2006 European Tour Die-ary

Life Is Grimm

Saturday 11th November - Brighton Pavilion 2
Dear all,
Firstly to introduce myself.
My name is Libertina Grimm; international sex symbol, glamour puss, salon Kitty, outright miss outrageous and total bighead to boot (to name but a few of my bad points!) and i'm writing this diary in order to report on my long standing friends from Cradle Of Filth, who have invited me out on their extensive European tour to hang out, intrude, disrupt and basically make them look good by looking better. Each day, (well, those that i wake up on the right bus for), i will be sending in reports from the front line, telling it like it is whilst colourfully filling in all the blanks, just so that you too can receive the sights and smells of a full blown Cradle Of Filth tour in the comfort of your own home whilst I'm out having all the fun (and smelling all the odours).
Got that? Good.
Now you little creeps just shut your beaks, sit back and bloody well listen.
Saturday started with an eleven o'clock rendezvous at the band's rehearsal studios where mine and the band's tour bus was wedged in like a fat salmon between two big rocks. I said rocks. Of course i was fashionably late, it took two girlfriends to load all my gear on the bus (a girl cannot be without knickers, at least on the first day!) whilst i spoke to Dani's wife Toni, daughter Luna (who was planning her own trip on the bus it seemed, as a stowaway) and keyboardist Rosie, who stood chattering in the stony coolness of the pale November morn whilst the band's weightlifting gear was being heaved onboard.
Sorry, scrub that, i mean band's hairdressing equipment.
It was at this moment that i had the vague feeling that i was about to embark on a perilous but exhilarating adventure much like a pirate or an unsuspecting heroine like Fay Dunaway playing Ann Darrow. I decided i like the idea of being a pirate (especially if i got to walk the plank with Johnny Depp in tow) and instantly made a mental note (i.e: i bit my lip hard to savour the memory) to try and find a Jolly Roger to hoist upon the roof.
Farewells aside and once introductions were clearly laid, i decided to toast the tour with champagne before stretching out for the duration of the short journey to Brighton in the compact comfort of my bunk (it's a bit like sleeping in a coffin) listening to music and Charles in the distance waxing lyrical about beard dye and brawling.
On arrival there were greetings galore for the crew before refreshments were found and the ceaseless monotony of the afternoon crept in like a poisonous spider. It wasn't all that bad i suppose, but a girl like me needs constant attention and the sight of the guys preparing their gear for the night's show soon grew tiresome beyond compare, so i took to the promenade for a blustery stroll among the gulls.
Evening swept in on leathery wings behind the pier and it's string of carousel beads whilst the hustle and bustle of the warm up show grew to a climax. Openers 'Thus Defiled', whom Cradle did a lot of shows with back in the days of their debut album, went down a storm, their primitive Anglican battery more than warming the 500 strong crowd up for the main event, Cradle's first show with new drummer Martin Skaroupka.
You should really Czech him out.
Now i know there will be a lot of questions regarding former drummer Adrian's retirement from the band but, and as i have already said to several people, (one of which i bit), i am not at liberty to comment. I have known the band for a long time and i for one have not seen the band as enthusiastic and tightly knit for an aeon, tonight's lengthy set being testament to that fact. Five songs from the new album 'Thornography' were aired, as was old school material like 'Forest', 'Cruelty' and 'Dusk'. Everybody played ferociously well as the packed crowd in this small, but good sounding venue, just went ballistic. From my vantage point at the side of stage (next to Keith in monitor-world), i got a good look at the band (and their tightly-leathered arses) and the crowd's emphatic response. There was even a cute blonde in the front row that i quite fancied who was pushed to the front midst the moshing to my namesake anthem, Libertina Grimm. Then she was gone, like a mermaid pulled beneath a monumental current. Later she re-emerged (or so it seemed) during the encore, make-up plastered all down her pretty face as the fall-out from 'Gilded Cunt' whirled and lashed about her.
First show down and band stripped of their sweaty new costumes, everybody congregated backstage to talk and drink, (well not drink, as the band have decided to undertake a fairly dry tour for the time being, in order to wean themselves from dependency on anything other than their laptops), but that didn't stop me and Dave sneaking to the bar for a few stiff ones and a little light banter about the best way to masturbate without anyone noticing within the confines of your bunk. Tonight i will make use of the small hours, all the more wiser for that information Dave. You very satisfied old pervert.
Other people who made the show were Dani's family (his sister, whose birthday it is tomorrow, lives literally a few miles away in the heart of Brighton) Tony Luke (mad cartoon anime 'Dominator's creator) as well as various friends who braved the two hour trip from Ipswich to watch the band play raucous and raw and without the benefit of tomorrow's Edenic stage show.
And so, with the day drawing to a close and a boat from Dover pending, i conclude my first day's report with brief tale of weed and strong coffee on the bus, Sarah beginning her denouement of new drummer Martin by continuously mocking his accent, a three way pleasure pile up in the aisle courtesy of Charle's inflatable arms and the best night's sleep i've had in a long while (having perfected Dave's technique), settling into the we're- on-tour vibe like sliding into a warm soapy bath. A bath that may well soon turn cold, judging by the sudden dip in outside temperature and the wintry promise of more Eastern and Nordic climes.
And so, this is Libertina Grimm, your consecrated host, day one of my tourture diary, writing over and very definitely out. Oh and by the way, if you happen to be at one of the shows or numerable signings along the way and see me, don't fail to give me a little wave. I'll be the red-lipped girl in black; high heels, short skirt, filthy smile.
Until the morrow looms.....

Sunday 12th November -Tilburg, Holland, 013 club
What an unusual start to the day, getting up practically twelve hours later still in my pantyhose! That really was a deep sleep and unless someone slipped something into my tea the night before, (one can never be too careful around this lot) a sleep well needed.
So it's without further ado that i'm invited out with Dani, Rosie and Sarah (as well as Beatrix, a loyal fan who follows the band around on every European tour... this time i believe he has mentioned attending a possible ten shows, driving behind the tour bus and then sleeping in his car overnight) to hunt down to a coffee shop and experience what the somewhat more tolerant European laws have to offer. Weed in abundance.
Two hours latter and having almost broken a heel on the return journey through the hissing rain, i'm wrapped up in the dressing room with a big smile on my face, hair in ruins around my rosy cheeks and the promise of a steaming hot shower if i can be arsed to move from the chair i'm sunk in.
Much of the afternoon i spent helping to dress the set, interviewing band members and watching the to-ing and fro-ing of the crew and band as everyone silently panicked. Today was a big day. The coming-together of months worth of preparation in one defining hour and a half set, complete with stage production and huge lighting show (including a constant backdrop video feed), plus the added weight of an extended setlist as well as Charle's new beard and moustache combo coming off looking good, if not godly onstage.
For the band the afternoon was spent doing interviews and photos and very soon the support band for the tour, the mighty Death Stars, took to the stage to a rapturous response. I like this band a lot, a little too skinny for my tastes, but their music reminds me of a hybrid mix between The Sisters Of Mercy and Dimmu Borgir and they look damn good too. Definitely a band to keep an eye on.
Cradle took the stage around nine thirty and thundered through a blistering set, dropping 'Her Ghost In The Fog' into the set five songs in and trying out 'Temptation' for the first time too. Both were very good moves for the band, succeeding in bolstering the performance up and giving it some acceleration in just the right places.
I stood watching from the side in order to take in the 1200 capacity crowd, who were going mental. The stage show looked great under the lights, but i couldn't really appreciate it from where i was standing so i decided to slide around to the photo-pit beneath Paul to take it all in. The stage show i mean.
From here the trees lit up looked fantastic so i further decided to head toward Paul Collis, (the band's erudite sound guy) and film at least a part of the show (Tonight In Flames - see the front page of the website to view). Here i stayed until practically the end, mesmerised by tonight's outlandish performance. The band looked great and played with renewed vigour, new drummer Martin (that name's gonna stick, i can tell) underpinning it all with some truly aggressive playing. Unfortunately the band had to cut their set a song short tonight due to curfew restrictions, but this did little to mar the evening, save the lack of booze backstage i guess.
Tottering off to the venue's bar (and leaving the guys to their showers), i eventually bumped into Dave who was with an old friend of ours and her boyfriend, so i hung about enough to get tipsy on wine and to say hello and then i felt i needed some entertainment from the smokers in the band, who, today being Holland, seemed to be the majority of them, including Sarah and Rosie (the former, having bought some weed cookies for the following night, was already giggling like a tickled gibbon).
This went on practically until bus call when everybody had to traipse up the winding steps to the parking lot like a troupe of the withered dead. I practically had to carry Paul's face the remainder of the way as it seemed to be relegated from the rest of his body!
Back on the Jawa sand-crawler, sorry Bus, this continued for a little whilst the stash was being defeated and every little scrap of food devoured as if by locust swarm, i.e Paul with the munchies. Him and Dani managed to pack back everything from processed cheese through to rice cakes and chocolate drinks. Friends came and went until eventually the big metal behemoth lurched and groaned, then roared startlingly into life. The journey to Paris aboard the I.S.D Penetrator had begun.
Au revoir boys and ghouls.....
Libby.

PS. Some useful tour tips i found out today were never to give Sarah anything that starts her giggling (she'll never stop), bring a disguise like Dani has to travel incognito between the bus and the toilet of a morning (he has a huge afro wig and seventies glasses to deter the stand-outside-the-venue-at-ten-in-the-morning-ers), never stick your head out of the bus skylight on a French motorway, never eat yellow snow, don't get a bed near a Scotsman, don't drink anything Charles offers you whilst getting into bed with little more than your thong on show, don't forget the door code for the bus (as i have about twenty times already), never wear saucy suspenders walking up and down the steep bus steps and above all, never shit in a bus unless it's in a plastic bag that is instantly jettisoned.
 

Monday 13th Paris, France, La Bataclan
Ah, gay Paris!
Today marks the upteenth time that Cradle have played the French capital but only the third time playing away from the sordid length and breadth of the Champs-Elysee, where the last time Dani was there, he was beaten up quite severely by the French Police and imprisoned overnight for breaking a lamp in his room and conducting an argument from his balcony with his wife, who was also manhandled, bruised and told to fuck off for being English. Ah, the old rustic charm of the place.
So he at least was grateful for the change of address today, i.e. not prison.
I believe the band have played this venue once before on the 'Damnation And A Day' tour in 2003 and i can see immediately why they like it. Typically French and very Folies Bergere, the venue is essentially an old theatre and typically run down, but in a quaint, antiquarian kinda way that is reminiscent of so many of these old Parisian venues. Breakfast is served at the bar and almost immediately there are television interviews for Paul and Dan upstairs in the dressing rooms.
Today is a signing day so soundcheck has to be finished before three so that the band and i can be whisked off to the Virgin megastore to meet the fans. As usual we're running late but the kids are still there, persevering the stony glare of the security to get their 'Thornography' albums signed by the band. As the store is halfway across the city, there are only about four hundred fans in the building, but this proves ample enough for the two hours set aside.
There are some really colourful characters on display here today including the man who comes dressed up as the eighth member of the band and several girls who don't seem to have actually got dressed at all! All of this is being televised out across the megastore and every now and then everyone cranes their necks up to see Charles undertaking his best Christ impression, what with his highlighted beard and moustache combo, all lit up in heavenly relief.
Afterwards and with freebies claimed, the band head upstairs to munch on hors d'oeuvres and peruse their albums and then it's back to the venue through the crowded rush-hour traffic. It is here that we glimpse our first sight of Christmas livery, with many of the shops on the Rue Etienne Marcel and the Place des Victoire totally bedecked in sparkling lights like fizzy bubbles in a champagne flute. As we make our way around the rest of Europe no doubt this will become an ever-increasing sight, as we draw nearer to the dreaded Xmas holiday season. But for now this is all the magic we get, for no sooner have they disappeared into the lengthening night than the sight of the venue looms up ahead and before we know it the Deathstars have taken to the stage.
We watch from the upstairs balcony as all hell breaks loose down below and on several occasions have to slink back into the shadows to avoid detection from the audience members. They go down a storm (despite the onstage mock-fellatio, i mean girls fine, but men...?) and soon it's time once again for the Filth to do their thing.
The set-list stays the same again tonight as last night worked well and the band hit the stage to an uproar despite the muddy sound. Paul's in-ears keep slipping out due to the stifling heat on stage and more fans are shouted for to cope with the intense rise in temperature, but despite this everything goes well and the crowd are manic and insatiable to say the least. How anyone can be standing by the end of the hour and a half set is beyond my girlie comprehension, but standing they are and still in high spirits.
After the show i hasten outside to talk to some fans and to grab some proper refreshment from a bar, namely champagne. There is a girl here who has travelled all the way from Morocco to see the band play, as well as a mum and daughter who insist on wanting to fuck anyone willing from the band. Together. The offer is politely declined, much to their disappointment (well, after all this isn't Cradle Of Milf!) and the band, having picked off the stragglers wanting autographs, retire once more to the bus to smoke, watch Dave play American football on the playstation (yawn!) and run up and down the aisle in their underwear until the futility of it all kicks in and they retire to their respective bunks to read, sleep and masturbate. Delete where not applicable.
Tomorrow is a travel day which means parking up in some small provincial town, getting a hotel room to shower in and heading out for more shopping and some fine French cuisine.
Viva la fucking France!

Wednesday 15th Brussels, Belgium, AB Box
NB. Before starting today's diary i just quickly want to mention something very silly that amused Dani, Sarah and myself yesterday evening, as dusk settled about our marooned buses. From the window of our hotel we were able to pelt the crew bus with all manner of wet, soggy missiles in order to breach the open sky-hatch below where people were sitting. Once we had exhausted two toilet rolls and a box of bathroom tissues, the roof of their bus looked like a messy artillery campaign with only twelve soggy lumps finding their way through the slit of a target.
It might sound totally childish but this was the most fun i had all day, despite an afternoon's intensive shopping spree and two very soapy showers with what i bought.
Anyhoo...
Today started well.
Not!
Practically had my head torn off alighting from the bus outside the venue, when it decided to pull off again, thrusting me into the path of a passing van which just missed squashing me into paste. I decided breakfast and a shopping trip were the perfect remedy for this momentary lapse of dignity, so i accompanied Dani out for a few hours of window browsing around the beautiful city of Brussels. This was marred only by the presence of Polish football fans who were crowded around the old district drinking and marking their territory, usually by insulting passers-by. Fortunately on our return journey we had a small Police escort as one of Gendarmes (who was coming to the show that evening) recognised Dan, which proved welcome relief from the wolf-whistles and yells.
There were some great shops scattered about, Manga stores, comic shops, one selling old French prints, a great vinyl metal store and loads of chocolate shops. I was in Heaven. Dani took me for a coffee in a really old building near the La Bourse stock exchange which was decorated with all manner of sylph and nymphs, satyrs and fauns and a great big cheery looking Bacchus looking very pleased with his semi-naked array of female admirers. We stopped here for about half an hour before heading back to the venue (where we met Charles and Sarah chocolate-shopping on the way) to check out today's festivities and to grab a nice hot shower. Dani was waylaid by fans at the door and disappeared off to view yet another metal store with some old friends, whilst i was left to my own devices (and i had brought a few with me, and yes, they were also destined for the shower!).
The Ancient Belgique is a fantastic venue, very clean and modern with a wide fan of dressing rooms at it's epicentre and some great in-house cooks. The food here is exquisite and it's seemingly available all day (i'd get such a fat cow by the end of the day if it weren't for the huge amount of steps to keep walking up and down, back and forth to the stage and such...).
As per most afternoons, today passed pleasantly and i was able to haunt the wings watching the stage preparation and harangue whatever band members i could find scattered about the labyrinthine corridors. About five, sound-check blew a hole in the fabric of time and space and then it was interviews for the band and dinner. Band manager Fay and booking agent Paul Bolton appeared during the meal so i sat and chatted with them before stage time crawled around once more with a quick backstage photo-shoot with photographer Cindy Frey (who also took some very nice snaps of me!).
The band were definitely on form this evening, the day-off ironing out any of the rough patches that may have started to creep in due to fatigue (it takes a few days to get adjusted to an hour and a half set played at full fucking pelt) seems to have paid off in style. Highlights of the set tonight definitely being 'Dusk And Her Embrace', 'Under Huntress Moon' and the encore tracks, which were blisteringly intense, like my hair conditioning session in the showers earlier on.
Again the night wound down with some of the band smoking in the dressing rooms whilst the others made it out with me to a packed bar to drink and mix with the fans. I especially liked tonight as i had all the drinks i could handle bought for me by some very sexy admirers as well as receiving many compliments on my new little black dress, replete with tutu and ripped up fishnet tights.
Returning to the bus (just a little tipsy) we then faced the onset of the zombie pack, a huge group of people who were waiting for us like scavenging ghouls in the shadowy confines of the medieval street, to claim their photos and autographs. When we arrived Dani and Paul were both backed up to the door having forgotten the code and were being swamped, but obviously not for their brains. A diversion was called for with me waving my skirts and shouting blue murder whilst the gruesome twosome made their escape. Those two lucky fuckers owe me big time!
One of the last things i seem to remember about the night was the coffee cup that came from nowhere and smacked Dan on the head and then Charles getting in Dave's bunk (whilst vacant i hasten to add) to smear his genitals on the pillow as revenge for something terribly anal.
All very gay sounding i must admit.
And with that disturbing image in mind i drifted off into slumber only to be woken by the sound of grating metal as the bus hit something that sounded exactly like the underneath of a bridge.....

Thursday 16th Strasbourg, France, La Laiterie
Fucking hell!
It was the underneath of a bridge, merely a stone's throw from the venue. The aisle floor near my bed was littered with nuts and bolts and eschewed metal bits and the bright glare of the sun saw at least three of the band scurry for the dirt of their homeland, lest they turn to dust.
Ray the bus driver, who, incidentally, is the spit of Charlie from Eastenders, wasn't too worried, despite the fright that it gave the rest of us and assured us that he would have it fixed by the evening as he climbed out the back skylight and hastened to the damage armed with a hammer and nails.
The band have played this venue several times before and know just how good the dressing rooms and the catering is here today, so no time is wasted on getting re-familiarised with the surroundings. Dani sets up his Ipod player, so at least there is some music to be had (other than the constant thud of the line-check below) as everyone else seeks their own nook and cranny to set up shop. Outside the day is warm and idyllic and everybody in the entourage seems in high spirits, particularly Paul, but god knows why, he's thirty six tomorrow!
The afternoon passes without incident save for a few more interviews for Dani and Paul, so i flit between the catering and dressing rooms, use my laptop and take my good sweet time showering. Sound-check comes and goes relatively painlessly and it is not long after that the doors are opened for the deluge to begin.
The great thing about this venue are the various vantage points which which to view the punters and the stage, so it is with renewed interest that people haunt the walkways and balconies espying the crowd and watching the Death Stars opening set.
Then it's time to get ready and everybody makes full use of the bathroom and it's long line of mirrors, though what the mirrors did to deserve such punishment i cannot tell. The stage is set, the crowd are hungry and the band are having elastoplast put on their feet to stop their boots rubbing!
Metaaaalllll!!!!!
Tonight's gig goes exceedingly well despite the massive volume and the heat and the crowd seem to love it.
My favourite songs from tonight's set were 'Tonight In Flames', Her Ghost In The Fog' and the encore as everything in these songs seemed to come together in perfect voracity. I was there as the band left the stage to congratulate them and to give them big wet sloppy kisses and to show them the photo for the Myspace page that Cindy had taken the night before, which everyone seemed to love.
Beatrix, the Swiss fan who is on his fourth show tonight, comes backstage with tonight's competition winner who has her photo taken (see image) with the band in various states of undress, about half an hour later. Again, it's a case of some members hurrying out to drink and socialise whilst some hang back, shower and listen to music in the cosy confines of the dressing room, far above the rabble gathered around the bar and the tour buses below.
For once i opt to stay back with Paul and Dani chilling out listening to timeless classic albums, occasionally moving to pout from the window at the crowd below. Eventually the lure of the night weans us all back to the real world, so leaving Dan and Paul to their belated signings, i hot foot it across the road to meet up with the rest of the band and friends in the La Laiterie bar.
Back on the bus we have two guests for the evening, two journalists who are travelling with us to Clermont-Ferrand as part of a cover piece wherein the band are followed about for a while like in one of those 'a day in the life' features. Their English is patchy and the band are pretty tired after such a hectic day so not a great deal is really learned from this exercise other than the next ten-odd hours will be definitely spent in bed.
Tomorrow will be another great day i can tell, the venue there is fantastic and as with most French venues, the food will, no doubt, be exemplary. But for now it is time to retire past the trouble hotspot that is the Rosie, Dave, Charles and Sarah mid-section of the bunks (they are always fighting) and climb into my warm and very cosy little night gown.
Au revoir!

 Koln, Germany, Live Music Hall
Yesterday we arrived in Munich about three thirty and the sun was already vacating the dismal skies. A quick Burger King later (eurgh!) and we were fully armed and operational for the twenty minute trudge to the hotel.
The rest of what was left of the day was spent bathing (yesss!), eating and catching up with work from the comfort of our hotel rooms, though unfortunately the hotel was that comfortable that i couldn't sleep until about seven thirty in the morning, instead spending most of the night tossing and turning amidst the clean bed sheets.

Morning eventually happens and thankfully the bus is there to pick us up, right outside the hotel. Those unwilling to forsake breakfast do so at a loss, as arrival at the venue is to the tune of a hearty catering breakfast of bacon, eggs and anything else that people fancy, though i do pity Dan's special dietary needs which seem to consist of dry rice cakes and even drier sundries, all of which he says he would rather starve over than eat.
The rest of the afternoon is spent sitting around the venue either working or talking to the other bands (there is a support act this evening), undertaking interviews or listening to albums on Dan's IPod player, that is until friends and the record company start showing up and the belated sound check is finally underway.
The back stage catering is phenomenal this evening (as it has been all day), with all manner of foods being prepared for the hungry bands and crew. German catering is always great, as they seem to have the bright idea of hiring outside caterers in to accommodate the touring masses, and it is with full bellies and happy hearts that the band take to the stage nigh on proper time for once.
The show is really great, the last time the band playing here back in the days of the In Flames, Dissection and Dimmu Borgir supports, and in that time the crowd has obviously tripled.
The fans are very much into it tonight and the band blast through the set with nary a pause for thought or digression. From my vantage point i see that the stage is very slim in front of the drum kit and therefore there is a possible danger of people colliding mid-set, which fortunately tonight rarely happens, for the fall-out from such a collision would be a ten foot drop into the press pit!
That would probably knock some sense into them!
The shows ends to rapturous applause (what else?) and the band retire quickly to the dressing rooms to shower before heading out to a local club to drink and meet with the dozen or so fans still in residence.
A good day once again and one that sees me writing less and less due to having too good of a night out, before Steve the tour manager catches up with us horrible late-stays and we're all herded back on to the bus for the overnight drive through to Munich.

Munich, Germany, Georg Elser Hallen
Awoke to glorious sunshine this morning/afternoon (it's funny how the two manage to blur into one) and weather to wear a t-shirt to, in bloody December, in bloody Germany, would you bloody Adam and Eve it!
Since the band have been here the venue has added another huge dressing room, big enough to accommodate the six or seven touring bomb-sites that immediately are strewn about the various nooks and crannies. There is also a larger catering area although the toilet still only takes one at a time (i suppose two could have a go on the seat!) and if a shower is required you have to lock the door on all who want a pee, as the two are combined. Unless of course you're a bloke, in which case the door is left ajar anyway for all to see your naked rump showering, as is the case with most of the band and crew today, much to my horror!
The food today is exceptional as well and the clement weather, despite there being no windows backstage through which to view it, lifts everybody's spirits so that the whole day is a joy. There is wireless internet
access in the dressing rooms too so that the band have time to work online and visit friends as the stage is being prepared.
After sound check there are a few interviews and a great dinner of Thai chicken before pre-showtime is spent getting ready to a dizzying mix of classic metal hits. By the time the band hit the stage every one is fired up for the show, having mentally prepared for it tonight with a steady diet of Slayer, old school Metallica, Testament and Maiden.
The gig is another good one.
The show is a little big for the stage but everybody works around it, the depth creating a thin front walkway again and two lengthy wells to the sides where the audience to the left and right can be addressed from. The crowd is another big ensemble, in fact most of the shows thus far have attracted substantial audiences and a wide array of characters from all walks of life.
Afterwards the backstage dressing room is turned into a photo studio to take pictures of all the band and as much of the crew as are not evading the tax-man, for posterity's sake, as Beatrice, our travelling friend from Switzerland, joins us to say good bye and thank Dan for his dedication. The next time we will see him is in a fortnight's time when he travels to see us in London at the Astoria on the nineteenth, where, when he next shakes our hand, hopefully we will be about an hour away from leaving for the comforts of home.
Libertina Grimm.
Munich.
Germany.

Dresden, Germany, Alte Reithalle
Yesterday we arrived in Dresden about three thirty and waited for what seemed like an eternity for confirmation of the day rooms at a hotel. The only one that was available was the five star a cab ride away in the very epicentre of Dresden, next to the Roman excavations and the restored cathedral.
Eager to escape the horrid surroundings of the show, several of us bundled into a taxi whereupon the driver proceeded to give us a small guided tour of the beautiful dusk-filled city with it's lights winking on one by one as the night hastily drew in.
The hotel was gorgeous, although we lingered briefly before setting out in search of sustenance and a hot toddy or three. The crew consisted of all three girls and Dan and Dave (so five women in all!) and what a great night out we had.... eating traditional German fare at a fine restaurant, shopping at the Xmas market, drinking mulled wine at a medieval fair within the walls of the old town and finally, having explored the cobbled back streets, retiring back to the hotel lobby bar for a few night-caps and a sing-a-long with Richard Wolfgang our lighting tech manning the grand piano with what little of our crew were left standing (only two down). I bought a wooden gargoyle from a stall and downed two marzipan liquors one after the other to show Rosie just how to drink.
All in all a great night out and a chance to forget the trials and tribulations of the tour fever that slowly has settled like an icy pall in my bones.
Today started with another shopping trip having made good use of the hotel room the night before, with me and Sarah perusing the markets for trinkets and the suchlike for most of the afternoon, dreaded Xmas being just around the corner. Dresden was just as stunning during the crisp, golden daylight as it was last night, yielding little of it's mystery other than the medieval market wasn't all lit up with creepy red lights.
After dining out we headed back to the venue to greet a piss poor sound check and the stench of boredom in the air. The dressing rooms were downstairs and actually quite spacious and for once, well actually like Munich
really, the bus was easily accessible without having to negotiate the gathering masses, so i opted to sit on it whilst everyone was inside, enjoying the time on my own chilling out listening to the music i'd bought from town.
The show itself came like a surprise. What with Dani convinced that the sound was going to be bad, the band (and sound) put in an amazing, atmospheric and entertaining set with Charles agreeing that it probably was the best of the tour. The audience were fantastic too, possibly because this was the first time the band had played Dresden, but i'm convinced that the band won the crowd over from the onset, with everyone tonight playing at full tilt and bristling with energy. The best songs were pretty much most of them but i do remember 'Tonight In Flames', 'I Am The Thorn' and "Temptation' going down particularly well, with Charles and Paul pulling off (not themselves, as one has come to expect) all kinds of cheesy heavy metal hero guitar moves during the struck-chord segments. The only flaw tonight is that the show has to end and the band leave the crowd exhausted but very much wanting more.
The band reconvene downstairs after the show to drink, chat and smoke and then it's to the bus for more of the same and some music in the back lounge for once in a long while. Paul remains ensconced in the dressing rooms until the close of events smoking with Kat from the Death Stars (real name Vim Fuego) and talking bollocks with anyone who comes into his rubbery reach.
The night ends with Dave and Charles returning from the after-show club, tipsy and as touchy-feely as you come to expect of this time of night, both of them having sniffed little more than a fleeting wiff of booze.

Warsaw, Poland, Progresje
Today was a hectic, fucked up day to say the least.
Awoke as we arrived at the venue in Poland to the disparaging news that Gee is in hospital in Dresden, having come down with problematic Gall Bladder stones, thus rendering him indisposed for several days in Germany and the tour without a stage manager and drum tech.
Several hours later tragedy struck again when, having retired to my bunk for a hour or so (having not slept properly the night before due to the erratic nature of our journey over very bumpy Polish roads), i stumbled out to the news that Paul Collis had inadvertently fallen off the back of the lorry and hit his head so badly that he was flopping the car park for a few minutes like a beached fish.
Due to the severity of the fall it seemed wise to rush him to the hospital for a brain scan (yes, they eventually found one), though his absence and the fact that he might well have concussion prevented him from doing the
band's sound this evening, that position going to the Deathstar's sound-man Dave, who, in all fairness did a brilliant job, under the horrible circumstances.
But i digress, eager to get out the juicy bits and keep you lot interested.
The day was a weird one to say the least, a trip to the nearby hotel being the highlight of a somewhat dismal afternoon. I decided to go due to the fact that the showers looked like something from a German prisoner-of-war camp and i kinda feared my privacy, what with a lot of big shaven-headed blokes hanging around inadvertently backstage, all looking intent on some kind of harm. This was to my regret as the hotel was actually worse, the room reminding me of a halfway house for prison reforms, but with less niceties. Still, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, so i got on with dying my hair, having a couple of showers in the interim and catching up with some work until my laptop ran out of battery life, thus leaving my attention at the mercy of the outside window and a
On returning to the venue i discovered nothing exciting going on at all save for a few excited fans outside and a room full of food. The rest of the afternoon was spent idling about until Fay, the band's manager, turned up, bringing with her the next chapter of 'The Gospel Of Filth' to peruse with Dani.
Then the aforementioned accident happened with Paul Collis and a panicked (and much belated) sound-check, with the local promoter shouting the local crew to get a move on, much to the band's annoyance considering they were two men down and an hour behind.
The show, despite being two hours late, went surprisingly well and, along with last night's gig, was close to being the best show of the tour. The sound had righted itself out perfectly by the time the band took the stage and the delivery was extremely voracious, the day's activities spurring the band onto a venous performance, full of grit and determination to overcome the encountered problems.
What really made the show though was the energy of the crowd, their feedback coaxing the band over and beyond the norm.
Afterwards everybody was in high spirits and most disappeared to the bar save for Dani and Paul who had a meeting with management in regards to the forthcoming US tour. Joining Dave and Charles at the bar with the support band we proceeded to get hammered on Polish vodka, Charles actually drinking eight doubles before making his way to the toilets practically crying. He then went back to the bus and kept everybody amused as he fell down the aisle and (along with Martin), undertook some priceless impressions of Sarah before petering out to just plain annoying as he repeated the same joke over the next two hours or so and hassled Rosie as to her validity for life. He is still awesome though.
Paul Collis eventually called the drunken one up on his activities (he retiring to the band bus for the evening to get some peace and quiet, for obvious reasons, we lugging our luggage out from one of the front bunks so that he could have a decent bed for the night...) as everybody else either slid into books or comas or Aliens 3 on the TV, though this didn't stop him from falling into my bunk twice and trying to have a piss in the aisle, calling all three girls dirty little slags (his comeuppance is soon due) and kissing Dave full on the lips.
Tomorrow will be a difficult day for that lad i suspect.
Me, i ate some grass along with Paul and Dan to avoid any problems going over the border and then sank into a haunted, restless sleep, numerous weird dreams flitting through my tired, though obviously relieved at the outcome of the day, mind.

Hamburg, Germany, Markthall
Yesterday was yet another travel day although there wasn't much to report really save getting up well past sundown and heading straight into a hotel room, whereupon i bathed, watched a couple of films and went for a great buffet dinner of goose and sauerkraut.
And that was it aside from some dirty martinis at the bar and an hour of shaving my bikini line.

Today was singularly the worst day of the tour for me.
The day started well enough what with an early start and a bath, a coffee at the bar and a cab ride to the Reeperbahn in Hamburg where i hoped to pick up some kinky presents for friends. However when i got there they had all the wrong sizes of flimsy underwear and high heel shoes and when i attempted to get a cab back to the venue the driver wouldn't accept my 50 euro note saying he didn't have any change, so in traditional me-style, i told him to eff off and sulkily walked the three and a half miles back across town. Hot and very flustered and wanting a shower where the door locked for once.
Nah!

On arrival i had to drag my case up four flights of steps before finding myself locked out by an internal gate, so it was back to the bus to put my phone on charge to then ring Steve to rescue me, just as some fans launched themselves onto me from the shadows.
I might be a star now thanks to my diary, but i'm not always a happy one. I admit i bit back a bit (and that was before i found out that the shower didn't lock!).
Eventually i gained access to the venue and for what i can remember the band telling me, they played here way back when with Anathema and At The Gates in the smaller room, where an on-stage smoke machine button enabled every band's singer to fill the rest of the venue up with smoke. Which isn't hard as the dressing rooms are minute and possessed of lighting that can eat through your flesh if you stand beneath them for too long.

Other than that they've played here on several other occasions over the years, every time a pretty good show but awful catering. Well tonight was the other way around.
Well, the gig wasn't awful by any means (and the food was exquisite) but it did possess a weird onstage sound, the 'Nymphetamic' broke at the beginning of the song in question and there were some issues with the click track by the time 'Tonight In Flames' began right after opener 'Dirge Inferno'. It was also bloody hot and the crowd situated at a very imposing height to the stage behind what seemed like a fug of lights and smoke, proved somewhat of a distraction to the show rather than a crutch.
Still it ended well despite the regular visits to monitor world and the crowd seemed to love it as the competition winners who came backstage afterwards to get stuff signed were testament to and those who apprehended us back at the bus still later confirmed. And if that wasn't comforting then the changed bed-linen in the bunks was.
The night ended with a few drinks and fewer laughs, Dani and Rosie heading up the stupid joke marathon. For example;
Q "What supermodel has a beauty spot in the middle of her forehead?"
A "Bindy Crawford"

And if that's not bad...
Q "What heavy metal singer has a set of really tiny wings?"
A " Mozzy Osbourne"

Stunning.

Monday 11th Aarhus, Denmark, Train
Today is a great day despite not seeing the sun at all and spending the entire afternoon in the (somewhat dark, but clean and modern) venue on the internet, attending to life's essentials and basically just hanging out with people. Believe it or not this sounds just like most days, but today was a really relaxing, inspirational day in the life of a Tournographer, homeward bound give or take five or six days. There was plenty of good food to be eaten, a quick internet wireless connection and above and beyond all else, an extended dressing room area which entitled those not crammed into the upstairs menagerie to be spaced out (well who isn't by now?) with enough toilet facilities to house all of The Deathstars and Cradle's pre-gig making-up requirements.
The show is brilliant, we get to see the Deathstars from the front of the stage for once (and vice-versa... the former stating that tonight's show is the most black metal that they have seen the band), as the 'backstage' area snakes along the side of the audience area and around, to enable those brave enough to watch either show behind the security of the merchandise stall, if they can put up with the numerable requests for autographs.
The band are really fired up from the previous night's doldrums and interact with the crowd to the best of their enfeebled abilities. The sound is great and the band respond accordingly, launching into 'Dirge Inferno' right off the back of a stupendously well-received introduction.
For a capacity of about eight hundred people, tonight's show is electric, with the whole set being aired and the band sounding amazing. Highlights (in my opinion, of course, connoisseur that i now am) being 'Dusk... and Her Embrace', 'Nymphetamine' and 'Gilded Cunt', the band eventually coming off showering me in sweat, full of emboldened beans and bandied-about favourite moments from the set.
Afterwards we return to the comfort of our laptops, not happy with being torn from the high speed connection just yet and it's to the tune of being told to vacate the building that we eventually relinquish our ghostly hold.
Today i preliminary booked a holiday for mid-January over the net, with hopefully tomorrow will bring news of it's successful transaction.
Last good bit of news for the day was the return of Gee to our ranks, having been in hospital on a drip over the whole weekend. With that cheering us up we head back to the bus, having not glimpsed a single scrap of daylight all day, with the band quickly signing a few last minute autographs before setting sail for the cooler climes of Norway and an eloquent stint on the driver's ceebee radio, much to his embarrassment.

Tuesday 12th Oslo, Norway, Rockefella
I've never quite been sure about Norway, seeing as the band have been attacked verbally from these quarters on several occasions despite having a great deal of fans and friends from other bands in this country. Today, however, reinstates their opinion of the place tenfold over.
First off this is a great venue, the band having played here several times before and loving every minute of it, and secondly, the people that come to see us are exceptional. Skinny's (from the Deathstars) ex-girlfriend and their child are the first to arrive and there is a frightening moment when Dan swivels to leave catering and falls over the little girl, suddenly making like a skew-with spider to avoid trampling her to death with his huge stage boots. Then Maniac (formally from Mayhem) shows up, having spent the day with Sarah and then Atilla (also formally of Mayhem) and Hellhammer (currently still with Mayhem) all show their surprisingly good-looking faces.
The show is pre-ambled with a candlelit dressing room, several cool interviews for the band and a dinner of take-out Thai noodles and seafood. Then comes the great news that my holiday has been confirmed for the middle of January (which i am enraptured about, though my destination shall remain a secret as the special someone i will be taking with me still doesn't know about it, i.e i still have to kidnap him,) and another classic metal session of early German thrash metal before stage time rolls around once again, like the proverbial tide licking the coast.
The gig is great, the audience always very demanding in this neck of the woods, but the band i feel manage to win over even the most ardent of traditional black metal supporters, even Atilla, who is only here because he has missed his flight back to Hungary and needed something to do. Later he confides in me at the post-show pissathon at the bar on the corner, that secretly he loved the show despite not being a huge fan of the band, Maniac begrudgingly agreeing.
Actually the time spent in the company of these two legends and numerable other Norwegian 'celebs' and their girlfriends was the best part of the day. Nothing got too messy, the vibe was really good between all bands (as it rightly should be) as everybody got mildly tipsy on not much more than beer and a few romances with the white lady. A few fans were still to be seen and signed for and i believe everybody had a very cool time in the company of some really great individuals, the Deathstars eventually making it after a slight detour to another party.
Other than that, today's only other real break from the norm was a quick trip to the palace garden's with Rosie and Charles which were really Christmassy and another brief sojourn in the company of Mr. Pybus, who wanted to look around a couple of record stores and an overpriced sex shop.
Tomorrow Copenhagen, six shows being left.

Wednesday 13th Copenhagen, Denmark, Karaoke Bio
Another great show in our Scandinavian portion of the tour finds us in the beating heart of Copenhagen, swathed in rain and zero sunlight once again.
I was really looking forward to the frosty weather, the sun glinting off the snow flurries (despite the fact that it would probably kill us all, much like it did our ill-fated cousins of ancient vampyric lore) and the general ambience of Xmas all around, perfected by the weather and the good-hearted nature of these people (when they're not invading our fair isles aboard nasty-headed long-ships). But this venue will suffice as it has adequate facilities including wireless and a catering section full of the best made sandwiches outside of an Esso service station on the A12 near Chelmsford.
The showers are plentiful, but cold unless you stand guard and wait for them to heat up for an hour or so, but all this is forgiven for the fact that this venue is always good to play, the crowd is great and the sandwiches, well... umm!
Much of what is left of the day is spent ambling about, seeing to touring necessities and working on the internet and after watching the band navigate through a promising soundcheck, Dani, Dave and myself head out through the gathering black masses to discover a take-away Sushi bar stocked with our favourite nibbles and tipples. And by that i mean that a quarter of Saki (despite being sold cold) certainly serves to cheer one's day up.
After dinner, which we scoff back at the venue, we hole up backstage, which is tantamount to two rooms (The Deathstars being moved out of the venue to some plush rooms in a neighbouring building) linked by showers and toilets, running the length of the stage. This is due to the lack of being able to abscond without going through the crowd, which is already swelling rapidly by the time The Deathstars' intro rings throughout the auditorium.
From the vantage point of a ladder that leads to a storage area over the backstage dressing rooms i am able to watch the majority of their set once again, that is until i am spotted during a wide-berth lighting sweep that reveals my whereabouts as a head solely poking up from behind the right-side stage doorway. Even so, i stay for the upbeat swagger of 'Cyanide' before joining the rest of the band as they don their still-wet-from-the-night-before stage wear, amidst curses and yelps as they attempt to squeeze fully into their sodden apparel.
I can only watch bemused as one by one they tangle with their gear, legging it around the room with clothing stuck atop their heads like extras from a Laurel and Hardy movie.
The show tonight is brilliant, from the moment they step on stage until the moment the last chords rings out, the band play with real conviction as if their very lives depended upon it. The crowd are going wild for much of the set and the response to the new songs, in particular, is rapturous and noisome. The encore ends with Dani jumping atop the drum kit, a staple of this last leg of the tour where everything and anything goes and the band return to the comfort of now-warm showers with an air of jubilation and triumph.
Dani and Paul have a couple of last minute interviews to undertake, but for the rest of us it's out to a bar with The Deathstars (or the Deathfarts, as tonight they have been billed) to drink and make extremely merry.
Fortunately the bar is close and strangely devoid of too many fans from the show, so we have the upstairs pretty much all to ourselves save for a few friends that have joined us for a bottle of Jack and a few other glasses of what we fancy. The night continues until about two when the staff have finally had their fill of our crowded rowdiness and Kat threatening to push a huge potted plant off of a ledge onto the bartender if we don't get any more drinks.
Youngsters eh?
We stumble back to the buses in each other's arms and drink a last beer to the morrow's show in Sweden (we have driven past Gothenburg three times thus far because of the stupid routing of Cradle's booking agent and at last we get to finally play it!), where the Deathfarts will get to see their girlfriends after approximately seventy five days away from home and Cradle will get to do their first instore signing session since Barcelona.
And the best news... England is only three days away!!!!
Libert..... oh fuck off!

Thursday 14th Gothenburg, Sweden, Karen
Raining again and in Sweden! We should be experiencing Christmas snow by now, not torrential downpours and flooding. Ah well, that's global warming for you!
The venue appears to be part of a campus today despite the female name and is definitely as bleak. The catering is nigh on non-existent, the only plus side to this being the cute girl serving it. The shower has a lengthy cue, obviously starting with the band and crew, but nice guy Dave lets me have his turn, providing he can get to watch me lather myself up. He even offers to do my back for me.
I don't oblige but i do take the shower.
On vacating it i regroup with the band in a room reminiscent of a kebab shop to doll myself up in preparation for the group's signing session, as i'm going along to translate and, apart from Rosie and Sarah, give the punters something less-than-bedraggled to look at. Miaow!
The company rep comes for the band around three thirty and so everybody is packed into taxis to make their way to the store, sound-check having to wait for our return. Through the lit up streets we drive, marvelling at all the decorations and festive lights, still slightly perturbed by the lack of snowfall in this Nordic realm.
And I thought England was bad at this time of year!
On arrival at the store we are given drink and food by the two sisters who run it and then the band go through to the makeshift podium to sign for the gathered few hundred punters. Again there isn't enough room for seven individuals, so Paul and Martin cram in at the ends, forced grins hiding perturbed faces.
The fans are very friendly and the band, obliging in the taking of photographs and the dispelling of hugs. There are some very strange characters here today, but i suppose that's like calling the kettle black... or indeed Willie G! Lucia buns are given and quickly opened by Sarah who apparently is starving (Lucia being the first day of the Christmas season in Scandinavia and being a holiday dedicated to St.Lucy, a Catholic martyr from the fourth century. Apparently she refused to be married to a pagan bridegroom and, on his denoucement of her to the local magistrate, she was sentenced to be defiled in a brothel, good work if you can get it, but not in Ipswich. Legend says that when they came to take her away her body was so filled with the holy spirit that she could not be moved, even by a team of oxen. Eventually her persecutors who had already plunged a dagger through her throat, presumably for the all the holy rhetoric she was spouting, thought 'sod this' and gouged her eyes out, henceforth making her the patron saint of blindness, hence the lighting of candles on what used to be the Winter solstice. It all ended well though as God restored her sight for her sufficient chastity and Christian martyrdom).
Anyhoo, back to the store signing, where there was a definite lack of saintly character's unless you regard Dave's previous offer as being 'charitable'.
Still, he probably would've gone blind at the actual sight of a naked female body on this, the most 'chaste' of European tours.
Once everybody had been signed for, time was quickly allotted to the band to peruse the store with the gift of two items to take away, which the nice women had gift-wrapped for us on request.
Even the new Terroriser ceedee.
I was even tempted to buy a Dimmu Borgir bikini but thought better of it though Dani managed to grab a 'Fiend Club' shirt for his daughter and a Misfits cowboy hat, whilst Sarah went for some creeper shoes and Paul the best of Robbie Williams, i kid you not.
(He says it's a Christmas present for someone, but we have our reasonable doubts).
Back at the venue and once dinner and soundcheck are dispensed with, we gather to watch The Death Stars go through theirs, backs to the doors where the audience are pressed up like the dead from a George Romero movie, having been let into the foyer away from the drizzle and cold. Andreas the singer is nowhere to be found and time is slowly clawing on, that is until someone notices the poor fellow wedged up against the glass doors desperately trying to garner someone's, anyone's attention.
The show tonight is great, the band having to get made up sometimes in full view of the audience as the curtain at the side of the stage keeps getting left open and the floor to ceiling mirrors afford those at the front reflected images of the occasional (i say occasional...) press-up, the odd rearranged bosom and the application of mascara on a massive level. The gig itself more than makes up for the last Swedish show and the bleak dreary day as the band deliver a raucous set to a great crowd who show their support in the shape of banners and flags, with one such banner in the front reading 'Dave - we love you!' and one has to wonder just why his Mum keeps following the band around!
One poor individual actually pays good money at the merchandising stall for the reeking cuff of Dani's stage top that had to be cut for over-stretching, as we find out from Mick the merchandising guy a little later. But at least Dan signed it, so it could be identifiable in a court of law should the poor bastard who bought it perish from the stench, which has been likened to that of a rhino's enclosure.
(On the next album he is planning to call himself 'The Reek' or 'Lord Of The Flies' or so i've heard).
The band retire from the stage exhilarated and declare tonight's performance to be amongst the best they've played in this country. Dani and Paul are dragged off to do a TV documentary about Swedish metal (still dripping war paint as they're being filmed) and the rest of us shower and then head to the catering area to drink with the Death Stars and their clan. This continues until everyone else has gone and bus call is given and ignored and everyone is either drunk or stoned or are plainly just the bus drivers.
A great day all in all and with England looming ever closer on the radar, a sense of ardent trepidation is in the air. Well there's no snow is there?
Hey Charles.

Saturday 16th Antwerp, Belgium, Hof Ter Lo
Yesterday was a bloody long travel day, but one that did manage to afford us several food court stops. Everybody slept well and i don't believe that i once saw proper daylight at all, in fact i know that that now constitutes a week for me without sun.
The day was spent watching films and working, Dave playing his infernal Madden American football game incessantly (as he has been the whole tour-wait 'til we get to the US, i'm going to bring a soccer game to bore him with!), Paul working on some new designs and Rosie and Sarah sleeping like well-stocked hamsters.
We arrived at the venue about midnight, which was apt as i'd just finished watching the new rendition of 'The Omen'. A goth club awaited us, though it wasn't quite as exciting as it sounds and all there was to drink was beer which was free with a handful of tokens from the promoter.
We retired about three having consumed about ten little cups and having endured a multitude of crap Euro goth music.
The afternoon today found most people, Myself, Martin, Dani, Dave and Steve with bothersome hangovers, which must of meant bad beer as we drank the equivalent of about three pints each (and there's no need to call us lightweight drinkers because, at this late stage of the tour, our combined blood is probably close to 100% proof and could theoretically dissolve metal!). Another light is brought into the dressing room to combat the sodium bleaching of the permanent ones (and to dull the sluggish thuds) and showers are sought and drowned.
The afternoon is then spent listening to music, speaking to the other bands (today is like a mini festival), undertaking interviews and photo-shoots; our good friend Cindy Frey (who took the photos of the band back in the Ancient Belgique approximately five weeks ago and which now adorn the band's Myspace page) having turned up with her Auntie (who brings gifts of embroided towels and chocolate) to take some more pictures.
Other friends arrive and slowly but surely the day's solemnity slowly rolls over into fresh camaraderie, especially with the secreting in of some top notch booze and some people to enjoy it with. Dani and Paul once again are bombarded with television interviews and the band prepare for stage early with yet another photo-shoot being organised right on the eleventh hour.
The show tonight marks the last outing in Europe for quite a while so everybody is intent on making it a gig to remember. And what a way to exit the continent...
Everything about tonight's performance is great, from the wings where i sit with two lovely young girls, the set is performed with merit and aplomb, especially by Martin, who over the course of this tour has matured into one of the best drummers i have ever heard. There should be many critics, seeing as he is taking over from another amazing drummer (the former Adrian Erlandsson), but i have not heard anything but congratulatory praise from all walks of strife for his drumming ability. And tonight he is on top form, as are the rest of the vulgar mob.
'Tonight In Flames', 'I Am The Thorn' and 'Rise Of The Pentagram' all pass by fantastically as the crowd once again are extremely appreciative of the newer material, though there's no denying the power of the older tracks like 'Her Ghost...', 'Forest' and 'Cthulhu Dawn' which are met with the pit circling madly.
Then there's the rudimentary pause to allow Cindy to get her shot of the band against a backdrop of devil horns and it's into 'From The Cradle To Enslave' and the biggest ring-out thus far of the tour.
Afterwards it's a bit of a party backstage with gifts of Belgian beer and tokes from the proverbial peace pipe.
I wander off to mix it up with some of the punters before they leave and hit the bar, snagging my pantyhose as i do so, which raises more than just a few pierced eyebrows. Then it's a swift load-out as we're hoping to get the ferry about three--thirty but in the end this turns into another late one as we have to wait for the truck to clear customs as well.
I had intended to stow away in the belly of the bus asleep and risk certain icy death should the ferry capsize, but seeing the majestic white cliffs of Dover got the better of me right at the last minute. Plus there was the sparkly lure of English duty free and a twenty four hour bar and restaurant.
And so my day ends with Willy G threatening to launch a table through the Karaoke machine in the bar, a bemused old lady watching an unaware Kat robo-dance whilst on the phone (it really was like something from a comedy sketch!), saluting the white cliffs with Dani, Dave and Charles and finally crawling quite contented into bed around seven in the morning having watched the bus disembark and drive rightly back on the left-hand side of the road.
Today we are in Manchester and shall witness the inevitable arrival of Sabbat, who join the tour for the last three dates in Britain. For now i drift off to sleep in a booze-filled haze, content in the knowledge that English shores have been breached.
Thank the stars! I've survived! If i die it shall be not be on foreign shores!