Fretatious as Commish is before a game, he was overly edgy this night in trying to fill out his lineup for a hook-up with the TALL BOYS. Straggling in towards the first pitch was JC 99, Turley and a drunken Gus. Game one was a cylinder clicking offensive and defensive bonanza. Good sh*t that was. Commish mooned a duck and Freddie held down a nun and gave her a wedgie. This dude named Limpert returned from Canada or some sh*t like that - big deal - hits bombs *YAWN*. Where was I...oh yeah, Big Dawg for some reason decided to delay the game while he showed everyone his Icky Shuffle for like 20 minutes and his finale finish was Walking Like An Egyptian -- W.T.F.!!!! Now if you don't wrap the barbed wire precisely according to the directions, your horizontal life partner will probably injure you fatally so keep that in mind. Oh and get this Dolley decided it would be a friggin all out hoot to wear roller skates in the outfield. I hate rollerskates. This one time in first grade Cathy Bennerman pushed me over the boards at the roller rink and I landed on my head. That was enough for me - no more roller skating. Hold on a sec, I think I may have confused some of the events above with what actually occurred on this particular Thursday night. Let me start over...

Game one: Sluggers as the AWAY guys. We spot ourselves three, then spot them three. That was all we would allow them in this contest. We batted around in the 4th & 5th innings - total damage 24-3 (yep, I double checked the book - that is correct on the final in six innings.)

Problematic Game Two: Things got dicey early for the hammer holders known as the Sluggers. An early 6-3 lead got away from us and we needed a 6-run fifth inning to pull all even at 13. Hopping back a second, Commish in his magenta colored rage - annihilated an unsuspecting picnic table and somewhere in the chaos a rumor surfaced that Commish had returned some of his nourishment from the orafice that had secured it previously (he yakked). Some will speculate that the tantrum by Commish spurred his fellow Sluggers to action and that was the spark to our fifth & sixth inning rallies that turned a 13-7 deficit into a 20-13 "W". No real amazing plays by JC tonight and no Freak long balls either. But Big Dawg JACKED a no-doubter beyond the fence in left. Other sh*t I remember was Commish snagging a mis-direction liner and turning it into a DP from his belly. Limpert casually sizzling a throw from deep short to nail a TALL BOY. Dolley doing goofy sh*t in the outfield but still making the plays. Big A$$ Bill giving the ground an elbow drop behind Turley's game ending catch. A bad hop grounder that would have hit me in the chest if I was JC. Gus walking like 17 times in a row (SWING THE BAT YOU P*SSY!!). Limpert scorching a shot through the middle to put things to right from earlier misdeeds by the TALL BOYS. Several drunken misplays by their outfielders to prolong our rallies. And after the games were done, sitting around listening to Freddie talk sh*t about whipping up on senior citizens in tennis. That's why his gear is so HOT HOT HOT in the foreign markets -- Freddie knows what the world wants and he delivers. Until next time, keep your bat in your bag unless you plan to use it and stay out of the bathrooms where JC works.

April 20th, Thursday Game One/Two: SLUGGERS CLUB THEIR WAY TO 4-0 START WITH 12-2 and 18-14 VICTORIES OVER RAYMOND JAMES AT WOLFFS IN THE EARLY GAMES. NEXT UP: LATE GAMES AT WOLFFS ON THE 27TH. THE FOLLOWING WEEK, MONDAY SESSION BEGINS AT WILMORE. STAY TUNED...

ALSO OF NOTE - THE HRO HEARD ROUND THE WORLD. BIG DAWG IS BACK!!!! THE MASSIVE MUSCULAR-LIKE FIRST BASEMAN LACED THEM UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2006 AND CRUSHED A SHOT WELL OVER THE 20 FOOT FENCE IN LEFT CENTER FIELD. THE EVENT MARKED THE FIRST DINGER BY THE REHABBING BIG DAWG IN HIS LAGERSLUGGERS CAREER. MARK APRIL 20TH ON YOUR CALENDAR AND FOR THOSE OF YOU IN ATTENDANCE - YOU CAN SAY YOU SAW IT FIRST HAND. CONGRATS BIG DAWG ON YOUR HARD WORK PAYING OFF AND WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOU HOLDING DOWN THAT FIRST BASE BAG ALL SEASON.

April 13th, Thursday Game One...of the new season featured a lineup consisting of: Freddie, Freak, Dolley, MSTBWG, Big A$$ Bill, Commish, JC 77, Eazy, Cartman and Jeff. The first game for the Sluggers saw the first Sluggers HR/RBI (The Freak), the first BB (Freddie), the first HRO (JC 77), the first missed pop-up by a pitcher (Commish) and the first "W" of the season (entire squad).

April 13th, Thursday Game Two...on the dusty cat litter like chat of Wolffs field "A" saw the Sluggers bats pick up where they left off in game one. The featured game on ESPN "The Ocho" the Sluggers showcased their expensive array of bats. Setting the tone, Dolley rocketed a solo homer onto the barren dirt hill beyond the fence for an early 1-0 lead and the Sluggers let the game come to them from there. Tatters by Dolley (2) and JC 77 led the charge and notable HRO by MSTBWG abused an innocent tree standing about 373 1/2 feet away from home in left center. On the defensive side, JC 77 quickly turned any momentum from their side in the bottom of the seventh with a ranging play into short left field while he was playing SS (yeah, that's not a typo). Check out the Schedules section for inning by inning boxscore.

Tune in next time (AND IF YOU HAVE NOT PAID THE COMMISH YOUR DUES...DO SO ASAP!!)