 THE ONE AND ONLY NICK RHODES P.S. This is a work in progress so bear with me here...eventually there WILL be 101 of these little gems. 1) Chase him down the highway 2) Have a tea party 3) Read the entire unabridged version of Les Miserables aloud to him 4) Tell him how much I love those silver trousers 5) Play with his hair (or what�s left of it) 6) Try on his clothes 7) Ask him to marry me (repeatedly if necessary) 8) Wrap him in plastic wrap and pretty Christmas lights 9) Watch Home Shopping Network all day 10) Ask him to sign my cat 11) Bite him 12) Stab him with a banana 13) Dress him up as a pirate (Arr, �tis dancin� Nick, he dances for nickels...) 14) Make him give me a pedicure 15) Eat Pop Tarts 16) Make him fight Santa Claus in a battle to the death 17) Draw a purple smiley face on his tummy 18) Poke him with a stick 19) Tickle him until he giggles like the Pillsbury Dough Boy 20) Spend a night with him lurking outside John�s house while wearing wet suits and bunny slippers 21) Snatch his ass 22) Get him a pet dik-dik to ride around on 23) Play Candyland 24) Confiscate his driver�s license 25) Take a picture of him in the bathtub 26) Scream at him 27) Try on his pink cowboy hat 28) Make waffles 29) Give him the cake I baked for him three years ago 30) Steal his pet dik-dik (I�ve always wanted one) 31) Carve my name in his arm so he�ll remember me forever 32) Staple a couple of spoons to his head 33) Run off with his silver tennis shoes then claim I don�t know what happened to them 34) Ask him what he was thinking (or if he was thinking at all) when he married Julie-Ann 35) Paint his toenails silver (like mine) 36) Steal John's orange pants and destroy them once and for all 37) Watch a 24-hour Iron Chef marathon 38) Put on a civil war re-enactment, complete with guns, dead bodies and lots of noise 39) Take a bunch of Polaroids of my TV 40) Put my pet rat Deacon down his pants 41) Pinch his head ("C'mere I wanna pinch your head!") 42) Lick him to see if he tastes like cinnamon (No really, there is a reason for this one.) 43) Eat a gallon of Haagen Das and watch every episode of Hong Kong Phooey ever made 44) Get him to fight Warren and then sell tickets for $1.23..."Come on, Muscle Man, bring it on!" 45) Discuss the existentialist symbolism in Johnny The Homicidal Maniac 46) Ask him if he thinks Warren looked uncannily like Nosferatu when he was on Behind The Music 47) Have him kick John's ass for leaving the band. 48) He'd make a great throw rug for the fireplace. 49) Pretend not to notice he's put on a little weight lately. 50) Dress him up as a bunny just to show everyone once and for all that he's really Rabbit in disguise 51) Run away and join the circus..."Come see the amazing WHITE MAN! Whiter than a sheet of paper!" 52) Put him on a diet 53) Burn my copy of Watership Down and scatter the ashes 54) Get matching skull and crossbone tattoos 55) Go shopping...for groceries! 56) Kick Mark Hamill's ass 57) Eat a tub of Cool Whip and watch old She-ra reruns on TV 58) Go to the zoo and harass the emus 59) Adopt a grandparent 60) Go to Las Vegas and get married by an Alice Cooper impersonator 61) Have him record a message on my answering machine..."Hi, this is Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran...uh...it's about three in the morning...uh...Holly's not able to come to the phone right now...she's busy doing crack with John...uh..." 62) Take a DNA sample to determine if he's the biological father of Quatre Winner from Gundam Wing (Submitted by Randy) 63) Throw him in a mud puddle 64) Go to the Wexner Center and heckle the security guards, then threaten to break "Slant Piece" if they don't back off 65) Play a rousing game of Into The Arena 66) Duct tape his mouth shut so I don't have to listen to his damn whining 67) Introduce him to the rapping bum 68) See if I can get him to tell me just how close of a relationship he has with John (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more...) 69) Put him in a dress and see if I can convince people he's a midget albino crossdresser 70) Tattoo a lifesize picture of me on his back...just in case... 71) Get him to quit smoking, get him cleaned up, and get him a job in a bakery so he can go to medical school... (Psychology class reference, I guess you would have had to have been there...) 72) Go squaredancing 73) Make him juggle a few chainsaws 74) Ask him if anyone has ever pointed out that he sounds a lot like James Earl Jones (Inside joke, don't ask...) 75) Dress him up as a bee, everything he said would be much funnier if he were dressed as a bee 76) Get naked and wrestle him in a swimming pool filled with green JELLO 77) Get him to do an impression of Bea Arthur...I have a feeling it'd be really good. 78) Knit him a sweater out of my cat's hair 79) Wrap his head in aluminum foil so the aliens can't steal his thoughts 80) Go camping with Mr. T 81) Enter him in a Quentin Crisp look-alike contest 82) Toilet paper Simon's house 83) Toilet paper Simon 84) Make chocolate pudding with John 85) Get the Hamburglar's autograph 86) Dress him up as a parrot and have him sing to me for my birthday 87) Strip him to his underwear, cover him in molasses, and let the cows lick him clean *wicked smile* 88) Test how absorbant he is by using him to mop the floor. 89) Get him to wear a disguise like Gir's on Invader ZIM only hot pink...come on, you know it would be cute... 90) Steal John's underwear and sell them on eBay. 91) Get him to coerce John into wearing a big pink bunny suit for my birthday...I figure he has a lot of control over the things John does, don't ask me why... 92) Go shopping at Sears for clip-on ties 93) Make strawberry jelly in the bathtub 94) Dye his hair purple again. That was tres chic. 95) Make soap with bacon inside (I made it MYSELF!!!) 96) Edit Star Wars: The Phantom Menace so that Nick is playing Obi-Wan Kenobi and Andy's Bantha fodder 97) Hypnotize him into thinking he's a llama and have him guard the house. If anyone tries to break in he can SPIT ON THEM! 98) Kidnap Roger and travel around the world with him, taking pictures of him tied to famous landmarks. (Yes, yes, it's another garden gnome joke and I'm sorry.) 99) See how many earthworms he can eat in under a minute. 100) Hijack a bus (Submitted by Kaisa) 101) Stuff him in an empty fridge (Submitted by Kaisa)  |