I didn't realise my page had been officially linked onto the site, otherwise I might have made some sort of an effort and actually written it. Instead I assumed that the Willy Bandits were still roaming around and so thought it best abandoned.
Let us continue.
Several Wednesdays ago was the defining moment of my life: I was invited to join the ranks of the McSean Columnists. As a former compulsive signer of the McSean guestbook this was an extremely exciting moment, the most exciting since that time in Year 9 when Zoe told our physics teacher to 'PISS OFF PERVERT!' thinking he was a gigantic wasp. He wasn't. And yet that hardly compares to becoming a McSean person. . .
. . . I've been warned that the novelty will soon wear off and I'll be resigned to writing updates about the very fact that I am updating, like Cribble - only with less panache. But for now I'll just prance about with all the enthusiasm of a Drifters tribute band.
And now onto our special feature. You may remember this from Kay's Party a few weeks back.
The Elbow
Revolutionising dancefloors everywhere, "The Elbow" will allow all reluctant jivers and boppers to poke their way to the centre of the dancefloor without so much as the faintest shimmy. Simply reach to that itchy patch of skin at the back of your neck and raise what is left of your arm (dismembered by crazy clubbers or otherwise) to the glittering chandelier above, then warn the dancing children of your predicament by announcing loudly "EXCUSE ME! GOT AN ITCH!" and stride right through. If this does not yield the crowd then a hearty jab from your raised elbow will.
Our volunteers
Cribble: Edged his way into the angry mob like a pro before remerging with a smile, all limbs intact.
Me: Slipped onto the dancefloor easily enough, then was unable to return thanks to being kidnapped by some imbecile with little regard for his own safety.
Kieran: Failed to understand instruction. We found him sometime later sellotaped to a chair.
That's all from me this time,
see you at my house on Saturday. |
