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THE WORST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD
By Elvar Ata
England is the worst country in the world. The
worst in everything. It has got all
the disadvantages of the nations
in northern Europe: bad weather, cold and shy people,
boring way of life, but
none of their advantages.
Unlike the Dutches and the
Scandinavians, their
Social Security system is extrimely weak, always underfounded; the roads and railways
are worthy of a country of the third
world, with diesel trains still working; the hospitals and schools standar is so poor, the
users always complaining; the newspapers are a shame; the towns look
always dirty, untidy and deteriorated;
the natives are very far from
being as cultivated and tolerant as in the other countries
of the area. They eat
rubbish throughout the year, but
in Christmas, they celerate such a important festivity eating something even worst: the
Christmas turkey, the driest and
more tasteless food in the world.
I've heard the biggest stupidities
from them. "UK
rules" is one of the most
common ones. But do they still
even rule themselves? "London is the capital of the world".
Well, this is true, if
you consider that England is the world.
But my favourite one is, of course:
"We are not Europeans"." So what you are then? -I asked to my
interlocutor-. Are you Africans,
Asians...or propably Northamericans?"."We are British", answered the hooligan, as he discovered a continent that isn't in any map.
So, if they're
living in the worst
country in the world, why do they always
look so proud of being British?
The answer is quite simple. Precisely because they are the worst in everything. Take Sweden for example.
A social paradise, envy of the world,
but no Swedishmen would tell you
they're the best. Take Italy, or
Spain. All the Spanish people
are telling each other all the
time that Spain is a shit. But
in fact, they know Spain is one
of the best places in the world to
live (good food, good prices,
high quality of living, beautyful towns, growing economy, very friendly people...). Many people in the world and
nearly the entire population of England are willing to visit
Spain or to move there
to live. But, what would
you say about somebody who is telling
all the time: "I am very inteligent".
Simply that he is not. Is
their complex of inferiority what makes English
people always say they're the
best. They are too aware that they are not.
They'll always be able to shout
the Germans: "Two world wars
and a world cup". But with that chant,
they don't do but underline that, even in the sport they invented, they are inferior.
Cheltenham public library, Gloucestershire, England. 16-02-05
A REALLY STUPID COUNTRY
By Barney
Half the english
women are really more man than half
the french men.
La mitad de las mujeres
inglesas son mucho mas hombre que la mitad de los
hombres franceses
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