| Title: If I Listen Real Hard Author: Obi the Kid Email: [email protected] Rating: PG Disclaimer: There is no money made from this. Qui and Obi belong to Lucas. Feedback: Yes!! Archive: Please Ask. Summary: Pre-TPM (Obi is 16), non-slash. Obi is distraught, Qui comforts him. Special Notes: A HUGE thank you to Brenda for giving me the bunny!! ******************* The Jedi Council called it, 'The Test.' The Jedi Apprentices referred to it as, 'The Silence." When a padawan turns sixteen, he or she is subjected to, as some put it, "living hell." Everything they know is stripped from them. All that they are, is ripped away. For four days they are separated from their masters, not only physically, but mentally as well. The masters are told to sever the training bond quickly and at a time when the apprentice would not be prepared for such a trauma. The students are cut off from the one person they look to for their very lives. Once the bond is extinguished, the council eliminates the next precious thing. Any and all ability to use the force. Without proper warning, all falls silent. And they are left with nothing. The quiet is deafening. The young minds, once so alive with the living force, are filled with an eerie silence. This longstanding tradition was designed to examine a young Jedi's mind. For those few days, in which they are cut off, they are forced to endure long hours of intense questioning by members of the council. Questions that test the strength and devotion of each apprentice. Questions that push them too and sometimes past their emotional limits. The masters of these students are sent off-planet until the evening of the fourth day. They are prohibited from attempting any contact with their padawans. Silence reigns in that part of the masters mind, where there was once an eager young voice. Most of the youngsters break down during the questioning. With no other choice, they give in as the young minds are probed without the ability to fight back. Others withstand the questioning, only to lose that control later, in the familiarity of their living quarters. ***************** On the outside, Obi-Wan Kenobi seemed strong and in control. Inside, his stomach turned and his emotions warred. During questioning, he relaxed himself by closing his eyes and taking slow, deep breaths. He tried to remember the teachings of his master, Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan spent hours focusing on that one spot in his mind, where his mentor's force signature used to be. Silently he cried out. //Master, you told me if I listened...if I listened real hard, I could hear you. You said we would be separated, but you would be near if I called. Where are you master? Please. I need you here. I am listening, like you said, but I cant hear you. // During the nights spent alone in their shared quarters, Obi-Wan would lie his weary and worn body in his master's bed and cry until sleep overwhelmed him. As the pressures of all that was happening became too much, his constant fight for control ended. Left alone and in silence of all that he knew, the boy was lost. All was made worse by the fact that the rooms held images and memories of the one person he needed most right now. The person he was not permitted to see until the test was complete. Until 'the Silence' was gone. ****************** At the end of the fourth day, Obi-Wan got word that his master's ship was on final approach. He rushed to greet him at the docking bay. Despite the severed training bond, Qui-Gon could sense his padawans emotional confusion. The ship landed and the Jedi Master stepped out. Quickly he scanned the area, and found what he was looking for. Standing by the control room, the slumped shoulders of his apprentice only began to tell of the trauma Obi-Wan had been facing. He approached his student. Then stopped as he stood at arms length. The tall Jedi starred deeply into the exhausted eyes of the boy, as he closed his own and reformed the bond that they had shared. Immediately, relief hit Obi-Wan, yet he still fought for control. His mouth quivered slightly as he tried to stop the flood of tears that threatened. "Obi-Wan, I have missed you very much." "Thank you master." The boy didn't trust his voice enough to say much more. His face twitched as he battled his feelings. Suddenly he felt himself being drawn into a strong hug. Qui-Gon held him tightly as the silent tears began. "It's alright to cry padawan. Don't be afraid to cry." His face buried in his masters robe, Obi-Wan stuttered. "I...c...couldn't find...find...you...master...you...told me to...to listen...but...I didn't hear...you." Rubbing his hands in a comforting motion across the boys back, Qui-Gon spoke so that only Obi-Wan could hear. "I was with you Obi-Wan. We were just separated is all. Should anything have happened, I would have been with you. I am here now. It's all over." Obi-Wan let a few heavy breath sobs escape before pushing away from the embrace. "It's over?" "Yes, my padawan. You have done very well. The Council is most impressed. Now come, you need your rest. Let's go home." *************** As night fell over Courascant, Qui-Gon sat on the couch, in silence. His apprentice was not far from his side. They were engaged in watching the latest holo-vids that the boy always seemed to be obsessed with. Feeling the emotions regaining their control again, Obi-Wan slid across the couch to sit as close to Qui-Gon as he could. He was not surprised when, a few minutes later, the older Jedi wrapped his arms around him and pulled him so that the boys head lay on the older man's chest. Obi-Wan wasted no time in snuggling into the loving embrace. Finally, after living through hell these past days, Obi-Wan allowed himself full emotional release. All barriers were broken down and the watery eyes cried. Qui-Gon could only hold him close as the sobs racked the young body. "I've been through this, Padawan. I know what you feel now. I can hear you. You speak without speaking. And I have only to listen." Eventually Obi-Wan quieted, but made no attempt to get up. "Master?" "Yes, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon reached up and gently stroked the short-cropped hair. "Can you recite that poem that I like so much?" Qui-Gon smiled. "I think I can manage that. You lie still and listen."The Jedi Master took a deep breath to center himself. "If I listen real hard, I know you are with me. If I listen real hard, I feel you near. Though time and space divide us, we shall never be far apart. If I listen real hard, I hear your thoughts. If I listen real hard, I know you are there. I have listened, and hear your cries. You will never be alone, for you know that I love you, and I know you love me." Some time passed before Obi-Wan responded. "Master? Why does the council do this? Don't they know how much it hurts?" "I don't know, Padawan. But I can tell you that I have been against this test from the time my first apprentice went through it. She did well, but it disturbed her. She was never able to let go of what it held over her. She kept everything tucked inside. Xanatos? He just laughed at the process. He could never take anything seriously. "And me?" "You? Well, you are reacting in a way that your mind wants you too and needs you to. This is how you find the proper release. In time, this will pass. You will move beyond it. For now, you do well to let your mind refocus itself and allow natural healing to take place." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, and felt a small sob escape. Somehow he knew that his teacher was thinking about his former students and that the memories were difficult. Without looking up, Obi-Wan could sense the silent tears falling from the mans gentle eyes. Holding on to the soft fabric of Qui-Gon's tunic, Obi-Wan tried to ease his friends soul. "Master? It's okay to cry. Everything will be okay. I am here. I can understand the words that you don't speak. Don't be afraid to cry. It's okay." Qui-Gon lay his chin on top of the padawans head. Suddenly he realized that while he was trying to comfort his apprentice, the apprentice was comforting him. //The padawan teaches the master. // "Thank you my Obi-Wan." "For what, Master?" "Everything." Obi-Wan broke down again, hearing the deep meaning that his master conveyed in that one word. He leaned his head further into the familiar tunic and cried. Qui-Gon held tight, letting his own tears continue to fall. "Perhaps, this is a test for both of us my young apprentice. To see if our bond can endure. I would say, we have endured and will for a very long time. I want you to rest, Padawan. This is to much to soon for one so young." "So tired Master..." "I know, rest your eyes, I will be here when you wake." "You...you...will st...stay with...me?" "I will." ****************** The pair remained that way through the night. Obi-Wan cried himself to sleep, his fears calmed by the one person he loved more than his own life. Qui-Gon struggled to stay awake during the night, for fear that Obi-Wan needed him. Yet, he too was exhausted from the events of the last few days. Sleep found the Jedi Master and lulled him into it's waiting hands. A muffled sound alerted Qui-Gon in the middle of the night, he awoke quickly to feel the small form huddled against him, moving slightly. "Relax Obi-Wan, I am still here." "Master...shh...listen." Qui-Gon sat quiet for a moment and listened to the boys thoughts, they were filled with feelings of safety and comfort...and of love and respect for the older Jedi. Once again he found himself tightening the embrace around the slight body. "I hear you Padawan. Know that I love you as well." "...kay...s' okay master...I am here." Obi-Wan drifted off once more. Qui-Gon looked down at the form lying so peacefully against his chest. Smiling, he planted a small kiss, and unconsciously began a gentle rocking motion. //Obi-Wan, if you only knew how important you have become in my life. How much I cherish our time together. Having you in my life has forced me to see everything that life has to offer. I hear you listening. If only this time we share would never end. Rest...my...pada...my...son?// Qui-Gon hadn't known he had felt that way about the boy. //Has he become that much a part of me? How far would I go for him? I would give my life for his without hesitation. I would do anything for him. Does he know this? Obi-Wan? My padawan...my son.// ****************** Night transformed into dawn as the brilliant sun began its rise over the planet. Obi-Wan lay awake in Qui-Gon's arms. The Jedi Master played briefly with the short ponytail that his student had insisted on growing. "Master...stop." "What?" "Don't pull on my ponytail." He moved his head away from the touch. "Why? Will it fall out of your head?" Qui-Gon smiled. "No, but..." "But what?" "I don't know..." "Why are you growing this?" "Why do I have to wear the ridiculous hair cut and this goofy braid?" "Point taken. You feeling better? You are sounding like your old self." "Yes Master." Qui-Gon stroked the short hair. "You see. That wasn't so bad now was it? Just remember no to keep those things bottled up. They will haunt you if you do. Although the Jedi teach us not to embrace emotion, we are human. And to release is to heal. Now, are you ready to get up? We've been on this couch for much too long." "No." "No?" "I'm to comfortable here. You're like a big pillow. Soft and cushiony." Obi-Wan laughed. "Thank you Padawan...I think. But, my old body is getting numb, and I have an appointment to see your Astro-Physics teacher, Master Bren, this morning." "Why? I didn't do anything wrong." "No, I know you didn't." "Oh yeah, I forgot...ha ha...she likes you." Obi-Wan got up and sat beside his master. "She does not." "Does too." "Does not." "Does too." "Obi-Wan? Enough. Get your butt into the shower, now." "But Master, I..." "Now, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" The apprentice hung his head. "Yes Master." As the pair stood up and Kenobi headed for the shower, Qui-Gon took pity on the boy. "Obi-Wan?" He turned. "Yes Master?" The Master Jedi held out his arms. "Come." Obi-Wan hurled himself into the arms, hitting Qui-Gon with a solid thump. For a few minutes, Qui-Gon was content to hold this one close to his heart. "We will do okay, Padawan. I know we will." "I will listen Master, when you need me to hear you. And if I listen real hard, you know what I can hear you say?" A few stray tears caught the master by surprise. Somehow this boy had gotten into his very soul. "That I love you." "Yes Master. And know that I love you." He paused for a moment. "But Master?" "Yes Padawan?" "If you are going to see Master Bren? You need a shower more than I do." "I do." "Yes master...you stink." The older Jedi laughed before pushing the boy away and towards the bathroom. "Oh, Obi-Wan? Just how bad are your grades in Astro-Physics anyway?" END |