| Cross-gender bashing � why do we do it? What purpose does it fulfill? What harm does it do? Isn�t it time to end it?
Labels. Our society seems to feel the need to label everything. And we don�t even stop there. Once we have a thing neatly labeled we start making shortcuts � for its name or label, for what it is, for how it behaves, for what it does, for its meaning. And it seems that in this quest for condensing the essence of a thing to its simplest form, we sacrifice much. Once we have the labels neatly attached we start attributing actions, thoughts, feelings, etc. It�s as if we can no longer take the time to discover who people are or what things are like. We set up categories all neatly filed away and then when something or someone new comes along it only takes a few seconds to determine which label they fall into and then we can rapidly pigeon-hole them where they belong! OK, so this is a time saving devise. There�s nothing wrong with saving time, is there? On the face of it, No. However, what is the cost of this time we are �saving�? If we never really get to know the wonderful person who just passed through our space because we filed him or her away, is it a price too dear to pay? Of course, that depends. But everyone you meet is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to expand. And if we�re really interested in saving time, how about all the mind numbing, almost useless activities that take up so much of it? Might we not be better giving those up than the opportunity to meet someone really special or at least someone who gives us the chance to grow? So, some cross-gender bashing might come from an effort to categorize people and save time by assigning the same attributes to the whole gender. But is that the end of it? The only reason? From the many conversations and counseling opportunities I have had over the years, I believe that there is an even deeper more dreadful reason for this type of bashing � pain and fear. Many have experienced deep physical and emotional pain at the hands of the opposite sex. Often these painful events were/are repeated over and over again by other members of the opposite gender. Deep emotional scars are difficult to put away and a long time healing. They tend to engender either a fight or flight response. Either way, there is an avoidance issue � you certainly are not going to take the time to get to know someone you are fighting or running away from. In these cases, the labeling (or categorizing) seems to be overflowing with the negative and understandably so. It is very difficult to open yourself to the possibility of more and continued pain. And even though we can all empathize with this scenario, there is still the same great price being paid. In these cases, the price is even dearer because there are few if any positive experiences to counter-balance the negative ones. And these people may spend their whole lives never knowing that there really are wonderful opposite gender people out there to be discovered. When this happens, every time the injured sees a member of the opposite sex, they experience the pain all over again. The only reference they have formed is negative and painful because they have never allowed themselves to acquaint themselves with any of the positive aspects that might be found in the opposite gender. What harm? It harms those of us who participate because we never allow ourselves to experience the vast array of differences that is the human race. People are not all the same. People are not the same with every person they meet. An open, inquisitive, caring person will encourage openness and sharing in other people � while one who is closed will not. The same person being viewed by these two completely different people will see an entirely different person. So, we harm ourselves if we participate in cross-gender bashing because we close ourselves off to countless opportunities and because we deny ourselves the healing which might take place in the arms of another caring, loving human being. And we harm those we bash because we are virtually accusing them of behaviors which they may never have; we hold them guilty for past harms caused to us by others, and we deny them the opportunity to learn about us and to help us heal and grow. All the people who enter our lives from birth to death are there for a purpose. If we refuse to interact with them, how can we know that we have not passed up the opportunity for immense growth, undying love, fortune, fame, healing, etc? Living an ethical Pagan life means thinking about every thing we do or say BEFORE we do or say it so we will cause no harm, carefully considering all the ramifications of all our actions and words. As enlightened beings I cannot see how we could continue a practice which causes so much harm to so many � useless, needless harm � often harm for harm�s sake alone. While it is extremely difficult to speak or act without harming anyone, as Pagans, we have accepted the obligation to do just that. It is a noble undertaking and deserves our best efforts. The elimination of careless words, and deeds, and thought patterns may be among the easiest ethical decisions to make (even though as habits they may not be so easy to break). We are all One. We are all part of the Divine. We are all One with the Divine. Can we not strive to live up to this? How can we belittle or demean someone when they are part of the Divine and of us? |
| Cross-Gender Bashing by: Pam Parker |