| ...but words will never--ouch! 04.11.02 |
| "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." but let's be honest, words do hurt, even when they come from half-pint second graders. Working with second graders at the after-school tutoring program has been a challenge. I've learned that teaching is not my thing, and I've learned that it's hard for me to have a lot of patience with them. These kids have attitude. And I don't mean just a snappy attitude now and then. I'm talking about the finger-snapping, neck-moving, pouty lip attitude where they try to stare you down. I tell myself that I have everything over them. My age and experience makes me immune to anything they can try to pull, and physically, I can take on any of them. So tell me why, when one of the students told me that one of the troublemakers had called me a "little girl," I bristled. I wanted to pull that girl aside and tell her not to talk disrespectfully of her teachers, and that she didn't know what she was dealing with. She always gives the teachers trouble. She's on her own agenda, in her own little world, sometimes staring right at you when you're talking, but giving you this stare that says she doesn't care. I wanted to tell her, "I'm 24 so I've been around for awhile and I've seen a lot. If you keep up with this attitude, you're not going to get anywhere in life." Yes, it's a little harsh, but I was tired of this girl's attitude. But then I calmed down. These are kids who just get upset when their teachers point them out for behaving badly and their first reaction is to lash out. When I was leading a small group through bingo, two girls were messing with each other constantly. They are friends, but they also bug each other all the time. "She kicked me!" "She's not giving me room!" "She's sitting on me!" And if they're not harrassing each other, they're harrassing other students...weaker students who have no backbone to stand up to the bullies. I spoke sternly to one of them, telling her to stop making comments about everything, to stop bothering other students...and she responded with one of those looks with the locked jaw, head slightly down, eyes glaring at me. I glared right back. I told her, "I'm not scared of you. None of the teachers are scared of you. We have been around for a long time and we have seen everything. Your attitude does NOT intimidate us and if you keep it up, I'll give you another warning." Three warnings means OUT and getting sent to someone they don't want to be sent to. With that, she broke the gaze and looked away. One point for Miss Lee. Toward the end of the day, one of the little girls was sitting at the table, head in her arms, crying. Some of her friends crowded around her, her twin sister also trying to comfort her. The other little girls rubbed her back and tried to get her to talk. The teacher called everyone over into a circle but the crying girl remained. I have seen a lot of crying kids and know most of them do the fake cry for attention. I was tempted to ignore this girl but decided to sit with her. "Are you hurt?" She shook her head no. "Was someone mean to you?" She nodded her head. "Who was mean to you?" She finally lifted her head slightly and spoke, her voice muffled with the crying. "The other kids were making fun of me. They were mean." I rubbed her back and bent closer to her. "You know what? When I was little, kids made fun of me too. My parents told me that if they do that, I should just ignore them. They want you to cry. They want you to get mad. When you do that, they can make of you even more! These are mean kids, and they will never have friends. The next time they make fun of you, you just ignore them and they'll be mad that you aren't mad, and YOU will be the winner." She looked up at me. "You are a great girl. Your parents love you, your sister loves you. You have a lot of friends here that care about you. Your teachers--we all care about you. You don't need to worry about these mean people because you're better than them." She nodded. "Now do you want to join the others in the circle because the teacher is handing out candy?" She nodded again and joined the rest of her classmates. What a victory to see the girl realize how she could battle the bullies. Hopefully she will put the advice to use the next time she's faced with the same situation. Then I realized I should be telling myself the same thing. I am definitely too old to be reacting to what a little second grader says to me. I can't be sensitive to something like that, and if I couldn't respond to it, then surely I could laugh about it. Yes, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words--especially from a second grader--could never hurt me. |
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