| suckin' marrow 10.08.02 |
| I don't think I mentioned the most exciting news of the week---there is a tapioca drink place here!!! I met a girl at BSF who goes to church in Liberdade (the Asian area here) and she said they sell the drinks here!! It is not that good but I told her I want to try them anyway. They also sell Chinese pastries there. I think I am going to check it out this weekend with my roomies. YUMMY!!! I just read the blog of my best friend who was ranting about being at that point of life where she doesn't know where she wants to go next, or if she should stay where she is...and wherever she goes, what will she do? It's interesting how many 20-somethings are in this point. I don't think that is a bad thing, but I think it is really important that we don't settle for anything. Some people settle for just taking a desk job in the town where they are comfortable, some find a job doing what they really like, and some aren't thinking too permanently and just invest in short-term jobs to fund their frequent travels. I'm not going to say what I think is the best alternative, because everyone differs...but it just is so hard when you can't find all you want in one city. I loved my tasks at the magazine in SF, I loved the city, but after awhile, there were a lot of things about the job that I didnt like (crazy boss, seemingly pointless goals of the magazine, etc.). I love what I am doing here in Brazil (whenever I get work, that is) but I don't know if Sao Paulo is really the place I can see myself living in. Actually I know it is not. I feel comfortable with people here and could probably settle in better culturally if I knew I would be staying here for a longer period. I like Sacramento because my family is there, but something is missing there too. I feel like stunted there...like once I get back there, I get into this rut of not growing...like there is no chance for growth...(okay, no short jokes please). I know it's all a mental thing, but you can't force something to happen that you know isn't right. Plus, it's not the best place for journalism. So another option? Move somewhere else and see how things end up there. I just wish I could take bits and pieces of each place and of each job, mix them all together, and have the perfect life. Wishful thinking eh? I'd take my closest friends, the beauty and the entertainment offerings of the Bay Area, the food and the warm friendliness of Sao Paulo, the affordable rent of Sacramento, the job responsibilities of my SF magazine job, and the work environment of the job here in Sao Paulo...mix it all up and THAT would be the perfect future. I feel like I want to settle down somewhere...like I want to put down my roots, but no matter where I go, I will have to start new again. I hate being the new person, yet I don't feel like there really is a place I can return to and have everything be comfortable like the old days. The "old days" in SF are all gone because some people are gone, and that phase of life is closing. The "old days" in Sac have been long gone since all my friends moved away. I know you shouldn't dwell on the past because you can never go back, but when you are unsure of the future, sometimes all you have to look to are the memories of the past. |
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