THE PAIN
It comes with a vengeance.
Turns in on itself....
Pulsing and bleeding,
Eroding my health.
I try to ignore it,
Get on, through my day,
But it just grows stronger,
In it's endless decay.
As toxic as cancer,
It eats through my soul,
Carnivorous hunger,
Intent on control.
I turn to my family,
But, soon, I recall,
This illness is all mine,
Not their fault at all.
So, inward, I huddle,
I hold the pain close,
It soothes and it comforts,
This is what hurts the most.
How can I survive this,
This agony of life,
When I'm no longer able,
As mother or wife?
Will anyone miss me,
When I'm no longer here?
Of course they will, idiot,
And that's what I fear!
It all seems so easy!
I could take myself out!
I want to, I beg to!
I whine, worry, pout!
But, I know the feelings,
I would leave with each child,
I've worn them myself,
Under a fake, lifelong smile!
Guilt is a burden
I can't bear to face,
Yet, neither am able,
To keep, in it's place.
So here I am, huddled,
Alone, once again
Guilty of loving....
Enduring the pain!
For My Friend P.C.
Glenda
�11-16-2000
FOR "WHAT?"
For "What", will my life
Have been remembered?
Holding the hand
Of one who slapped me,
Kissing the lips
Of one who lied to me,
Adoring the face
Of one who sneered at me,
Saving the soul
Which plotted my demise
Protecing the reputation
Of one who
Destroyed mine,
Feeding the desires
Of one who starved my soul,
Comforting the spirit
Of one who devoured mine,
Fulfilling the dreams of he,
Who crushed mine,
Sacrificing my happiness
For one who found none,
Giving of myself, to one
Who refused to share
Himself with me,
Forgiveness for one
Who knew no guilt but mine,
Sympathy for one
Who knew no pain,
But that, which he
Inflicted on others,
Empathy for one
Who knew no worry
But that, which he created,
Compassion for one who
Knew no sorrow
But that, which he fed on,
From others,
Fear for one who
Knew no threat
Except his own weakness,
Anger for one who
Knew no defeat
As long as he
Was in control
Joy for one who
Knew no happiness
And refused to share
In another's,
Pride for one who
Feared no competition,
And refused to lose,
Dedication to a person
Who despised his need
........of me,
Yet desired to rule me,
To the very end,
Or may I be remembered
As one who loved beyond
The scope of my own
Sense of self?
I prefer to be remembered
As one who tried her best
To live within the
"Word of God"
Again, For P.C.
Glenda
�12-16-2000
LIGHTEN UP
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