| worlds apart but a heartbeat away 08.15.02 |
| I think it's hard for me to realize how far away I am from home because I'm not sitting in a hut in some remote village of the Amazon or catching animals for dinner. Sao Paulo is a huge business and financial city that thrives on movement and energy. I could be in any city of the United States working because I'm sitting here in front of a computer, inside a building that isn't characteristically "Brazilian" of any sort. It isn't even weird to hear Portuguese all around me now. Now I'm thrown off if I hear any English. But it is in my communication with M., now that he has returned to the States, that makes me realize just how far I am from good ol' California. When he called me Saturday, it was weird thinking he wasn't just 15 minutes away by car. When he was here, we didn't e-mail each other, but now that we're back in different countries, the e-mails have resumed and it's strange. I won't be seeing him in the language school waiting for me to get done with the lab because he is far, far away, probably just waking up in his own bed in his SoCal home. And when we chat now, the tables are turned. I am no longer the one sitting in my real room, just having gone to the gym, chatting with him, who was here in Brazil, chatting from the office. When I sleep at night, he's probably still out with friends, and when I'm getting off work, he's just finishing lunch. So although I hate to be all sappy and lovey-dovey, this is my journal and I can do whatever I want with it. So I'll write about how I miss M. heheh...but I'll be honest with you. I am not as sad as I originally expected to be. I thought it would be so hard not to have him here in the office or to see him, and although it is, I have to really thank God for the sense of peace and comfort that makes the adjustment easier. Everyone here at the office and even at my language school always give me these sad faces and feel sorry for me and the "saudade" that I have for M. I think they are taking it harder than I am. Of course I miss him and of course I wish that he were still here, but when I look at it in the big picture, it really isn't a sad situation. I am here in Sao Paulo, carrying out what I originally intended to do, and I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. I just started some editing and will maybe even do some translating soon! Muito bom! The language learning is tiring and frustrating, but the people here make it worth it and more enjoyable. On M.'s end, he gets to finish off college and graduate and if that's not cool enough, he gets to do it in Oahu! I'm only jealous because they have tapioca drinks there. So the rest of 2002 holds many exciting things for both of us, and it's cool because we are still able to share all the details with one another, although from a distance. There is a lot that I do miss about having him here, though, and there are some rougher moments. But it is in those times that I have to focus on the positive and see all the blessings from this relationship. In doing so, it makes me concentrate less on this temporary separation. Each day I thank God for him...for the laughs and camaraderie of a friend, for the encouragement and discussions of a spiritual brother, and for the special care and love from someone who is more than a friend. Plus, he is a Nelly fan--what more can I ask for?! I toned down my excitement, but I'm sure anyone reading this is gagging already. Enough said. |
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