton through the first four innings before they were able to break the seal in the fifth to cut the lead to 8-2. Skipping past a full check swing K by the Freak, Borgie launched a well placed drive that enabled him to easily circle the bases with his Super Borgie speed (I wanna be Borgie fast for just one day, that's all I'm asking). The bottom of the lineup: Bo, Cartman, Thurm and Freddie in conjunction with D-Myz successfully conspired to score two more runs before the top of the sixth was over. In the bottom half of the inning, this is where the other part of that importance of the number 8 comes in: Mr. Keeton's (wasn't he Alex's dad from Family Ties in the 80's? Hmmm.) ran the gauntlet of their lineup and matched our third inning outburst for...yes, 8 runs. After a ridiculous lead off bomb by MSTBWG that nearly landed on the infield of the field behind Walgreen's (from our field next to the tennis courts) the guys tacked on an additional 3 runs before Thurm's hard one-hopper was turned into an inning ending double play. Sluggers up in the scorebook 15-10 with a half inning to go...stay tuned. Not much to really work you up here like a goat with nipple rings or children with upside down crosses tattooed on their faces -- Sluggers go about their business and close this one out 15-10.

Previously this year when we played Keeton's we lost the opener and won the nightcap so now we were up 2-1 in the season series for the standing and also braggin rights. As the team with the hammer, we let them score twice and then scored four times. Next inning we let them score three and...they didn't let us score. Hey what kind of crap is this? Give and take here. Oh what...sooory (Canadian) lost my train of thought here). From there on out - sheer bedlam! They scored three, we scored three, nothing for them, we score seven, they score seven. At one point the timer for the umpire's time limit went off but he shrugged it off and said let's finish this. It came down to the seven inning with us up by four 18-14. No matter what we had the hammer and therefore the last say in this one. Mr. Keeton's group busted out the classic hits of the 80's and rocked around the bases a little bit but we managed to sock away 2 outs. The situation was runners on second and third with two outs and the ball was hit to JoJo who gloved and strained to make a good throw and Bo made sure to snap the glove shut around it at first base for that final out. Sluggers win 18-17.

In addition to Borgs and MSTBWG ripping the ball everywhere - Gus, Freddie and Cartman had a pretty darn good evening at the dish. On defense, our infield of Thurm, JoJo, Borgs/Freddie and Bo did not let Commish down with several near double play turns on Keeton's Double play - how fitting!
Johnny Wamp and his entourage should return shortly and make the Monday Sluggers that much more deadly on June the 30th as we have a bye on June 23rd (Freak's birthday). Next up: Thursday night makeup madness (sounds like a girl party) at the Elks starting around 10:30pm - afterwards is Commish's birthday.

Modified Sluggers Pitch in for Dave Scott Benefit Tourney

With Milo at the helm, the Sluggers took the field during normal daylight hours on a Saturday. In game one we fought hard but ultimately our defense faltered a couple of times too many and the Sluggers fell in the 2008 metal bats only debut 13-11 to ILside Riot. In game #2 in the back to back portion of our draw we ran into a stone wall called Legend Killers (Lights Out if you're familiar with tourney softball). Their defense was fast and shrewd and their bats thundered for metal on ball action the resulted in a couple of balls over the fence. Sluggers crash and burn 13-3. Game three was the final action of the day for the collective team (MSTBWG played in some capacity in just about every round with one team or another -- Bo got in some action with Nemesis in round one before our games). Already being eliminated from the single elimination playoff format to follow, the Sluggers were playing for pride and not to get anymore hurt (Milo - back, JoJo - shoulder, Freak - fielding pride). We fought hard in round three against C level tourney team MOFIA (eventual tourney winner). The score was a respectable 6-3 in favor of MOFIA after two innings of play. Then the rains came - not from the heavens but from their bats. One feature of the metal bats only tourney was the unlimited home run format providing that the team donated $1 each time their hitter left the yard. This is the part that came back to bite the tiring Sluggers. With MSTBWG, Milo and Commish doing the heavy lifting on the offensive side -- MOFIA woke up and took notice. Within a 4 batter span, an impressive three of their hitters dunked balls at the base of the railroads tracks on the yellow field at Sun Valley beyond the left field fence. As the visiting team we survived 4 and half innings but were overmatched and thus sent to the sidelines with a 19-7 defeat.

Gold star on the day to Commish, Bo, MSTBWG, Milo and Gus for their throwback uni's. Thanks to Johnny Wamp for lending his Wicked bat out for the tourney even though he and Mompler could not attend due to a prior commitment. JoJo for his work on the score book after re-injuring his throwing side making a diving stop and throw for a force out at shortstop (he finally got one on a dive!) Kudos to Jason, Andy, Greg and Dave for their efforts with the leather and metal. Sluggers go 0-3 but the group represented well for the overall cause and helped raise some $$ for Dave Scott and Scott Family. Our thoughts are with Mike and his family and I hope that he had fun and had a nice Father's Day Eve.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE DADS AND SONS REPRESENTED BY THE LAGER SLUGGERS SOFTBALL CLUB.

Thursday Sluggers say "Let's Play Four!"

In the first of the two regularly scheduled games against The Bombers (the previous meeting was washed out) the Sluggers hit the field that was awash with the late evening sunshine. Anyone on the left side of the field including the pitcher had a substantial challenge to see the ball in play and it was amazing no one was knocked in the cranium. Game one was a seven inning affair that didn't look as though it would last more than 4-5 innings as we hit first and scored six times and promptly shut them down to come hit again. But in the second inning the fortunes and momentum reversed as we scored a pair of runs only to have The Bombers rebound with five runs on old fashioned base hits and smart base running. From here our offense went out exploring rural Jefferson County and could not be contacted to check-in. Over the next four innings we managed only a single tally while over the same period The Bombers lit into our defense for 10 runs. Now heading into the top of seventh inning we needed at least seven runs (trailing 9-15) to give ourselves the lead. After a one out double by Gus brought in two runs it appeared we might have the makings of a sustained rally to narrow the gap and possibly overtake The Bombers but things quickly fell apart and we were only able to push across one more run and thus fell 15-12 for our first defeat on Thursdays this year.

Our conclusion game against The Bombers started similarly but in the inverse. The Bombers jumped out to a 6-0 lead after the first 1.5 innings (we were now the home team). Led by JoJo and Crew we smashed and chugged our way to four runs and we were back in business. After yielding a single run mostly due to some stellar play by the Freak in left centerfield we came back to the dish and batted around to cash in on a seven run inning and we never trailed again. On the mound, Commish flopped in his strikes and let his defense go to work and we held The Bombers harmless for the final four innings to take a 17-10 decision over a quality hitting and defending team.

Now a two hour intermission filled with pizza, beer and guys doing guy-like stuff.

Introducing a new concept to the 2008 Sluggers was the quadruple header for two make-up games against Selica Heating and Cooling starting tentatively around 10:30 pm (in reality about 10:50pm) whom we had beaten previously by a combined score of 39-8. In looking over the make-up of their squad it became apparent that they were missing some of their normal players from the first meeting. The replacements they were able to bundle together were an upgrade over the first squad and gave us a good first game with the difference maker coming in the top of the fifth inning where we scored 11 runs to go from a 16-17 deficit to a 27-17 lead. It looked as though Selica would make the sixth inning necessary when the first two hitters reached and they had second and third with no one out. After a walk to load the bases Commish showed why he is one of the top pitchers around by getting the next hitter to foul out and the hitter who followed him flied out weakly to shortstop MSTBWG. Down to their final hope to continue playing this round, their hitter was unable to solve Commish's nasty breaking stuff and the final out was gloved. Sluggers win 27-17.

Sometime around midnight game two got underway and it appeared maybe that both teams had fallen asleep on their feet as Selica went down 1-2-3 and the Sluggers aside from a base knock by JoJo went quietly also. Selica however was first to answer the bell and punched home 8 runs. The sleepy Sluggers retaliated with four highlighted by a 2-run bomb by Commish. Selica thumped on with three more and we fell off the pace a little more by only scoring twice. Selica kept the pressure on us to score with another field goal and we hit the snooze for the next three innings with but single run to show for our efforts (Freak triple knocked in by Thurm). Now with it being early Friday morning and nearly 1 am Selica turned the base paths into a merry-go-round that netted them five runs and an 18-7 lead. In the hammer half of the seventh inning our offensive approach was rewarded with four runs scored before Selica could trap their first out. As with all good things, they must come to an end and our feel good rally was snuffed out on a solid play by their infield that turned on Bo to double him up to end things about 12:55 am. Sluggers drop game two 18-11 and find themselves sitting at 10-2 on Thursdays. Next week we are scheduled for a BYE but check with Commish as we may play more make-up games at 10:30/11:30 pm against either The Bombers or The Ball Busters.

Monday Sluggers Earn Double Forfeit Wins

The Sluggers showed up in a light misty rain to play the likes of Crest Midwest. With the deluge of rain activity this season it was a slight surprise that the games were going on as expected but once we arrived at the field (next to the tennis courts) we saw why they were not called off as the fields were in very playable condition even with a light rain still falling. As the time crept towards the 8:30 scheduled time it was not looking like we were going to have an opponent as we had 9 players on our bench plus Mompler and Lil John (the baby not the rapper) but on the Crest side only one player got out from under the hair dryer to show up. The start time came and went and the umpire consulted their lone representative who gave the word to forfeit both games without delay. Sluggers double dip Crest Midwest without stepping into the batter's box. Very disappointing. Forfeits suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday Sluggers Dominate Ball Busters

Missing BDR and re-inserting EAZY the Sluggers still had enough offense to roll the Ball Buster whom we had beaten twice already this season. The feature of the night was a monstrous Gus vomit and then him coming up in his next AB and stroking a triple. Commish pitched a little left handed and ooooooooooooooooohhhhhh'd one over the fence. Milo and Eazy had a perfect night at the plate. Game one lasted 4 innings and game two five innings. The beer flowed from the tap & from Gus. Next Up Monday Sluggers near the tennis courts where we have struggled early this season...

Sluggers open June with a nail-biter

If I told you the weather radar showed a monstrous cell of severe weather over the St Louis area on this night - you would not even blink the way this spring has been going. But the rain shied away from the softball fields and even a little blinding sunshine played a tiny part in the first two contests of June. The schedule said we were to double dip, I mean play a double header against a team called Spencer's...maybe like the gag gift store in the mall? But all these guys showed up in red shirts that had local bar hang out The Mack on them. Hmmm...perplexing Scooby. Anywho, we drew our favorite lady umpire for the early games and put up five runs in the top of the first inning. But let me back up a minute. This particular umpire has made it known in the past she does not like players taking walks instead of swinging in slow pitch softball and she has also acknowledged the Lager Sluggers as a top-top quality team. These elements converged for some unpleasant chatter between her and our bench as she purposefully called non-strikes as strikes I guess to prove her point that she can make the games more fair? Umpires don't have to make bad calls due to being leveraged by a bookie? Whatever her point was it was lost on us and I guess the burning sensation in our jock straps was the fact when Commish took the mound the same rules did not apply for Spencer's as the deep unhittable non-strike strikes for us were simply called balls for them. Coupling that and some lackluster defense on our part - Mack Spencers scored 7 runs in that bottom of the first inning. That initial lead held up until later when we tied it in the top of the fifth at 9-all only to fall behind in the bottom half. We tied it again in the top of sixth only to fall behind by one. After scoring 6 runs from the second inning through the sixth we busted out the nasty swamp stick and went to town. We chopped, slapped and grunted through the entire lineup to plate seven runs for an 18-12 lead. Spencer Mack did not go down quietly but they did go down without scoring again in this one - final 18-12. For some reason every time JoJo would dive and miss a ball at shortstop - Commish would crack up...have no idea what was going on with that. Cartman on his birthday eve was so close to getting some action from the lady ump I think he could smell it. SWampler in left field splashed about like a blind duck who knows he is about to be mounted by a turkey vulture. Commish deflected 3 out of 4 balls hit at him on the mound but did not mess up any of his knuckle hair. Newcomer Chris effectively took Sterling's vacated roster spot and hid himself by pushing the infield.

In game two we got to have the hammer in case we needed it later on. After a Gus nothing to start the game (he was like 4-4 in game one so a little slack will be given) MSTBWG tripled and got to trot home when Chriiiiiiiis launched an over-the-fencer. Following Chris, Commish returned to the 80's in the featured role of Captain Solo to use our second of three allotted dingers. Freak, Bo, Cartman and Borgie cleaned up to score two additional non-homerun runs. These five runs with the way Commish was pitching and the defense was go-getting should have spelled a quick and clean finish to the contest but as is Slugger's tradition - whenever things get too easy - mix things up and see what shenanigans ensue. Sure enough our 5-0 lead ballooned to 14-0 after the bottom of our fourth inning - one shy of a short-game victory. This certainly calls for some mixed up hijinx on defense. Commish and Co got two quick outs with two runners aboard and the shutout still intact despite Cartman trying to snap-off fire flies at third base. So we tempted fate with our altered alignment and what was almost a game ending force-out at third base became tiny and insignificant fifteen minutes and 10 runs later. Suddenly a sure-fire squirrel in a box full of Honey Nut Cheerios was looking like it could be another close contest. After we goose-egged ourselves in the bottom of the fifth, we goose-egged them in the top of the sixth before coming through with three insurance runs in the bottom half highlighted by MSTBWG bouncing a ball into the nasty-nappy sewer Des Peres beyond the short porch in left field behind Wal-greens. Top of the seventh as the game was running short on time, they scored three runs and had two runners on with only one out. Commish first induced a shallow fly out to the outfield and then a jam job  that Cartman ventured in front of the plate to snatch for the victory 17-13.

Softball is certainly weird and fickle. We hit into a pair of early double plays in game one and left at least three long drives in the park for their left fielder to run back and get leather on. For the most part our outs were hard hit but right at the third baseman on a line or even hops right into the shortstop's glove for force plays. With the sun a big factor for the infielder's looking out to the outfielders, Gus made like six guys vacate second base (like the dudes on COPS running from the 5-0) in his attempt to take down an advancing runner. Bo of course slid into third in game one to the delight of the crowd assembled. DJ passed off the scorebook from game one to Mompler to handle the game two chores. Erica fresh off of her 34th birthday sat nearby putting on cheap french nails - not sure how well those hold up doing dishes - I will report back later. JoJo when he wasn't picking himself up off of the suspect infield dirt was lights out at the plate with line drive base hits galore. D-Myz came through with some big swings and did his share of wading through the outfield in search of catfish or fly balls.  For a pair of games won 18-12 & 17-13 this Bud's for you Freddie!

May 29th - The Sluggers Vs Antler Trucking! PLAY BALL!

As the visiting team in game one we came out and put together a 5-1 lead after 1.5 innings. Then the Antlers led by a guy with a prosthetic arm started scoring in bunches. After 4 innings the Sluggers trailed 13-6. Revisiting what worked well to start the game, we put runners on in front of Milo and he hit a three-run bomb to cap a 4-run fifth innings. In the bottom of the fifth and sixth we held the Antlers scoreless with some heads-up defense by the Ritrovato battery to pull off a 1-2-5 double play with the bases loaded and no one out to quelch their good vibes. After tying the game thanks to MSTBWG in the top of the sixth - it all hinged on the last inning. The offense ran through Gus & Freak would had triples in the frame with the Freak knocking in the 16th run & scoring on Thurm's sac fly to give us 17 to their 13 heading to the home half. After the first few batters reached, things got tense. With the bases loaded, two outs and the scored 17-16 Lager Sluggers, Commish induced a grounder on a 3-1 count to JoJo who flipped for the game clinching out to second base. Sluggers win a legit thriller 17-16.

In the nightcap, we flipped to the home team and held them scoreless in the first two innings. In the bottom of the second with two outs, the Freak lined his 3rd triple of the night to the left center gap to score JoJo and spark a 4 run inning. The Antlers broke through for a score in the third only to have the Sluggers answer for three of their own to push the lead to 7-1 after three innings of play. Things tightened up in the top of the fourth as their bats came alive for 4 runs to narrow the deficit to 7-5 and we answered with a fresh, very oval goose egg in our half of the inning. Commish and Co came out in the fifth and held them off the scoreboard also and tacked up five more runs of our own highlighted by Milo's 3rd three-run bomb of the night. In our sixth inning of hitting in game two, we scratched, clawed and farted our way to another run to pad our advantage to 12-6. Antler Trucking did not shut it down. They kept coming but could only garner a run in the top of the seventh and thus we accomplished a DH sweep fort he Thursday greater good 12-7.

MSTBWG had a team high 7 hits on the night to go with a perfect one-hop strike to the plate in game two to nail an over-aggressive Antler runner. Commish was sacking and teabagging all over the place - leaving RBI's for Rachel to collect and although he didn't have his best fielding night - he made them hit the ball and thus made things easier on himself. Milo in addition to his silly homerun swing roamed about the field spelling different fielders. BDR started out slow with the stick but figured it out (middle's open!) and he also started a nice 5-4 double play by scooping a ball, stepping on third base and gunning to second to force another runner out. JoJo picked it up in game two with the bat and made some clutch grabs at shortstop for key outs in both games. Thurm wrestled with grounders at second base and chipped in some rally-boosters with some timely hitting. Bo Jangles improved upon his last experience at first base on defense and chopped his way on base as usual. Jeff in addition to anchoring the plate on relay throws to drop the tag on them also kicked up his heels on the surprisingly dry infield. We as a group made enough plays in the field and hit in bunches to score the runs to get the job done and shake off the 4 week layoff between Thursday games. Also I'd like to give a shout out to Erica celebrating her 34th birthday on Friday the 30th. See you guys on the Monday small field behind Wal-greens in Wilmore Park next to the sewaggie River Des Peres. So long...

BDR pulled off a Sportscenter like play by scooping a grounder into the air above his head, snared it and fired a bullet to Bo at first to record the out. Wamp caught a ball about 5 feet in front of the left field fence on his tippy toes - nearly missing it but not. Gus caught the last out of the last game in right centerfield. MSTBWG tried to hurdle the catcher on his 2-rbi triple that turned out to be a triple with a slight out advancing. Gus had Johnny Wamp disease (no not that one) as he pulled the first strike on his AB's foul like almost everytime. Wamp also saw his perfect 1.000 batting average finally leave him and he celebrated by getting a backwards "K" for his last at-bat. Mompler kept the book and no one from the other team tried to cheat so she was cool. Jen and Chastity hung out on the bench side doing stuff and the like. OK now I'm done...

FORE! May 19th - The Sluggers Vs Hammerhands aka Foomanchoo!

Alright stop peeking around your fingers covered in chocolate (at least I hope that's chocolate) - do not be afraid! As noted previously the Sluggers struggles were due to be short-lived and I'm here to tell you all aboot it (canadian). 

On the schedule it said Foomanchoo but in reality...this was a team that had Tim "Hammerhands" McHammertime on it. Tim played a handful of games last year for the pride of the Sluggers but not now in the year 2008. To give the Hammerheads a chance we began as the guests and scored 6 tallies ... book-ended by D-Myz flying out to begin the frame & also to end it. Way to go kid. Hey he's like 22 or something - he can take a little extra razzberry surprise for such a dubious feat! Back to the show... With a little cheating (read Patriots, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, etc) the Foomanchoo somehow tacked on an unscored run much to Mompler's chagrin. Nevertheless after a one out dinger by Johnny Wamp #5 - the Sluggers loaded the bases for the Freak. The last time the Freak stepped into the batter's box with the bases juiced at Wilmore, paramedics soon arrived as the choking was absolutely violent. This time #33 delivered a towering shot that sailed by the left center fielder and allowed all four runs to touch home plate - Grand Slam, if you will! Peoples from Foomanchoo fought valiantly I suppose but they were no match for the Sluggers offense which was clicking on all cylinders but burning cleaner than gasoline and a whole lot cheaper! I hope every CEO that works for an oil company is mounted from behind by a horny ape with a burning STD that makes your face break out in 772 tiny orange penises! Oh where was I...oh yes the offense validated Mompler's point that cheaters should never win and they didn't as the Slugger's cruised to a 25-9 five inning win in support of Commish.

Game two placed the "hammer" into our hands - how poetic is that! Foomanchoo scratched out a run for their only lead of the night in the top half of the first inning before the Sluggers countered with a pair to take back our rightful place in the lead. Foomanchoo again crawled their way to home for another run in the second only to see the Sluggers poop a 13 run rally! D-Myz after finding the stroke mid-way through game one sparked the onslaught with a lead-off double. In the midst of scoring alot - Commish had a bases loaded clearing double and MSTBWG mashed a ball really, really far with two runners on for a 3-run trot of sorts. In the third frame - FoomanHammerTude pushed across a single tally and we answered that tally on a two out base knock by Borgie. Top of the fourth saw their speed guy slap a shot to JoJo at shortstop who gunned him out by a quarter step. The next two batters went down quietly. Now so often it is critical in softball to have killer instinct. When you have a team crushed and demoralized you have to be able to finish them off. We needed a measly two runs to have the game called due to run rule of 15 runs after or during the bottom of the fourth inning. Gus and Wamp singled to open the base works, MSTBWG advanced both runners with a fly ball. Next JoJo and Commish contributed singles before Bo "Clyde" Jangles ripped a single to end the cruelty. Sluggers sweep 18-3. Next up (if the rain stays away) early games at the Elks...

Game Wraps of Doom, May 5th - Cinco de Hold de Friggin Mayo!

For those of you like me struggling to get the theme song from Footloose out of your head please bear with me as it only gets uglier. Monday softball has become a tradition of the Sluggers inflicting indian burns and a$$ kickings for years upon unsuspecting softballers. So when a day like the one I'm about to describe happens you have to sit back and take stock. Is the world about to end? Will One Tree Hill come back for another season? Can the Cubs really be considered winners two years in a row? I know all of this seems like crazy talk but over and beyond that the Sluggers actually lost two games in one night to the same opponent on MONDAY!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OK breathe. Breathe. Game one against the team only known as Malles - might be canadian for malls? Who knows? Anyway - as is custom - one team starts as the home team. In this case they started as home team and we as the visitors. We sent 5 batters to the plate only to not score. They got 2 in their half of the first on mostly some quirky defense on our part. Top two we scored two runs sparked by Freak & Borgie. Bottom two none for them! Top three Danny & MSTBWG teamed up to hang a two spot on the scoreboard before Freak choked with the bases loaded to end things. In their third we only allowed them a single tally. So far not too bad ahead 4-3 after three innings of play. Top four we scored a goose eggs despite a leg double by Big Dawg. The Mallrats scored a deuce to take the lead. After a Wampler fly out to start the fifth we chugged along to score 3 runs highlighted by Commish's triple. In the bottom half of the innings things went kooky and the defensive bungles sprang up again to assist them in scoring 5 runs to hold a 10-7 advantage. With only two innings left to do some business, Cartman started a two out rally that culminated in an RBI double by MSTBWG for a five run inning. In the home half of the sixth the Malles pushed themselves back from the table like a supermodel about to head to the bathroom to force herself to vomit (they only got 1 run). Top seven Sluggers singled their way to a pair of runs and a 14-11 margin. In the bottom half Commish's normally stingy defense went softer than an 80 year old man's stuff two weeks after his last Viagra tablet. With most the spectators in attendance holding their breath, the Team from Malles scored twice and had two runners aboard with two outs. Commish served up a fly ball to right field that smacked into the Freak's glove...only to spring out again! The Freak frantically snatched at the loose ball only to have it elude him and fall to the earth while the tying and winning runs circled the bases. Sluggers stumble, fall 14-15.

Game two was more of a mixed bag of dried fruit with some special mustard like sauce in it. In the beginning I alluded to the Sluggers dominance and the glazed look the other team takes on as the beating sets in and as their spirit breaks then more mistakes happen. Only this time it was the Sluggers on the receiving end. Despite Commish working the strike zone the hits fell in as the Malles now had some confidence and our gloves developed more and more holes. Aside from a three run mini-outburst in the fourth inning for us on offense, there was not much good to pump up in this game as the Sluggers got steamrolled 18-5 and drop to 1-3 on Mondays.

For those of you familiar with the website and our prowess, I assure you this is not a joke but a sad reality. Never fear as dawn approaches and the sun rotates around to Missouri -- there will be better softball forthcoming!!

5-1-2008 (Firsto of Mayo!): This game break section is brought to you by the fine folks at Lowes! Visit your local Lowes and ask if they have a MSTBWG to personally assist you with your buying experience! Now back to our show...

Returning to action after BYES for the last Thursday & Monday the Sluggers were anxious to prove to the Ball Busters that the legend of Lager Sluggers is all too true. Game one looked to be a colossal butt kicking in the making when the Sluggers raced out to a 27-4 lead despite the season debut of Tiny at pitcher - 6 pitches and two walks later it was a call to the pen for ex-Brewer's minor league phenom MSTBWG. In the early going he struggled to field his position but with the 16 runs scored in the top of the first he was able to settle in and stem the tide. In our first inning (the one where we scored 16 runs to start the game as the visiting team) - we sent 20 hitters to the plate and collected 11 singles, 4 double and 2 triples. In the second inning we were only able to hit through 16 batters - featuring 8 singles, 2 doubles, 1 triple and a dinger from Clover (BDR). This is usually the point where we collectively get cocky and overconfident and start mixing up positions and the flow of the game gets slightly screwed up. Never fear that will not happen here...OK I lied. After pushing across another run in the top of the third - the poop clouds gathered and we got pooped on en masse. A dink, a dork, a dash and some less than stellar defense - and the Ball Busters had a little confidence in their back pocket to the tune of an 11 run inning. In the fourth inning each team took only one cookie from the run jar and then the umpire (a non-paid employee of the league mind you) said this was the last inning due to time constraints. We (OK Milo) grunted out a home run (Captain Solo? George Lucas on line one...) and we thought that was enough runs for one game and went to the bottom half of the fifth inning leading 30-15. No one told the Ball Busters that they were supposed to be defeated and bummed and go one-two-three in their hitting half of the fifth. Instead they scored five runs before we finally nailed down an out. From there we were able to slow their roll and prevail 30-22. Happy days a win. Commish who came out of the pen in relief for the last couple of innings held the line and was able to finish what his brother started.

Now as the home team -- game two kicked off mere seconds (about 60 or 90) after the first game was completed. A single solitary runner reach base in the first for the Ball Busters but did not score. Picking up where we left off hitting-wise -  literally -  Eazy got the game started with a walk and after Tiny was out, the hits continued to fall like golf ball sized hail on a new car lot. Thurm knocked in the last run of the first inning to elevate our tally total to 7 runs. In inning number two on defense, again the Ball Busters reached base but could not complete the circuit to home. In our second inning we sent 17 batters to hit and 12 of them did their job. The back breaker for the BB's was a three run tater by Gus to center field. After Freak's first Thursday night triple in probably two years the merry-go-round continued to spin until those Aces (Milo & Commish) made back-to-back outs to end the rally. After 2 innings of play: Sluggers 19 Busters 0. The shutout bid came apart in the third as the holes between the fielders got some action and the BB's were able to breathe a little bit after putting up a hat trick. Trying to follow up his 3-run bomb, Gus lead off with a deep drive caught for the first and last out of the night for either team. The next six hitters reached - capped by Johnny Wamp's 9th hit of the evening - driving in our 23rd run. The umpire called shenanigans and did a little Thriller dance...or maybe he just said "BallGame' - I don't remember which. Mompler flung the book down satisfied that her writer's cramp was done for the week. A dejected BDR sulked during the post-game hand slaps (he was the on deck hitter when J Wamp selfishly ended the game) and was able to talk Gus into throwing a couple of breaking balls for him to try (successfully) to mash over the monster fence in left field before the light people turned them out.

Props to the umpire for solid work for no pay, props to Mompler for her dedication to keeping the book, props to Joe's Mayhem and its wavy little cracks, mini-prop to Eazy for burning their centerfielder and getting a triple and props to the team as a whole for batting almost .800 as a squad. Very cool. Homer Role to BDR, Milo and Gus - Commish and MSTBWG did clear the fence but not over the appropriate section to qualify for the homer role. Amazingly impressive combined wins by 53 - 25 margin considering how much we booted the ball and took some questionable routes to fly balls. Oh well there's always next week to tinker. Next up - early games on the big field at Wilmore on Monday...

4-21-2008 (OPENING DAY - MONDAY-STYLE): Welcome to The Freak's game used wraps. Wow that sounds sweaty and disgusting. Anyway reporting on the events and happenings from the center of the softball (league) universe...Wilmore Park. The defending Monday Night Champs, The Lager Sluggers took on a re-vamped Keeton's Double Play which looked very similar to the team that took second last year on Mondays. Hmmm...maybe I'm getting my facts confused or perhaps the softball world is just too cozy. Anyway - the games! We pick up the action in game two...WHOA WHOA WHOA! What's all the ruckus about? You want to know about game one first? Don't you want to go straight for the pie for dessert instead of revisiting that dry plain salad? Alright if we must. The Freak as always is your source for the in-depth Slugger reporting. With Eazy moving onto stiff washers competition for the session I was stationed in hazy right field where I found a tame patch of fluffy grass that I befriended and named "Greenie". Greenie and I bonded over the first five innings, too bad our offense couldn't do the same. With only 8 hits to show for our first 5 innings of hitting (net-net 3 runs) we were fighting ourselves more than the umpire or the DoublePlayers.

Sparked by lead-off triple by CARTMAN (yes Cartman, no not a typo, shut up & keep reading) in the sixth we had by far our most production inning thusfar by posting 6 runs - with back to back JACKS by MSTBWG and Commish both taking second fiddle to Cartman's triple. With this resurgence we were right on the cusp of pulling even 11-9 bad guys. With the Double Play as the visitors - they added three runs in the top of the seventh and we had a chance in the bottom of the seventh to simply hit ourselves to victory. Using the Cartman formula - The Freak led off with a triple and was quickly brought home by a sac fly by Bo but from there the offense stalled and the game was toast - that really dried out stuff that is badly burned on one side badly bowed on the other. Monday Sluggers quest to have another 1 loss season starts on a steep slope - 14-10 bad guys.

Turning the page (literally) the Sluggers rolled with the same lineup sans Freddie who had to excuse himself for the night from the second lead-off position leaving the lineup as follows:
D-Myz (UTIL), Sterling (LCF), Wamp (LF), MSTBWG (3B), Commish (PEE), Gus (RCF), JoJo (SS), Borgs (2B), Freak (RF), Bo (1B) and Cartman (C).

After two quick outs for us on offense as the visiting team - the offense rolled through the lineup. Six glorious runs dented the plate and the batting gods seemed to be quite pleased with themselves. After goose-egging them on defense we ame back and reduced our output by three runs - but still 9 runs in two innings was and is good improvement over game one. The Double Play leveraged so hitting and some 'turf' hops to notch two runs. In the top of the third inning we again cut our run production by 3 runs - zero if you're keeping track. Incensed by our lackluster third inning hitting, the defensive gods started pooping on us. Wounded ducks dropped in front of our outfielders, laser guided ducks flew over our outfielders, boomerang ducks kinfed their way past our outfielders (let's just say Freak looked more than bad twice) and the damage was finally called to a halt with our 9-2 lead shattered into a 11-9 deficit. Yikes Scooby! Stepping up to be a leader, Commish polished off a two-run tater to tie the game and Gus sauntered into second with a double next to be brought home on a JoJo single. The seesaw tipped back into their favor in the bottom half when they were able to plate two runs to retake the lead 13-12. In the top of the fifth, Freak again led off with a triple and scampered home on medium fly out by Cartman to tie the score. It remained that way until the top of the sixth rolled around.

Johnny Wamp #5 started the hit parade and trotted back to the bench after MSTBWG lost a ball into the Wilmopre night. From there five of the next six guys reached base and we were able to Jenga 3 more runs on top of Mike Scott's tater. A determined Commish on defense snatched a flashy glove back to snare a liner and double off the runner at first - as Bo ever the head-ups ball player snuck back to the bag to receive Commish's toss for the inning ending Double Play. As is tradition and the rules plainly, the seventh inning is the last inning (barring extra innings or mob wagering). Wewe only able to muster two base runners but alas no more runs to pad our 18-13 lead heading into the bottom of the seventh against possibly our fiercest foes this year. Their first hitter smacked a knuckling liner to Bo at first for the first out. After Commish dispatched the second out, one of their biggest power threats stepped into the batter's box and nubbed a six-hopper back to Commish for...wait for it...you wont be sorry...or soooorry if you're canadian...here it is...the now famous Commish Roll You Out to First for the third and final out of the ballgame. Sluggers redeem themselves and even their Monday record with a 18-13 victory.

Gutsy effort tonight by Commish to save the bullpen and the whole team to lock it down for three defensive scoreless innings to close out the game. Both Slugger squads find themselves on BYE until May starts. Darn fine way to end an evening and many thanks to Mompler for keeping track of the book and the critical elements of stuff. Don't step on Greenie you A-hole!

4-17-2008 (OPENING DAY): The Summer (or Spring) of Gus is now underway. Ladies you must be this tall or sufficiently drunk to ride this ride. After two rain outs (previous Thursday and this past Monday) the Sluggers were actually able to set foot on the infield dirt of a softball field. The cruise director made arrangements for Thursday to be operated out of the cozy confines of The Elks Lodge in Arnold/Imperial. Our first foe was Selica Heating & Cooling (SHC). After both teams warmed up, did some stretching and took a few practice swings it was game on, season on.

Twelve roster players were in attendance for the Summer of Gus banner unveiling and we thought we'd start the year off by hitting first. With Mompler intently keeping track of the game's every nuance in the scorebook -- it was time to get things underway. Johnny Wamp #5 was batting lead-off and playing left field. He was followed in the order by BDR or Clover or just Rob - he was in charge of rotating the outfield. Protecting BDR was newcomer Keith "Milo" and playing third base. In the clean-up spot was MSTBWG playing right center field. Batting fifth and pitching - #77 The Commish. In the sixth spot in the order was a lefty switch up - Gus and he patrolled right center field. Batting seventh and practicing his trade at shortstop - #11 Patrick aka JoJo. Batting eight and pushing the infield -- #33 The Freak. Slotted at number nine in the order and playing first base - Bo "Clyde" Jangles Jackson. Hitting tenth, hailing from Festus and playing a little second base - Sean Thurman or just Thurm if you prefer. After Thurm is the light hitting Eazy who had right field duties. Batting second lead-off and catching -- Tiny. 

Game one was more of a work the kinks out kind of game -- if you can consider 22 runs in only 5 innings dekinkifying (not sure if that really could be a word). With a slow time of it in the first two innings we were only able to tally 4 runs but that was good enough to hold a 4-1 advantage. From there the engine started to purr and bugs were exploding on the windshield (really there weren't any bugs -- it's a metaphor).  in our next three at-bats we put up 7-4-7 respectively to knock down and out SHC 22-3. 

Game two we were the home team and the alcohol consumption kicked it up a notch. After trading goose eggs in the first inning SHC put up four runs on some suspect (Troy Glaus-like) defense. So going the entire spring and summer without trailing was out the door so we smacked and chopped our way to a 6-4 lead. After giving them nothing in the top half of the third we batted around for 9...count'em 9 runs. In the fourth Commish served up a gofer ball for a solo shot but no real harm done as we put up 2 more runs and headed to the top of the fifth inning with SHC trailing by 12 and needing to score 3 runs to keep playing. Commish walked the line he had to and escaped a bases loaded jam to again give the team a run-rule victory. Sluggers win 17-5 and start the season 2-0.

Notable highlights: MSTBG and Clover playing pepper with the fence while batting (MSTBWG was mostly over), Commish burning their outfielders on laser to the fence, Milo shutting down the hot corner, JoJo making a hammish sliding catch in center field on a partial dive, Freak and Bo getting gunned down at the plate both in the same inning, Freak working the right side almost exclusively and burning their RCF not once but twice, Tiny hanging onto the ball in the first game to tag out a runner at the plate and Gus taunting their baserunners with his sneaky quick snap throws,  With  strong cross wind blowing in and from right field to left field and blowing in we hit and hit some more. Next up @ Wilmore Park behind Walgreens we play 8:30PM against Keeton Doubleplay. Bring the whole family out for fun and who knows what else...

2-16-2008 (DAY 1): A collection of Sluggers joined with other soft ball people of note to support a worthy cause on February 16th 2008 - Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) held in MASCOUTAH, IL at Scheve Park. Our first contest was a morning affair in the chilly temps that helped keep the weather tainted field from thawing & becoming a mushy, sloppy swamp. Instead the field played like the parking lot at Target. With DBO on the mound and 12 guys to rotate in and out we took on New Attitude for our cause and for pride. With Big Jeff Ritrovato behind the dish calling the game for DBO (and his little girl Abbie) Abbie's Angels were ready to show what some boys from the Missouri side could do on a softball field.

New Attitude took the 2-2 count and five inning affair in stride but were no match for our 9 runs and stellar defense - punctuated by some dude named Mercer at short figuring out the frozen hops. Angels take down New Attitude 9-5. As to be expected from big name players like Limpert (7 letters) and Balven (6 letters) -- strikeouts can happen to you too! MSTBWG fresh off of his honeymoon was nearly 5 minutes early on every swing he took. Commish found a slippery area between 1st & 2nd base on a sharply laced single by Freak and made his appointment with the washing machine (or trash can) by soaking up alot of loose mud. BDR & Noose in outfield held down the corner spots while Limpert roamed center field. The rotation at first base defensively featured Fozzie and Commish with JoJo and Ian (from MOFIA) keeping the infield relatively safe.

With our win over New Attitude we began the waiting game that took us to 12:30 against the Belleville Shockers whom I believe actually won the competitive men's side of the tourney last year (there were Coed, Men's Comp & Men's Rec this year.) Game two saw the conditions on the field get a little worse as the top 2 inches of mud liquefied. DBO again took the bump and worked over the hitters. With dandy plays by Freak in right field and on a chance earlier at second base -- the defense was once again strong save for an oops moment in center by Limpert. Hitting and running were the challenges faced by both teams as traction and grip on the ball (for throwing) made for frustrating mistakes. MSTBWG blasted a ball near to the parked trucks and cars alike in left  field for a three-run homer to pace the scoring attack. All about defense -- we held on for a 7-4 triumph to ensure we would play on day 2 of the tourney. Nice work by JoJo, Mercer and Ian to spark the offense and good ole BDR in left field anchoring the fly ball catching duties. Commish out of his normal pitching role played a nice first base and chipped in a couple of base hits.

Now is where things got ridiculous -- there were about 3 dozen team playing in the tourney so scheduling gets tricky and with only 2 of the 4 field with lights -- our last game (after a four hour wait) was started at dusk on a field with no lights. A confluence of factors converged upon our crew: 1 - beer, 2 - beer, 3 - cold and inactivity (washers held no interest and the classic game of chili cans with rocks was not brought back), 4 - Limpert left, 5 - deeper, sloppier mud and finally 6 - DARK!!! Matched up another unbeaten team - Triple Crown - our cart quickly became bogged down in the mud. In our half of the first inning we plated a run and gave up three. With the tourney director looking on and commenting how difficult it was to see the ball from behind the backstop -- we as players completely agreed. Bad led to worse and after three inning with the good guys trailing 9-1 the play was moved to one of the fields with lights to finish. Unable to free our bats - the game quickly came to a finish -- 11-1 in favor of Triple Crown.

Disappointing finish for such a fun day. Also I would like to say to all of the coed and rec players who were diving (and ultimately sliding 15 feet past) in first base - you are all crazy. Tourney resumes on March 1 - times TBA.

Round one - Sluggers tangled with the (hairy) Beer Guts. In a game decided by 3 runs - the Sluggers got the win despite Fozzie's first HRO of the season. Our lineup did almost all of our damage in the 1st and 4th innings - scoring 4 & 5 runs respectively. Commish was hitless but did have a base on balls. The big blow in the first inning came off the bat of Sportscenter with a grand slam and aside from Fozzie's 2-run bomb that counted in the third inning -- the fourth inning featured six hits and a walk. Good guys win 11-8 in 6 innings.

Game number two after a short wait by tournament softball standards - saw a little overtime. With Panhorst, Thurm and Cartman content to sit back and let the top of the lineup carry the offensive load - the Sluggers were in a battle that saw them trailing 6-5 heading into the top of the seventh inning ( I honestly do not know who we were playing). An RBI single by Bo allowed us to continue playing into the 8th inning (we were the visitors) where Gus led off with a walk (don't those lead-off walks always come around to score?) -- Noose kept made his fourth out of the game. In stepped MSTBWG who to this point was 3-3 with three HR's and 4 RBI. He double Gus to third and after Evan walked to load the bases - Sportscenter drove in a run with a SAC FLY and Fozzie capped the scoring with a base knock. In the bottom half - Commish came out and took care of business after letting two runners reach base. Good team win with a little late inning tension.

Game three late in the afternoon after MSTBWG had to depart for work or wherever he went - saw the toughest competition of the day in form of MOFIA -- a C caliber tournament team. Once again as the visitors - our guys put up a crooked number -- 3 in our half only to be outdone with 7 from the laser tag group of MOFIA. Due to time this game did not fill out the entire 7 innings but finished after the top of the sixth. Sluggers fall to MOFIA 12-5. All five runs for the Sluggers were accounted for on two HR's by Sportscenter. Not even a 2nd inning single by Bo "Clyde" Jackson could spark the offense once MSTBWG had left the building. I also blame Rob Panhorst for playing a ball off his shin earlier in the day...everybody knows that is bad luck. The team still had played well enough to advance to the second day of the tournament but decided to forego the return to Pevely due to roster uncertainty. Good job boys way to show tourney teams how it is done if you have a good bunch of guys who know how to play.