| my fake job 06.23.03 |
| I�m reading a short essay titled �My Fake Job� by Rodney Rothman, about how he walked into a large Internet company and pretended like he worked there. He created his own title, occupied a cubicle, and basically just tried to fit in so that no one would notice that he wasn�t really an official employee there. My co-worker, C., brought this essay in because it reminded her so much of what our jobs are like. We come in every day, praying as we drive in, that a miracle has placed a huge pile of work on our desks. And we don�t just mean ANY work, we mean REAL work. We�re tired of the filing, data entry, sorting projects that we�ve been handed just to keep us busy. I was told that I scored the highest of first-interview applicants on the writing, editing, proofreading tests. What does that mean? It means I�m the most qualified to do all these menial tasks that I�ve been given in my one month here. �So, what DO you do there if you say you have nothing to do?� I get asked this all the time because I tell people I really don�t do anything all day. Here is a list that I�ve compiled to hopefully give you a better picture of my workday. And before anyone tells me, �Just be thankful you have a job. It�s great to get paid to do nothing,� let me stop you. It is NOT better. Yes, I am thankful that I have a job, but in a situation where I have no financial responsibilities, I would rather be at home making magnet sets, playing outside, whatever. I�d rather make use of my time at home than to pretend to be doing something here. And with my personality, I need something to do. I need to be kept busy. I need work!! But since my wish is not anyone�s command, here is what I am resorted to: 1. Drink a lot of water so you can take frequent bathroom breaks. Stall while in the stall. This plan gets kind of old when you end up seeing the same people in the bathroom�people who are ALSO trying to stall. 2. If the Internet is down (as it is OFTEN here, especially on the slowest days�which would be 99% of the time), write back e-mails that you�ve previously cut and pasted into a Word document. You�ve done this because you foresaw these Internet-free days coming. 3. Walk around the office holding files or papers at a brisk pace, hoping no one will notice that it�s your third time around the floor and you�re STILL holding the same things. 4. If the Internet is up, make sure you also have Word up, preferably on a half-written document. Keep a stack of papers next to your keyboard. When someone walks by, switch from the Internet window to Word, glance over at your pile of papers, type in a few nonsense keys, and adopt a confused or thoughtful look as if you�re carefully studying your notes. 5. Reorganize your e-mail inbox (only possible if you have a full inbox). 6. Reorganize your desk top (tape dispenser, stapler, paper clip holder, etc.) or your drawers. 7. If the Internet is down, make a list of sites you need to visit once it�s back up. 8. Play around with the options on your computer, customizing your display options. 9. Exchange e-mails with your co-workers and/or visit their cubicles (don�t forget to bring the stack of papers to make it look like it�s a business visit.) 10. Walk up and down the stairwell for exercise. 11. Keep a current newspaper on your desk and browse through it, giving the impression that you�re looking for industry news. 12. Become a coffee drinker so you can go to the lunchroom and play with the coffee machines. |
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