chinese represent!!

Happy Chinese New Year...gung hay fat choy to all my Chinese people in the crowd, and a special shout out to the horses!!

Sure. So what does Chinese New Year mean to me? Today it means waking up at 6 a.m. to work out, a breakfast at IHOP (salad and mashed potatoes), a regular day at work, and the small group meeting tonight. What in today's schedule says that I'm celebrating one of the most festive days of my culture? Last year, I wore my Chinese-style shirt to work, but that was about it. I doubt any red envelopes will be in my mailbox today, either. Some friends are celebrating with family tonight and some schools are even closed in honor of the holiday. If I took the day off, I'm sure I wouldn't be doing anything to celebrate. A trip to Chinatown would be interesting though.

But let's be honest. How immersed am I in Chinese culture? Aside from attending a Chinese church and having a Chinese family, do I really know what it means to be Chinese? Sure, I can speak some Cantonese, I'm cheap, and I used to drive a Honda, but what else...Dorc had a journal entry about culture recently and I want to quote from it:

"When you return to your own cultural bubble, you become so much more proud to be who you are, not because you'll have this ethnocentric attitude that there is something wrong with these other traditions and your culture is better than them. FAR FROM IT! You become so much more proud because you realize that along with all these different traditions, you too have something great and beautiful to contribute to this world."

I'm hoping that the upcoming trip to China will really teach me something about my culture and why I should be proud to be Chinese...because right now, it's hard for me to have any concrete convictions. On Sunday, I went to Chinatown and had lunch in a fancy Chinese restaurant. I met up with a friend and his three friends...all white guys (I mention that because it's relevant to the story)...and although I tell them that the small hole-in-the-walls are where the locals eat, they opt for a fancy one. I know right off it's expensive just because it looks like it...and everyone else eating is NOT Chinese. Service is pretty slow, even with the small number of customers. When one of our party asks a question, the waitress just walks away. It seems like they deliberately take their time in returning to take orders, even though I'm turned around in my seat trying to get their attention.

At first I think maybe it's because the guys aren't Chinese, but then the waitress looks pretty friendly with the other tables. I'm almost embarrassed that the service is bad, but I also already know that Chinese people have the reputation for being rude and expressionless. Even walking down Chinatown or standing in line in the stores, my guard is up because I know that if I'm not alert, a little old Chinese lady will try to knock me down and continue on without apologizing. Fortunately, the guys don't make any racist remarks, but they are curious about the culture and the food. They ask me about different dishes (and are eager to try chicken feet) and ask me if the atmosphere in SF's Chinatown is typical of neighborhoods in China. That one I can't answer, but I try to guess. ;)

Don't get me wrong. I like being Chinese and enjoy the traditions that our family recognizes...but I feel like I need more. I am proud to have a culture and a heritage, but I need to know WHY I should be proud. I need something to be proud of when I'm NOT surrounded by a group of Chinese people, proud of their heritage. I need something to keep me going when I am alone, something that will help me remember why I'm proud to be Chinese.