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| Jokes |
| Frog sounds: If a swamp frog goes ribb-it....ribb-it....ribb-it; and a Busch frog goes bud....wis....er; What does a Windows 95 frog sound like? Re-boot... re-boot... re-boot. <groan> A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized that his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, "No." Amazed, the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?" The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married, but she has passed away." "Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?" "No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral." What I Want In a Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 32) ----------------------------------- 1. Nice Looking - preferably with hair on his head 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant 4. Listens more than he talks 5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times 6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal 9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 42) ---------------------------------- 1. Not too ugly - bald head OK 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonnalds on occasion 4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down 10. Shaves on most weekends What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 52) ---------------------------------- 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm emoting 5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves on some weekends What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 62) ---------------------------------- 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep) 5. Forgets why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers when... What I Want In A Man, Revised List ... (at age 72) ---------------------------------- 1. Breathing Jesus is Watching You !!! A burglar got into a house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." He looked around nervously, shook his head and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he shone his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. He asked "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that he had. "I'm just trying to warn you, that's all." The burglar questioned "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?" "Moses." "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The bird answered "I don't know... I guess the same folks who would name a rottweiler 'Jesus' ..." First god created earth, then he rested... Then he created man, then he rested... Then he created women and no one has rested since! The young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" |
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