A long beep echoed through the long car of the express train as I make my way to the back row.           Soon after I was comfortably seated, I felt the train lurched forward, slowly increasing in speed. I checked the time. Thirty eight minutes past five in the afternoon.           I stifled a yawn as I slouched on my seat, preparing for a long trip. For a while, I watched the city's prominent skyline starting to disappear behind the tall pine trees and vast rice fields. But as the country scene brought calmness and an air of slow-paced lifestyle I once had, I began to feel a sense of freedom.           I smiled, grabbed my backpack and tuck it under my head. "Free at last!", I said to myself. Feeling awfully tired I quickly dozed off.           A slight tap on my shoulder awoke me.           I immediately sat up, seeing the pretty attendant regarding me with a big smile.            " The train ends here.", she said.           What? I thought this railway system ends in Munich. Still confused, I asked her. " W-where are we?"           She puckered her lips for a while, realizing I had slept through the whole trip.           I could almost imagine her saying that word in slow motion.            " Munich.", was her reply.           I groaned inwardly as I grabbed my luggage, stepped out of the train and headed out into the unfamiliar city. Oh well, not really unfamiliar.           I’ve been here once, my mother brought me here with her when I was about six years old.           My feet made a scrunching noise against the thick snow on the street. Spotting a hotel not far from the station, I trudged through the wet pavement and made my way into a coffee shop on the lobby.           I pushed the door open and a sound of small bells echoed within the quaint and cozy cafe.           My green eyes quickly surveyed the almost deserted place and found a small booth right at the back. Just as I seated myself on the plush chair, an elderly waitress took my order.           Patiently waiting, I caught graffiti scrawled at the sides of the table. Amused, I started to read the marks.           There I saw love messages. Kisha love Markus. Markus love Heather.           Hate messages like Garrison Team Sucks or the more offensive Fuck the Majic Force.           There of course, were introductions or what would I call ‘self-info’.           The Wicked Knights of Birmingham. Sultry Savannah. And so on.           A few minutes passed by without me noticing it. Slowly, I raised my eyes as I heard steps approaching.           " You look a bit strange.", the old woman commented, placing a large mug of steaming cappuccino and a platter of pastries on the table.           I laughed to myself. She doesn’t realize how right she was.           The mug felt warm against my palms as I started to think of those days when I was just a teenager.           Sixteen. A good student. A good son.           And a criminal in the eyes of the spirit world.           I was once the legendary thief of Makai. Merciless and arrogant. Impulsive and wicked. But amidst all that, everyone knew, both collaborators and foes, that I was very smart. And that’s how I felt all that respect they treated me with.           For a second, I stopped and reminisce my friends’ faces, that is, as long as I can remember them. The last time I heard of Yusuke was when I was invited to their wedding. I wasn’t able to attend the reception due to tight schedule. That was two years after the demon world tournament in which the three of us lost.           Yes, the three of us. Myself, Yusuke and Hiei.           Hiei. I’ve never heard of him since the tournament. I hope he wasn’t up to something really disastrous.           Funny, I should say. I missed those years. Even the girls left a special place in my cold youko heart. There's Keiko; Yukina and her quest to find her long lost brother; Cheerful and bubbly blue-haired Botan, the deity of death; and chain smoker Shizuru.           To an ordinary human it may sound like a fantasy. Nothing but a childhood tale. But it was all true. Our story. The story of heroes and villains. Of powerful humans and good youkais against monsters and all bad elements.           Now I’m in my mid-thirties, owner of one of the largest chain of drugstores in Asia, had two failed marriages, no kids, and awfully . . . awfully . . tired. I just wished this vacation could at least ease out all the pressures. Maybe I should visit the Urameshi couple. Or even stage a reunion.           I toyed with the empanadas using my fork. On second thought, I’m not sure if Keiko would be happy to see us though, having in mind that getting together means trouble’s brewing.           The tinker of bells broke the silence. I raised my eyes just in time to see a tall young man closing the door. The man quickly surveyed the shop until his gaze rested on my direction.           The unmistakably golden sight was enough to stir a recognition. I narrowed my eyes as he sat himself on my booth. Its not that I’m not happy to see him but the mere fact that his presence could spell danger ahead.           " Kurama, its been a long time.", he spoke.           I found myself smiling. He hadn’t changed a bit. " Yeah. So what brings you here, Koenma?"           " Straight to the point.", he smiled. The same boyish smile was plastered on his face. Making him look like the toddler that he was, though this time he looked slightly matured and deeply disturbed.           " I saw you at the station a while ago and I thought 'what a coincidence!'"           I eyed him carefully, sizing him up whether he’s telling me the truth or has been following me for a reason.           " I know that look very well. And the answer is no. I’m not after you."           " Then why are you here? In Munich of all places."           Koenma raised an eyebrow. " You haven’t got any word about the others for the past eighteen years, have you?"           I shrugged my shoulders. " I was very busy."           " A lot of things happened in those years.", he said, signaling the waitress.           " Like what?", I asked.           " I lost my job as administrator. Right now I’m an ordinary person in Reikai. Keiko died after giving birth to their son.", he spoke, giving out a huge sigh. " And Botan’s been missing right after she escorted her."           I took a moment to digest all those bad news. " So which one brought you here in Munich?", I questioned.           " The last one.", he answered. " I’ve searched throughout Makai and Reikai. And I’ve been traveling all over the world in search for her."           Koenma gave out a huge sigh. " I don’t know but sometimes I felt so tired and frustrated. I wanted to ask the others for help but I don’t have the nerve, much less the authority to do so."           I nodded in understanding. " . . Because you knew they have their own problems to deal with."           Koenma gazed out through the window and watched a slow drizzle of snow. " How about you Kurama? Aren’t you tired?"           I sighed, shifting my gaze outside as well. " Yeah."           A long silence followed. His question seemed to instill a sense of yearning. I couldn’t remember what it was. I turned my attention to my snack. The mug now slightly cold against my hands.            " Would you help me find her, Kurama?", Koenma asked.           Gingerly, I raised the mug to my lips and drank the slightly warm beverage. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him biting his lip.           I knew he was going to ask me that. Whether he had purposely followed me for that reason or just a matter of coincidence, I don’t know.           As I brought down the mug, he leaned over the table. Staring at me with pleading eyes.           Briefly, I glanced at the counter. As if buying some time to think this thing over. He could’ve asked somebody who has the ability to search out things in such vast coverage. Like Hiei. But I knew that it would take a lot of persuasion to convince my fire demon friend. So I’m the only one left to do the job. Finally, I smiled. " Sure."           Almost instantly, the prince – or should I say – the former prince of Reikai broke into a huge smile. " I knew I could count on you, Kurama!"           He reached within his coat pocket and took a bundle of papers. " These were reports about her. When and where she was last seen, with whom and so on."           I smiled crookedly. " It looks like you’ve come prepared."           He looked surprised for a while but he quickly recovered and handed out the papers. " What are you talking about? At a time like this, you need clues to her trail."           " Sure.", I grinned. Had he approached me a couple of months ago, I would have rejected his plight outright. But for the past weeks I started to look for other means of relaxation.           Although I don’t consider this as a relaxation, something new but equally important would be the best solution to my increasing restlessness.           I fingered the documents. Most were mere scribbles while some were newspaper clips.           Koenma took a wad of bills from his pocket and tossed it on the table. " I hope you’ll find her, Kurama." He said seriously.           " I’ll try.", I said.           He stared deep into my eyes. Silently pleading.           He wanted an assurance, I knew. I rubbed my jaw and smiled a bit. " I’ll do it, don’t worry. I’ll find her no matter how long it takes."           " I wish you well." He stood up and walked through the aisle. He paused to the door to give one last look at me.           I stared back at him. Reassuring.           Then he was out. Gone through the drizzle of snow on wintry Tuesday night in Munich.           I collapsed on top of the bed placed within one of the cozy bedrooms of the suite I rented in this fine hotel. The soft yellow light of a lampshade gave an aura of tranquility. A perfect place to rest. But I have an important work to do.           My eyes caught the luggage perched on the floor.           I would probably be needing more than I packed. If Koenma was unsuccessful for eight years, would I be blessed to find her in such a short time?           I sighed and rummaged through my things. " I think I have some memoirs here . . .", I mumbled. " ah, there you go . . ." My eyes landed on bundles of holiday cards and letters tucked inside a large red envelop.           My fingers reached out to touch the glossy surface of one photo.           Her smiley face. The face of sunshine.           Her cheery face. The face of death.           From the very moment I met her, she amazed me with such positive attitude. Quite unusual for someone who signifies the end of life.           At one point, I could say I was attracted to her. But she was very different from me. And at my age, oblivious to everyone in the team, I was restless and confused.           Fifteen years ago my human mother died. I became even more insecure.           Probably that’s the reason why my marriages didn’t go well.           ‘Cause I don’t really have any goal at all. I had no more reason to live in this world. I could just go back to Makai if I wanted to, hunt for treasures and relive my quest for Makai supremacy. Still, something tells me it isn’t the solution.           Or probably I was afraid Suuichi Minamino will die a natural death. Be buried and forgotten by the cold and merciless youko that I am.           The thing is, I wanted to learn from him. I haven’t really change that much.           I’m still calm and cunning.           There’s only one thing I have now. The ability of love and compassion.           I woke up early in the morning and dressed quickly, eager to work on my new mission. I walked across the business district, wondering where I should start. My senses were on full alert, knowing she still have that distinct ki of a Reikai spirit. I could trace her if I try harder, no matter how faint her power is.           In front of a closed store was a man in his early fifties, seated on a long bench with a brush and a small can of polisher in his hands. He seems to be in this position everyday. A perfect start.           I approached and asked him for a polish. Graciously he placed my feet on top of a wooden box and started working.           I found an opportunity and politely asked, handing out Botan’s photo at the same time. " Have you seen this girl anywhere?"           He stopped working and squinted at the picture. After a few seconds, he shrugged. " Wa’ don’ 'ya check out d' red light district. Pretty lassies like 'dis one 'olways end up there."           I narrowed my eyes, my fist tightening to a ball. Without a word, I withdrew my foot, turned my back and headed the opposite direction. That’s sick! Botan knew better than subject herself to that sort of exploitation!           " Hey! ‘Ya crook! ‘Yaor payment!", he yelled behind me.           I stopped to fish out a coin and savagely tossed it in his direction. It hit him in the head.           I snickered. " Good for you!"           The whole morning, I rounded a couple of streets, asking practically anybody of different ages and occupation. But nobody was able to give me a substantial clue about Botan.           It was thirty minutes past lunchtime and my stomach quickly responded at the sight of a restaurant.           It was packed, I observed, seeing the long line at the counter. Finally, after half an hour, I was able to get my order.           I saw a young lady on a table for two at the back. Quickly I approached the booth and asked politely. " Are you reserving this seat ma’am?"           The lady gazed up and smiled radiantly. " Oh no! By all means, have a seat!"           I returned her smile and seated myself opposite hers.           I could feel her boring eyes on me as I started munching on my burger and fries.           I tried to keep cool. Still I hated it when somebody watches me eat. Specially somebody I don’t even know.           I gulped down my cola and wiped my lips with a tissue. Then I stopped. Maybe this woman could help me. I took out Botan’s photo and showed it to her. " Excuse me miss . . . Have you seen this young lady anywhere?"           The lady took a brief glance at the picture. She licked her lips for a while then said. " I’m not really sure . . . but . . ."           I looked at her expectantly. This lady was the first one who at least recognize her.           She gazed out into the plaza and pointed at the line of shops across the street. " One time, I saw a girl there. Though, as I told you, I’m not sure. That young woman looked a bit different."           My face broke into a huge smile as I bowed my thanks. " Thank you."           My feet seemed to drag me towards the plaza. I wasn’t really expecting to see her there waiting for me or something. For one, she might have past by the place once and may never go back again.           I walked through the side street, constantly watching every person passing by my direction. I passed by a gift shop, the barber shop, a dark alleyway, the photo shop . . . Wait a minute . . .           I stopped abruptly. Instantly, an old woman bumped on my back.           " What ‘ya doin’? If ‘ya don’t wanna walk then step aside!", she spat.           I apologized profusely and quickly retraced my steps. I wasn’t mistaken. A presence was clearly evident somewhere along this side.           I looked through the glass windows of the barber shop. All I saw was a couple of hairdressers and their customers. Then the alleyway greeted my sight.           It was dark, quite unusual for a place situated within the brightly lit plaza.           My steps seemed to echo against the brick walls. There was some scraps and large pieces of cartons. The one used by the homeless.           With a surge of hope and for a moment, pity, I approached the area behind a large garbage bin.           My gaze fell on a still form. Its legs were bent to its stomach. Its slender arms wrapped around itself. A dirty cloth was placed over its face.           Carefully, I reached out to lift the cloth.           Slowly . . I saw its jaw.           Slowly . . I saw its nose.           Its face was becoming evident now . . I saw her closed eyes.           From then on I was, if not positive, hoping that she’s the one I’ve been looking for.           Excitedly, I pulled the cloth out of its face and saw its disheveled and dirty blue hair strewn all around her head.           I gasped. " Botan!"           She must’ve heard me, as she quickly sat up, grabbed a baton and roughly jabbed my shoulder with it.           I was taken aback causing me to lose my balance for a second.           Taking the opportunity, she scrambled to her feet and dashed out of the passageway.           But I was equally determined not to let her go. Forgetting the possibility that a bystander might see my power, I summoned my plants to work. Branches instantly grew from the asphalt ground, forming a barricade of gentle but sturdy plants right between her and the entrance to the passage.           To my surprise, she didn’t slow down a bit. Instead, she ran straight into my plants.           My brows furrowed at her reaction.           I saw her groped for the branches. Clawing for the leaves as if she’s not sure what they were.           As a reaction, my plant whipped her gently with a thick branch, causing her to drop to the ground, her baton clattered a few feet.           It has been years since we last saw each other and perhaps she had gone through tough times in the past that maybe she wasn’t able to recognize me immediately. Slowly, I approached her, careful not to scare her off. I might have surprised her a bit when I disturbed her sleep but what I was about to see will turn the tables on me.           Botan was sitting on the ground, her gestures seemed lost. She reached in front and groped for her baton.           What’s going on? I asked silently. Couldn’t be . . .?           Without wasting any moments, I reached her side and helped her up.           She held onto my arms tightly. " S-stay away! I-I didn’t do a-anything. I-I have n-nowhere to s-sleep. I didn’t bother anyone . . . Please officer . . . I have nowhere to go!", she breathed.           My hand reached out to touch her beautiful face, holding it right in front of me.           Then, I saw it clearly. Her eyes. The same shade of purple.           But glassy. Out of focus. Empty.           She’s blind, I realized.            " Botan . . .", I whispered.           Instantly, she stiffened. " W-who are y-you? H-how did you know my name?"            " Botan, I-its me . . ."           Her hands reluctantly caressed my cheek. Tracing the contour of my face. Her face lit up as she grasped my sidelocks.            " Kurama . . . ?", she cried tearfully. " Is that you . . .?"           I held her hand and brought it back to my cheek. " Yes, Botan."            " K-Ku . . ra . .ma . . . .", Suddenly, she collapsed and fell unconscious.           I caught her in my arms and carried her to my suite. Despite her full weight on me, she was unusually light. I knew that from experience since I’ve carried her long before. She might have lost a lot of weight.           Carefully, I laid her on my bed, spreading the sheet over her frail body.           I sat beside her for a while. Gazing at her face with both curiosity and concern. I thought of all possible things she had ran into for the past years. Wandering aimlessly on the street like a lost child, robbed of her sight. Pity washed over me as I stared at her . Right now, her skin was covered with grease, her hair doesn’t hold its usual silky texture. She appeared weak and defenseless. Her pretty face bore all the hardships she went through that time. Almost nothing like the Botan I met years ago.           I felt remorse. I’ve longed to see my friends again. But I never expected to find any of them in this state.           Then still, I thought, I can impose change on her. Maybe I could help her bring back the life that she lost even if I couldn’t fix my own. I felt that with her, I could fulfill things I could not make for myself.           I could start as soon as she wakes up, I thought.           I’ll start building a new day tomorrow. A new day . . .           . . . for her alone.           A ray of early morning sunshine shone through the glass paneled window. I pulled back the curtains and soaked up the view from below. Slowly I turned around to look at her sleeping form.           I smiled. She was covered from head to toe. I approached her bed and gently tapped her. " Botan . . ." My hands sank deep into her arms. Too deep. And too soft.           I frowned. Quickly, I lifted the covers. All I saw were pillows. Carefully arranged to look like a person was lying within the covers.           I roamed my gaze around the room. Silently hoping she just wandered someplace else. All I saw was a chair and the dresser. Other than that and myself, the room was empty.           I went out and look through every corner of my suite. Loudly calling her name. " Botan? Botan, can your hear me?"            " Botan, please answer me! Botan where are you?", I yelled desperately. She’s blind for God’s sake! I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to her!           Quickly, I grabbed my jacket and headed out into the street.           I surveyed the plaza and saw that at this early hour, place remained still. An old couple sat on a bench beside the fountain. A young woman was walking her dog. And middle-aged man jogged through the brick tiled floor.           Where is she? Botan . . . My heart ached. I couldn’t imagined nor believed that she will leave. I thought she was happy to see me. I thought she was happy to have company after all those years of wandering around the streets of Munich. Or at least, I thought this is the only place she lived in.           Within a couple of minutes, I reached the strip of stores where I found her yesterday. And as I was walking I front of a boutique, a flash of sky blue fleeted out of the corner of my eye. I quickly turned to that direction. But all I could see was a mound of uncollected garbage spilling out of the bin.           I narrowed my eyes. She’s still here. No doubt about it.           My pace seemed to quicken as I approached a corner.            " Botan . . .", I muttered. Why would she run away. A blind person won’t just run away like that without any good reason.           I stopped right in front of a barber shop. Beside it was the same alleyway. I rounded the corner and walked through the narrow passage.           Then I heard it. A low sound.           My eyes quickly searched the area. The place was flunked with two brick walls on each side. Small terraces hung on each level.           I jumped as a cat scurried past my legs and out into the brightly lit plaza. I sighed deeply. Just a cat.           Disappointed, I turned around and headed out as well.           Scrunch!           I stopped in my tracks and shifted my attention once more to the farthest side of the passage.           I cocked my head towards that direction and listened carefully. There was that sound again.            " Huh?!", I inhaled sharply. It wasn’t just a sound. It’s a muffled cry.           A cry of a woman.           Without hesitation, I approached the wall and there behind the garbage bin, I saw her. Pushing herself against the corner.           A wash of pity overcame me. Her condition was drastic if not shag. Her lips were tight and her arms were badly bruised.           She must’ve left my unit the moment I fell asleep.            " Botan . . .?", was all I could say.           At the sound of my voice, she panicked. She backed further to the wall. Her cry much louder. " Stay away! Leave me alone!"           My breath was caught in my throat. " Botan, c’mon let’s go home. You’re ill, you can rest well in my place."            " Leave me alone! This is my home, Kurama. Leave me alone!"            " Why? Why did you ran away?", I asked, slowly inching my way closer to her.. " I’m worthless! I couldn’t do anything! I couldn’t take it!", she cried nonstop. Her words doesn’t make any sense to me.            " Look. I’m not going to ask you anymore why you escaped. Just . . .", I held out my hand to touch her. " Just come home with me."           She hugged herself tightly. As if defending herself from any person who would want to hurt her. That’s one of the reason why I don’t want to leave her here. She couldn’t protect herself.           Willingly or unwillingly, I will bring her back to my place. But I will try to convince her first.            " Please . .", I pleaded once more. " If you can’t do it for yourself, would you, at least, do it for me?"           She stopped crying. I silently congratulated myself on that. At least it was a good sign.            " Please come with me, Botan.", I said softly. " I-I need y-you . . . please?"           With those words of mine, she tilted her face. Shock and confusion was written all over it. I closed my eyes for a moment. Even I was confused of my own statement. For a moment, I was uncertain of my own feelings. Maybe I was so lonely, I needed a friend. A companion. And perhaps . . . somebody special.           But whatever the reason, that certainly did the trick. Botan relaxed a little and gingerly, she extended her hand.            " Thank you. Thank you so much.", I breathed.           Slowly I carried her in my arms           Her eyes were still empty but she looked contented and secured.           We exited the passage and took the way back to my apartment.           On top of a small table was a basin of lukewarm water. I squeezed a clean towel and removed dirt and grease from her face. Then I used a soapy towel and washed her arms with it.           She recoiled slightly.           When was the last time she took a bath? I smiled at that thought. Funny, she doesn’t stink.           I ran the towel around and over her arms.           Her eyes drifted close. She liked it.           Once more I made a round, this time with a non-soapy towel.           She sat on my bed with only her undies on. Neither she nor I minded. We were friends and I have seen her on bathing suits before, so what’s the difference?           Next, I did the same thing on her legs. I must admit, I do feel a little warm after that. Especially when I began to wash her upper chest. I did all my best to make it as casual as possible, carefully evading her delicate twin mounds. Nonetheless, I could feel my hearbeat quickening.           It never occurred to me how soft her skin was. Nor did I expected to appreciate her figure.            " Botan . . .", I called softly. " The attendants have helped me purchase clothes and lingerie for you. Here. You can do the rest with, uh . . . uhm . . . you know . . just call me when you’re done, okay?"           For the first time, I saw her smile. She must’ve thought I’m a total clutz. Good thing she can’t see me blush.            " I understand.", she said. " And Kurama?"            " Yes?"            " Thank you."            " You’re welcome.", with that I left the room.           " What are you doing?", Botan suddenly asked a few hours later.           I glanced over my shoulder and saw her sitting on my bed wearing a powder blue mini-dress I bought last night. She's already clean and so pretty. A sharp contrast to her ragged clothes and greasy body the time I saw her in the alleyway.           I pressed my lips together and answered. " I was asking my secretary about any appointments or important calls . . ."            " I thought you are on vacation?", she interrupted.           I grinned sheepishly. " Yeah, now I remember."           She smiled. " You haven’t changed."           I looked at her face and tried to read her expression but her jaws were relaxed and her cheeks have their normal blush. She seemed too simple to suit the old Botan.            " You . . .", I hesitated. I don’t want to say that she changed so drastically. Yet I couldn’t find the right words to say without exactly lying to her. " You're beautiful."           She smiled once more. " Thanks."           I sighed and put down the phone. I walked up to the bed and sat next to her.            " You’re right. I am on vacation.", I kissed her forehead and held her hands. " We’ll start partying tonight. I promise."           An American business associate invited me to a dinner dance held in one of their estates. It was one of the many invitations I receive every week coming from business, social or political fields. Usually, I would decline to most of them. But tonight, as I had promised Botan, would be a start of my real vacation. I would totally take a time out from my duties and this is a perfect opportunity.           It has been a couple of hours when we arrived at the Robinson’s veranda. Almost everyone acknowledged my presence but if there’s anyone who stole the show, it was my gorgeous consort.           Although, she handled their compliments well, I noticed that she wasn’t so comfortable to flatteries as she had before. So I politely excused her from the admiring crowd and into our small table at the back.           From then on she relaxed. After a brief speech by members of the organizing committee and the Robinsons, dinner was served. As usual, the food weren't ordinary. They were prepared by the best chefs from Italy, so I've heard. After half an hour, the tables were cleared and the ballroom was set for the dance.           For a moment, I was hesitant. She seemed too shy that she might decline my offer. But then I realized, a nice dance number might bring back that bubbly spirit of Botan. And so, I escorted her to the floor.           We have been swinging for about ten minutes when the upbeat music died down. It was followed by a short gap then the first chords of a popular love song started to play.           Suddenly, my heartbeat increased its tempo. There she was a foot away on a simple red halter-top dress. Her light makeup highlighted her natural beauty. I looked into her purple eyes, asking if I can hold her for tonight. She replied with a smile.           From then on, the noise seemed muted. As if there’s nobody in the room but her and me.           Gently, I took her hands and held her waist. I felt her drew back slightly, hesitating. But when I pulled her closer, she conceded.           I pressed my cheek against her smooth blue hair and closed my eyes. It feels good.           Damn, it feels so good.            " Kurama?"            " Hmm?"            " Um, nothing."            " What is it? Tell me.", I whispered.            " Nothing. Sorry."            I sighed. Something’s bothering her, I knew. It wasn’t usual for her to just clam up about anything. From spirits to human perks, she babbled nonstop. Most of the time, when we were still teenagers, me and the rest of the Reikai tantei would sit quietly, unable to interrupt as soon as she had the floor.           My lips curved a bit. Bubbly Botan was the one I knew. The one we could all listen to when we are down. She used to make situations so easy for the four of us to handle.           I touched her hair and drew my breath. Here she is in my arms, so delicate. So fragile. What changed her?           I wanted to ask those questions from the beginning but I don’t want to force her for an answer. She had gone through so much alone. Like I braved the world feeling so isolated. For years as a successful businessman and member of just about any prominent country clubs in the world, I was always surrounded by rich people. Important individuals. Celebrities and Politicians. I shook hands with foreign and local elites.           I am a social animal.           I was never alone.           That’s what they say.           But that’s not what I feel.           A soft breeze carried a fresh scent to my nostrils. Even her perfume seemed so comforting. Maybe she could help me with my problems. Maybe she could help me rediscover myself.           Before, I don’t usually hold any deep conversations with her. Maybe because I don’t see her as the type of person who can answer to my sentiments. But since she’s the only friend that I’ve got for now, I thought perhaps this could be the right moment to consider her as a confidant.           I pulled back, my hands still on her small waist. I was about to start talking when I noticed her listening intently at a group of young adults dancing close to us.            " Where are we going next weekend?", one young man asked.            " The beach up north sounds good!", the young woman on a black dress said.            " Can everybody come?"           Everyone in the group said yes.           For a moment, a flash of grief and regret flickered on Botan’s empty purple eyes. But just like before, she hid her emotions and tried to act as normal as possible, masking her true feelings and taking it selfishly as her own problems.           I pity her. For she was my friend and I knew she needed another to support her. I don’t want to offer help for now. Time will tell when and where would she finally open up her anxieties. And as I danced with her, I was surprised to find myself promising silently that when that time comes, I’ll be just behind, ready to catch her in case she fall apart.            " Do you want to go out into the garden?", I asked.           She took my hand and squeezed it gently.           I took it as a yes.           We went our way from the veranda into the open garden within the sprawling estate of the Robinson family. I guided her into a bench situated far into the flowerbeds and pine trees.           The night air was cold so I took off my jacket and placed it over her shoulders.           She merely smiled at that gesture.           I realized then that I’m starting to like this Botan. She might have ran few of words and lost her sight, but her smile reflected her inner beauty.           The real Botan that I haven’t seen then was clearly the woman I felt so close to this past two days.            " You heard that?", she asked suddenly.           I glanced at her in surprise. " Huh?!"           I saw her lips curved into a smile. " The leaves . . .", she started, tilting her face to the side. " . . they’re singing."            " Ah . .", I uttered. Singing?            " What do you hear, Kurama?". Her face bear no change of emotion. Still the same mask of contentment and a blush on her smooth cheeks.           What do I hear? I was tongue-tied, not knowing what to say.            " T-the rustle . . . of the leaves?!" I frowned at my own reply. It sounded more like a question. How literal!           Botan raised her chin, soaking up the moonlight. Her expression lit up as a cool breeze blew, ruffling her long blue hair ‘round her face.            " the wind . . .", she murmured.            " Hmm?"            " . . . whispering . ."            " Um, yeah.", I mumbled, slightly embarrassed. I felt so dumb. Here I am in command of plant life. Creating nature from a figment of my imagination and at a flick of my hand. But just when nature constitutes my power and safety, I realize that I don’t really know their essence. Their true importance to this world other than violence and hatred.           I can see the rustle of the leaves but I failed to hear them sing. I could feel the wind brushing against my hair yet I was deaf to their plea.           Nature seems familiar           Yet so strange and distant.           I sighed.           I’ve been wandering in the city so long, I don’t remember.           Working so hard, I lost the ability to listen intently.           I have so much crap in my head that perhaps I lost life entirely.            " Maybe I should get a pair of hearing aids don’t you think?", I quipped.           She giggled softly. I like her laugh. Its not the girly, absolutely irritating laugh I usually hear on girls who used to throw themselves at me. It was, what I would love to put it, sweet and tingling.           A lot of people thought we were living together.           Literally speaking, correct. But symbolically . . . hmm. I stole a glance in her direction. " Not that I mind . . .", I said to myself.           She turned her head slightly towards me. And flashed a smile.           I tightened my grip on her hand.           A sign of fondness. A whole new meaning of fondness.           I told myself long ago that a woman in my life would not fill in the emptiness that I felt. Yet here she was, like a princess of light, providing a sense of direction, taking me out of darkness and bringing me out into the world once more. A world which I dreamt of. Not of endless office works nor a series of social gatherings. No. This one’s for real. Simple and fulfilling.           Just like her laugh. Bursting of pure happiness and bubbling gay. It was so contagious that I had to join. I heard my own laugh and was a bit surprised at the way it sounded.           Ah, my laugh was never heard for years. And how good it sounded to my own ears.           I looked at her and thought this might be a start of a new beginning. I knew that I have found what I was looking for. And I have to thank her for that. I really have to.           Time flew so fast. Every hour seemed like a dream, sharing it with a friend which arrived so unexpectedly. I’ve waited for a companion who can listen to my endless tirade, laugh with my silly jokes, took in my tantrums. Yes, she filled it all amazingly.           And as the days go by, I felt more and more attached to her. I kept on wishing every night that I would wake up to see her sleeping peaceful in her own room. I kept on praying that she wouldn’t leave again and seek security in that dark, dirty alleyway. I thought of calling Koenma to tell him about her. But I didn’t. Cause I knew she would never find true comfort but here . . . with me.           One day, we transferred to a small estate outside the city. I was arranging some furniture while she was carefully polishing a number of glass ornaments we recently bought.            " That was the best piece in the shop. Thanks for your charm, the salesman sold it to us.", I said, referring to the glass sculpture of a fox.           She smiled, running a small piece of cloth over its tail for the last time. " Its done. Where are you going to place it?"           I surveyed the living room and saw a small table in between two single chairs on one wall.            " Here.", I extended my hand to her to take the glassware.           But she let it go so soon. And I wasn’t able to get a strong hold on to the heavy ornament.           As a result, it crashed to the ground and broke into pieces.            " Ahh .. . .", I winced as a shard of glass cut into my palms.           Instantly, Botan was at her feet. " Kurama?!", she asked nervously. She groped desperately, trying to reach me. " Kurama? Are you alright?!"            " I-I’m fine . . ahh . . . it’s okay. . .ugghh.", I bit my lip as a stream of fresh blood flowed from the long slash wounds. I closed my fists as thick green branches emerged from my broken skin to tie themselves around my palms. I groaned. It has been long since I did that.           Then I stopped as I heard her sobs. I raised my eyes and saw Botan’s pink sweater and gray skirt tainted with our blood. She herself was cut, though not as severely. But I realized that she wasn’t crying for it.            " I-it’s my fault . . .", tears rolled down her cheeks.            " Botan . . .", I whispered.            " I shouldn’t have stayed with you . . . I should’ve go away . . .", I could see her eyes were wide with fright. She looked so scared.            " What are you saying . . .? it’s not your fault, it was me. I’m clumsy . . .Come here .", I reached out to give her a hug but she retreated and ran towards her room.            " Botan!", I yelled, calling her back. I scrambled to my feet and knocked on her door. " Botan, c’mon let’s talk. You’re bleeding, too. Please let me take care of you."            " I’m fine. I’m treating it. Just let me alone for a while, please.", she replied from inside.            " A-Are you sure?", I asked worriedly.            " Yes."           I sighed. " Okay, I’ll call you when lunch’s ready."           She didn’t answer.           I went on to finish our work, arranging the furniture and cleaning up the mess.           Soon after, the grandfather clock stroke eleven.           I sighed. Wiping sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand.           Hurriedly, I cooked our lunch and took a shower before I started setting the table.           At thirty minutes past twelve, everything was ready.           I walked to her door and was relieved to see that it wasn’t locked. Carefully, I opened it. There I saw her sitting on the rocking chair, one of her fingers was tied with a handkerchief. And though she didn’t change her blood stained sweater, her wound had stopped bleeding.           She was facing the television screen and I saw that a movie was being played. Funny, she was poised beside it, as if she could see.            " Lunchtime!", I announced as cheerfully as possible, making my way towards her cabinet. " There’s a ball in Cologne later this evening. I was invited. I wanted you to be my partner.", I added. I felt like kicking myself for sounding so demanding and firm. But I didn’t hear any protest from her. So I approached the cabinet and rummaged through her clothes.           There was a white minidress . . . Hmm. This’ll be perfect . . .            " This is the same day Keiko died because of childbirth . . .", a voice echoed behind me.           Surprised I turned my attention to Botan. She was still on her chair, mumbling some words.           I reached her side and sat myself on the edge of her bed. " Botan . . . does it hurt?"           Slowly, I shifted my gaze towards the tv screen. A video was playing. But it wasn’t a movie flick. Nor any of the videos I rented yesterday.            " Ah . .", I uttered surprisingly. It was the video of the whole Reikai Tantei gang on the beach nineteen years ago.           It was almost three months since I found her. Everything went smoothly. I didn’t bring up anything about our friends, remembering the way she reacted to teenage groups we often meet at the plaza or at the dancing balls.           I furrowed my brow. Botan must’ve found this on one of my video cases. How? Don't ask me.           It worried me enough knowing that she lost her lively spirit. But to see the way she reacted to that small accident a few minutes ago bothered me so. I could still see her frightened purple eyes. She wasn’t just concerned. She was horrified.           I wanted to ask her directly to end this issue once and for all. But I didn’t know what to say. Where to start. How to brake it. For once the supposedly smart Kurama couldn’t even come up with a couple of words.            " Are you talking about the day you lost your sight?", I finally asked.           She nodded, her purple eyes clouded with pure anguish. I knew right then I could not console her. She have to get over this in order for her to move on. Like a determined swimmer, she has to cross the raging river in order to get to the other side. I won’t be able to help her all the way, and the most I can do is listen and offer support and understanding.            " A few months after Yusuke’s wedding, Genkai passed away.", she started.           I blinked. I didn’t expect her story to begin in such a tragedy. " S-she . .?!"            " Yes, she might have foresaw her death. You remembered she told us to take care of her dojo?"           I nodded. " Yes, I do remember."            " I brought her to Reikai a few hours after you all left. ", she said simply. " That was the start. After Genkai’s death, everything seemed to fall out of place."           Her face was a mask, unreadable. Her voice was flat. Enough to send chills down my spine. " What do you mean?" Sharply, I drew in my breath, bracing myself for her story. Or should I say, the story of my friends for the last eighteen years. " Something wrong with Yusuke? Kuwabara? What about Hiei? Where is he?"            " Hiei’s dead. He died six years ago.", she voice out.            " What?!", I blurted, unbelieving. " When? . . . Where?! How?!" I gripped the bedpost, trying to steady myself.           She bit her lip. I was staring hard at her. Silently hoping it was all just a mean joke. But she ignored my outburst. " Mukuro killed him, Kurama. Hiei was plotting to overthrow her from the post. But she found out about it, called her men and killed him before he even got the chance to defend himself. And as expected . . . Yukina . . ."           I gaped at her, still in shock of her revelation. I wouldn’t be surprised if something happened to Hiei’s sister. She might have fallen ill, gone suicidal or . .            " Yukina lost her sanity.", she sniffled loudly, her fingers twisting the hems of her sweater.           I swallowed hard. That was worst than I thought. My fingers clasped together, I tried to find the right words to say. But I was speechless. Her story was going too fast. Way too fast.            " W-what about t-the others?", I inquired. Koenma didn’t gave me this news the last time we met. " H-how did K-kuwabara took this?"            " He stayed with Yukina in Genkai’s dojo. We have never heard any news from them since then. Koenma, Shizuru and I visited the place more than once but the house was always empty. We stayed for a few days, thinking they had gone on vacation but they never came back.", she paused then shook her head. " After a couple of years, we gave up our search . . . And moved on."           Frustrated, I stared down on the floor. My hands firmly pressed against my ears. I felt like I don’t want to hear any of this anymore. But I couldn’t stop. And I have all the right to know what happened to my friends. Slowly I forced myself to ask. " Then?"            " We learned that Keiko was on family way. Everybody thought it was a sign of hope for each of us. We were . . . very excited. Buying baby clothes and toys. Then after nine months . . ." " She died of childbirth.", I finished.           Botan nodded, tears brimming on her purple eyes. " Yusuke wasn’t very well. He started drinking like his mom. His daughter was adopted by Shizuru. She left to the US and tried to forget all the miseries she experienced in our place. And Keiko . . . . "           She stopped. I could see her hands and lips trembling.            " . . . I-I escorted her myself.", her voice was barely above whisper. " I-I couldn’t stand it, Kurama. I have been doing this all my life. But . . ." She couldn’t finished her story anymore. Shoulders shaking , she pressed her palms on her face.           My heart ached as hot tears flowed down her cheeks. I reached out to embrace her. There is no amount of consolation that can make her feel better for even I was overwhelmed with grief and loneliness.           Where was I when all this happened? What have I been doing?           Oh yes, I remember.           There I was complaining about life and how boring it was. Complaining about everything. Complaining about totally senseless stuff.           My burden was nothing compared to what my friends have gone through. I was blind enough not to see their anguished faces or feel their heart bleeding in both pain and anger for the world we protected with our own lives.           I pressed my fingers on her lips. I couldn’t stand seeing her hurting herself like this. I would just have to wait until she’s ready.           But she brought hands above mine and squeezed it gently. " If I stopped now, I’m not sure I’m going to have the courage to tell you this again."           Still worrying, I let her talk.            " After ferrying Keiko to Reikai. I was tasked to escort another. As usual I was riding my oar to Ningenkai when . .", she paused for a moment. This is it. After all the tragedy our friends have been subjected to, it was her time to experience her share of grief. As if all that, isn’t enough. " Then a blinding light surrounded me. The next thing I knew, everything was pitch black. I thought I was thrown into a dungeon or something. But . . ."           She swallowed hard while a lump was forming on my throat as well. " My eyes were open yet everything was dark. I heard voices and sirens and birds but I was lost. . . . I-I couldn’t see . . . I-I . ."           She collapsed in my arms again. I gripped her tight, trying to stop her from trembling.            "Shhshh . . .", I said soothingly.           My eyes searched her empty ones. " Why didn’t you try to go back to Reikai then?"            " I don’t know . . .", she mumbled.           I bit my lip. I knew she was lying. " D-do you . . . blame yourself for what happened to you?"           Botan cried louder.            " I bet the others were all worried. Even Koenma traveled for years looking for you." Her cry was deafening to my ears but I knew I had to make her believe that she was wrong to isolate herself from the others. " Don’t tell me you thought it would be better to suffer alone."            " No.", she suddenly sat up and pulled away. " No, your wrong! I-I . . couldn’t take it. Taking my friends to their deaths!"            " Botan, it’s their destiny.", I said softly.           She shook her head vigorously. " You don’t understand. I'm not done. Koenma was dethroned."            " Yes, I already know that."            " No. You don’t know enough." Her voice shook. " I tried to alter Yusuke’s verdict in reikai's book of judgement. H-he was supposed to die . . . a few days after Keiko. I changed it, Kurama."           Her revelation caught me by surprise. I never knew she could defy the laws of the spirit world. Even for a friend. " Botan . . .?"            " He was dethroned because of me. He was cast out deep into Makai ----"           "But I talked to him the day before I found you." I told her.           " That was the last effort he could do before being thrown into the world of the dead spirits. At this time, he won't be able to wander within Reikai, Makai and Ningenkai.",she paused to lament silently. "So you see, it was my fault. I couldn’t take any more deaths! I couldn’t stand watching my friends die one by one. I hate it! . . . hate death . . . Yet I was death."           I could feel my heart aching for her. No, I said silently. I don’t believe that she’s death. I knew deep within that she’s more than that.            " That night you found me, I was very happy.", she spoke. " But I thought for hours and decided to ran away. I ran away because I was afraid I’m going to bring death to you. Look what happened today! Look what I did to you!"            " You didn’t do anything! It’s not your fault, Botan! Stop hurting yourself!", I said.           She looked at me with a pair of doleful eyes. " I am death, Kurama. Remember that."           I opened my mouth to protest but I could not find the right words to contradict her statement. I can say ‘I don’t care if I die right that moment’ yet I knew that would only make her suffer.            " Botan . . .", I whispered. " We lived together for about three months. We have been very happy and contented. If I die today, I could say and I know you would too, that we will always choose this same path over and over, knowing that the time we shared together was enough to make up for all the deaths that will be brought in the end."            " Kurama . . .", she said softly. " Is this destiny?"           I shrugged. " I guess I just happened to be at the right place and at the right time. Maybe it was meant for me to find you."            " B-but . . .I-I c-can’t help it . . .", she sobbed against my chest. " I-I’m afraid I’m going to lose another . . ."            " Ssshhh.", I hushed, kissing her forehead. " I’m right here."           Here we are in our own world, away from the world where our lives were torn and ravaged by fate. Here we are, placing back the pieces once more. We were once young. Full of dreams. Maybe we had been comforting ourselves with the idea that everything will remain just the same. We forgot to look beyond. We failed to remember that the only permanent in this world is change.           I gazed at her and saw a solitary tear running down her left cheek. I reached out to brush it. Carefully, my fingertips lingered against her soft creamy skin.           She turned slightly towards my direction, but she wasn’t really looking at me. " Is it wrong to wish that things would just stay as it is now?"            " I don’t know. Probably not. Or else how do couples stay together."            " Is it wrong for me to ask you to remain just the same?", her voice dropped to a whisper. " Or is it wrong for me to ask you not to leave me?"            " Botan . . ." There are no words that could ever describe my feelings for her. Maybe our miseries brought us closer. For together, we managed to rebuild our lives and stood on each others’ support and . . .           . . . and perhaps love.           Gently, I touched my lips to hers. So soft . . and sweet. A sense of contentment washed all over me.           Suddenly, I wasn’t tired of my life anymore. For a moment all I could think of was her. And her alone. I don’t have any more time for complaints. About my job. About myself.           She wasn’t death.           In fact, she's the opposite.           For she means so much to me. She brought back life to me.           I released her lips with mine and leaned on the headboard, pulling her close. My arms firmly wrapped around her. She thought I was the one who comfort her. She thought I was the one who saved her. The truth is, she saved me from the murky waters of materialism and deppression. A simple hug and a sweet kiss aren’t enough to repay what she did.           Botan buried her face on my chest. I heard her sigh and lay still. After a few seconds I felt her even breathing.            " Sleep tight, my love. I wouldn’t leave your side.", I whispered, gently running my fingers through her silky blue hair.           The gesture was so perfect, so soothing that it didn’t take long for me to feel drowsy. Slowly I drifted off to sleep, feeling very fulfilled and happy.           A slight tap on my shoulder awoke me.           I immediately sat up and opened my eyes. Total darkness greeted my sight.            " The train ends here.", a soft female voice said.           What? I thought this railway system ends in Munich. Still confused, I asked her. " W-where are we?"           I heard her clucking her lips for a while, realizing I had slept through the whole trip.           I could almost imagine her saying that word in slow motion.            " Munich.", was her reply.           I groaned inwardly.            " Kurama . .", she called softly.           I turned my head to what I believe the voice was coming from. She was the same girl who woke me up.           Carefully, she took my hand and guided me down a flight of stairs and into a mobile.           Her warm touch woke me. Woke me up to reality. Woke me up to see life in a different way. For a few minutes I was given the chance to see the light.           Next time, I need not dream anymore of things I wanted to see. For physical sight doesn’t even come close to the true meaning of vision.           Some people may have watched but have not seen. But she made me see things I couldn’t even make out of. Sometimes we tend to use things in such outlandish ways and regard with such careless attitudes. That we failed to zero in on the true picture of their significance.           I rubbed my hand across my face then moved on to grip the tip of a baton. The one I’ve been carrying since I lost my eyesight after a battle.           The battle where I thought I lost everything. My friends and my family perished. And I was the only survivor. That’s what I thought.           Until she came.            " Good morning Sir Kurama.", our chauffeur greeted.           I smiled. " Very well."           I heard him laugh a little then asked. " Where to Mrs. Minamino?"            " Hadenberg farm in Rosenheim but we’ll have to pass by Vlodivicht Tower here in Munich.", replied my wife. I felt her leaned toward me and whispered in my ear. " Did I said that right, Kurama?"           I snickered. " Perfect."           Lovingly, I groped for her hand and held it in mine.           She squeezed it warmly.           She was very sincere. Still ditzy.           But loyal . . . and patient.           Being blind couldn’t be that bad.           Cause truly, I don’t need to see anything. The feeling of her love and warmth was enough for me.           The love and warmth of my deity. # The END # Back to Fanfiction               HOME