your girl is lovely, hubble

In the last episode of "Sex and the City" in the second season, the Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha have a revelation about what kind of girl most guys want. Mr. Big is engaged to a hassle-free girl, and our four ladies relate the situation to the old movie, "The Way We Were." I guess Barbra Streisand's character is a little too complex for the guy and he ends up marrying the "simple girl." At the end of the episode, Carrie runs into Mr. Big and reenacts a part of the movie where she brushes his hair back and says, "Your girl is lovely, Hubble." He's confused of course, but she turns and walks away and then realizes that she's the one who couldn't be tamed. It's not that SHE couldn't tie Big down...it was he who couldn't tie HER down and he couldn't deal with that.

So how does that relate to me?

Last night, I had another study session with my friend, K...this time instead of hard-core studying, we end up talking for two hours. I finally ask him, "What is it about me that weeds me out as one of your prospects?" I believe that whether we're conscious of it, we put all our friends of the opposite sex through a little test that divides them into two categories: just friends or more than friends. Whatever the reasons may be...not motivated enough, not cute enough, too wimpy, etc. We all do it. So what was it about me that put me in the "just friends" category. He said it wasn't a fair question and he needed time to think, but seconds later, he says, "You're too free spirited." I'm a little speechless.

He continues. "You're not on a track, and you're not really directed." He explained that someone like me would be too complicated to explain to his parents. He needed someone hassle-free like M, who he has been obsessing over in an amusing way. Someone who followed the typical road. Ahh..here we go again...Typical vs. Post-Modern Women. What he wanted was someone who was either going through school or, if graduated, going on to higher education...or if working, moving on up in the profession.

"I need someone more..." he trailed off. "Simple?" I offered, thinking of Carrie and Big. "Yes, simple," he agreed.

I began to defend my position. I have set goals and met them, I began. I graduated from college in the field I enjoy and love. I wanted to be a travel writer and I got to try that out. I continue to learn and try new things and work hard at whatever I do. I could have stayed at Meetings Media and moved up over the years, but 1). I'm too young to be settling in a job right now and 2). The higher up I get, the more I manage and the less I write and edit. That's not what I want. I'm already taking care of myself and able to support myself in a city where jobs and housing are hard to come by, making car payments for my dream car...and I manage to maintain a healthy extracurricular life, both in church and outside activities. I know what areas I need to improve spiritually and emotionally and work toward them. Does the desire to go see the world or try different things set me apart as being undirected and slackerish? It just doesn't seem fair. I would think that to set other goals and achieve them are evidence of direction themselves. He even thought I only worked half days and when he realized I really did work full days, he said I moved up in his ranking. I don't know if he was exaggerating about this "rating system," but I honestly thought I deserved more points than what he was awarding me.

Then I caught myself. Why am I even trying to gain points in his ranking system? Why do I have to defend myself to him when I already know that I am not lazy, I am not a slacker, and I DO have accomplishments and goals that I am proud of. And haven't I always said that the measurements of success in society's eyes mean nothing to me?

I laughed inside when I thought about all this.

He was trying to convince me to lower my standards a little bit or else I'd end up being single for the rest of my life. But I told him that when you know God has someone for you (unless you're meant to be single), you are not going to "settle" just because you are scared of being an old maid. That only shows lack of faith that God DOES have someone for you. I am not going to get scared and snatch "the next best thing" just because he fits the qualifications better than anyone else..."The One" will be someone who undoubtedly fit ALL the qualifications even without comparing him to anyone else.

And one day, someone will capture the heart of this free-spirited horse and he will probably also have the same spirit...but until then, I continue to roam free.