January 2002
January 21, 1:48 PM
Like I said, all apologies. I had a strange break and I will write about it soon for all to read.
At least take comfort, I'm back and I intend to stay for awhile.
C a Girl
January 21, 11:34 PM
Well. *The sound of C taking a big giant breath in order to tell you almost everything that happened over break*
DOMESTIC DISPUTE #1. I got home to find my house in a furor. Apparently my uncle had suffered some indiscretion with the law (a minor flaw, I assure you, though stupid nonetheless). The aformentioned indiscretion received the attention of child protection services who were threatening a visit to the house, which was a mess at that point. The family rallied together to try and put it back together, buying new carpet and a stove to boot. So far all has worked out for the best.
I saw "The Lord of the Rings." I really enjoyed. But I went to the movie thinking it was only going to be 2 hours and change, because my sister and I had to meet my aunt to get a family portrait in secret for my parents' christmas present. No, the movie was 3 hours long and I didn't have a watch. Boolisch (my sister) and I were 30 minutes late for our sitting. Fortunately my aunt and brother were still there and all worked out for the best. The pictures turned out great even though my brother tried his best NOT to smile. There was a lull in the action for some time. Christmas came and went and I got about fifty new pairs of socks, which is all that I asked for, so I suppose I was happy.
PART ONE OF THE SLEEPING DISORDER. I had my sleep test which was really a bother. I was hooked up with lots of electrodes and they attacthed some to my head with gook in my hair that wouldn't wash out for days and adhesive that made little red blotches on my ribs for a week. It was rather uncomfortable to sleep, but you'd be surprised how quickly you get used to it.
New Year's in Plattsburgh. Jim picked me up and we had a nice dinner at his parent's house. We decided to go to a house party with a friend Brian, but I knew almost no one there. After the ball dropped Jimmy and I went to every bar that was open in Plattsburgh. If we didn't have a drink in a particular bar we agreed to go to the back wall and slap it. We figured that fighting the crowds to the back was the equal of getting schnizzled drunk. We went back to Jim's apartment and watching Mall Rats. We passed out around 4AM and woke up around noon the next day to help Brian move some of his stuff back into his apartment and then pack him up to leave for home again. Brian brought me home and it provided us an excellent opportunity to bond.
DOMESTIC DISPUTE #2. My other uncle (not the one involved in domestic dispute #1) basically got really plastered (he has diabetes as well) and told his wife to leave their house. His wife called my mother, who of course intervened. They picked her and her three children up and took them to our house. My uncle called and threated to burn his house down if his wife and children didn't return home. My mother went back to the house and found that the table cloth had been singed and smelled of kerosine. My uncle wasn't anywhere to be found. The phone calls and insuing search for the idiot continued into the wee hours of the morning, long after I had retired to bed. I refuse to comment further on the matter.
PART TWO OF THE SLEEPING DISORDER. I returned to the doctor's office for the results of my sleep test. I have a mild case of sleep apnea. That's when you stop breathing in your sleep and wake yourself up. I stopped breathing 15 times in the 5 hours I slept at the sleep center. I almost stopped breathing 65 times. It's somewhat scary to me that this is a mild case. The doctor can't do anything for me because my insurance won't cover the care for a mild case. I am working on improving my sleep habits in the meanwhile so that we can rule at narcolepsy, which can occur as a side effect of sleep apnea. Well, at least I know now and I can try to get past the problem.
DOMESTIC DISPUTE #3. My dad got piss drunk only two nights ago. He would pass out and then wake suddenly to yell a racial slur about the football game he and my uncle were watching. He fell out of bed and was stumbling around all night making a general ass out of himself. Mom is still mad at him.
I came back to school to find my roommate had moved out. I'll miss her, but now I have a double wide bed, so I'm not complaining. I think I might sleep naked tonight. I haven't done that in some time. So I guess that brings us to date. In summary: 3 domestic disputes, drunken idiocy, sleeping disorders and oh yeah, new socks...
Have a good night all.
C a Girl
January 28, 1:30 PM
Trying to overcome bad sleeping habits isn't so easy. Especially not if you try to play the 'good friend.' Last night T needed someone to listen to her. I don't think she needed reassurance or advice, simply an ear. I have two ears, so I let her ply them for over two hours. By the time she was done it was 1:30 AM, approxiamtely 2 and a half hours after my bed time. Thus, I am writing at 1:30, because I just woke up. It looks like I'll be taking cough syrup (the drowsy nitetime kind) to put me to sleep tonight at a reasonable hour.
Other than that I'm finding more and more that the "Vagina Monologues" are saving me. They're saving me from being stupid and going out to drink (rehearsals are 9AM on Saturdays and Sundays). They're saving me from being angry at my suitemates (too much of a good thing can start to annoy you). And they are helping me to connect to myself on another level. Something about being a woman and being involved in a project like this just makes me feel useful.
But the love life still sucks. Or rather I should say I am completely devoid of one. It's a good thing, because I don't have time for someone else in my life. But it's a bad thing because I'm lonely as hell. Friends are great and all, but they aren't there to snuggle you to sleep or kiss you when you're having a bad day. At least my friends aren't.
C'est la vie,
C a Girl
January 29, 11:04 PM
I should be going to bed right now, but if you've read my diary at all you know that's not me.
I just have a lot of confusing feelings to purge. So here they are in no order of importance or worth:
frustrated, tired, cranky, pleasantly surprised, happy, angry, lonely, isolated, abandoned, mixed, aggravated, proud, accomplished, betrayed, nostalgic, lost, confused, hurt, tired, cold, too soft, undesired, unattractive, too old, too stupid, too slow, tired. Oh and my vagina's pissed off.
C a Girl
January 30, 12:19 PM
So I slept in again, but I didn't miss any classes so that's ok. It's just that when I got in the shower I noticed I had a rash up and down my arm, similar to one I had a while back. It was little, tiny, pink hives. I think it was when I changed my fishes water last night. I put my arm in the bowl to arrange his rocks and George the cow (a plastic creature who keeps him company). I forgot I'd put his stress coat medicine in the bowl already and I realized I had it all over my one arm and a little bit splashed up on my other hand. I think I found a new allergy.
So I'm remembering this strange dream I had the other day. I was standing in my parents' kitchen and my dog was with me. My dog is almost like a human in real life and sometimes he thinks he can talk to me. Well in this dream he kind of did. It was like he was speaking dog language with his body and face gestures, but I could understand. He said he had something to show me. I looked out the window and noticed how blue-grey everything looked. It was beautiful and rain was washing down everything. I felt that when the rain stopped something was coming. Something my dog desperately and excitedly wanted to show me. That's when I woke up.
And I'm still trying to wake up right now.
C a Girl